Shopping : Yay! I did it!

[Michelle Ellis]

All week I've been down, beating up on myself. And to top it all off I watched the sadest movie I'd ever seen (by a long shot) The Gwen Araujo Story.

So I have the cry of a lifetime and end up with a head full of ambition and I told myself like a 1000 times that life is what you make it. I loaded up the cd player with No Doubt (no kidding, my favorite band) and headed off on a trip to the mall in the big city.

Well, I'll say it now, I've just had a great day, and it sure feels good for a change! I'm just busting! Please forgive me if I ramble

I was pretty tense during the two and a half hour drive there. The one big thing I focused on was something that Steph (SilkenPrincess) said...

Force yourself to be reward motivated, rather that fear motivated.

So I kept thinking there's no way I'm going home without my reward!

I got to the mall and it was 1pm, hot, about 90, the mall was packed but I feel better in numbers, it freaks me out when there's a bunch of sales assitants with nothing to do and they're all looking at ya! My goal was JC Penney's I had done a LOT of web browsing for three perfect dresses, just wanted one. I had written "Michelle's List" LOL a fake note with my three picks (thank god for that too!).

So there was Penney's, I saw a group of girls in front of the entrance, they all had their cell phones out and were making plans! LOL I'm such an amatuer! They were about college age, but for some reason they didn't bother me, one glanced at me and I smiled, she smiled back... it felt great not to be such an introvert like I've been lately. That kind of interaction was shutting me down last week.

Anyways (sorry again for the length of this, I don't want to miss a detail! ), I go in and first grab a pair of regular levis, need some new ones and they gave me a 'cover', so that I looked like a regular customer (silly, but, it got me thru) then I went browsing! OMG! went straight into the womens sections (it was so hot in there too), oblivious to everything but the clothes and all the little glances, I just kept my head up and smiled, half the time I was left hanging tho as they just looked away. That was rough. But I'm a guy by myself in the womens section, so I don't blame them.

So I'm wandering around for a good 10 minutes (felt like an hour) and I can't find ONE of my picks. I start to get discouraged and decide to pay for my jeans and try Macy's, but I have no picks for Macy's today... oooh! So I decide to try a sales assistant, didn't want to but I had no choice. I get to the counter and try to find a kind older looking looking lady. That didn't work, I ended up with this gorgeous young thing. She said "Is that all for you?" and I said Yes! and I felt my reward slipping away... something grabbed me (Michelle maybe )

Then I said, "No, wait, you know what, it's my girlfriends birthday tmrw and I'm last minute shopping for something, something I probably shouldn't even be attempting" I reached into my shirt pocket and took out the list, handed it to her.

She looks it over and off we go. And then this is something I'll never forget, she asks if I know my girlfriends size, and I say yes, a 12, and then she gets this funny look on her face and looks me up and down from head to toe and then she says "This might be easier if I could talk to her, do you have your cell phone?" OMG... LOL, was she trying to bust me??? Well I don't have a cell phone actually and told her so.

She heads right to my first pick, there's one left, and it's my size! (JOY) She says "So this is for your girlfriend huh, you should get some brownie points for this!" and she hands me my dress.

She wanted to know if I wanted to look for the others, but I was ready to go hehe

She goes on to tell me that this is a lot better than what her boyfriend got her for her birthday in June, which was nothing, and he still hasn't remembered. Typical guy, eh? She was really friendly at the end, even tho I KNOW she suspected something funny at first.

So I paid and hit the door flying! I'm still coming to grips with what I've done. I feel so good for a change... but very silly!! omg... silly is better than hating myself tho, I was getting real tired of 'life' passing me by.

Check it out! oh, that's not me BTW hehe

M

[Joy Carter]

My wife was always dressing down so I would always go and buy her things so it's no big deal anymore. Besides Michell if it doesn't fit how are you gonna feel when return it Hun. Just buy and say nothing about who it's for. BTW I hate you ! size twelve indeed, sheech! LOL

[Adrienne Heels]

Good for you, Michelle. I knew you could do it if you tried.

The first time is always the hardest.

