Being the first to step forward.

[Joy Carter]

Donna Donna Donna

[ColleenCD]

Donna,

Your courage is to be commended. Clearly your organization has need for a voice for those like us who hide in the shadows fears and retribution for the loss of standing and income.

Kitty is right. Including your wife where appropriate will help her assimilate to this newfound acceptance by your company.

Your H.R. contact is probably in great need of your assistance.

Great work and enjoy your freedoms for the rest of us until we can join you.

Colleen

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Donna,

This is fantastic news...or at least it is for us, I hope you feel the same way about it too. We would all like to be accepted more but sadly some of us (myself included) are rather shy about getting out there and showing the world that we do exist in all walks of life and that we're not a threat to anyone.

Kudos to you for stepping up to the plate!

[Di]

Wow...very cool.....very brave...awesome news...fine job there girl

[Sarah Rabbit]

What an excellent opportunity you have Donna. I wish I could be open at my work.Keep us updated on your experiences.

Sarah R.

[Helena Constantini]

I congratulate for the most important step

[Ms. Donna]

As an aside, it sounds like you work for an extremely progressive employer in the first place. Wouldn't it be wonderful if other employers would take note of this open-minded attitude?

Actually, many now do. More and more major corporations have includes ‘Gender Identity and Expression’ into their EEO policies and offer domestic partner benefits and such. Corporations doing campus recruiting are having today’s openly gay and trans youth question them as to what the companies policies are with respect to this. If corporate America wants to attract the ‘best and brightest’, they cannot afford to not include this.

Pop over to the Gender PAC site and you can see a listing of corporations who have gotten ‘on board’ with this. It’s getting better – slowly – but better.

I would make one suggestion though, make sure you include your wife whenever possible. There is a need for her side of the story. Our side of the fence needs support and encouragment as much as transgendered people.

As sure as I am that there are other T* people at work, I’m equally sure there are spouses thereof as well. I do hope to be able to see them become visible as well. Might be even harder than getting the T* employees to stand up, though. As ashamed as we tend to feel, our spouses often feel even moreso. That won’t stop us trying to reach them. As far as I’m concerned, they are as much a part of all this as we are.

Don’t worry, I know why I’m made it as far as I have.

We would all like to be accepted more but sadly some of us (myself included) are rather shy about getting out there and showing the world that we do exist in all walks of life and that we're not a threat to anyone.

FWIW, I am quite shy and generally introverted. In a room full of people I don’t know, I’m likely to sit off on the side and not speak to anyone. I’m quite content to be off on my own – futzing with my music gear or the like. Of course, what makes this all sound contradictory is the fact that I present in a way which does attract attention – not a huge amount – but more than I prefer at times.

As I said earlier, I do this to survive – because I could no longer continue to hide who I was. I have had times when it was more force of will than anything else that has gotten me through the day. But with each day, it has become easier and I’m now at a point where by and large, I ignore the ‘attention’ or simply meet it head on: nothing counters someone glaring at you like glaring right back at them.

Perhaps it’s simply that you haven’t reached that breaking point. You have a loving, supportive wife and what seems like lots of opportunity to express yourself without having to ‘put yourself out there’ as it were. There is nothing wrong with that. You have what works for you and that is more than many others can say. You shouldn’t feel obligated to ‘do more’ or try to ‘keep up’.

I don’t see myself as anything special. I am not the most ‘out’ person there is, nor am I the most vocal or politically active. I see myself just another of us doing my best to make through to the end with a modicum of satisfaction and happiness in my life. I’m doing what I have to do for me. If that can be of benefit to others, than so much the better.


Love & Stuff,
Donna

[fiona_libby]

It is delightful to see that even a tiny portion of understanding and tolerance is beginning to emerge so let us all hope and work towards expanding on this in our own small way each and every day and you never know what may be achieved.

love

Fiona

[Ms. Donna]

I'm meeting this coming Tuesday with the network chair to discuss doing a series of articles on TG awareness: who we are, what we're about, etc. I have already written the first introductory article for their review - just to show them that I can actually do this.

I've also proposed an 'outreach' program - giving other TG employees and those with TG family members the opportunity to speak with someone (right now, just me) who can understand what they are going through.

