Cross-dressing?

[allisonloveslovin]

Hello,

My new boyfriend let me know that he's into women's underthings in a sexual way. It is a new experience for me and I find it super-hot. I can't wait to put one of my dresses on him...but I don't have too much experience with anything between homosexuality and transsexualism. Will his sexual behavior with women's clothing stop there? Can I emotionally attach to him without fear that he will want to surgically become a female? He claims to not wear women's clothing except in the privacy of his own home and while he has a strong feminine character to him, he also strikes me as very masculine at the same time.

I have been doing research and he seems to go beyond a standard panty fetish, but doesn't quite seem be a cross-dresser either. I have the type of mind that will not know peace until I have some semblance of understanding of his inner experience.

Any comments / advise will be infinitely appreciated because I super-like this boy...

[CDLauraNJ]

Many crossdressers maintain both a masculine and a separate feminine side. There are many degrees of transgenderism, plenty of which do not involve the crossdresser wanting to change his anatomy. Hope that helps.

[Michelle Ellis]

Well, you sound like a very nice open-minded person to me Do you have a sister? ok sorry... that's terrible of me.

A pretty opened ended statement tho... my thought... some transsexuals never opt for the 'final' surgery, I am one of those, and I do have some Bi Tendancies... but that does not mean I would not whole heartedly welcome a completely monogamous relationship either.

He sounds pretty open-minded to me too be sure to talk, lots of talk

M

[vbcdgrl]

Hi, Allison. I AM NOT a psychologist, but, my observation is that the majority of CDs DO NOT go as far as GRS(Gender re-assignment surgery). The concensus is that most CDs are heterosexual, and really not interested in becoming female. Also an observation, this doesn't mean that he will not become obsessive about his CDing at some point, and this could cause problems in your relationship. I suggest you read some of the other threads on this subject.

Vikki

[tekla west]

CD is not TS, and there are a lot more CDs than TSs. My guess is that he is a CD type, people who are TS know (or think) from a very early age that they are in the wrong place. He does not sound like that. Enjoy.

[kathy gg]

HI Allison

Welcome to the forum.
I am a gg (genetic girl) married to a cd.

First off congrats on being good-giving & game!

Okay, when I realized that I too had the "hots" for the idea of a guy dressed girly and such...I first started educating myself on the entire spectrum of the tg community. I think the first lesson I learned was - no two crossdressers/transgender people/ are the same. There might be 100 similiaries or enough in common to bring all of them together under that trans banner, but no two are alike in their feelings and their actions and how they got from "a" to "b" in their journey. So what is difficult is using faulty rationality::: "my boyfriend is only into the undies. Therefore he will never want to leave the house dressed up as a woman." Making a jump like that can be wrong half the time. Because *sometimes* that happens and *sometimes* that is not case.

What is really important is to learn as much as you can about all aspects of this community. Then upon learning all the "what if's" then you can start to sort out what your personal boundaries are.

My list was not terribly long but it was firm when I decided to start dating in the community. No hormones/no sex changes/no full time/ & no sex outside of marriage. Everything else was negotiable and open and up for discussion.

There are things you might think you would never do or enjoy {and find you like them} and there are other things which you might learn you are not as open minded about. But the big thing is that you have communication about what and where you are mentally with this. Both parties sharing their feelings and not censoring themselves just to *possibly* not upset the other.

You had two basic questions:

Will his sexual behavior with women's clothing stop there?

Maybe.....or maybe not. Some men change while others stay firm in their believes and sexuality and feelings. You have to look at the WHOLE person. And this is something that will take time. Does being open and honest and really empathetic to other people's feelings come naturally for him? Does he have a moral code of ethics and strong feelings about trust and such? I mean, some men have hearts of gold while others are rusted out and that has nothing to do with crossdressing...but just who they are inside and their conscious has to live with.

Can I emotionally attach to him without fear that he will want to surgically become a female?

I have known and talked to plenty of transexual mtf's who always had a *feeling* yet never actually put any clothing on. Until one day mid-life hit and then they realized that they were living in their wrong body. So a wife who has only known a non-crossdressing spouse suddenly is now living with a potential transexual....talk about no warning! So what *level* he is now really does not dictate what the future holds.

BUT...I would hope that as you get to know him better and see what his goals and dreams are that they include being a male.

Not every crossdressers becomes a transexual and not every transexual started out a crossdresser....I hope that makes some sense to you.

Feel free to pm if you have further questions. I also run a gg only Yahoo group which might help you sort through some of your concerns.

