Comming Out

[Stephenie S]

Well girls,

In the interests of encouragement for those more timid soles among us, I thought I would just report how my anouncements have been going.

Told my wife. She said, "So, . . . I want a motorcycle". Well that's not exactly how it went, but she was pretty accepting. And how could I say no to the bike now?

Told my cousin. She said, "So, . . . .How does your wife feel about this?"

Told people at work. Some laughed and said, "Yeah, right." Some were genuinely interested. Most didn't care.

Told my doctor. He said, "Oh gee, I've never had a trans patient before. This will be an adventure for both of us".

Told my therapist. He said, "That will be $75 please".

Told my sister. She didn't believe me at first. Then said, "Isn't it wonderful how as we get older we can do things we would never have done before".

Told the SA in a store. She said, "This skirt will look just lovely on you. And come over here, I've got a darling pair of $100 jeans you just have to try on."

Told my wife's hairdresser. He said, "I can book you in in about a month."

Told the Mary Kay rep. She said, "Come on over. How much did you say you have to spend?"

Told my electrologist. She said, "I can sign you up for a long term contract."

That's pretty much how it's gone. No one freaked out. No one seems to hate me. No one has reacted in any really negative way. Many people just see an oportunity to lighten my wallet. That's OK, I guess. Being a girl sure can get expensive.

Mostly, though, this has been pure, unadulterated fun! I love the attention in the salon, in the stores, with the MK rep, I love the clothes, the makeup, I love feeling my hair as it grows out, I love my longer nails (except when I am working on the truck).

And most of all, I LOVE not sneaking around and hiding this part of me. As I tell my wife, it's like a song in my heart. I feel like singing all the time.

I encourage everyone to think hard about becoming more open. It was really far less traumatic than I could ever have imagined. And the benifits are soooo great. You have the rest of your life to live. How do you want to live it?

Lovies to all,
Stephenie

[Nyx]

I've told alot of friends online and in real life, my mom, therapist, doctor, etc...

What I'm a little worried about is telling the university staff in my department... Because I have to deal with professors for my research and my masters degree... I'm hoping it won't affect my career in any negative way... Hopefully they'll be accepting and supportive.

Last year the university asked me to speak in front of the dean of science, all students in the faculty who received scholarships, and all the people who donated to the faculty because I was one of the few who received two scholarships at once... They probably won't ask me to speak next year as I only got one scholarship (and they probably want to vary), but they should invite me to the same event next year as I got another scholarship this year... Except next year, I'll most likely have been about 8-10 months on hormones, and may already be living full-time as a girl...! How am I going to manage that? I certainly won't try to make myself look like a guy just for that event, yet, everyone will most likely remember me... As a guy!

[Yes I am]

If anyone mentions it you should act offended that they mistook you for a boy previously.

[Nyx]

If anyone mentions it you should act offended that they mistook you for a boy previously.

LOL. Act offended? I got pictures... I had a pretty thick beard back then... There was no way anyone could have mistaken me for a girl or even had a doubt... Oh well.

Yeah... Well. Assuming they don't ask me to speak, there *is* a fair chance they just won't recognize me and I can just mix with the crowd. I'll just dress relax, elegant and cute. In any case, I suppose I'm worrying for no reason as people are pretty open minded around here, and there's no way they'd make a scandal out of it or anything.

[Yes I am]

I've known more than a few GG's to have facial hair.

[WINDDANCERS]

Went Well For You'' Good ' To Be Open''

[Melanie R]

Stephanie,

I certainly agree that it feels good to be open with your whole being - your femininity and masculinity. Many are accepting if it benefits their bottom line. This week my wife and I are out to the world with the four showings of the documentary on WE - Secret Lives of Women - Women Married to Crossdressers. With the exception of one cousin everyone has been very accepting of Melanie and some family members have asked to see Melanie for the first time. I have looked at the recording we made of the program many times. I think that the content of the program could help all crossdressers and their significant others understand and come to acceptance of who we are and also how to make the relationship work.

Hugs,

Melanie

[QZ2]

I envy you Stephanie, I am still looking for the courage. Maybe someday, maybe not. But the urge to come out into the open is growing.

Love, Susie

[Jasmine Ellis]

good for you

[noname]

I think most will be fairly accepting as long as you don't go over the top.

[Jodi]

I agree about how the openness can get one to relax. I have not and will not come out to just anyone and everyone. Regardless, one must still be subtle at times. I tell those that would have a need to know. I am out to my family, to a number of friends, to stores where I shop, to my stylist, to my nail tech.

Jodi

[Annesah]

My experience was pretty much like Steph's. Almost a walk in the park. It does free up your mind and spirit. "Like a song" .... perfect!

