Sex Question to all CDs from a curious GG

[kali GG]

Hello everyone,

I apologize in advance if this question seems intrusive, I really don't mean to be rude, but I am making an ongoing effort to understand CDing, specifically as it relates to my husband.

My question is this: Do you feel that CDing is part of your sexuality? For example, my husband, a CD, would prefer to be submissive in bed, "serving" me, as it were. I think most people would agree that has traditionally been the "feminine" role in sex, so I correlate that desire with his dressing in a way.

I wonder if this is very common, or if there are CDs out there who, when it's time to have sex, just "switch", rip the clothes off and have at it, enjoying what society tends to think of as the "masculine" role, the "taker."

So often, I hear, "it's just clothes." I know that for my husband, that's just not true. There is definitely a desire to identify as a woman in bed. How about for you all?

Best wishes,

Kali GG

[emachine39]

Well when I dress my gf won't do anything sexual with me, but that's alright I'm just happy she's handling me dressing as much as she does. I personally enjoy being submissive, whether it's when I'm dressed or not. But at the same time I can be more dominant too.

[Calliope]

There is definitely a desire to identify as a woman in bed. How about for you all?

Yes, I'd go along with that. I'd even say I 'have a headache' most of time as well.

[elizabeth nicole]

Well here goes,I am TS non op which means i feel and think like a woman more than a male.My gf is still confused but has started to understand that I fall in the middle in bed. I enjoy the night when she takes charge and is in complete control,but i also let the male side rule also.It is a fine line some night.What makes it worse is that she is more than 15 years my JR.I think it confuses her some nights and she has started to assume a more domme role.Not your whips and chains type but the more aggressive type,and it is some times very exciting to say the least. I think what your SO may be wanting is to experience something similar.Dont be afraid he just mite open up to you about what he wants.THen it is up to you to decide what he gets. And for some of us they are not just clothes they are our life line,our sanity at times.

[Karren H]

Hmmmmmm. Sex? .......ohhhh SEX! I remember that now!! Hehehe.

Nope. I was always been the maleish one. But then again.... I've never had sex while dressed enfemme!

Love Karren

[Sandygal]

Hi Kali.............If I could make love to my wife dressed up, I wouldn't mind playing either role. I just know that it would highten the whole experience. To all you GG's. If your not sure how the sex would be, try asking your partner to dress up, you might awaken a tiger wearing little Bo Peeps clothes.
TaTa for now
Sandy

[EricaCD]

So the threshold question is "Is CDing part of my sexuality". But from your message, I gather that what you are really asking is: "Does CDing translate into a desire to take on a feminized role during sex?" - with the implicit assumption that a "feminized" role necessarily means a submissive one.

OK, now that I have hopelessly confused the question, for me the answers are "Yes", "I don't know", and "Almost certainly not."

Yes - CDing has a definite sexual aspect to it. For me it's not explicitly sexual, but profoundly erotic.

I don't know - I do not bring any sort of gender-shifting roleplay to bed, as my wife has made it pretty clear that she would not be interested. So I really have no clue as to whether this is something I would wish to do...

Almost certainly not - if I did assume a feminine personality during sex, I am quite sure she would not be submissive. Erica's just not that type of girl.

Does that help? Or should Erica stay away from the keyboard for a while...

Erica

[Dee 1062]

for me, I love being treated like a woman in bed....

[Julie Avery]

Kali, I looked back through your posts to try to get some context, and here's how it looks to me:

What's going on now in your relationship is his exploration of his forbidden side, now for the first time accepted. He's probably interested in nothing other than that, right now.

This exclusive emphasis will probably pass, and I would suggest that you encourage it to pass by perhaps showing him this post, or expressing to him that you have no interest in exclusively playing the role he's asking you to play.

It would certainly help if you could also say that you could be interested in playing that role sometimes in the context of a relationship where you felt comfortable with his masculinity, but I don't know if you can say that. If not, I think the prognosis is grim.

I am speaking to you and your husband's case specifically - in answer to your question about whether all CD's are like your husband, I do not think all CD's are alike, we're pretty diverse. On the other hand, your husband is not alone.

I appreciate, in some small way from my side of the fence, what you are going through, and wish you well. You are welcome to contact me or my partner CherGG privately if you wish.

[kali GG]

to all who have replied so far. I realize I wasn't totally clear: My husband and I have never had sex while he was dressed (although he would love to), I didn't mean to imply that we had. I just noticed his general submissiveness in bed and wondered about the possible relationship to CD.

