Confusing but interesting Saturday

[Michelle I]

As I have written before, I spend a lot of money at Lane Bryants and my wife hasseen the bills but has not ask any questions. Last week a 40% off coupon came in the mail. She said that that sounded like a good deal and maybe we should go. On Saturday we headed out on our mini shopping trip, I was not sure if Melissa would get something or as all the times in the past she went home empty handed. We went into Lane Bryants and most comments were negative about price, color, style - you name it she made it. I thought boy this was a waste of time as we left with nothing. I made a comment about Fashion Bug being across the street and so we went there. As we shopped, I found a cute white lacy cover up blouse in my size, I made a comment about liking it, my wife made a comment about the size. After some discussion, she said I am not sure it will fit you but I will try it on for you. She tried it on but neither of us liked the sleeves, so I put it back. I then found another blouse that I liked, she said it your decision get it if you want. I thought I would never hear her say that, then I found another blouse and gave it to her- nothing was said. As she was finish up, I made a comment about the store having a black skirt matched up the first blouse, she walked towards the rack with the first blouse on it and looked at skirts. I found one in my size, she said are you sure about that fitting you, I said sure then she took it off the hanger and held to my waist She then said get it, I dont care. We checked out and headed home, with noting being said. Once we got home, I put the bags in our room and came down and kissed and thanked her. She said nothing in reply and has not mentioned anything about the clothes since then.
Sorry to take so long in this post but I am confused and very happy, Melissa got new clothes but I am not sure of my wifes reaction. Any ideas?

[CDVeronica2]

sounds to me like she's trying to accept your wearing women's clothing, but is having some problems dealing with it. I'd suggest you wait a few days and then thank her again. That may spur more discussion.

Veronica

[Jenna1561]

It sounds to me as though she is really trying to be supportive, but is still wrestling with it in her head. I think you handled it very well, particularly the thank you and the kiss at home afterwards.

Slow and steady - don't let these little successes push you into rash actions. Let her become happy with her decisions.

I am happy for you and hope that I may do the same with my wife some day.


Love,

Jenna

[Kandi]

It took years for my wife to realize the enjoyment I get from simple femine pleasures. Take your time. Read My husband wears my clothes and the ask her too and then discuss everything. Even the scary subjects. Honesty will triumph.

[Sandra]

She may be trying to come to terms with your CDing, but she may also be feeling a little left out, from what I have read in your post your wife came away with nothing, also if it had been me I would have had the thought at the back of my mind that you were taking advantage of the situation, I don't mean to sound nasty but one blouse was tried on ok neither of you liked it, you then found another one, which she said "it's your decision get it if you want" to me this was her way of saying I am not really happy, ok it would have been better if she just came out and told you no I am not happy about this, you then found another blouse and then mentioned the skirt. I used to get really cross with Nigella when she did this but I didn't want to upset things so I kept quiet, this may be what your wife is doing, I suggest that you ask her to sit down with you and have an honest chat with her, both of you lay your cards on the table.

I could be completely way off line here and she it may just be her way of dealing with it, but I still think you need to chat.

[Jasmine Ellis]

let me have a word in your ear. It nice to have beautiful things to wear, but Please keep in mind your wife is by your side in all of this and it would be lovely to show her that you care and go out and buy her something to say thank you love. That would go a long way and make her happy

[Michelle I]

Thanks to all that replied.
Sandra- i'm sorry that I made it sound like everything was for me. We got her 5 blouses and a pair of pants (her choice). Yes I do spoil Melissa rotten on those days when she gets the chance to go out but I do love and try to respect my wifes feeling.
And Jasmine, my wife and also our children means more to me than anything in life. I just bought her a new jade necklace for our 35th anniversry. We have been through a lot together, the loss of parents, family members and our oldest son to a car accident. I try not to push Melissa on her but I was confused by the trip on saturday,

Melissa

[Sandra]

Thanks to all that replied.
Sandra- i'm sorry that I made it sound like everything was for me. We got her 5 blouses and a pair of pants (her choice). Yes I do spoil Melissa rotten on those days when she gets the chance to go out but I do love and try to respect my wifes feeling.