[Michelle Ellis]

It was hard for sure, and I don't think it'll be that much easier next time, maybe a little easier But I'm just high on it, laying here on my bed thinking, No way did I just do what I did! Laughing at myself, my mind is just going a million miles an hour... LOL

M

[paulaN]

yep the more you shop for yourself the easyer it gets. I'm so glad you made it. what a day!!! here's to ya and many more shopping trips. by the way I think silkenprincess is right. that is a realy good way of looking at it. I see someday in the future, when a sales girl ask you if it's for your gf your going to say No it's for me. and a big smile

[Michelle Ellis]

Oh! I really wanted to! I'm a terrible liar

M

[CindyFinalyFree]

I too went shopping today.. I actually went in for a new toothbrush (just the local wallmart), but thought.. while I'm here...

I worked up the nerve to browse through the women's clothing section. BTW... (I know why, but I'm being sarcastic..) WHY do they put the women's section at the front of their stores? (answer, security.. it's the highest candidate for shoplifting) Anyway, back to the topic... I found a cute white skirt with blue trim. I kept browsing without picking it up, and found the perfect top to match it... a matching baby/turqoise blue knit top with shortened crescent sleeve and enough length for my tall frame to rest at the widest point of my hips.

Anyway, this was the first time I was actually browsing to buy, and I guess I just had it in my mind I was gonna follow through. It was a great feeling to get through the check-out line without so much as a 'curious glance' from the checker (a female). I don't even think I drew more than a first glance from any of the other shoppers in the area as I was browsing. A big confidence booster. Not quite a dress or person to person contact, but still a satisfying 'check' on my to do list.

When I got home, I just had to try on the new outfit. I have to say, the two pieces came together and fit me in such a way that it actually made me wish I had time to do make-up and nails before the girlfriend got home. Oh well, there's always next week-end (she knows, but isn't comfortable with it quite yet). It's also a good feeling that I have something of my own, not to mention truely my size.

[Dana]

The actual reality is more like this:

The CD: "OMG! Everyone is staring at me! Everyone think's I'm such a freak, such a perf! What if the call securtiy? What if they call the law?"

Everyone else other than the CD:

How am I going to make the mortgage payment this month?

Is my wife cheating on me?

Is my GF cheating on me?

Should I dump her?

Should I dump him?

My ___________________(fill in the blank) Mom, Dad, brother, sister, sister in law, brother in law, best friend, co-worker, etc really PMO!

Are they going to repo my car?

Am I pregno?

What am I going to do about? (Fill in the blank)________________________

I'm horny!

I'm hungry! What am I going to do for lunch?

I need this sale to up my commission check this week so I can pay my bills!

I'm so PO at_____________________________

I hate my boss!

I hate this freaking job!

I am so PMS'ing!

I need a bathroom break!

I need to find another job!

I'm off tomorrow ~ and I am so going to party tonight!

God! I'm so hungover from last night, will eight o'clock ever get here!

I've got three papers to write and finals next week, OMG what am I going to do?

I'm so ugly, I can't get a date!

Why don't men like me?

Why am I dating this loser?

My BF/DH is such a loser!

[GypsyKaren]

And so my dear friend, what lessons did you learn from this?

#1...The world didn't come to an end.

#2...Nobody threw rocks at you.

#3...Nobody followed you home and set up a picket line in front of your house.

#4...The most important lesson of all, repeat after me, "I had fun!"

Trust me Michelle, it gets easier each and everytime you go out. So congratulations to you, next time you go out buy me something cute in a size 12.

Karen

[Michelle Ellis]

Thanks you guys, I'm sorry if I sound like I'm making such a big deal. It's not just these past weeks, but it's been a life long struggle. Coming here made all the difference in the world. I was really thinking of everyone here today.

Karen, I owe you two outfits now And I'll gladly pay up if ever given the opportunity

M

[noname]

That was rough. But I'm a guy by myself in the womens section, so I don't blame them.

I think it's more of a mind set. I saw a woman in the mens department looking at mens pajamas. She had this guilty look on her face like she wasn't supposed to be there, if that makes sense. It was as though she knew everyone knew.

She looks it over and off we go. And then this is something I'll never forget, she asks if I know my girlfriends size, and I say yes, a 12, and then she gets this funny look on her face and looks me up and down from head to toe and then she says "This might be easier if I could talk to her, do you have your cell phone?" OMG... LOL, was she trying to bust me??? Well I don't have a cell phone actually and told her so.