I know any time we talk about gender stereotypes like "masculine" and "feminine" there are always bound to be as many interpretations of that as there are people...so I'm not trying to suggest that I agree with the traditional view of things...just trying to get the big picture and sometimes to do that you have to make generalizations.

Thanks again,

Kali GG

[Julie York]

Do not mistake submissiveness for someone who likes an easy life.

Choice A: Lie back and have your brains shagged out.

Choice B: Use muscles in your stomach and arms that haven't been used since you last had a jump......and then hope you get your timing right whilst getting friction burns on your knees.


Yeah...I'm submissive. Mostly after 4 pints.

[Janelle Young]

As you have already seen there are some of us that would welcome the submissive role, and some that do not. As for myself I am also into BDSM (whips and chains) and I am a Top. I have no desire to be submissive to anyone at any time. It may surprise you (it did me) just how many men are into being submissive. In the BDSM scene there are a lot of submissive men. I say this to let you know it is more common than you may think. Hope this helps.

[nikisbest]

I have never had the thrill of having sex while dressed, but I would love that.
I mostly HAVE to be the dominant one in bed, try to get to be more dominant, so I can be more submissive. She really don't ( "KNOW WHAT TO DO" ) is her quote to me. Wish she would treat me like a woman, just one time, I think I would love it TOO much.
Niki

[Cherry Lynn]

We have sex with me dressed and I love to be submissive but have no problem with sex when I am in the male mode. My wife loves to treat me like a woman when I am dressed and I love it. I guess what I am trying to say is we like it both ways and we both get turned on by it.

[nettiereno GG]

Like Janelle, we are involved in BDSM. My adora is submissive to me, however, she can be quite dominant in bed, at times. This is fine, as our relationship is not just D/s related, but also includes a full Vanilla relationship.

We have sex while she is dressed, and also while she is not.

The simple answer is that she is both submissive and dominant in bed. Magnificent it is!

Annette

[MarinaTwelve200]

Cross dressing is what some of us guys do for a VARIETY of underlying psychological conditions. While some guys may have a "Fem side" that needs expressing, and all that goes along with that, others, like me, are "escapists" who CD to ocasionally GET AWAY from our normal selves AND/OR "the pressures of masculinity" Itself.

In our case (escapists) it is generally not a "sexual" thing save for the normal hetro attractions to aspects of our own "converted" bodies.---The primary motive is to "to entirely get out of ME" for a while, and de-stress.

Other non sexual CD motives may be the thrill of "risk Taking" (discovery) or curiosity.

[Yes I am]

I have yet to have sex while actually dressed, but yes I do enjoy more of being the "giver" in terms of sexual pleasure rather than the "taker." Maybe it's connected to my transvetism, maybe it's not. I don't really care why.

[Daintre]

I have never had sex while dressed as a woman, however, I was always the submissive one in bed. The problem was compounded because my ex also was not overly dominant in bed, we ended up in a relationship where she was very scornful of me because I did not do my manly duties and initiate sex. My ex was brought up to believe the man was always the initiator.

I wanted to initiate the act, but my self confidence was always real low. Although my ex wasn't dominant in bed.....she was very dominant in all other aspects of our marriage and yes, she certainly was the one who wore the pants while we were married.

[Melanie R]

I do not know if I agree that crossdressing is related to sexuality. Certainly many CD's want to be submissive in bed and many want to be dressed in erotic clothing when making love. For myself I can feel like a woman no matter what I am wearing or if I am being dominant or submissive. The man in me never goes away - if it did I would have gone the SRS route and that would not be fair to my wife. If I remember I believe Peggy and I talked about this same issue as it relates to our life together in the Secret Lives of Women - Married to Crossdressers presentation on WE on August 15 at 9 PM CST. BTW to dispel some incorrect rumors the producer of the upcoming segment on crossdressing talked with five couples before choosing two couples for the final filming. Only one of the couples told the producer that they did not want to appear in this filming and they were from California. The final film is 50 minutes with two couples sharing the 50 minutes after commercial time.

Hugs,

Melanie

[lahr]

Is CDing part of my sexuality?... Usually only when my wife and I are making love. Am I submissive? Only when i'm on my knees and kissing her stockinged feet. I have a huge fetish for nyloned feet and stilleto heels both mine and hers. We often make love while we're both in hose and heels. As of late she enjoyes it as much as I do.... I hope thats not too much information.....Me wearing make up, jewelery, or acting femenine in her presence is a big no no and I respect her limits. When i'm alone and dressed fully en femme its more of a dominant / self assured comfort thing.

