I cant seem to quit dressing... Im just starting to get back in after a purge in feb. Last time i thought i was ready to come out, but all of the sudden, i was so disgusted with myself that i discarded all of my fem stuff.All that it took was for me to find a couple of my ex's bras in some of our old stuff, and all i want now is to get back to what i was becoming before.
I guess it would be easier if i was not a father of a 3 year old. All i know is that this has been a part of me my whole life, and the more i try to supress it, the stronger it comes back. Every time i start dressing again, i take it one step further...last time i had my eyebrows plucked totally fem, shaved head to toe. I wish there was a cure...like a shot you could take to make these desires go away. Im past the point of embarrassment pretty much, that makes it alot easier to say "who cares if people think my shaved legs and red toenails are strange"
Another factor for me is the fact that i pass very well when fully dressed. Not to be a braggart, but im blessed with fem facial features. Im also very good at make up...i dont go overboard like alot of cd'ers. Basically whem im all dressed i see a beautiful girl looking back, and how could that be a bad thing?
Well i found out that my ex outed me to my extremly homophobic older brother and his wife. He told me that they had suspected anyway, after a couple of halloweens. So thats one family member that knows. I would like to tell my mom next as she might be supportive. I think that if its not such a huge secret it may not feel as wrong.