Miss Controversy strikes again......

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi All,

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

2) If so, are we adding to the problem by hiding in the closet? Do we not only have a right but also a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for?

For me the answers are 1) no, so that I don't have to answer 2)
Unfortunately I'd really like to answer 1) yes but that causes me problems with 2)

What about you? Please keep your response to this post and any other responses civil. Everyone is entitled to their own view and everyone's situation is different.

Thanks

Em

[suzy]

Hi Emma,

I believe that we do have a right to live as we wish, without fear, judgements, and condemation. Unfortunately some in society may not agree.

We maybe adding to the problem by hiding in the closet or we maybe causing different problems by coming out. This is a personal choice which we all must decide based on a multitude of variables.

I don't believe that we have a duty to declare, loudly or softly, who we are. It's a personal choice.

In some cases, it would be wonderful for the person to come out of the closet but in other cases it would only cause more problems.....

So I say, let it be a personal choice until we have a more tolerant and accepting society, which will come in time.

[jozee]

yes we should have a right to live our lives as we wish,
which includes living in the closet, if that is our desire!

[Julogden]

Hi All,

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

2) If so, are we adding to the problem by hiding in the closet? Do we not only have a right but also a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for?

For me the answers are 1) no, so that I don't have to answer 2)
Unfortunately I'd really like to answer 1) yes but that causes me problems with 2)

What about you? Please keep your response to this post and any other responses civil. Everyone is entitled to their own view and everyone's situation is different.

Thanks

Em

Hi Em,

Why do you feel that we don't have the right to live our lives as we want to?

My answer to the first question is Yes, and Yes to the second question too. Regarding whether we have a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for, my answer to that would be Yes, with qualifications.

Unfortunately, there are some situations that require us to stay stealthy, so a blanket policy of coming out to everyone isn't practical, at this point in time anyway.

I think it's our duty to come out as much as we safely can, given each individuals unique situation and life.

Easier said than done, I know. Very few people outside of T community friends know about me, but I'm working to change that and I hope to come out to close friends and family soon.

The more positive examples we can show to the general public, the less scary and unknown we become, a first step in becoming a normal part of everyday life.

Carol

[Marla S]

1.) Yes we have a right to, as we don't harm* anybody and maybe would become better humans.

(*They only harm you can construct results from the breach of norms. This may cause worries of our loved ones. Here we have the duty to take their worries into account. But as we and they also have the duty to not harm us, we have to find compromises)

2.) Yes for two main reasons.
First, our SOs have to have the chance to know about our complete personality. That demands fairness and honesty.
Secondly, hiding in the closet contributes to the ugly (pervert) image that causes our problems and that we have to get rid of.
You know the phrase "If you don't have anything to hide, why you do". Hiding makes things suspicious and wrong.

[SherriePall]

My cousin Marla made a valid point with her statement that "hiding in the closet contributes to the ugly (pervert) image that causes our problems." That's true because the more of us out there and making ourselves known, the more the general population will see that we are more like them than they previously thought. Sure, there will be some of us not representing CDing in its best light, but if more of us are out, then others will see that those are not representative of us as they would not be representative of the general population.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Em, My answers are: Yes to # 1, No to #2 as we don't have to account to anyone for who we are. Ericka

[ReginaK]

Hi All,

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

2) If so, are we adding to the problem by hiding in the closet? Do we not only have a right but also a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for?

For me the answers are 1) no, so that I don't have to answer 2)
Unfortunately I'd really like to answer 1) yes but that causes me problems with 2)

What about you? Please keep your response to this post and any other responses civil. Everyone is entitled to their own view and everyone's situation is different.

Thanks

Em

1. Yes.
2. Yes, yes.

[susiej]

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

Yes, Emma, and "living our lives as we want" includes staying in the closet, if that's what we think is best. And "without fear of condemnation or prejudice" certainly includes from "straight" society who might gasp or chuckle at a guy wearing a dress. But, it also includes reproach or unwelcome prodding from other t-girls whose nerviness or personal situation supports coming out, whereas ours do not.

To paraphrase the famous saying, "in order to fully understand a girl, you must first walk a mile in her spike heels" . With respect, I do not recognize any duty to sacrifice my personal life and tranquility at home for the "cause" of transgender acceptance. I applaud those who do come out, but we all do not have the ability to be overt warriors in this particular revolution.

