Shopping : I tried, but couldn't.

[Michelle Ellis]

Damn. For a couple weeks I've been building myself up. I read a bunch of shopping threads here, convinced myself the only way to shop was to just go into the store and get it done! I got 500 bucks cash set aside and a new dedicated credit card in case I need it.

Had a hard time sleeping last nite (Friday) and woke up early with major anticipation. Jumped in the car and headed off with a few stores in mind. By the time I walked into the first store (just Walmart, I know I know) my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and I had a bad case of butterflies. I wandered around trying to build my nerve to walk into the womens clothing section. Never happened, I got close, but couldn't even bring myself to look in the direction of the clothes I was really feeling sick at that point. So I left.

Next stop was 7-11 for something to drink, had a smoke and calmed down in the parking lot. Then it was off to the mall.

I went into Pennys and here comes the nervousness and butterfiles again. I saw one younger girl working there, wow, what a knockout, and I must have flushed 10 shades of red, thought to myself (insert my sig here) and I ran outta there as fast as I could.

Never even made it to the rest of the places I had in mind.

Now I'm back at home feeling miserable, I was so freaked out. And my butterflies still won't subside.

How in the world did you girls ever get thru the first shopping trip? I just don't think I can do it...

M

[MistyCD]

Try going into a smaller store, where there are not too many people about. A check in the telephone book yellow pages is a good place to start. You might want to jot a few names/addresses down and take a drive and see what they look like. You don't have to go in, but casually drive by or walk by and take a peek.

Hugs Misty

[sue ellan]

just keep at it. it will come easier as time goes along. i used to be the same way but it will get easier. think sometime a bigger might store might be easier. lots of people around and they do'nt pay any attenion to you. good luck next time. just do'nt give up.
sue ellan.

[evol]

Ok, first it was me and my g/f, then it was me and a gg friend, then I realized, I've bought presents before. Then I thought about it, do you really give a flying fig newton what people think? I bet you don't. But you've tricked yourself into thinking you care. Just look at other aspects of your life, and apply those same tactics to get the job done. I've met a woman once when I was shopping, she asked who I was shopping for. I said it was for my woman, which meant it was for me! We both laughed(men buy gifts for women that men enjoy... sexy clothes)
She helped me, then it came out, I wanted some "painted on jeans"
and had to do the old spine to belly button trick. She looked at me and smiled. We talked I told her I dress for my woman and her jaw dropped and she said, and I quote, "you would do that for her? I wish my husband would dress for me." Long story made short, he still doesn't, and I have a new friend who wants to see me on the side. We've only talked of going out together, but I can tell how much it excites her. I told my g/f and she got mad, but understood, and we are all friends now. I don't think of it as anything more than I'd go to whatever length to bring me joy, and my future wife, anything in the world she wants. By the way I've had 4 g/fs that knew and enjoyed my cross dressing, the trick is...find bi-girls, and be honest. Then tell them, you'll be the woman and do whatever she says. Women love to be in control. To my experience it works.
Don't give up, please try again, nothing worth having is easy, at least not until u get the hang of it.

[lisa92268]

The real challenge dear is while you are dressed up! so exciting!! good luck!

[tekla west]

You don't say where you are dear, or what size stores.

You might try doing the "next town over" as many do.
You might try going to the biggest stores in the big city - they care less about you, see more CDs, and are all about the money.

And, there is always the old "Its for my wife deal." (she's about the same size I am, we wear the same jeans.) Just remember when they ask if you want it wrapped, the answer is yes.

The more upscale the store, the better you get treated is my general feeling. Macy's treats CDs/TGs better than WallMart. Rich people shop at Macy's and the staff is better trained NOT to hassle them, but rather to help them.

And then there is the old "SUCK IT UP AND JUST DO IT." Sure we were all nervous that first time, those first few times. And as I remember it, that fear was part of the rush - that sense of the forbidden. As I recall it was kind of cool. Now its just routine.

