Three Things You Wish You Had Known

[rebeccacd17]

Hi, I'm an inexperienced CD. Well, I've actually had the desires for as long as I can remember and I've bought clothes (intermittently) for the past five years. I had three purge episodes, but none in the last two years. Due to living at home, having younger siblings and limited privacy I rarely get the chance to dress up beyond slipping on a pair of panties every few days.

Anyhow, it's become apparent to me that this isn't enough for me and I want to take my crossdressing further, despite these obstacles. But, I don't know where to begin. There are some great resources and this looks like a great forum, but it's also overwhelming at times.

Therefore, I figured it might be fun to ask the more experienced CDs about three things they wish they knew when they began crossdressing. It can even be links to particularly useful websites or topics here. It's just overwhelming at times and you wonder where to begin.

Thanks for any help in advance.

[tekla west]

Well i really wish I had the net when I started, I only had musty old libraries, and the information was kinda sketch. Be that as it may

1. That nothing is wrong with it, it seems to be a normal statical variation on gender, you should not feel bad or guilty for it, its just part of who you are

2. Its only PART of who you are, not all of who you are. Its not the most defining, though it does stand out. Its not central for the most part. Its easy to accommodate and blend into your life without making it a federal project or anything.

3. That I was not alone. And that I could find others who I could relate with on many levels, this being one of them.

[Gunda]

Hi,
I guess I wish I'd known earlier that:

1: The chances of people shunning me or hating me for doing this are actually quite low. Most people either don't care or won't go to the trouble of saying anything for fear of embarrassing themselves as well as me. This extends to buying femme stuff in stores while in drab . So what if they talk once you are out the door.
I'm still working on dealing with this nervousness myself but I've at least come to these conclusions intellectually if not emotionally.

2. That I'm not alone and that the vast majority of people anywhere on the TG continuum are usually nice, normal, people. We have those with real problems and of malicious intent too but no more so than in life generally or in any other group.

3. That getting your make-up presentable is very time consuming.

4. That doing one's lashes is all too often crucial to one's look but a major pain in the a**.

5. Don't wonder why in the hell you are into this (you'll never find an answer) just accept that it is a part of you and be happy with it.

Best,
Gunda

[Emma_Forbes]

I've been a long time getting to where I am but my 0.02 .....

1. Relax at whatever level you are at, whether dressed partly or fully, staying in or going out, passive or active etc etc

2. It's your life and you should live it how you want. You have to consider other's feelings but they won't live their life for you so don't live your life for them.

3. It is better to be honest, go through the pain, and be free than spend your entire life caged.

Funnily enough, you could probably apply those to any lifestyle.....

Em

[~Kelly~]

here is a list of a few things I wish I had known. Now before anyone accuses me of trying to pressure anything on someone, let me reiterate that they are things I wish I had known and won't necessarily translate to others.
1)Fear is bad - sometimes fear is healthy, like when someone is running at you with a knife. But as far as fear of what other people will think or say? That is not good. If I had known how liberating it is to just be myself much earlier, then my life would have been a much happier one. And the truth is, most people just don't care. And the ones that do aren't running your life. Bottom line is live your life as you want to live it, and people can accept it or reject it, but either way, at least you will be happy.
2)The earlier the better - IF (and this is a big IF) you are planning any kind of transition, don't procrastinate. Otherwise 10 years down the road, you will look back and wonder where that time went. This comes from both experience, and inexperience. I will be the first to admit that I am not an authority on THIS issue because I have yet to start on mine. But I am starting in the next couple weeks, and having looked back over my life, I wish I had done it much sooner (like 10 years ago, when I was considering it but ended up putting it off)
3)Quality is key - Makeup is art. It takes countless hours of practice and quality materials to work with. When I first started, I used pretty much whatever I could get my hands on and when I actually used it, it was pretty much like checking something off the list, and not really taking the time to do it right. But that is like trying to paint a masterpiece with crayons. I have my preferences as to brands but I am not going to try and push that on anybody. There are numerous quality brands out there and it may take some experimentation to find what is right for you, but it is well worth the time invested. Also, don't be shy to ask for help. Going back to the first point, if you get over your fear of embarrassment, ask the saleperson at the makeup counter for help when it comes to choosing your makeup. This can save a lot of money on failed experiments (again, the voice of experience) Also, the right tools make a difference as well. Quality brushes and other tools make all the difference in the world.

Well, at least for me, I wish I had known these things years ago.......but overall, I can't really complain. Life is a series of obstacles. Sometimes someone can show you a way around them, but I think it can be fulfilling to find your own way ocassionally as well. If you just take someones advice all the time you end up doing something without knowing why. When you do things on your own and end up making mistakes, you now know the reason why. And I like to know why.

[Phyliss]

"That doing one's lashes is all too often crucial to one's look but a major pain in the a**. "
Well,.....Gunda thanks for the tip, no wonder I always look so bad, I've been putting them on my eyes, I didn't realize they go THERE.

1. I wish I'd known earlier that I "was not alone". Always felt like I was the only person who felt this way
2. Had found support earlier, that way I would have had more courage to be able to purchase the correct sizes and not have to simply "grab and go" only to find I had something two sizes too small.
3. That I had started earlier, that way I could have, for awhile, looked like a "hottie" and could have grown old gracefully, rather than begin with a relic that requires hours of polishing to make presentable.

[Joy Carter]

Just to sum it all up just learn to love your self and thouse around you.

[ronda]

1 i wish i had known i was not alone
2 i wish that i had be open with my so from the start living a lie is to hard
3 i wish i had the inter net when i was a teenager to learn more about cding0.02

[Charleen]

[QUOTE=Phyliss]"That doing one's lashes is all too often crucial to one's look but a major pain in the a**. "
Well,.....Gunda thanks for the tip, no wonder I always look so bad, I've been putting them on my eyes, I didn't realize they go THERE.