[GG Vanya]

Like Janelle, we are involved in BDSM. My adora is submissive to me, however, she can be quite dominant in bed, at times. This is fine, as our relationship is not just D/s related, but also includes a full Vanilla relationship.

We have sex while she is dressed, and also while she is not.

The simple answer is that she is both submissive and dominant in bed. Magnificent it is!

Annette

Ditto to what Janelle and Nettie have said. Trudi is "only" submissive when en femme. This does not mean my husband is *always* submissive in bed, absolutely NOT. <grin> We both are what is known as a "switch" in the BDSM community (meaning we can walk both sides of the road, so to speak, in the "scene" arena). We both have very dominating personalities in our day to day lives: we are both Leos.

I do not dominate "him"~but Trudi is submissive to me. Confusing to be sure, but it affords us a nice variety and balance in our lives, both in and out of the bedroom.

In answer to your question, yes there is an element of submissiveness in the boudoir when Trudi is dressed~in the manner of wishing to "service" me as you so eloquently put it. But this is not always the case.

Hell, I ENJOY being pampered occasionally! If this is not your cup o tea...grab him by the ears, flip him over and growl: We're gonna do this MY way tonight! (and watch him grin from ear to ear!)

P.S. It has been said, by my oh so wise Husband: "Dominance is the ultimate act of submission." Think on this. The dominant partner is responsible for the well being of his/her submissive. So who's taking care of whom?

As a dominant, if it pleases me to "service" my submissive, is that not my right to do so if it brings me pleasure? Perhaps your husband is more dominant than you think. <smile>

[Lissa Stevens]

I would very much like to be the submissive. My wife is very traditional though, so we are very vanilla. I feel the feminine fits me better in or out of bed.

[gretafemme]

I have to say that I enjoy combining both the masculine and feminine energies when being intimate. I enjoy the feelings I get when intimate with a woman, and also enjoy being submissive and receiving pleasure from her as well. The clothing has always been erotic for me as I am very tactile and sensual. I like it on her, and me as well.......if we both are in beautiful sexy lingerie......well.....WOW. The main thing is to enjoy eachother and find what you both get pleasure from. I think I like pleasing my lover better than being pleased...making me a servant type I guess. I can think of nothing more intimate than being two girls together. Good question, and the best to you and your spouse. Greta 0.02

[GG Vanya]

I do not know if I agree that crossdressing is related to sexuality. Certainly many CD's want to be submissive in bed and many want to be dressed in erotic clothing when making love. For myself I can feel like a woman no matter what I am wearing or if I am being dominant or submissive. The man in me never goes away - if it did I would have gone the SRS route and that would not be fair to my wife. If I remember I believe Peggy and I talked about this same issue as it relates to our life together in the Secret Lives of Women - Married to Crossdressers presentation on WE on August 15 at 9 PM CST. BTW to dispel some incorrect rumors the producer of the upcoming segment on crossdressing talked with five couples before choosing two couples for the final filming. Only one of the couples told the producer that they did not want to appear in this filming and they were from California. The final film is 50 minutes with two couples sharing the 50 minutes after commercial time.

Hugs,

Melanie

EXCELLENT point Melanie! This is so very true with Trudi as well. It was very confusing to me at first, until I caught on to a very subtle sign that lets me know, no matter how she's dressed, if she's feeling dominant or submissive.

She has worn a gold chain with a crucifix ever since I met her. If my husband comes to bed, (regardless whether en femme or stark nekkid) without that chain, I know "who" (or which aspect of the person I love so dearly) I'm about to get frisky with! :evil:

When I mentioned this to her, I think it came as a surprise. Not even she had realized she was doing this. It's become a very endearing signal for me, over the years.

[Rikkicn]

My husband and I have never had sex while he was dressed (although he would love to)
Kali GG

I can't help but ask that if you love him and want to be with him then why haven't you had sex while he was dressed? I know you realize how much he wants that.
Understanding the varied and probably complex reasons behind this will lead you to the next level of understanding cding and your relationship with it and with your husband.
If your open to new experiences (especially sexually), love your husband deeply and approach life with curiousity and playfulness then your going to have the time of your life and more orgasms then you will ever want.
If not then you'll have something else.

Just something to think about, no need to answer