Why?

[Danielle1960]

After about 6 months of going to a phsychologist and being hounded by clergy and the wife regarding crossdressing, I've decided to ask, why? Not why do I do it, but why does anyone else care?

Last time I looked in the mirror I saw the same person that was always there, I care for my family the way I always did and nothing has really changed. So I thought I'd ask this forum to add there thoughts here to help me out.

I guess I'm a bit frustrated with everyone trying to dictate what hair I can shave, what shoes or pants I can wear. :mad: I thinking about going for a complete body waxing soon because I want to.

Hmmm. I just read this and I think I'm blowing off steam but I would really like to hear from you.
Danielle

[Tamara Croft]

Hiya Danielle

It's good to blow off some steam. Personally it doesn't matter to what me what my SO dresses like as long as she's happy. Just because she puts on make up and girly clothes etc, doesn't mean that she is a different person inside. It took me a while to get used to her crossdressing and the girls here have really helped me realise that its normal.... it's everyone else thats weird lol.

You only have one chance in life to be happy, as for the waxing.... go for it, its not like your wife can stick it back on is it

Tamara x

[DonnaT]

Do your Therapist, clergy and wife know that crossdressing is a result of being transgendered, and no amount of ranting or therapy is going to change that?

If not, get another therapist, specializing in gender dysphoria. It is then time for your wife to see this therapist too. There is nothing wrong with you, and these people in your life need to understand that.

As for what you wear and whether you shave? I'm in the same boat in that regard, essentially. But, I respect my wife's wishes and try (not always successful) not to do things that will upset her.

When we went to a recent TG party, she knew I had to shave my back and chest. Well she shaved my back. But she didn't like it at all. Mind you, if she had said no, then it would have been no.
Why? I can be happy with just lingerie. It would have been upsetting for me sure, but in the long run, a happy marriage is most important. I would not have been happy if she said no, but marriage isn't always full of happiness.

These little give and takes keep us both in check. I not demanding on her for my CD time, and she's not overdemanding on me because she knows I cannot stop CDing.

Problem is, I'm different than you, and we are all different with regard to how much CDing we need to be happy.

[Danielle1960]

I am glad that my feelings have been validated and that makes feel better. My wife is a bit contradicting in that she thinks it is ok for me to get manicure and pedicures (no polish) and my eyebrows waxed. But if she even thinks I'm considering dressing she goes ballistic. I'm trying to be paitent and hope she grows into the thought and I'm not ready to push it.

My therapist is working on my guidance when I first started back in March and I told her that I enjoy dressing but that my marriage and family had to come first.

Interesting enough my Bishops comment was he didn't know that it was a sin to wear clothing but that potential problems could lead to that. I guess in other words walking on the edge of the world and trying to avoid falling off.!

Tomorrow I see my thearipist again and I think I'll change the parameters of the thearopy a bit. Hmmm.... This does make life interesting. I think if I had my way with out hinderence I would get a bunch of things done cosmetically. But for now I'm a bit restricted. It is interestng though that even though I'm growing breasts (using herbs) which are at a b cup, that my wife hasn't made any coment.

Thanks for your comments it really does help

[Man in tights]

I've often wondered what the heck is wrong with people. People made a great fuss when they noticed that I shaved my arms (although this actually improved my appearance). It really is noones business. It's amazing as well that wearing pantyhose causes so much excitement to work-mates. I mean, who'd have thought that my ankles were so exciting. A while back I was just about ready to say f*** it, and just walk around without trying to hide anything, but after my fiancee saw a couple of peoples reaction to the pantyhose, she got all worried about what people would think... and she made me cover up again. I would get less hassle if I just pretended to be gay and wore pink pants to work! (I think anyhow!!!). Anyway, that's my mini-rant.
MIT

[maryjanecapri]

this is a question that i'm sure we've all asked ourselves. "why can't society accept me as i am?" i'm sure many people have asked the same thing. and for the longest time i asked myself that very same question. until one day i woke up and finally realized that i didn't really care what society thought. i owe it to myself to be true to who i am and if those around me don't like it - they don't have to be around me.

but that doesn't work for everyone i know. i am not married nor do i have any children.

i would also say that the gay community has had to ask themselves that same question for decades. and they are still asking it now. it's going to be a long fight for us. we're now the "minorities minority". and we're going to have to stand up for who and what we are.

i think another question we have to start asking ourselves (seriously asking ourselves) is: is the opinion of society important enough to us to keep us from being who we are?

just a quick 2 cents worth.