Hugs,
Susie

[gennee]

Hi All,

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

2) If so, are we adding to the problem by hiding in the closet? Do we not only have a right but also a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for?

For me the answers are 1) no, so that I don't have to answer 2)
Unfortunately I'd really like to answer 1) yes but that causes me problems with 2)

What about you? Please keep your response to this post and any other responses civil. Everyone is entitled to their own view and everyone's situation is different.

Thanks

Em

[SIZE="3"]Every one has a right to live their life. No one has the right to deny others from doing that. In response to the second question that is a personal choice to each indidvidual. Only my spouse knows that I crossdress but I do go out in public because I believe that people need to see us. There's people out there who want to go out but may need a little encouragement.

Gennee [/SIZE]

[Charleen]

Hi Em, In an ideal world the answer to both would be yes. Is this an ideal world? I don't think so, so we all have to follow our own hearts and minds. As far as #2 goes, I am always affecting a feminine appearance, even in drab. My nails are log, manicured, and clear polished, my ears are pierced, my hair is long, wear plenty of jewelry,ect.. This is my small way to let the unwashed know there are some who do not play by their fashion rules. It works for me and i'm not advocating it for everyone, though that would be nice. I know we all have our own situations and must behave accordingly. Today, I'm comfortable, and I'm to old to feel uncomfortable. Love and xxxx, Lily

[btmgrl6]

Yes we have the right to do as we please.....all ya need is the nerve to do it

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

2) If so, are we adding to the problem by hiding in the closet? Do we not only have a right but also a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for?

Everyone has the God/nature given right to live as they want, but fear of condemnation and prejudice are part of society.
It's a part that needs to be destroyed, but if one wants to overcome these things, one must be willing to weild the proper tools to bring about change and establish themselves as fearless and worthy of life among the mainstream.

Hiding is not detrimental to the image. There is a simple saying, "out of sight out of mind". I think it applies here. While we do have a right to declare whatever we believe, this right does not transcend itself and become responsibility.

[HaleyPink2000]

Living as we want to or would wish to? That's the question...

Now as we would want to takes into consideration others, their feelings, and all the things in our lives that affect us.

As we would wish to does not.

Everything around us affects our answers to these questions. Being married is the biggest one. Having children is the next, etc.

Yeah, sometimes I just would like to let the world know so I would be able to just go do as I would wish. But to be real over this. That would affect to many people in very bad ways.

Nice thred. Thanks!

[Jasmine Ellis]

we all have the right. So I say yes. we are not harming anyone in anyway at all

[RikkiOfLA]

Hi Emma,

I believe the answer to the first question is Yes. And that applies to crossdressers as equally as it applies to everyone else who is doing nothing to harm anyone else.

The second question is one that each individual has to answer for herself. For many of us who are out of the closet, it is an honor to be able to educate the public from time to time. But I also realize that those who are in the closet have a heavy responsibility too. And it is usually due to their praiseworthy sensitivity for the feelings of spouses, children, and parents, that they remain in the closet. As a result, those in the closet are constantly at risk (even when not dressed). This is a sacrifice they make willingly, out of love for others. And it's a heavy sacrifice.

Love and respect,
Rikki

Hi All,

1) Do we have a right to live our lives as we want, without fear of condemnation or prejudice?

2) If so, are we adding to the problem by hiding in the closet? Do we not only have a right but also a duty to declare loudly who we are and what we stand for?

For me the answers are 1) no, so that I don't have to answer 2)
Unfortunately I'd really like to answer 1) yes but that causes me problems with 2)

What about you? Please keep your response to this post and any other responses civil. Everyone is entitled to their own view and everyone's situation is different.

Thanks

Em

[Casey Morgan]

1) Yes, but NOBODY is there yet. It doesn't matter who you are or what makes you "different", nobody can yet live a life free from the fear of comdemnation or prejudice.

2) I think our guiding principle here should be the same as the medical community's: first do no harm. Nobody is required to be the poster child for the transgender community, just as nobody is required to be the poster child for any communmity. George Takei (Mr. Sulu from Star Trek) has been publicly "out" as a gay man for less less than a year. Can anyone honestly say that he's hurt the gay community by not publicly coming out sooner?