Remember, a) sales people are there to sell, not judge (and for WallMart,KMart, Target and all) b. what do you really care what some teenager making minimum wage thinks anyway?

[Lindsay Marie]

Michelle I agree with you sister it's hard to go and shop. I bought my first manicure set last week, but it took some time to go down that aisle. My best advice to you is just go in and look, that's how I built my courage up. Baby steps sister baby steps.

[Wendy me]

girlfreind were are you at?? omg this is veary easy and fun to do look i getting ready to go out reasoon but i will promise you this i will pm you some shopping tips that will make it easy and way too much fun to shop....girlfreind this you can do and love it too....latter....

[janelle]

Hi dear, i would say go when the store is slow & maybe for the first tyime go with a item or two in mind & no more. You won't be overwhelmed, it will be more like a mission,hehe. Or you could do as i did, just went & asked for a make over. your in & out & chatting with a very friendly SA.
I hope these ideas help dear. Keep your chin up & keep trying.
,Janelle

[Kaitlyn Michele]

michelle

i have bolted many more times than not...i have practical advice for you..

keep trying!!! one of these times you will just feel rightabout it and do it..

there is no shame in saying its for somebody else..
here is another huge clue!!! the salegirls always assume its for "her" your so, your sis, whatever...

its so true...over time as iv'e gotten more bold, i've been more "out" about it...really shopping for what i want instead of whats closest to me that seems ok ...one time i even bought breast forms and 6 pairs of pantyhose and this nice girl looked at me and laughed and i said "do you think they'd fit me" haha...and she just shot right back..."oh i know they're not for you"

i almost said yes they are but didnt...and even if she was trying to be nice only she still was nice!!!!!!

its funny last week i shopped dressed and bought dressed and was so confident and pleased...today i was shopping for stuff and i left emptihanded ...just didnt have the nerve....

so dont worry!!!!!!!!!!!! just keep trying..

also go to the next town...i feel strangely less embarrassed when i'm not so close to home

take care
michele

[sparks]

It is hard and you are not alone. Try the thrift shops for starters. Some of the old gals there are pretty open minded. Sure you will get a few stares and it can be very trying. But I'm an introvert and if I can do it so can you.
Also if you hit the department stores early at opening there is generally few people there.
There are all kinds of reasons for men to be shopping in the ladies department. Once I was in a winners and there was this guy rummaging through the tiny thongs and skimpy wear. I smiled and went HMMM CD! Well I watched him head to the counter and there was I think a stipper. She had obvious big fake breasts lots of make-up. She took the stuff from him paid and left. So ya never know what's going on.
You can be obvious or not. Once I bought a bra and the SA said to me that's non-returnable. I just simply said "Hon. It's not coming back." Pretty brave for a guy that rarely says anything.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Take a list in, of things you're buying as though you're buying for someone else.
Kew

[SilkenPrincess]

I've shopped alone and with my wife several times with no problem, but I had an incident very like yours last month. I walked into a thrift store and froze. Couldn't do it! So, I left and went to another store. Same thing. Freaked me out. And depressed me. I tried again last week, and I conquered! YAY! Got a couple of very pretty tops as a reward!
So Michelle, forget what or who is around you. Just go and look for what you want to see in the mirror later after you get home. Force yourself to be reward motivated, rather that fear motivated. You'll feel better about yourself in the end, and prove to yourself that you deserve the same respect that every other patron does. Which is really true anyway. After having done that a few times, you'll realize that there really is no basis for the fear. And don't forget! The store owner WANTS you to spend your money there!
Love,
Steph