[Debbie GG]

Hi Allison,

I have been married to a cd for 30 years. I don't know about all cd's but certainly some of them stop there. We have a good relationship. If Bernice's dressing is bothering me, she only does it when I'm not around. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. It can be fun to shop for clothes together.

Be open and patient...this could be really good.

Debbie GG

[CheriTV2006]

Allison, You mentioned you find your SO desires for wearing female undergarments superhot. During the first few weeks of my only marriage past (dazzle phase), my wife-to- be and I had me wearing HER panties during our dating with the understanding that having HER undergarment close to me (trying to put it nicely) really got my juices flowiing, and hers. The point is that a happy medium can be found within limits that you BOTH can be comfortable with in a positive way. Take care. Cheri.

[trannie T]

The vast majority of crossdressers are heterosexual. You should have a good relationship with your crossdressing boyfriend, if you're anywhere close to the same size think what it will do for your wardrobe!

[ashlee chiffon]

i sense that you are one of those Gals the look way down the line and try to think out every possible angle and every possible detail to a situation...
i say ... roll with it and see what happens...isn't life an adventure?
ciao!

[Melanie]

Hi Allison,

does your 'boy' have an interest that he just totally loves?.I ask this because in many cases(but not all) men have an interest or hobby aside from crossdresing (lol),that displays and brings out all the masculine tendencies within them naturally.
I know this as I am a musician (drummer/songwriter) and I cannot even think about engaging my musical abilities or create anything fresh whilst in my 'fem mode',let alone getting my male parts removed!.

I know I hold no degrees in psychology but I hope this helps you feel even a little more at ease?,

you sound like a good woman good luck to you both,
hugs,
Melanie

[Angie G]

HI Allison I'm a CD I'm heterosxeual I'v been dressing for close to 50 years married for 38yrs still love my wife love dressing not full time with no plans of eneything other then that no intrest in having dody parts added or removed.
Just a happy man who likes to dress in nice girl things
Angie G.
So welcome to the family.

[older not wiser]

Hi Hon, I'm going to throw my worth in also. I am a cd'er for all my life. I like the way lingerie feels when I am wearing it. When I put on pantyhose on my fresh shaven legs the feeling is incredable. I love the way I can change from male to female!!!!
Your man may have the same feelings but I don't get overall inclination that he wants to undergo SRS(sex re-assignment surgery) This is a VERY big step and a final one at that. I think everyone here would agree that communication is the key here. There should be no "stone unturned", discuss everything.
Keep us updated as to the status of this relationship with regard to his cd'ing and suggest that he join this forum also, OK?

Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

[Lisa Golightly]

When I was a kid I loved the movies. I was lost in them... they fired my imagination... made me... me. As an upshot I dabbled in film. Was taught how to make them, how to light them, how to edit them, how to read them... and now I can't be bothered to watch them. Why?

Sometimes when you look behind something wonderful, and expose all the component parts, what you're left with is a shadow of what it originally was. If you have 'super fun' accept it for that, love it for that, simply enjoy the starlight...

[noname]

My new boyfriend let me know that he's into women's underthings in a sexual way. It is a new experience for me and I find it super-hot.

Shocking, almost makes me wonder if your post is for real.

Will his sexual behavior with women's clothing stop there? Can I emotionally attach to him without fear that he will want to surgically become a female?

Me, like many others have no desire to get surgery.

I have been doing research and he seems to go beyond a standard panty fetish, but doesn't quite seem be a cross-dresser either.

I'm pretty mild myself. Usually womens jeans and cap sleave type t-shirt. So I guess cd's fall at both ends of the spectrum. Not that, that helps much, except to say that not all crossdressers totally feminine.

[Dana]

Think Rubic's Cube, and the seemingly infinite possile outcomes ~ outcomes.

From your post ~ he sounds like an otherwise normal masculine male that likes getting grily from time to time, ~ the two of you could have a lot of fun with this.

Its really not that big of a thing. If he was TS, (transsexual) he probally wouldn't even be with you.

[Carroll]

Hello,

My new boyfriend let me know that he's into women's underthings in a sexual way. It is a new experience for me and I find it super-hot. I can't wait to put one of my dresses on him...but I don't have too much experience with anything between homosexuality and transsexualism. Will his sexual behavior with women's clothing stop there? Can I emotionally attach to him without fear that he will want to surgically become a female? He claims to not wear women's clothing except in the privacy of his own home and while he has a strong feminine character to him, he also strikes me as very masculine at the same time.

