Shown how to feel good......

[Vera Lynn]

But told to feel bad.



Anyone here ever been betrayed by someone you trusted?
Someone who told others about your secret desire to dress as a woman?
My soon to be ex wife did just that, for no other reason than to hurt me
She does not want the divorce, so she knew that the one thing she could do to me to hurt more than anything was to tell everyon my little secret.
She told all my friends, 4 of my 5 kids, my employees, siblings, in-laws, and anyone else in our community who would listen to her.
It was devastating. I honestly contemplated suicide for a while.
I just knew I could not face anyone ever again, not knowing if they knew my secret.
At first she said she only told 5 people, and we tried to get back together. I overheard a conversation last week with her and her sister here she was laughing at me, saying how stupid I as to think she had only betryad me with 5 people, when in fact she had told everyone she could.
I could not believe it. it still seems surreal

I am coming to terms with it though. It seems that practically all who I have talkd to since then are very supportive and accepting of it (at least to my face)
I have started counciling and have moved forward with my divorce after a marriage of over 20 years

My life has changed so much in the last couple of months

I am so happy to have found this place

[GypsyKaren]

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of letting it bother you, because that's what she wants. There's nothing wrong with you, so face everyone with your head held high and a smile on your face.

Karen

[Calliope]

Remembering my (first) (and nasty) divorce (22 years ago), I would say some women just have to follow a scorched earth path when they are hurt. If it makes you feel any better (and it's understandable you don't want to understand anything, or feel better, right now), the high outrageousness of the betrayal indicates the depth of the hurt - therefore love - you ex is feeling. Not that her love is redeeming anymore; when love becomes contaminated, it becomes its opposite.

Sunrises for you ahead.

Pride in your diverse self is the way through your outing. Remember, the CD you is still you - it's all of the 'old' you ... plus some additional flavors that are groovy.

[Vera Lynn]

I know, but it is hard. I run a construction company and have always been this real, well you know, manly type

I try no to show her how much it hurt me, but she knows, she knew for 21 years that it would kill me to have people know.

I do know I will be ok
It is just going to take a while

[christine55]

It will turn out better, people knowing and all, than it would have if you had to hide your whole life. Best Wishes
Hugs, Christine

[Nikki Dee]

Hi. Vera...so sad.!!!..simply wish you the very best for the future...hang on in there...these things have a habit of getting much better.!!
Love Nikki. x

[janelle]

Hi, don't know if it counts but my mom, 1 sister, have turned there backs on me. they were behind me 100% & now this so if this counts i guess so.

Sorry your feeling hurt but it will get better dear.
Take care sweetee.
Janelle

[older not wiser]

Hi Vera, reading your thread for the second time I picked up on the fact that your "soon to be ex" does not want the divorce, I am assuming you instituted the proceeding, is this correct? If I am wrong I sincerely apologize for my mistake. Like all the other girls have said, "hold your head high" and go forward.
Now that everyones knows I'm sure that there will be snickners behind your back and there will be others who admire the fact that you have stayed the course so to speak. Just be who you are, pls remember this-----
SUICIDE IS A PERMENENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM.

Love; BonnieAnne :GE:

[EricaCD]

At the end of this process, however unpleasant it may be, you will still have your self-identity, those friends who are true friends, and the knowledge that you did not betray yourself or your wife.

It's squarely within your control as to whether you will still have your dignity. As Gandhi said (paraphrasing here): nobody can take that away unless you let them.

On the other hand, your wife will be left with nothing but her anger, her hate, and her betrayal. Whatever she gets in the divorce, you will get the most important part of the marital estate: the right to spend the rest of your life free from the person who could do such an awful thing.

Erica

[DonnaT]

Hi Vera,

My wife for the longest was always worried someone she worked with would find out. Then she turned around and told her supervisor one day when she was having a hard time with it. She told me later on, and I told he I didn't care who she told. She was quite surprised that i didn't get angry, nor care who she told.

Next time your wife mentions it, tell her, "I've been thinking quite a bit, and I want to thank you for telling everyone. Now I don't have to hide anymore, and feel much less stressed out."

[Stephenie S]

Dear Vera,

Aren't you the BOSS? You said you run a construction company. Can you get more manly than that?

I don't think you have anything to worry about. As the boss you have these guys' livelyhood in your hands. I don't think anyone is going to give you much s**t over this. If you do get some teasing and it feels like it may be getting out of hand, a few words about appropriate workplace behavior from the BOSS should settle things down. I assume these guys have been working with you for a while so they have an idea of what kind of a man you are already.