[Stephenie S]

Dear girls,

My point was not to be envied. I don't deserve that. Nor was my point to say how easy it has been. It has not been easy. Much of this was accomplished with a lot of agony and doubt.

My point WAS and IS to show how most people have been surprisingly accepting of my choice of lifestyle. That, or they just don't care.

I did not expect this at first. I expected, as all of us expect at first, that my anouncement would be met with ridicule, anger, and rejection. This just plain did not happen. At all, period. And I don't think it will happen to you.

I am well aware from reading your posts that some of us live with and around people who just cannot handle our CDing in any way shape or form.

BUT . . . . . I believe that FAR, FAR more people would be accepting of us than we think if we just gave them the chance. It becomes more and more easy with each telling as you learn that most people just don't care, many are accepting, especially our loved ones, and some people are downright interested. So far, with exception of one self styled "gender policewoman" at work, I have not met with ANY negativity at all. I spoke to the woman at work along with my direct supervisor and told her I felt her behavior was unprofessional and against company policy. She has stopped completely. She has also stopped speaking to me at all, but I think (and hope) that she will come around eventually.

So, I did not mean to turn this into another rant (there goes Stephenie, again). I was only to trying to pin down just what it was I was trying to say in my first post. That is that I think most people will turn out to be better than we give them credit for, that's all.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Shawna25]

I don't know about coming out in this small town I am not saying that I don't want to come out I am just saying that coming out in this small closed minded little town could be risky business

[Stephenie S]

Wheee, Nova Scotia,

My son was born on Cape Breton. I have fond memories of NS. I went from there to Newfoundland. What a trip! I think there is nowhere so close that you can feel so far away as NF.

My wife and I talk of retiring to Nova Scotia. I remember Halifax as being fairly cosmopolitan.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Phoebe Reece]

So, Stephanie, what kind of bike is your wife getting, and are you going to be riding back of her?

[janiecdbbw]

Congratulations on your adventure... and in my humble 2 cents worth, it is definitely an adventure.

Janie

[Stephenie S]

Dear Phoebe,

Don't know yet. I am lobying for something small. How about a VESPA?

Like many guys, I used to have a motorcycle. I stopped riding because I got scared. I think they are just plain dangerous. I do remember how much fun it was though.

She is a bit of a speed demon although she has slowed down a little with age.
I did ride behind her on a Sea-Doo, (a personal water craft). She had learned how to do "donuts" (360 degree turns) and she scared the s**t out of me. When she is driving I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. (the loudest sound at 60 MPH is the screams of the passenger)

Seriously, though, I find that since she really wants to do this, I have a hard time saying no. She certainly has had plenty of oportunity to say "no" to me over the past few months and she has not. So . . . . "what goes around comes around"

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Annesah]

Steph, come on! Your wife sounds way cool. To hell with the Vespa! I'd buy that girl a Harley!

[Bev06 GG]

I don't know about coming out in this small town I am not saying that I don't want to come out I am just saying that coming out in this small closed minded little town could be risky business

Yes Shawna, alot does depend on where you live. We have found a huge difference in attitudes from area to area, and the big cities definitely have a more liberal view on things. They are used to seeing minority groups of people strutting their stuff, but small villages and towns are very insular both in their proximity and their attitudes to life in general.
People in the town where we live would be more likely to laugh and poke fun, which I have to say reveals more about themselves than anyone else, but nevertheless, its not very pleasant to be the butt of everyones jokes.
I know that some of the girls I work with, altho very nice people, have never travelled very far from their own front door and have very limited views on anything other than the latest soap opera, or pop star gossip. I listen to them sometimes calling others for the most trivial of things and wonder how they would react to something that would really test them. I might be surprised but somehow I seriously doubt it.
Take care
BEVxxxx

[Stephenie S]

And then again, maybe not.

Take this example. I do not know this woman but I have spoken to her on the phone, and I have seen a photo. She is definately a transexual woman. As far as I can tell she is living in complete stealth, although if it is obvious to me then it must be obvious to others. She is from a large Canadian city and has moved to a small rural town. She reports that she has never felt more welcomed or more at home any where in her entire life.

So go figure. I suspect that there is a large eliment of "live and let live" in most of rural North America. Folks who believe that you can do what you want as long as you aren't bothering anyone. There are certainly a lot of "wierdos" living in the country who live there because they can't live anywhere else. I think that if you let people get to know you before you try to ram your differences down their throat, you may be surprised at the acceptance level you receive.

When I was living in rural Cape Breton I got the feeling that the people there were pretty open to different sorts. At the time I was an American hippy trying to establish a commune. We got no flack at all from the locals. In fact I was surprised at all the help we received trying to live day to day in a harsh climate.

Steph

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]Congratulations, Stephanie. It is great when the pressure is off. I felt that when I came out to my wife.

Gennee[/SIZE]