Failure?? No way Angel, you have been my HERO (heroine?) for a long long time! You have done many things I have only dreamed of, so I don't ever want to hear that word from you again! I have some suggestions that may make your next time go a little easier, drop me a PM and maybe we can discuss them...
And just for you - a great big
DanaJ
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
The biggest problem with most of us is that we tend to take ourselves way too seriously. Once I stopped doing that and just started enjoying being who I am, I lightened up. I'm Ericka for myself mostly, no one else. If others don't like what I look like--too bad! I'm happy anyway. I'm not out to impress anyone or trying to get some kind of "passing grade" from society, just looking to feel good about myself. Seems like everyone is a critic nowadays, especially people who haven't worn the other person's shoes (literally). As crossdressers, we have a lot of fortitude in more ways than one. Let's just stop worrying about the rest of the wacked out world and celebrate who we are, even if it's just in a personal way. Having friends to talk to like on the Forum helps. Take care, Ericka
You are far from a failure. You have done more than I would ever do in 10 life times. You found yourself a great woman to be with. It just wasn't the right timing for what you were trying to do. You were pushing your self a bit to hard and it came back to bite you in the A@#. So hold your head up high and continue to be our idol. You and Marla are the greatest.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
The other people in the saloon have got the problem if they can be so rude.
You look great to me.
Well done for giving it a go,
Angel, A failure you are not. Remember, a walk of a thousand miles starts with one step.
I have been out en femme 3 times. Each time it was driving a car. I got out once, in the dark, no one around and lasted about 5 minutes.
What you did takes a lot of courage. Next time maybe you could say "Sorry Ladies, I am having a break from movies at the moment". The 1000 yard stares can be very daunting. But never give up, you have broken the ice, now melt it.
[SIZE="3"]Hugs Andrea[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]'BUILD A BRIDGE, AND GET OVER IT'[/SIZE]
you got more guts than I got
Love as always Jasminexxxxxxxx
Angel, I am not sure what contitutes being a failure as a crossdresser. You seem to have only failed to accomplish one goal that you set for yourself.
I often wonder why we care so much about the appoval of strangers. You have the most important approval of all, that of a loving and supportive wife.
I believe that you will have your nails done with Marla. I'd bet money on your success. Keep your nails clean and your head up.
That is probably one of the most profound statements I have had the pleasure of hearing lately. Thanks!Originally Posted by Lisa Golightly
All normal feelings, girlfriend. My thoughts were similar to Tekla's. You may feel as if you failed, however, I would look at positively. You walked into a room and immediately felt uncomfortable or frightened. Happens to women every minute of every day. So, I'd say congratulations on discovering more of your fem side.
Also, trying to force an outing has disaster written all over it. Sometimes our schedules dictate our dressing. This schedule may or may not be in tune with your feminine feelings. Been there, done that. Your attitutude will show. If your female spirit isn't showing, chances are you'll appear as a man in a dress. Smart move not going the first time.
I went enfemme to the Mall of America this winter. The first hour and a half everything was great, and then? I don't know exactly what happened but I was being read like crazy. Teenage girls, "hey man", they shouted. Black guy, walking out of a salon while waiting for his girlfriend takes a look of shock at me and say's, "whoa". Does an about face and returns to the salon. By the time I pass the salon windows, all eyes on Sophia. Yes, it kind of ruins the fun. It's part of playing the part, I guess.
Know this though, you never know what to expect. I go to a regular salon and get my toenails done. The first time I went enfemme, I was treated fabulously. As I chatted with the techs, they introduced me to the client. She was fascinated by me. She was a sweetheart and I love when she called me "she". The immediate next client was an administrator at one time for the Pittsburgh hospital that does a major amount of SRS surgeries. We had quite the chat.
You have every right to go and and be you. Here's to a better experience next time. You go girl.
Last edited by Sophia Rearen; 08-08-2006 at 09:52 PM.