As for the rest of the community, you will be left with your real friends. Your wife will be left with a legacy of betrayal.

Fewer people than you know care about this, as you will find out as time goes by. Relax, and let this whole thing blow over. She will come out the looser in this mess, believe me.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Jasmine Ellis]

tell her to take a run and jump in the nearest river and you don't give a sh-t anymore what she dose or say to anyone

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]I'm sorry what what happened, Vera. I know how heartbreaking it must be. You seem to be moving on with your life and positive about the future, too. Keep us posted about how things are going with you, Vera. we're all ears.

Gennee[/SIZE]

[Karren H]

Wow. That's terrible!! I know for a fact that my wife is the one that is the embaraced by my dressing! But to have her tell everyone would be like a major problem for anyones life.

Well since your outed maybe its a good time for a life style change? Now you don't have to hide anymore? Just a thought...

But were glade you found us and if we can help out at all!!

Love Karren

[Bobbi Lynn]

Hi,
My heart goes out to you. I went through a lot of …… over 20 years ago. My ex really messed me over. Now, I think she really, really regrets what she did, but…it all hurts like hell now, you will be OK.

[Tamara Croft]

Wow!!! what a bitch..... sorry, but she is...... she did this so you wouldn't divorce her?? what was she thinking.... the ultimate betrayal by her, I hope you tell her to go take a friggin run and jump and thank her for being such a two faced spiteful cow.....

Move on now, suicide isn't the right way, you have children, crossdressing isn't the end of the world for them, but killing yourself???? that would be devestating for your children Your soon to be ex has a lot to answer to.... grrrrr..........

[Tiffy]

Well the up side dear is you may not have to hide it as much anymore. You seem to be dealing with it very soundly. Keep your head up dear.


April Marie

[CheriTV2006]

Hi Vera Lynne, My advice: Move on (sounds like your doing this), don't overeact or give too much attention to this (how you react is very important). You will get through this. During my divorce years ago, my ex-to be found my cd pictures in my glove compartment, told her family, and her lawyer. It got back to my lawyer, he asked about it. I told him it was for from Halloween. End of story, was never an issue and I didn't dwell on it. Never wear it on my sleeve and din't cd during the marriage. People in the end see the negative intentions on the part of the aggressors and their character. I think Gandhi said it right. You take care. Hugs Cheri.

[Holly]

Hurts llike the dickins now... the good news is that you are going to be fine. As many of the others have said already, you will be left with warm, caring, accepting friends and family. Your wife will be seen as a pety vindictive, hateful person. The truth of the matter is, you win! And as a bonus, you found US.

[sparks]

So sorry to hear that you were outted in such a hurtful fashion. At least as you stated you are receiving some support. Even at face value that is something. We have had some conversations at the mill about cding. It really is a confusing topic for some. One of the "Macho" guys seemed to know quite abit about. The girls it seems are the more confused because they are generally happy about their identity. "Always knew they were meant to be girls" Obviously with the F2M it is not always the case but around our lunch table that was the case.

[Janelle Young]

Any divorce is a bad thing, mine was about the most friendly one in the history of divorce and it still sucked big time. Now you at least know that you do not want to be with this woman, there is no getting back together with her ever again. I think Donna T's advice is great. Tell the soon to be ex thank you for what she did.

[Joy Carter]

A fine line between love and hate when it comes to a marriage. Not my words but I know it can be so true. Vera just be the bigger one and rise above the situation and go on with your life, she can't do any worse to you.

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Well, I'm always struck by the degree of shame and guilt that CD's have or it wouldn't have such an effect on you for her to tell people. Also, don't feel like you have to cop to it to everyone that knows. Especially at work! Just say, "hell hath no fury like that of a women's scorn" and chuckle. They won't be any the wiser. And, lastly, I'm quite sure he doing that could be defamation of character. I mean she maliciously took some very private and made it very public. I would definitely be talking to my lawyer about that.
Hugs,
Kew

[NighttimeGirl]

I used to go out with a girl who threatened to tell my cousin (best friend) i told him first, that really did her head in, it pulled away the last bit of control she had, I dont know whether she would have told him or whether she was holding on etc but I told him anyways.
Like what Kew said though regarding the hell hat no fury thing, that would work too

all the best

[JenniferMint]

This may sound a bit cynical, but...

Look on the bright side, once this blows over, you will know who your *true* friends are! Sure, some people might get freaked out by the CDing and leave you, but so what... it's a part of you, and they're not, so if they have a problem with your CDing, that's their problem!

I was in an online community where I pretended to be a GG. Someone outed me, though. But my true friends stayed with me and I feel closer to them now.