How many other members have suffered for the way we are?

[oztallulah]

I too have suffered a marriage breakdown because of my CD'ing. And I think Melanie's contribution "because of crossdressing and later discover that they had the best man They fell in love with the man who crosses gender lines because of his caring, sensitivity and other feminine qualities." has pointed out one of the main things that occurs. The woman that I married liked the 'caring', 'softer' things I was offering in the relationship. Hopefully it wasn't just the fact I was also a good house cleaner. Anyway, be that as it may, I swore I would not enter into a lasting relationship ever again. Yes, I have had dalliances that have been openly accepting of my CD'ing, but they would be as friends (albeit very close) only. I won't go into the detail, but it has been okay.
My life has recently taken a change for the better.

[Bernice]

I too was physically attacked by my mother when caught in her clothing. Fortunately for me I guess, I was able to defend myself physically - though not emotionally. She pretended to approve, gave me a dress to call my own, then stole it away from me days later. She could be prety vitriolic and hostile, and was bound and determined that this was just a phase I was going through. She forced me to attend religious counseling, which was a tremendous waste of time because I wasn't about to confide in some total stranger who for all I knew might have been a child sexual molester.

Thus, my mother has no idea that I never outgrew this part of me. I let her believe whatever she wants to believe. At this stage in her life she is now completely dependent upon me and the nursing home, so it isn't much of an issue.

I also had a marriage break up - annulled. She woman said it was not an issue to her, but it apparently became an issue to the lawyer her father hired. Fortunately, I was too young then to have kids/property to fight over, and did not have to be present in court.

I also had a neighbor get hostile and physically threatening - which did an ugly psychological number on my SO. This jerk also beat his live-in girlfriend, so when he moved out, it was best for everyone else in the building.

The only part of all this history that I would classify as really suffering was the self-imposed agony of introspection, lonliness, and lack of self-esteem crossdressing caused me for the first twenty years. I've come a long way in terms of self acceptance and understanding!

[julie w]

I am divorced after 20 years she knew about my dressing but did not want
see me The marriage ended because she did not pull her weight ,didnt cook
didnt work . she is now with a low payed guy whos idea of fun is watching tv , I have been with my gf for 5years we dont live together she
also wont see me dressed ,for me to get married the women would have to
be 100% supportive and go out with me dressed . and enjoy it ,in return
she would get to travel with me and I would pay for her tickets

[kittypw GG]

They fell in love with the man who crosses gender lines because of his caring, sensitivity and other feminine qualities. Now to be fair to all in our community some crossdressers I have known I would have divorced if I had been their wife. They were so selfish and self-centered that their wives felt completely left out of their lives. Perhaps I will write a book from the perspective of a CD on how to make the marriage work. I can certainly talk about what not to do and say.

Hugs,

Melanie

Yes, Melanie, now you are talking. This would be the kind of book that would be helpful. Many gg's talk about accepting their husbands crossdressing but get worn out because they have so many issues concerning it that are generally negative. The women get worn out by all of the depression and anger that their cd expresses. Things like jealousy that they wern't born a women, anger that they can't "pass". Anger that their wives don't sport the same enthusiasim for their little "hobby" that they have. My husband needs to have a handbook on how to achieve balance and how to be a good husband and partner. He is in the category of being more male. He doesn't posess the sensitivity or other female qualities that you speak of.

Alas, even if you wrote the book you would not be able to force someone to read it. At least it would give some of us hope that a peacful, respectful, loving crossdressing relationship could actually be achieved. Maybe it would bring the percentages of sucess up a few points. Right now I really see more unhappy relationships than happy. I would give anything to be in the happy group.

Here is a suggestion for the first chapter. "Patients is a virtue".

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Louise--

first off, sorry to hear all that!! i am finishing up a divorce now and i have 2 wonderful young girls and although i'm getting joint custody, it kills me that i cant be with them every day

but i do crossdress and lately as the divorce gets closer and "realer" ...it still seems like its not real sometimes...i'm dressing more and more and doing really fun things with it...

i choose to not blame my wife...i really shouldve told her but i didnt for lots of reasons and so i know she is suffering too

right now i'm making the choice to go 100% with the crossdressing and avoid relationships...i figure if its meant to be she'll find me

at least for now

take care

michele

[tekla west]

A comedian once said, "Insteed of going through another divorce I'm just going to go out and find a woman I hate and give her my house."

[Melanie R]

Alas, even if you wrote the book you would not be able to force someone to read it. At least it would give some of us hope that a peacful, respectful, loving crossdressing relationship could actually be achieved. Maybe it would bring the percentages of sucess up a few points. Right now I really see more unhappy relationships than happy. I would give anything to be in the happy group.

Here is a suggestion for the first chapter. "Patients is a virtue".

Yes, you are probably right. I find that most crossdressers and their wives have either not read Peggy's four books and other valuable books such as Helen Boyd's MHB or if they did read at least one of the books the contents went right through their ears and out their eyes. So why should they read a book by a crossdresser. Yesterday I picked up and re-read for the hundredth times My Husband Wears My Clothes. All the answers are there for all to see but it takes work to make the marriage successful. The truth is that so many crossdressers are selfish and expect everything to center around their dressing. I know I have been there and done that.

Hugs,

Melanie

[Barb Valentine]

My first wife knew but didn't approve ,It don't have anything to do with our breakup
My wife now knows nothing about it

[Scotty]

I had an SO, and we went our own ways. She knows and TRIES to approve but when she's angry she throws it at me so that was that...

I don't think I'll enter another LTR for a long time, It may sound selfish but I'm enjoying being single right now.......come winter it may become lonely but I'll probably be up here a lot more! Plus I'm making friends here too....

[sophie1]

hi i love my children l would not be without them i completely disagree with Helen on that. i think they are compatable
Sophie

[tekla west]

Being happy is something that starts at the beginning, not as a goal to be reached at the end. In order to do that you all need to start out on the same page. Sorry, many people bring this down on themselves by not being honest from the get go. As time go on, its the sorrow that compounds rather than the happiness building.

People of all stripes have problems, they fall in and out of love, and they change over time. CD might be part of it, but that fails to explain the widespread problems of relationships in the modern world.

[Janice Ashton]

Many, many thanks for all your replies it indicates to me there are a lot of us out there all with similar problems and it has answered my question in more ways than one. Thank you for being honest in your replies and sharing some of your troubles with me.
Best wishes Louise x

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"]Up until this point CDing didn't affect my life, just the opposite, I stopped for 2 years (my own doing) I didn't realize it I became depressed, gained 55 lbs, lost the drive to do much of anything, and my relationship with my GF was almost ruined. I went for counceling (last Sept) it started me to accept just who I am, but it was posting and chatting and getting out with the girls from here that gave me a new lease on life. Told my GF "My Secret" and things have never been better between us, lately things have only been positive, "My Glass is Half Full"[/SIZE]