[Man in tights]

While I right with you in the not caring what most people think, I do feel a bit constrained in how far I can push it. The big problem is that the particular career path that I've been working towards since being a kid, is thwart with problems. In particular it's a small community and very much personality based. So I need all the support I can get... so I don't want to offend anyone. Ihate that because it means that I'm perpetuating the problem by keeping it hidden like a dirty little secret. I want to be open but I'm not brave-enough (hence I hide my photos etc from everyone... even my fiancee). But you're right, only we can turn this around. However i'm very much a follower, so that doesn't help any!!!

[Sweet Susan]

It's an absolutely fair question, but I don't have an answer. I have no idea why anybody could care less why I want to wear women's clothes and perfect the female role and representation. I have no idea. I guess it goes back to expectations.

[Vallari]

Yeah it sucks that people get so bent out of shape over something that u cannot control. Im planning on doing things like growing longer hair, etc with my body so Ill probably have to deal with this too eventually.

If my SO ever tells me how I must appear for him/her and the general public, 1 0f 2 things are gonna happen (depending on my mood):
1: Ill tell exactly how he/she must appear for me and the public.
2: We'll break up right then and there.

If my employer gives me friction over my appearance, and im not harming myself or anyone or anything by it or disrupting anything, ill just sue. Hey if u have to put up with other people's ignorance all the time u may as well cash in on it!

[maryjanecapri]

While I right with you in the not caring what most people think, I do feel a bit constrained in how far I can push it. The big problem is that the particular career path that I've been working towards since being a kid, is thwart with problems. In particular it's a small community and very much personality based. So I need all the support I can get... so I don't want to offend anyone. Ihate that because it means that I'm perpetuating the problem by keeping it hidden like a dirty little secret. I want to be open but I'm not brave-enough (hence I hide my photos etc from everyone... even my fiancee). But you're right, only we can turn this around. However i'm very much a follower, so that doesn't help any!!!

i wouldn't sweat it. not everyone is made to be a leader. but i'm sure you do your part to help our cause. even if it's just opening the eyes of one person. remember - you do that and that one person will open someone elses eyes and so on.

like every other cause - it's baby steps first. but know that you have support in places like this site and these people.

[Man in tights]

That's such a good attitude... momentum is what we need... the snowball effect. well at least I'm good at spinning out cliched catchphrases!

Hmmm, sueing sounds good but it could be a fast-track to that place known as 'end of career'. I have no idea what I'd do as a career if not this. Oh well, it might never happen.

At least my girl is kinda sympathetic... I purposely made sure that I was dressed for when she got home from work just now. It was just heels, pantyhose and a skirt (nothing over the top). Maybe if I keep letting her see me like this she'll get used to me being this way (i.e. easier to go further). I figure that if I leave big gaps in between times when she sees me dressed, the greater the shock would be (not good).
MIT

[Nikki A.]

While I would love to say the hell with what people think we do have to face reality. What about our SOs, kids and work associates. Wife hates it but tolerates it a little and everyone else it is hidden from. Most of us can't be free especially if we have family responsibilities.

[kimmjacoby]

danielle,
i came out to everyone years ago, friends, neighbors, everyone in my local watering holes, potential so's and i'm only a p/t crossdresser, not a transexual. to my supprise, those that objected were in the minority!(only 3 people) i lost one long term friend, but gained many many more! the thing i found most interesting was the number of guys that then confided in me that they c/d at home. it seems to me most people are to busy with their own lives to realy care what we do.

hugs,
kimm

[Danielle1960]

I guess your right Kimm. In that I'll eventually just have the courage to do what I want to. Everyones comments and insight has been wonderful and alot of help.
Thanks
Danielle

[Rachel Elizabeth]

I learned early on in my marriage that my wife did not like Rachel. Why? She came from a very conservative background. Her life was not easy. She was a seragut mother to her brother and sisters from when she was 10. We married when she was 17 and I was 20.