So, we'll see what happens. I'll post after the meeting.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Dominique Melt]

You have shown us that standing up for one's convictions is probably the most important thing a person can do. Everyone here has already said what I am thinking. You have demonstrated stength and character. I applaud your efforts and take heart that changes, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, are being made. You can't have a beach without a tiny grain of sand ...

[Christina Nicole]

Sounds good, Donna. I wouldn't mind being able to wear some of my Dana Buchman to work!

I use to run around lower Manhattan for business and knew more than a few people and companies down there. However I have been out of there since 9/11 when the terrorists killed 3,000 people, some of whom were good friends and co-workers along with killing my business. But I digress.

I know your company, but I won't post it out of respect for you. It is one of the big dogs in the financial world. One thing I remember about that world is that it is a small world. It seems that everyone downtown knows -- or knows of -- everyone else. So if being out may be a hindrance for you down the road if you must change places of employment; first consider exactly how far out you want to be. Don't let yourself get railroaded into being more out than you bargained for.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Christina,

I have considered this, but I need to do this for my own well being.

I have the advantage of being non client facing (I'm in IT) and that most all the other 'big dogs' have similar EEO language - it is the politically correct thing to do now. Not that this is a guarantee of any sort. But there is some political pressure for the firms to all be on a level playing field - especially with regards to diversity and inclusion.

Right now, I see no reason to jump ship - especially given the latitude I have been allowed. However, it is something to definitely keep in mind.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Ms. Donna]

Hi All,

In for a penny - in for a pound. I knew that this was the next, inevitable step.

I am to be the Gay & Lesbian network's "Employee Profile of the Month" for the month of October. A short bio and picture of me will be posted to the network's site on our Intranet.

I'm hoping it helps encourage others to stand up and be at lease a bit more visible.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

You go girl!

[Ms. Donna]

Monday, Oct 2 - my pic and personal profile have been posted on the my firm's LGBT website: accessable to all 20,000+ employees globally.

Is it too late to change my mind???

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Ms. Donna]

It's been three full months since my profile was posted. To date, the LGBT network's received the most hits ever that month - must have been that there was something different there. They received some very positive feedback about my profile, but it hasn't prompted anyone else to come forward to either them or to me. I was hoping perhaps someone might.

When I started doing the me 'being out' thing at work, I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't likely to advance far in the corporation. If there's one thing I'm not, it's the poster child for corporate America and I figured that I should be thankful for having the opportunity I do. Kind of a 'second class' mentality. There are people who get ahead and people who don't: transpeople are not a part of the former.

Last year, my manager nominated me for promotion to VP (at my firm, you need to be nominated by your management and voted on by the VP promotion committee.) Needless to say, I didn't get it. I didn't expect to and neither did my manager, but he wanted to get my name out there more for the next time than anything else. This year, he once again nominated me and I had similar expectations - i.e. none. I did, however, appreciate his support and pretty much forgot about it.

Around the end of October, he tells me that I am one of ten candidates about whom committee is 'on the fence' and hits me up for a bunch of info about my area, projects, clients, etc - all to 'strengthen my case'. Encouraging as this is, I refuse to get my hopes up - but gladly provided the information.

Middle of November, my manager stops by my cube looking somewhat anxious. I ask him, “What’s up?”

He asks me, “Are you part of any professional groups? Clubs? Organizations? Are you involved with any of the diversity networks? Anything like that?”

“Why?” I ask.

He says, “I’m looking for a way to make you ‘stand out’ from the other candidates.”

I look at him and ask, “You mean more than I already do?”

He looks at me quizzically - not getting the joke at all. Up until now, I hadn’t discussed any of this with my management. As they have had no issue with me or what I do, I saw no reason to make an issue of it with them.

“Come on, let’s go to your office.” I tell him. He logs in and I call up my profile page posted on the LGBT network’s site. “Is this what you’re looking for?”

He scans the page, turns to me and with the look of a kid with a new toy says, “Dude - this is perfect! I don’t even have to write anything up, you have your own webpage!”

I’m feeling a bit embarrassed at this point. He reads it again and asks, “Do you ever get this type of response?”

I tell him “Most people are like, “Oh, ok” or “That’s interesting” but no one has ever done the Snoopy dance of happiness over it.”