[Mandy Salamander]

really 's not soooo hard t' doo!!!,, jus' go to a smaller store that sells women's clothing, and ONLY women's clothing!!!,,,,, walk right into th' middle o' th' store 'n stand there looking really,really stoopid!!!,('s not difficult, i know!!),,, someone WILL come up 'n ask 'f you need help, rather soon,,, they're really very gentle 'n quite helpful,, most 've seen this before,(remember, you are not alone, we're all behind you, 'n have been there too!!!),,,,,, would be cool 'f you were near here!!!, th' TowerMall downtown, near my office, has 4 such stores all closing down 'n running clearance sales~NY & Co. my fave!!,,,Lerner, 've already maxed out my card,,,Limited, workin' on that one,,, 'n Casual Corner, almost empty 'n they're practically givin' 't away!!!,,, $500 'ld buy a lotta great stuff,,, anyhoots ~GOOD LUCK~

[Michelle Ellis]

Wow! Thanks *everyone* for the encouragement. You all had great things to say. Lisa, you just tease me now Going in dressed is very much still fantasy land for me, but I don't think I would object. This would be so much easier with a girlfriend.

Wendy, I'm in Oregon, pretty liberal and redneck at the same time. I look forward to hearing your tips! I'm already thinking of going back later tonite. It's been years since I've had butterflies in my stomach, it really hurts! LOL So maybe I will... but I may have to go to a bigger town.

I went today with one big thing on my mind, to find a nice pretty sun-dress. I wanted to come back with one so badly... I was hoping to have a great time and maybe splurge. But unfortunately I freaked out instead.

M

[donna h]

It does take time and courage I know,been there. Try to know what you want and the size before going in, that way you know what you want and dont waste time. Maybe going right as store opens will help as there arent that many people there to ease your nerves. I did that at a Penneys by me , got the petty pants and cami I saw in the catalog ,right size paid , got a little look from the girl at the counter and was out of there.Back in the car I had this sense of accomplishment and relief, it was a good feeling though.After a couple times youll be fine, let us know how it goes. Maybe catalog shopping will help also.

[CrossKimmy]

I had that problem too. You should totally start smaller, like at an unmentionables store, like Fredricks. That's where I got some of my goodies! It was an intense thrill and when it was over, I was so unbelievably relieved. I just wanted to get home quickly so I could try my new things on. Oh it was terrific.

[Connieminiskirts]

perhaps I am diferent than most. I dont understand at all why ya'all have all these problems going shopping for your femme things. I have been doing this since I was 11! And if I had gotten caught back then, my "dear daddy" would have beaten the hell outta me, then killed what was left! My mother would have beat me as well.
But still I wanted panties and nylons etc so I had to buy them myself.
After I was married(1st time) I bought what I wanted when i wanted. I have never cared what anyone thaought. If anyone asked I just said it was for my sisters, mom, wife, etc. Its no bodies business who for or why I am buying.
Now I buy what I want, where I want, and if anyone asks, I tell them its for me! When my wife is with me, as she ussually is, she just nods yes and laughs, The look on the faces of stroe clerks is priceless. I have even had the young ladies in stores such as 'express', 'fashion bug' and even 'wet seal' ask if id like to use the dressing rooms!
Guess what I am sayin is, There is really NO reason for such fear. The people in walmart see men buying stuff for thier wives, girlfriends and daughters all the damn time. The women in the female clothing section don't care either. To them you are simply a customer. and they just do not care. Really they dont.
Being afraid is just nuts.
But do as has been suggested, make alist, write your sizes on it, take the list with you and make little comments as you look at stuff, things like, "hmm wonder if she'll like this one," or "nope wrong colour", "she'll look nice in this" and so on.

Bottom line? If you really do want to be a CD, then be one! CDing is not easy, it risky and its time consuming. Risk is part of life, no matter what you do.
Sorry to rant, but I just dont understand the problem, You want to dress, You have to take the responsibility for yourself and your life. No one else can take the responsibility for it.

Well okay later all. I shut up now

[Sam-antha]

Try again in the big stores.
There the girls are either too bored or too busy to bother.
Good shopping for one item, or if you are happy getting that one go get two and then get home and try them on...
~Samm

[EricaCD]

Don't fret. This is not some great cosmic test. It's shopping. If it's not comfortable or not fun, don't beat yourself up!