[SIZE=4]Sophia[/SIZE]
Last Sunday you couldn't get out of the house but you were still willing to try it next time. Sunday you got inside the salon and left shortly thereafter but you're still willing to try it next time. All this while feeling like a failure. That, Angel, is the definition of courage. It doesn't take courage to do what's easy.
Thank you for sharing your story. You're right, we do need to hear that it's not all a bed of roses. Hopefully the next time I go to do something that scares me I can find the same courage in me that you have.
Androgynes: the quantum bits of the gender binary.
Well Ladies we need to hold our beer steines up high for both Marla and Angel.
When we read about outtings the people have made, the details are always noted. I think that because of our nervousness we pick up on every little thing. Those stares and looks may have seemed harsher than they were and the amped up adrenalin exagerated the feeling. Perhaps a big smile and a friendly hello could have melted a few.
Anyway, there aren't many times when I have set out to do something - anything - and nailed it the first time. I guarantee you, next time you walk into the salon and you will, the owner is going to warmly welcome you and usher you to a seat b/c he wants you there and feeling comfortable.
Now, make a date with Marla and take her out and treat her like the loving wife she is.
[SIZE="4"]Gina - Girl[/SIZE]
Angel, Over time you will be amazed at how much confidence you can achieve. For girls like me passing is never a possibility, I get read as a big guy in a dress consistantly but choose to respond to those people with a big smile. Most time s I get a smile back. Try scoping out a few salons and see when they are busy. First thing in the morning is when I have had good experiences
There are nail salons on every corner. Try to carry on a conversation and develope a relationship with a nail tech so the next time you can call and make an appointment and be able to come in and sit down.
Good luck on your next attempt. It is so worth it to have those sexy fingers and toes.
Angel wow ok the good ..... the bad ... it's all part of what makes us , us ...you know something when we read posts abought people going out and doing things with all good responces we think wow we should all be out enjoying that sorta thing as well .... this thread was wicked cool on your part .... it showed us all one thing ..... your a person and thats a good thingy ..
I think I would have acted the same way as you did, Marla, except I haven't even had the courage to even attempt to enter a salon yet. Walking amongst other people (such as in a store or on the street) is one thing, but envisioning oneself sitting in a manicurist's chair with all eyes upon you (how rude, btw!), is quite another. Gads, I would hate to think of you as a failure -- what you do totally surpasses what I've been able to accomplish!
May I suggest you try your first visit in a salon with private rooms? Perhaps Marla could scout some local places and see if there is one that will afford you a bit of privacy, away from prying eyes. A friend of mine visits salons quite regularly, and the ones she goes to have such rooms and she has a marvelous time, even though she is otherwise totally in the closet.
Meanwhile, pat yourself on the back for getting as far as you did!
Last edited by Sharon; 08-09-2006 at 07:11 PM.
Angel
You are not a failure
A bad experience is almost certain to happen at some time
You achieve a lot more than most girls here will in a lifetime
Remember they lost two customers due to there intollerance
Marla handled the situation very well and remember to thank her properly
Don't fret. The only reason this hasn't happened to me is because I have never gotten close to going out in such an intimate environment. Seriously, if I publicized every time I chickened out, backed off or got lazy about dressing there would be no room left on this forum for anyone else.
You absolutely should not be so hard on yourself. I think this is all part of the process of learning who that femme person is who periodically stares back at us from the mirror.
Take a deep breath, try to identify what specifically bothered you about that environment, and then start rebuilding your confidence. I know you will do so!
Best,
Erica
For photos on flickr, my user name is cd_erica_f
Angel,
I can see how you wanted to leave but by that same reason you are lucky to have an understanding spouse that was with you.
One that supports whatever outfits you want to wear and goes shopping with you also.
For those of us that don't have that understanding spouse or other, it scares the hell out of me, but I am finding I do want to go out and about dressed as a woman. It something that just feels right if you know what I mean, but like Tclosetgirl. I will hit the gay bars up this early fall through late winter when it get a little darker early in the evening around here.
