Sexless Relationship SO side

[Eugenie]

The thread Sexless Relationship started by "Newbie" from the GG side of the situation prompted me to ask the symetrical question from the CD side.

My wife and I have not had sex for the past 8 years. She lost interest around her menopause. I know part of this situation is related to my X-dressing which she knows about but doesn't approve. However, even if it wasn't exceptional before that time, our sex life was relatively satisfactory in general. Yet she's known about my X-dressing just a couple of years after we got married and we are near our 37th anniversary... And we have been together since more than 41 years... So there must have been something else than just my X-dressing to turn her off...

I'm not cross at her, I can see that it is a physical thing. It is stronger than her will power, just touching her is resulting in rejection reactions.

Whatever the reasons, there is no more sexual relationship between us. We're still loving eachother but it is purely sentimental.

I was wandering if there were other CDs here going through a similar situation: no more sexual relation with their SO?

As you may imagine, it isn't an easy one to live through, hence my need to speak about it.

My wife told me quite sincerely that she didn't mind me looking for sexual relief with having liaisons with other women. I think that she thinks that I x-dress as a compensation for the lack of sexual activity. She would certainly prefer me to have an affair than seeing me "en femme", she told me...

But I'm not the type to go in bars looking for easy girls. I need a more in depth relation to feel anything for a woman. That could mean tying sentimental links with another woman, with the risks linked to such a relationship.

Further more, I woudn't want to start a relationship at this point without being clear about being a x-dresser. She would have to know. And there aren't that many women to whom I would feel comfortable enough to tell...

I have one relationship of that sort with a long time friend of ours, but she lives accross the Atlantic

There is another GG friend whom I like very much and whom I've told about my x-dressing. She's a great support for me. I would certainly love to go further in our relation, but she is a friend of my wife and "She doesn't want to do that to her"...

Any of you living that sort of dillema or comparable ones?

Love to all and thanks for having had the patience to read that far in this post...

Eugenie

[DeeInGeorgia]

Eugenie,

I have some idea what you are going through. My wife is at the same point, menopause, plus depression, medication for depression, low esteem with her body image and her weight (when she was in the mood) made sex very difficult plus just a touch of my CDing. When she was in one of her moods, she once told me that if I wanted sex on my birthday, that I should hire a prostitute. I don't think she really meant it, but it did hurt at the time.

I have promised for the present to not even ask here for sex anymore. I am not allowed to cuddle her when we go to bed and she cannot cuddle on me anytime the bedroom temperature is over about 70 degrees because her weight makes it so she cannot be cool enough to cuddle. I can rub her back just about anytime, and I do several times a day, but she will only reciprecate about once a week.

In my case, I am to shy to start any kind of relationship with another woman. So, I am caught living every day without the physical affection I need, needing to crossdress, but having 2 preteens in the house, being unable to crossdress most of the time.

So while my pain is not your pain, I can recognise you as being in pain and with no good answers of when or how to get through it.

Hugs!

Dee

[Calliope]

Eugenie,

Shortly after our first child was born, the missus phased out our sexual relations. I was very hurt and upset for several years. Conceiving our second child wasn't very romantic and, since then, we've slept in separate beds. Oddly - and happily - enough, coming out and dressing (almost) full time has relieved me of many of the impulses that once tormented me. Maybe there's something to the axiom it's different for girls.

She would certainly prefer me to have an affair than seeing me "en femme", she told me...

I rather suspect she would change her tune on that one.

[susiej]

Tripper,

I had my last sexual experience (with my wife, and not coincidentally, with anyone) some time during the year 2000. Sadly, I have to observe that you don't notice the last occasion of a thing at the time, because you don't know it's going to be the last. I know it was after June, and before the New Year, 2001.

Well, everybody has their last sexual experience at some time or other. I'm in my mid 50's, and I sort of thought, or maybe hoped, that sex might last a little longer than this. My SO is not aware of my CD-ing (I'm pretty sure, anyway), but over the last decade, she has just cut me out of her life. Separate bedrooms, separate vacations.

