So here I sit kinda nervous. The house is empty and I want so desperately to dress. It can be so hard to stick my goals of not dressing. But if I make it through the day it will be a personal triumph.
I'm working hard at fighting my nature and personality. For the past month or so I've tried to do what is the opposite of me. Being an intoverted person and one doesn't "Joiin in" I've tried to be outwardly and even joined in a volleyball game with my friends. Hey one tiny stumble forward for mankind but a huge step for Sparks.
On the dressing area of life I decided not to and is proving far more difficult than I imagined. I caved once and was disappointed in myself. Really hard to even put in words why it's important for me not to dress. first in foremost is for the wife. the Second I guess is for personal growth.
I miss things from my marriage that were regrettably lost when I came out to her. A closeness that I can't describe. I know by not dressing it won't fix it but I feel it be right anyway.
Personal Growth. I believe I've used Cding in the past to put myself down and to hide away. Silly I know. I don't know when it started but it's been there for a long time. It may have been my crutch I don't know.
But my goal for the day is not to dress and I'm trembling already. I can make it but it is hard.