It took me a while to do it the first time as well. Some practical suggestions:
1. If you live in a small town, go to the next town over.
2. Go early in the morning to a smaller store (empty), or late saturday afternoon to a big department store (so crowded you will feel anonymous).

3. (This is important More often than not a salesgirl will ask if she can help you. This is to be expected, as men don't usually have much of a clue when shopping for women's clothes. She is neither a cop nor a confessor. Just smile, look right at her and say "No thanks, just looking. If I need any assistance I will be sure to find you." I actually practiced this line before the first time I went shopping!

4. If all else fails, then just go into a woman's section, pick out the very first thing in your size, remove it from the rack, march over to the checkout, pay and move on. Take a look around, and confirm that the earth is still on its axis.

The good news is that the embarrassment goes away VERY quickly. I did my first shopping in person about 6 weeks ago, and am now a total shopping junkie. And you won't believe how much fun it becomes!

PM me if you want to discuss further. Good luck, don't worry or obsess, and have fun!

Erica

[Sharon]

I used to feel the same way, until it struck me that I never had any difficulty when I was purchasing clothing for my wife or other females. Once I figured this out, and never having anyone question me who the clothing was for to begin with, I felt more at ease and haven't stopped shopping since.

[Wendi]

Michelle try buying some male things at the same time. My 1st time I bought a pair of shoes along with 2 pairs of high heels. No one even noticed. Next time I went to a makeup counter at a major dept store and told the girl working I was looking for something for my girlfriend. I've been back several times since. Hope this helps.

[Kimberly]

I got 500 bucks cash set aside and a new dedicated credit card in case I need it.

Wanna lend that to me?!

It takes a lot of balls, gal, to go out in public and buy clothes not intended for your sex. I've been given a few weird looks in my time, but in truth the people serving me in the shop, and the fellow shoppers all go about their business afterwards not really caring what I've bought.

Try going off-peak... when it's less packed.

[FROCKYHORROR]

I know how you feel,i bottle it all the time,and end up going home empty handed and annoyed,annoyed that i need to do it and annoyed i haven't,its worse when there are families walking about,i get so paranoid of a kid saying something to their parent "look mummy/daddy that mans looking at the girls stuff",makes me feel like such a perv...,i imagine the parent then saying "come away darling,its a dirty old man, we'll walk round the other way " whilst the husband gives me a derisive look...... I'ts usually after i've purged or had a clear out of stuff thats worn out that i finally get the nerve to do it, somehow i switch the chatterbox off in my head,and go on a blitzing mission. I'm now comtemplating mail order if i can't sort these fears out.

[Melinda G]

Holidays are a great time to shop. Halloween, Christmas, Valentines Day, Sweetest Day, etc. Several times I have simply asked the clerk, "Can she return this if it doesn't fit". They always say yes. Sometimes they ask if I want it gift wrapped, or if I want a box. I just say yes, thank you, if it is free.

If you know your shoe size, you can order shoes online. I have ordered many shoes from j.C.Penneys, Zappos, and Payless shoes, online. Even if the credit card is in a mans name, they don't care, and they don't ask. It might be a wife using her husbands credit card, or a girlfriend, using a guys card. Most allow returns. If the shoes are too small, return them. If they are a tad large, you can get heel grips, or put cushion insoles in them, or tissue paper in the toes.
Just about anything else can be ordered online, for that matter. You can order bras, panties, slips, dresses, etc from Penneys, and a lot of other places. Same for wigs. Lots of women use their husbands credit cards, so it isn't a problem.
Some high rollers, myself not included, just hand a chick their credit cards, and let them go shopping.
You can order wigs online, from Paula Young, or Revlon. If there is a will, there is a way.
And one more thing. The cheap stores like Wal Mart and K Mart, and some others have self checkout lanes, where you check yourself out. Might help.