This could very well be because some non-verbal thing I do, because I would really want play her part in bed, rather than the one I'm typically "cast" in. So, the big question for me is: am I the cause or the victim? Is there something in my behavior that turns her off, makes her have "icky" feelings about me she can't describe, so that going to bed alone seems preferable to sleeping next to her husband of twenty-something years?

Or, choice "B", is my cd-ing a reaction to her coldness, which comes from some other source?

Or, choice "C", am I just thinking too hard about this, and the real story is that, well, time's up, I fathered two sweet daughters (and had a lot of chances for more), and I should not expect much more out of my love life than that?

Hugs,
Susie

[HaleyPink2000]

Eugenie:

I've been there, got the T shirt. Am 55 and have been without it for a long time other than her saying " I'll help you do the M thing". Well it's been that way a long time. So now it's the ocasional help me masturbate thing only. She don't seem to like sex and never seemed to after marriage. It was even worse after she did gain weight. Oh well, I've been told to find a Mistress. But I won't. I love this woman, and did since the minute I did see her, 25 years ago. It's just a shame that sex has to be over because of your partner.
It is the same as being single with no partner to share sex with. Except you are bound by a piece of paper and a vow, which stops you from finding sex with another woman. It's like hey I'm here!!!! I need it bad! Can't you see I'm needing it? Then they wonder why a male does wierd things, huh? Gawd!0.02

[Samantha_S]

Tripper,

I had my last sexual experience (with my wife, and not coincidentally, with anyone) some time during the year 2000. Sadly, I have to observe that you don't notice the last occasion of a thing at the time, because you don't know it's going to be the last. I know it was after June, and before the New Year, 2001.

Well, everybody has their last sexual experience at some time or other. I'm in my mid 50's, and I sort of thought, or maybe hoped, that sex might last a little longer than this. My SO is not aware of my CD-ing (I'm pretty sure, anyway), but over the last decade, she has just cut me out of her life. Separate bedrooms, separate vacations.

This could very well be because some non-verbal thing I do, because I would really want play her part in bed, rather than the one I'm typically "cast" in. So, the big question for me is: am I the cause or the victim? Is there something in my behavior that turns her off, makes her have "icky" feelings about me she can't describe, so that going to bed alone seems preferable to sleeping next to her husband of twenty-something years?

Or, choice "B", is my cd-ing a reaction to her coldness, which comes from some other source?

Or, choice "C", am I just thinking too hard about this, and the real story is that, well, time's up, I fathered two sweet daughters (and had a lot of chances for more), and I should not expect much more out of my love life than that?

Hugs,
Susie

I am so with you on that scenario
17 years ago, when I first dated my 2'd x, it was a bunny thing as far as sex went. In the waning years, as you said, touching her was forbidden!
Never mind the first ex!

No matter how hard we try, (men) we will NEVER understand the ladies in our life.

[HaleyPink2000]

Maybe that is why you hear of many older actors with younger women, sex. Maybe it's a thing older women don't want it as much huh? Especially after they have gotten older and their outer beauty is fading. So they don't feel the need to have children etc. Also some as they get older gain pounds which makes sex for them harder. Loads of reasons they have to give ya. I've been hearing them all for years. 0.02

[racquel]

I'm in the opposite camp.I had been taking Spironolactone for quite awhile to grow breasts (and for an epidomital cyst)and my libido had waned so when I was "big enough', her word's,I stopped and the 'steel' was not as noticeable but the desire was intact.
After my operation where one teste was removed the desire was almost nil and the 'steel' was no more.I suggested she have affairs but she said no.We are still very cuddly but non-sexual.

[Eugenie]

Thanks to all of you who replied. Some points were made that helpme sort out my own situation...

This forum is such a wonderful place for feeling supported.

Eugenie

[Joy Carter]

Ladies you are not alone in this many women turn away for what ever reason maybe they really didn't want it in the first place. I can tell you the only times she was hot is when we were making babies. But Raquel you can satify her in many ways you need to educate yourself on how. To me satifying her is a pleasure while I get nothing physical out of it but I do love it.

