Dilemma! Do I Or Don't I?

[Girly Sara]

Hey girls!

I hope you can help me, please as i have a potential dilemma coming up which i need some advice on.

Was having a pub lunch with some real girls i work with yesterday and we got on to the subject of arranging a social night out. Well, one of the girls said: "It'd be great to have a girly night out...and with Alan!" (my male name) I think a lot of the people in my work place know there's something different about me. Waxed eyebrows, manicured nails and tinted eye lashes are a bit of a giveaway and i'm always showing interest in clothes and accessories the girls have, as well as commenting on their nails lol

Well, here's the dilemma. I'd soooo love to go out dressed as Sara with my workmates (99.9% of which are female) but i'm worried how they may react. The thing is, i soooo wanna be the true ME with them. I could always mention that i'd like to come out as 'one of the girls for a laugh' BUT i wouldn't want it to be seen 'as a laugh' if you know what i mean? Plus, they'd know i wasn't just doin' it for a laugh when they saw the effort i'd made to look as good as possible.

So girls, any ideas and/or wise words for me, please?

Hope to hear from you soon!

Hugs from Sara xxxx

[older not wiser]

Hi Sara, Let me say this, is there a workmate of yours that you are especially close to? Is she close to you? The reason being this, if indeed there is ask her if she would become really upset if she knew that you dressed. If she asks why then have her come to your place(living alone here is very important) and show her how you would look. This in itself might really lead to a smoother road so to speak. If on the other hand she becomes upset with the prospect of seeing you dressed then just ask her why she agreed to it in the first place. Honesty and communication is its own reward, it may not seem so but it really is, GOOD LUCK

Love; BonnieAnne:GE:


PS: You look really lovely from the pic you posted, you really are a beautiful woman!!!!!

[Julie York]

Go on a girls night out. Or several preferably.


Then when they accept you as one of the girls you can go as a girl.

[sparks]

Can't really say cause I've never been in this situation. Hell I'm chicken to come out to my sister who loves me alot. Hopefully time will reveal your course of actions for you. Go to the girl's nite anyway. Who knows a make-over might happen for "laughs" and it could go from there.

[Sophia Rearen]

Well, Sara, one of the toughest things to do is, how are you going to bring up the subject again? I'd say, "I'm sorry, ________ , I am a little confused by what you said at the pub, about going out for a girls night." If she repeats it in a similar fashion as in the pub, you may want to ask, "what did you have in mind?" My advice, go for it. To be one of the girls at work, is like a cders dream. If you don't, You may hate living with this lost opportunity.

[Eugenie]

Humour is often a good way to approach this type of dilema.

Couldn't you ask your coleagues, or at least one of them, on a friendly jocking tone: "About the nights with girls, will It be necessary that I come dressed as a girl?" and see how they react? If there is any doubt, don't do it. On the contrary, if your coleague(s) seem to like the idea, why not give it a try?

When I came out to an excellent GG friend of mine, I used a similar strategy and it turned out she was very accepting. Three days later she visited me and I welcomed her "en femme".

Of course in the situation that you describe, there will be more than one person in the loop... There is always the risk that one of them could take it badly and that could make your work athmosphere quite unconfortable.

But you said that you were already considered somewhat different from the rest of the men, after all, they invited you to a "Girl's night out" didn't they? They may have already some hints about you...

I hope it will go well for you.

Eugenie

[Karren H]

Try sounding them out ahead of time to gage their reaction and if they react poorly then go as a male....

Love Karren

[Stephanie Miller]

Haven't been to the UK Sara, but if your gg's are anything like the gg's here in the states.... they notice a crossed eyelash at 50 paces, let alone dyed waxes an manacured! But let's just assume for the sake of the post that they all let their guards down when just looking your way. O.K.?
You can always wait until they bring it up directly to you, then say something like "If Patrick Swayze was man enough to be a woman [SIZE="2"](To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything)[/SIZE], then I'm game - what did you have in mind?"
Let them take the lead on filling you in on their "ladiesroom talk" in regards to how much they suspect. If it doesn't work out - there's always HALLOWEEN!

[Jessica Brekke]

Go on a girls night out. Or several preferably.


Then when they accept you as one of the girls you can go as a girl.

That sounds like the most sensible approach, to me. Go, have fun, let them have fun around you, then if everyone seems accepting, take the next step, and ask them (or maybe just one to start) how they'd feel about it.

As excited as you might be right now, I promise you, none of them are expecting you to show up in a skirt and heels. Surprising them by showing up that way, and forcing them to deal with it before they can get accustomed to the idea, could really upset your friends, and make them uncomfortable with you.

If they're really your friends, you should consider their feelings before doing anything. If they're not their friends, why would you want to dress around them, to begin with?

[gwenrob43]

Right on Julie, the idea of sounding them out is really important. Some of the group may feel okay with your dressing, others might be either offended or at least uncomfortable, especially if you have to visit the ladies room during the evening.

[connie rotten]

Some girls have all the luck. You have all the looks and the luck to boot. You should go.