He looks at me and says, “This is pretty cool.”

I realize the implications of this. My manager now knows (as does the woman with whom he shares as office,) which means that his manager will know - as will the entire voting committee - and ultimately the IT division CIO. In for a penny - in for a pound.

I ponder notion that being trans and out can somehow work to my advantage. When I relate this all to my wife, she remarked, “Only you…” And after a short pause, comments, “It’s the shoes!” She (happily) has a very good attitude about this and remarks that me being me will only be interesting for just so long, so if I can use it to my advantage, I might as well. She also commented that perhaps this year has gone so well (I got a rather glowing review) because I was finally in an environment where I was able to ‘be myself’.

Middle of December, my firm announces bonus numbers and promotions are usually decided by then. My manager calls me in to give me my numbers and starts off with, “Dude, we did it! Congratulations, you made VP!” I almost don’t even care about a bonus at this point.

I was hopeful, but not optimistic. As I said, people like me don’t go anywhere in corporate America - if we’re allowed to stay there at all. Seems that I was proven quite wrong.

Not that I’m complaining.

When I wound up doing this whole ‘coming out’ thing at work, my wife wasn’t especially keen on the idea. There was always the concern as to how this would effect my career as I am the primary source of income for our family. But she has seen (as have I) that my firm has made a commitment to diversity and the being out hasn’t been a detriment at all - it may have even been a good thing. In any case, it has helped to show her that it doesn’t have to be something of which to be ashamed.

Not bad for a year’s work.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Joy Carter]

Your my new hero Donna.

[Shelly Preston]

Congratualtions on the Promotions Donna

You have done a lot to promte the understanding of the transgendered community and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I wish you the best of luck in your new position

[susants]

it looks like you are not only doing a great job for us ,but also for your company ,cream also end s up on top
susan

[marie354]

Way to go Donna! There really is a light at the end of the tunnel!
It's nice to know that someone is speaking for the minorities.
Good Job!

[Christina Nicole]

Congratulations, Donna! You took a big risk, but it has worked out better than anyone probably would have guessed. Many firms claim to support diversity, but at best, they only support conventional diversity -- that is promoting women and ethnic minorities, which is nice and safe. Nice to see that some places diversity really means that.

I know your firm, did some consulting there many years ago. They hiring? I have a whole closet full of clothes that need to see the light of day.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Ms. Donna]

Many firms claim to support diversity, but at best, they only support conventional diversity -- that is promoting women and ethnic minorities, which is nice and safe. Nice to see that some places diversity really means that.

We have managing directors who are openly gay and lesbian and they are the people chairing the LGBT network. My firm has embraced diversity in the broader sense - which is really impressive.

I know your firm, did some consulting there many years ago. They hiring? I have a whole closet full of clothes that need to see the light of day.

As a matter of fact... Shoot me a PM with what you do. You never know...

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[JenniferR771]

Donna,
you should get in touch with Una. On this forum. She(he) is in a similar situation with a major midwest corporation. An upright person and a wonderful writer. We are grateful to the both of you for blazing a trail where many of us fear to tread.
Of course I have never wanted to dress at work. Self employed now anyway. Do not plan to dress in front of my customers--only one of whom knows about the other me.

[mylitta]

Congratulations- a really impressive achievement. 'Cometh the hour, cometh the man'- or woman. Your willingness to put yourself on the line has been justly rewarded.

Mylitta

[Marcie Sexton]

BRAVO

I can't even dream of my company doing something like that...Yea we have a diversity counsel, but it deals with the more socially accepted issues, RACE, RELIGION, CREED, ect...I plan on putting my foot in the door the first chance I get about the very thing you had the nerve to do just not revealing myself< no nerve >...

I could see the CEO, VP of OPS, Regional GM, SUPTs going in for something like that , which is a shame...But with all that said perhaps your company will open the door for companies like mine to acknowledge "US"...

P.S. a funny thought just entered my mind...what if some of my < company > EXECS were CD/TG/TS , I just wonder if they would open the door and reveal themselves...

If possible could/would you be willing to reveal you comapny's name...be some ammo to use in mid January at our first meeting...

Way to go girl