[oztallulah]

Eugenie, Up to 5 years ago I was married with 4 kids. Had been that way for 26 years. My SO at the time didn't, well I don't she did anyway' know about my propensity for CD'ing. Over the years we drifted as far as 'love' goes. I don't think it is a rare occurance, but it depends a lot on the motivatiuon behind the relationship. I know it could get to the stgae where each would find it hard to survive without the other. Sort of 'reliance' relationship.

I know a lot of couples who, for one reason or another stay together because 'that is the correct and proper thing to do'. It is an interesting subject you have raised, and not one that hasn't been covered by tomes before. I have read many books to see what I could have done differently. Unfortunately, the answers I have come up with have not endeared my need to go back.

I now know that my CD'ing was part of our split, but not all. She wouldn't let me touch her, nor would she touch me, for some 10 years prior to the split up. That is something I cannot fathom, nor get close to reasoning.

We have however stayed reasonable friends and still visit, talk, and even have a laugh now and again.

Unfortunately I could not stay in a relationship where there is no physical realtionship at all.

Not sure if that lot makes any sense, but can assure you, you are not Robinia Crusoe in any way in how you feel.

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife has MS. MS not only weakens a person's legs, but causes other complications. One is badder problems. This problem arose about 5 years ago with my wife. She started having a hard time holding it and as result it started getting messy whenever we had sex. She asked her doctor as to what she could do that would allow the two of us to continue having sex. She worked with the doctor for over a year. Some of the treatments and procedures did work for a while, but as her MS got worse, so did her badder problems. So my wife and I now no longer have sex. It has been 3 years now and it is just as fustrating to her as it is to me. We do cuddle in bed and that helps, but I usually go into the bathroom, close the door, and sit on the john and do it by hand, just to relieve the pressure.

CDing does help relieve the pressure on me.

[Eugenie]

My wife has MS. MS not only weakens a person's legs, but causes other complications.
... ...
So my wife and I now no longer have sex. It has been 3 years now and it is just as fustrating to her as it is to me. We do cuddle in bed and that helps, but I usually go into the bathroom, close the door, and sit on the john and do it by hand, just to relieve the pressure.

CDing does help relieve the pressure on me.

Dear JoAnn,

You have all my sympathy. Having had an aunt who had MS in the end of the seventies, I have seen how difficult life becomes as the condition keeps getting worse. I do hope that more modern medication are helping more than thirty years ago...

I find however wonderful that you two have kept a close physical contact letting you express mutual tenderness, even if it isn't through sexual intercourse anymore.

In our case, there seems to be a sensory overload that makes any kind of touching unbearable for my wife. I know it is not her fault and she is so sorry about the situation, but that lives very little for mutual expression of love.

We sleep in separate bedrooms and I have to resort to the same strategy as yours with regard to the relief of my sexual urges...

And yes, like you, my moments of x-dressing do help me, especially since I've opened up to a GG friend who seems happy to spend time talking with me when I'm "en femme".

Big friendly

Eugenie

[Tamara Barclay]

I am 42, my wife is 38, and things have stopped on the intimacy level.
I have thought that she might be "getting it" with someone else, but who knows. I just know I miss being with her. When ever the subject is brought up, she says it is her body image. Now I really do understand, but seeing as she does nothing about loosing weight and improving her self image....geeze.......I just don't know what to do.

[Jodi Lynn]

We too have not had sex in years. It started after the brith of our son 25 years ago. It has been a combonations of things that has cause it. Fear of having another handicapped child, health problems, her self image, being over weight, I was having a problem with getting it up for some time too, so it was both of our problems, but not because of my cd'ing. My wife didn't know about my cd'ing until a little over a year ago. We would have sex every now and then over the years and we both enjoied it and she would say we should do it more, but we never do. It has to be at least 3 years since the last time we had sex. But I still love her and she loves me. In fact Aug. 9th will be our 31st anversarey.

[Angie G]

My wife has medical problesthat cut the sex down and she don't get that close whenI'm derssed but we still have a love life if we did not I 'd still love her and not look for sex form others
Angie G.