[tekla west]

I like the idea of going as a guy being just one of the girls first, it would be a great way to get a better grip on what they think. Because ... given a group, there is always one. In this case one who will accept you, and one who will not. So go and get the scorecard, then you know who the players are.

[Di]

I like the idea of going as a guy being just one of the girls first, it would be a great way to get a better grip on what they think. Because ... given a group, there is always one. In this case one who will accept you, and one who will not. So go and get the scorecard, then you know who the players are.

This kinda sums up what my answer was after ready your post,,,,,go enjoy yourself

[Wombat]

And don't imagine you can go dressed and get away with telling them it was a once off. As soon as they notice that the makeup is well done, that the clothes work, etc, they'll realise this was more than a once off.

Go as Alan. Have a great time. Get accepted into the social group and wait for the opportunity to tell them about Sara. It might even come within the first five minutes ("We expected you to wear a dress". "Oh, would that have been a problem?")

[lynn27]

Was having a pub lunch with some real girls i work with yesterday and we got on to the subject of arranging a social night out. Well, one of the girls said: "It'd be great to have a girly night out...and with Alan!" (my male name) I think a lot of the people in my work place know there's something different about me. Waxed eyebrows, manicured nails and tinted eye lashes are a bit of a giveaway and i'm always showing interest in clothes and accessories the girls have, as well as commenting on their nails lol

Well, here's the dilemma. I'd soooo love to go out dressed as Sara with my workmates (99.9% of which are female) but i'm worried how they may react. The thing is, i soooo wanna be the true ME with them. I could always mention that i'd like to come out as 'one of the girls for a laugh' BUT i wouldn't want it to be seen 'as a laugh' if you know what i mean? Plus, they'd know i wasn't just doin' it for a laugh when they saw the effort i'd made to look as good as possible.

Hugs from Sara xxxx

Sara;

All you need to do is ask the girl that mentioned it when the girls' night out is and maybe ask what you should wear.... How did the other girls react?

You say they know, "there's something different about me. Waxed eyebrows, manicured nails and tinted eye lashes..." Seems they know and accept Sara already. You just need to go out with them as Alan and add one or two things beyond what they have seen. Maybe a lightly padded bra and pretty earings. See how they react to that and you should be on your way.

I read somewhere recently that most women are OK with a transgender co-worker. it is the 0.1% male co-worker that you need to worry about.

Sounds like you're in for a fun night

Lynn

[Roberta Lynn]

I like the idea of going as a guy being just one of the girls first, it would be a great way to get a better grip on what they think. Because ... given a group, there is always one. In this case one who will accept you, and one who will not. So go and get the scorecard, then you know who the players are.

I agree. I think that's the best idea. Hope it works out for you.

[KateW]

I agree that it's probably best to come clean first (when you feel comfortable of course). I'm sure that any girl would agree at first if you suggested dressing as a woman, but they would probably just think you are joking, and not actually going to go through with it. Trust me - I joke a lot about it! :-)

Whatever you decide to do, good luck and keep us updated!

[Barb Valentine]

Hi Sara
Theres has to be one or two of the girls from work that you can
trust ,just ask them that they thought of you coming as Sara

Barb

[Joy Carter]

Sara girls are gossips( no gender slam here) and I fear for your social/work life . This could be the best thing for Sarah or the worst thing for Allan.

[noname]

I recommend against it. Simply because of work people involved. Most likely, one or more the girls will not be comfortable. Additionally, it could very negatively affect your career. While your not at work, you really are in a sense.

If it were me, I'd be glad I was invited. I'd go as guy and have fun for the day. Really, nothing wrong with a day of fun.

[Rachel Morley]

This sorta happened to me once a few years ago. It wasn't a night out on the town but I did get invited to a friends party at her house. I asked her who else was going to be there and she then reeled of a list of names and they were all women (most of whom I knew). When I said "what, I'm gonna be the only guy?" she said "well, you can be an honoury girl that night, you practically are anyway" then she jokingly said I should wear a skirt. Well, needless to say, I didn't wear a skirt but I did go to the party and I had an awesome time. I did wear a rather girly t-shirt and jeans I remember.

I think that unless you know for sure that everyone will be totally ok with it, I'd play it safe and just be "Girly Alan" not "Girly Sara" (for this time anyway)

[Calliope]

Well, here's my endorsement of the middle of the road.

Go as Sara - and dress down.

All ladies wear slacks (jeans, cords, chinos) and just grab a shirt and go from time to time. Minimal makeup, just enough to look like Sara to yourself. Tennies instead of heels, and so on. Then go and be Sara - your co-workers will most likely be delighted to see the best Alan they ever saw.

Then hope they invite you again. You can always dress with more color ... the next time.

[Scotty]

I have an old saying about dating in the workplace, and it may be VERY applicable here too: Never poop where you have to eat!

Reason I say it is that lets say you do come out to them and tell them - potentially it could be a career destroyer...........that's the decision you have to make - if it's not and you KNOW It's not - well go for it!!!

For me it's caution first and foremost, but then I dont' tend to socialize with people I work with, not often anyway but we all get along good...

[ToyGirl]

i'd say they allready know

[Jasmine Ellis]

I think they already know. So just go and ask them and see what they say.