Sharon
It is ironic that this is the first thread I read today. This past Saturday I went to a place that I have attended scores of times without incident, always en femme. A 30 something gay guy was there, a first timer. He got in my face and said that I was the worst looking 'tranny' that he had ever seen, and that I couldn't pass in a million years! I yawned, turned my back on him, and rejoined a group of friends that are closer to my age of @ 70. (Here's a tip - the older one gets the more challenging it is to 'pass', in my opinion.) As long as I don't get mugged or arrested, I really could care less how others 'read' me. I know how I FEEL when I am dressed. Passing is the second priority for me over that feeling!
I go to the manicurist @ ever 2 weeks, en drab. I get my nails acryliced and clear polished, and every other time I also get a pedicure, pink polish on the toe nails. When I enter the shop, which is a large one in a busy shopping area, I get a few glances. I immediately strike up conversations with the GGs near at hand, and after I get situated they don't seem to notice that a male is getting 'the works'.
So have a nice glass of wine, kick your feet up as mine are now, maybe even have a nice cry, then get over it. I have already told my friends that I will return at the next scheduled get together. If that boor is there and doesent like it, as we say in the US, he can go pound salt up his a**!
When your aiming at the bullseye but the rounds aren't hitting, you shift your point of aim. If "passing" is the true measure of success for a cross dresser, then I'm a miserable failure also. We can get together, gather up all of our beautiful and lovingly collected dresses and shoes, throw them in a heap, and have a big tranny bon-fire, make some SMORES and commiserate...nahhh
At least you have the Nerve to go out..I can only envy those who have a chance of doing it and doing it well..
Sarah R.
Every time I walk down the street, I see every eye on me.
Every time they look at me, I wonder, who do they see?
Perfection in disguise,with regimes and alibis.
The girl in the mirror , isn't the same as the girl in my heart
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Angel, thank you for letting us know that even the most out girls still get scared sometimes. I have chickened out many times, even when I'm shopping in drab. Some days I just don't feel as girly and that affects my attitude. Its almost like my girly mojo is gone on those days. I want to go to a salon to get my fingers and piggies done, but I'm too chicken.
-Katrina
It's the shoes...
...putting the "T" in GLBT.
The world would be a better place if everybody learned yoga...
Rated "TG"...for some gender bending
Trust your instincts. If you feel nervous about a situation before you even attempt it, then it is only something to be ignored if it is a background 4 out of 10. Everyone gets a bit nervous about a new situation or challenge. But anything higher that 4 out of 10 is your own self telling you it is not a good idea....or you're in a situation you somehow can't get out of and it's terrifying.
You KNEW it was not a good idea and that you weren't ready before you walked through the door.
We all have things we "would like to have done" for some kudos or a tick in a box but attempting them too early is disastrous. Your own instinct was telling you that.
Next time.....wait until YOU want to do it and it will work out differently.
I do sincerely hope that when you feel good about the idea that you will have a better experience and it'll be a great success.
Good luck. You have more guts than me.
Angel, sorry to hear about the trip to the salon, and that it didn't work out for you, the way you and Marla were hoping for. But i will tell you this, you are not a failure. If you want to feel like a failure, walk in my shoes sometime.
Angel, A failure--NO. Still gaining confidence--YES. It is called taking the course in confidence 101. In my early days of going out, I was petrified when someone looked at me. Then I realized that, if I looked away, I was just drawing more attention to myself. If I get the "bugeye look", I just face the person and give a big smile. That will disarm anyone most all of the time. It's feeling and acting like a woman when out, and you only get that from doing it over and over again in many places and situations.
Keep at it. The comfidence will come.
Jodi
Jodi, you bring up a point that I have not mentioned. Many people in retail wear name tags. Before I do anything else, I look at their name tag and say "How are you today Jenny?" Practice it in your male role first. When you feel comfortable doing that in your male role, start doing it in the femme role. You will be surprised at just how it works. It doesn't matter what they think, you are on the "attack" and have put them in a mode where they just have to be nice to you!
Cindi
Posting Permissions