Wow, Talk about a tickelish situation! I couldn't agree with everyone more. I only knew that I loved trying on my Mom's clothing and loved it. But I also "knew" that I shouldn't be doing it. Guys didn't wear girls clothing, so it had to be wrong didn't it?I didn't even know that it was called cross dressung, and I wasn't alone. I lived in the darkest closet for years. Even when I started to get info, alot was bad. It was half truths, and no heelp to me to understand this compulsive behavior. I couldn't understand why I had to dress up and would go through terrible periods og guilt and self loathing because I thought what I doing was wrong and against everything I was told the way that the world worked. I suffered for years because I didn't have a clue about the way I was . I'm jealous that today, there are web sites like this, but extremely greatful as well so that those that are starting out can learn the truth, seek help and understandingas well as know they are definately not alone. I am so much freer today, but still alot of questions and learning to do. Rebecca, welcome to the site. Together all of girls will laugh, cry, learn, and grow in understanding of ourselves and others. Love and xxxx, Lily

[Laura Jane]

A bit of advice first for present predicament of limited privacy rebecca.

You really can't get any quality time to dress up at home, or even build up a collection of clothes.

The best thing to do is to rent some stroage space to keep your stuff and check into a motel for a night to dress up or as a base to go out from.

As for the Three things....

1) I would have done something about my hair loss as wigs are real pain! I always had long hair in my youth and hated getting it cut short as was reguarly demanded of me. I never really understood why I liked long hair when it was really unfashionable back then, but I think now it was a subconcious expression of my femine side.

2) I would eat like a sparrow rather than like an average guy not worrying about carrying a few extra pounds and sporting a beer belly.

3) I would have taken care of my skin like girls do and worried about pimples and blackheads, something thats much easier for guys under the 'metrosexual guise' these day.

[Sarah Rabbit]

The Number one thing I would say to Anyone in our position. Learn to accept yourself, then you can learn to appreciate and love yourself. I wished I had reached this point twenty years ago, I can definitely say my life would have been a lot different.

Sarah R.

[Deidra Cowen]

1) Wish I had known this was possible years ago! I did not start dressing till I was 43. Would have liked to have seen what I could have looked like when I was young. Not to mention I would have probably gotten my butt to a cool city like Atlanta much earlier in my life where you can be a tranny and not cause too much of a stir.

2) Go on diet and exersise program first. Get down to a good size then buy stuff. I blew a bunch of money on cloths that do not fit anymore.

3) Taken better care of my skin like I do now.

[Kate Simmons]

1. Wish I knew how expensive women's clothes were. 2. Wish this Forum was in existance then.3. Wish I would have had a "mentor" to teach me the finer points. Ericka

[EmilyM]

1. Coming out of the closet is not as hard as you think.
2. If your honest with the people in the stores and salons, they are more than willing to help and actually have as much fun picking out make-up and clothes as you.
3. girl clothes are so much more confortable. Especially jeans

[Stephenie S]

1) You are not alone

2) Most people don't care

3) It's easiler than you think

[bgirl]

1) I wish I knew it wasn,t something that would go away.
2) I wish I knew how natural and calming it would feel if I let it be a part of me.
3) That I wasn't alone.

[Angie G]

O.K.#1 know more when I was A kid about dressing.
#2 know my wife to be o.k. with it 37years ago.
#3 know how to get more mony for shopping.always more shopping
Angie G.

[Mandy Salamander]

actualllllly,,, no 3 things here!!!,,, jus' only reeeeeeally wish i had th' internet(etc),,, 37 years ago!!!,,,,,, evvything else jus' kinda floooooooows from there, lucky kids!!,,,,,,, so 't goes, no regrets!!

[mmandy31]

if i had known about the internet and had about others dressing iwould be better off
i wouldn't have purged 3 times and i had some nice lingerie that you can't find today.
i had a nice pair of lacy green pantys which i can't find now

[paulaN]

1) self acceptance
2) Told wife befor we married 27 yrs. ago
3) not alone

[Tommie Rae]

1. Take care of your body and skin. Diet, exercise, and sunscreen are so important.
2.Get comfortable with who and what you are. If your SO does not accept that, then seriously consider finding someone else. I love my wife, but if she ever leaves me then I would seriously consider coming out completely.
3. Start laser hair removal now! Do not wait! The older you get the grayer your facial hair becomes and lasers don't remove gray hair.

[Jennaie]

Regardless of what kind of dressing you enjoy, I found this womans site to be a world of information. Several years ago, I remember her stating that she would never take hormones or fully transition, yet today, she is a post-op transexual.

http://www.reneereyes.com/

[Christina Nicole]

I started to dress up when I was about 5, but that's a little early to do anything serious about it. But when I reached my 20s, I wish

1. I knew how to transform myself better. Could have been pretty passable
2. Talked to a few people about it. Never know where you'll find acceptance. Would have been nice to have a GF who would have been ok with it
3. Um... I don't know. Should have bought stock in Microsoft. CDing is expensive

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Sky]

Therefore, I figured it might be fun to ask the more experienced CDs about three things they wish they knew when they began crossdressing.

1) Makeup melts in summer.

2) I need to wear corsets, waist cinchers and pantyhose even in summer.

3) Feet swell in warm weather, narrow pumps hurt.

In summary: crossdressing is a winter sport!

[Jena11]

Everyone has great thoughts!!!

Mine are

1. I wish I would have told someone when I was 10 Years old
2. I wish I would have told my close freinds sooner.
3. Most things are more scary to yourself but once you do it. It is much better even if it is difficult.
4. I think if I would have asked for help when I was younger I would have had a much better life so far.