I have been doing research and he seems to go beyond a standard panty fetish, but doesn't quite seem be a cross-dresser either. I have the type of mind that will not know peace until I have some semblance of understanding of his inner experience.

Any comments / advise will be infinitely appreciated because I super-like this boy...

I am some what confused. five minutes after you posted this question you posted this in another thread

Gender is primarily an assignment that stems from your reproductive anatomy (sex). Society, in general, just uses it to know what to expect from you. It is merely to simplify a very complex social world. If you were rebellious, you would choose neither but that may not be true based on sex, unless you were a hermpahodite (SP). However, you could choose whichever biological sex you are (assuming you are not a hermaphodite) as a reference point and just allow people who spiritually connect you to recognize both you masculine and feminine qualities.

Just an observation

[allisonloveslovin]

I am some what confused. five minutes after you posted this question you posted this in another thread



Just an observation

Hey there,

I wanted to quote your whole post, but I couldn't quite figure out that function...I guess I still need to work on becoming more technologically savy, but I did want to thank you for pointing out the inconsistency between the two posts.

I am a student of Sociology and have been very interested in 'non-normative' sexuality and recently wrote a paper about transexualism and 'Spoiled Identity Management'. I used research and an extensive hands-on interview of one transsexual to argue that sex-gender-sexuality are three seperate entities, each of which has its own continuum, but are socially treated as one entity (S-G-S), shaped in a lateral way (birth sex delegates gender categorization which defines expectations of the said individuals sexuality). If an individual experiences an 'inconsistency' in any one of these areas, they will have a 'Spoiled Identity'. I stated that one way to 'manage' the 'spoiled identity' when gender was not reflected by sex was to alter sex to reflect gender.

The second post you referenced was basically a synopsis of my paper conclusion. I felt that altering sex to reflect gender was a band-aid fix and a better solution was to reconstruct the socialization process in a way where there was not an interdependency between sex-gender-sexuality and that each entity was allowed its own variabiliity. Now, that being said, in Sociology, and likely other human 'sciences', there exist this idea of praxis - the idea that a theory is worthless unless it lends purpose in real life experiences.

It's very comfy to be open-minded in theory, but I haven't really had the real-life experiences to execute the concepts in practice, until now. I am pretty much in a place of believing that I created the experience that I am having with him, in a spiritual sense, by being committed to gaining understanding and then empathy for something that once frightened me (i.e.: transsexualism). It's like, God or a higher power or the energy of the universe or whatever, was like, "Are you really committed to equality? Are you REALLY committed to full-expression of the spirit? Practice it - here you go!" And here I am, but emotionally, I was still socialized with a foundation of S-G-S and I still respond to that socialization although I make an attempt to filter it through the 'academic' knowledge that I have been gifted with. And with the emotionally dysfunctional make-up I have which includes an intensive need to be told that everything is OK.

So, while it may appear that I am being a bit hypocritical, my heart is really to line up my actions with the values rooted in equality that I've grown to love.

[HaleyPink2000]

It's great you came here to ask questions. Thats a big pluss toward fixing any problems in your relationship.

Thanks fior being that type a person!

I'm sure the other Girls have answered your question quite well.

[tekla west]

Not to make too fine a point here, so I will not - as a PhD in the Liberal Arts, most academics view Sociology as more or less pure bunk. Little more than the academic equivalent of Gerber Strained Peas compared to an 8 course French nouvelle cuisine dinner prepared by Alice Waters. To wit:

"an extensive hands-on interview of one transsexual to argue"

anything that depends on the views on one person, and one person only, to arrive at a theory or premise is mere speculation, conjecture and leaping to conclusions without any real basis in fact. All you have there is one anicodotal bit, and nothing to back it up. But hey, the footnotes must have been pretty easy.

the good Dr. West, Phi Beta Kappa / Phi Kappa Phi

P.S. Real life is not an academic exersize, as any real academic will tell you

[Megan72]

Allison, Thank you for being one of the understanding. I can't speak for anyone else, but I am hetro, and have no desire to be anything other than me. My wife and I are completely happy and open with each other. It is possible and maybe not as uncommon as we think to be happy in this type of relationship.

I think that the first key is to be COMPLETELY open and honest with each other. CD's have a tendancy to hide it and maybe not be as upfront as they should. Your BF sounds like he is open and that is good. Foster that openess and give him the space he needs to disclose everything as he needs too.

Giving him a nice girly gift now and then doesn't hurt either.