Melissa

Hi Melissa,

Glad you both some things,

[melissacd]

Melissa,

I know what you mean. I have been on a few trips out to purchase things when my wife was there. One time it was because she saw some things on sale in a flyer and so we went and just shopped for her. I helped her pick out a bunch of things which she tried on and in teh end she settled for one skirt and never suggested that we look for anything for me. I did not say anything, I just let it go. When we got home I asked her how she liked the experience and she said that she hated it. I asked her why and she said that we really went for me. I said that I did not get anything nor suggest that I get anything. She said that it was the way that I went around looking through things, picking out things for her to try, waiting by the change room to see how she looked in it, commenting on what I liked and I did not, helping her decide on a beautiful skirt...she said that I did that all for me????? I was confused, we went to the shop because she saw some things she liked, we had her try on things and then she bought something for herself and it was all because I cross dress - so I completely understand how strange a person can behave when they really don't like the fact that we cross dress.

Another time I went to Wal-Mart and told her I was going there to get a few femme things and she insisted on going with me. I thought - wow this is a first she actually wants to go while I shop for myself. She actually helped me pick out a new cincher, a new body shaper and some pantyhose. She told me what to look for, but she would not let me handle the merchandise or carry it to the cash. Then when we left she told me that she hated the whole experience - I asked her then why did she go??? and she said she did not know and then did not say anymore nor did she want to talk about it anymore.

Since these couple of experiences she ahs told me she accepts that I am a cross dresser, but does not like it. She will let me buy things, will let me go to meetings and will let me meet other CDs, but she will not participate. She does not want to learn anymore about it and has decided that she never wants to be intimate again - she says that she has thought long and hard about all of this and that since I have made a choice to CD then she has made a choice to stay at arms length.

The good news is that I can CD to my hearts content and she just looks the other way. The bad news is that this does not feel like much of a marriage anymore. I have suppressed and repressed this for 38 years and it has taken a toll on my health and mental well-being, I have decided that I cannot stop being who I am and I cannot seem to change her mind. It is a quandry for sure as to where this will all end up.

So needless to say, shopping is the least of my issues now.

Huggs
Melissa Paige (Yet another Melissa on this board - must be a popular name)

[kristine239]

Yup, been htere, done that, and am still in the same situation you are.

It's called "Female Mixed Signals". They say one thing and then say another thing.

If anyone could ever explain it to me, in manner that I can understand, then I would say "Thank You", but it'll never happen. After 49 years, I still don't get it. Oh well, it's too late in life now to make any changes.

Love Kristine

[suzy]

Well if it helps....most of us can identify with your situation and have experienced it to some degree!

[CDVeronica2]

Melissa,

I've gone shopping many times with my wife to help her choose items for her. Over time she has gotten to appreciate my taste and my suggestioons as to what would look good on her. Frequently as we shop she gives me little "tips" about why a certain item would look better on her, or why certain things are more comfortable to wear. I've never figured out whether this is a conscious thought on her part to help me learn more about ladies fashion, an unsconcious acceptance of my feminine aspects and chance to us to behave like girlfriends, or whether she just wants me to understand better what she likes. Whatever the reason, I enjoy it very much.

I ALWAYS want to look for things for myself, and often imagine wearing lovely items I see. I'll continue to wander while she's in the dressing room. For quite a while my wife was uncomfortable with me looking for items for myself. I think she was afraid I would do something to embarass her. Over time she has become much more relaxed with me looking at items for me, and I will sometimes just bring an item over and tell her "I would like to try this pair of jeants" or whatever. (I try not to to take advantage by doing this too often). She just puts it together with her items and we pay for them all together. When we get home, my items are laid on my side of the bed for me to put away.

You may be able to earn your wife's trust over time and make her more comfortable shopping with her for your items. I wish you luck.

Veronica