Shucks! Neither one of us knew anything about anything AND particular topics related to sex. We were both virgins.

We no longer have sexual relations but we have a marvelous friendship. We have been married 42 years. I have made concessions because I know that I can deal with it. It is my "burden" or my "bundle of joy", not hers.

Do I wish I could be Rachel with her? I honestly don't know. I don't think the relationship would be the same and I would die before I hurt her any more than I may have already.

So, you have to decide what is really important to you and act on that. But, remember,
you have a world of sisters who can help you when you think no one else cares.

Hugs.....

[Georgette]

Want to blow your therapist's mind show up dressed as who you want to be, that gets thier attention I know it got mine to really ask what, why and when. So I asked him if he has done any research on this type of behavior, he said some but this was not what soceity accepted. Ok I like to be a little contreversal at times but the truth will prevail.
LOVE
Georgette

[clarissa3d]

If we take a look back and how society handled different things such as black people wanting just to be treated as people. This was an atrosity in how it was handled. To date in the south I still see and hear people who cannot get past the racial issue. It is deplorable.

The gay issue and what they foght and are still fighting. My boss is gay and we have at least one or two people in my office that hate gays and make coments under breath.

lets go way back for a second. North and south, Do we as people have to always push both sides. I right and your wrong. and vis versa.

I will always say there is two sides to everything (prove me wrong). BUT lets grow up and understand that there is two sides to everything and we do not have to force the issue.
Yes everyone is titled to their opinion, BUT not entitled to force those agenst others. I will gladly listen in a calm manor. I will talk about both sides in a logical state. Now last time I checked this is the year 2004. Ok so about what 80 years ago women could not vote and it was not right for the woman to work. let see I have relitives that are still alive from 80 years. Wow not really a long time if you look at it that way. So in 80 years we as people have been able to get over women, blacks, gays some religon issues. But oohh not a man in a dress, BUT for the gg women to wear male type clothes is normal and in some cases sexy. ?!?

Why, why threw all this can we not get at least an understanding that for us as people we are ok. Let me think,,, when I was wearing a dress did it cause me to cut my neighbor? no. Did it cause me to shoot the little dog down the street? no
What laws did I break?
ok ok I hear but it emotionally hurts those who care. I am never want to hurt anyone as it is said do onto others as you would have them do unto you.

Let me live and be happy, I only want to make others happy. I guess I am biased and have a hard time seeing the other side. just lost sole rambling

[DonnaT]

OK Jenny, I'll play too.

I will always say there is two sides to everything (prove me wrong).

Then why are more than two political parties?

Hey, don't flame me, Jenny started it!

[clarissa3d]

ok ok , hehe let me clarify. you will not find only one side. at minimum everything has two sides.
Light / dark
positive / negitive
etc.

Mobius strip that is a new one but even the Mobius strip has at least two sides. you will not find anything with only one side.

[pattysue]

The thing that gets me about society is not to far back in history men wore, what I would consider dresses “togas”? The Irish/Scottish still wear kilts at certain times? Men use to wear wigs and powder and I’m thinking that’s been only a few hundred years ago.

Maybe society just has not realized that maybe there way of thinking is wrong? I know my wife makes me cut the tag off my gg jeans so no one will notice, she hopes. I just hope in the near future the younger CD’ers will not have to be in the closet as much as a lot of us are.

Pattysue.

[Sharon]

The thing that gets me about society is not to far back in history men wore, what I would consider dresses “togas”? The Irish/Scottish still wear kilts at certain times? Men use to wear wigs and powder and I’m thinking that’s been only a few hundred years ago.
Pattysue.

The thing is though that togas and kilts aren't considered female clothing. If I were a transvestite in those cultures. I would probably still be wearing what was considered feminine clothing.