Gotta watch gals like this, they can be sly and quick. If you weren't so nervous and had your cool, you probably would have thought to say, "uhhh it's a b-day gift, I can't exactly call her about it now can't I? I suspect she knew. Of course you could have been upfront, you might get a look but I can almost promise you they won't say crap to you.

[Mandy Salamander]

Congratulations!!! Michelle!!!,,, th' first step 's always th' hardest,,, soon enough, we won't be able t' keep y' outta th' stores,,,,, see y' there!!! toodles,,,

[femboi (san diego)]

Hey, try being a 50%er shopping in the women's section, or better yet - in the lingerie section!

I do it without much stress at all now. I was standing in line at Mervyn's with a bunch of panties on my arm waiting to pay. Some guy in front of me with his girlfriend keeps looking at the panties I'm holding like he's ready to say something, but he never did.

I have to admit though, even after all these years of marching straight to the women's department I still get a little nervous. I still expect some sale associate to come up to me and call me a perv and tell me to get the hell out of the store. Since it's never happened, I gotta figure it's all just a figment of my imagination.

[Michelle Ellis]

Yeah I don't think it'll ever be easy really. It's like mountain climbing, climbers have fear, it's just they let it exhilarate them instead of letting it keep them off the mountain.

I can see now there's advantages to doing this enfemme. But I'm not even gonna go there! yet anyhow

M

[wannabie]

it's about time.......

[Wenda]

It's like mountain climbing, climbers have fear, it's just they let it exhilarate them instead of letting it keep them off the mountain.
M

.... thanks, that is what I was trying to say!!!

[Stacie Stockman]

Just wait until youre at the photo shop with the memory stick and printing out all the pretty pictures of you dressed and the photo clerk watching all the pictures come out of the machine properly printed.

[Michelle Ellis]

Just wait until youre at the photo shop with the memory stick and printing out all the pretty pictures of you dressed and the photo clerk watching all the pictures come out of the machine properly printed.

[Stacie Stockman]

Well its a true story from last night

I have a friend at work who I outed myself to. I showed her my myspace account with some of my pictures. She said if I had more pictures she wanted to see them so I end up taking my pictures, put them on a CD and took them over to Walgreens to print them out.

When I got to Walgreens, it was empty except for the store staff. I put the disc in the photo machine and selected the ones that I wanted to print out. The photo clerk (female) is watching all of them print out of the machine checking for quality, offers a smile as I pay for my order.

[CrossKimmy]

Just buy and say nothing about who it's for.

That's exactly my philosophy. They don't need to know and I don't need to tell hem.

but congrats girlfriend, you did it! it sure does feel like a weigh has been lifted I'll bet.

[EricaCD]

congratulations! I am glad to hear you had such a positive experience

Erica

[Girly Sara]

Hi there Michelle,

Well done on your shopping trip. It's a great feeling huh?

As people have said, it gets easier and easier the more you shop. I did my first shopping trip 'enfemme' back in March and i can't describe the rush you get. I hope you experience that in the not-too-distant future.

Happy girly shoppin' hun!

Sara xxx

[sally Dickson]

Just before christmas I went into Beatties Sutton Coldfield in Birmingham. I finally plucked up courage to go to the lingerie dept to buy some lingerie. The assistant was really helpful and friendly. I opted for a lovely two piece (matching bra and knickers) Chantelle too. Anyway i paid for them without bother and she packed them into a little carrier bag. I went to another store to look for other stuff when the bag tipped up spilling the undies on the floor! A woman with her husband/bf exclaimed in a snobby voice 'I hope they are for your wife or g/f?' I smiled and said i thnk im a little bigger than a 12-they were a 14 , but boy was i blushing. tee hee. Sally

[Angie G]

Michelle good for you babe Iknow it was hard at first but now I think nothing of shopping for my own dresses skirt heels, no big deal.
So get out and do some shopping girl.
Angie G
PS I have toget to the mall and get the big heels I scouted out last week.

[chattaboxx]

just read your account, well done.

the first steps are always hard, glad you enjoyed it and thank you for sharing it with us

Louise
(chattaboxx)