What to do

[Evert]

It may not be the right topic for it.. if it isn't, please, place it in the right one..

First I want to say English isn't my language.. weird sentences, wrong words, I hope you can forgive me.

Now my problem. I'm a 18 year old girl, but if you don't know me, you'll think I'm a boy. Most people greet me with "Hello Sir". I'm comfortable with that because I want to be one.

But now I've fallen in love. The girl I love is the sister of my best friend. Lets call her A. We (I, friend and A.) like to go to the pub. We drink, we dance, we talk. The first time I saw A. she thought I was a guy. She danced with me and said (she was a little bit drunk) she wanted to marry me. Later on she came lying next to me on the grass. Head on my chest. It was a great night...

The second time, she discovered I wasn't a guy at all. Her brother told her. She told me she did'nt like girls, "I'm straight". It hurted, because I thought she already knew the first time.

But.. we saw each other a lot after that (we go to that pub at least 4 times a month). But she still dances with me. When I'm sitting on the bench, she sits close to me or.. she sits on my lap when the bench is full. One time I wrapped my arms around her waist, she standing in front of me, her back against my belly. I kissed her on her cheek. And all she did was smile, lying her hands on mine. A few weeks ago I was at her home, it was her birthday, and she keeped on looking at me, turning her head away when I looked back. And by the way, she keeps on telling that she will marry me.

I'm completly in love. But she keeps telling that she is absolutly straight. And I dont understand it. Why does she all of that (dancing, hugging, looking..and so on) when she only loves "real" guys? I don't have the guts to say her that I'm mad about her.... and I don't know whether its all a joke or real...

What do you think? Is she lying about the straight part? Is it all a joke? I want to know..... and I'm to afraid to ask...

[CaptLex]

Hey, Evert:

Welcome to the forum. Nice to have you here.

First of all, I think this post belongs in the FtM (Female to Male) section of the forum, where you're more likely to get responses. Don't worry about it for now, though, it's a little confusing for everyone when we first come to this site. Please feel free to drop by the FtM section and introduce yourself. We have a bunch of friendly guys and I hope you'll feel comfortable there.

Now, to your problem . . . your friend's sister is sending conflicting messages and signals, so I don't blame you for being confused. She says one thing, but she behaves in another way, so she may also feel confused. If I were in your position (and this is just my opinion, I'm not telling you what to do), I would flat out ask her how she feels. I would tell her that I like her and that I'm confused about whether she likes me because she says she's straight, but she seems interested.

Also, one can be gay, straight, bi, etc. and still be attracted to people we would never think we would be, so these labels (I've come to learn) are not definitive. For example, there are "straight" men who love women, but are attracted to other men when they crossdress, or "straight" women who surprise themselves by being attracted to crossdressed men. Just two examples of how things aren't always neatly packaged and labeled in this community.

I hope you find that she is just as interested in you as you are in her, and I hope the labels don't deter her from finding out what a great guy you are. If she's really not able to get over the differences, however, then I hope you find out sooner rather than later so your pain won't be as bad. I hope this helps. Good luck to you and, once again, welcome!

[Evert]

Thank you for your advice

I know I just should ask her, but I'm afraid for it to do. I don't even know how to start!

But I should post a link to this in the FtM CD forum then?

[kittypw GG]

It may not be the right topic for it.. if it isn't, please, place it in the right one..

First I want to say English isn't my language.. weird sentences, wrong words, I hope you can forgive me.

Now my problem. I'm a 18 year old girl, but if you don't know me, you'll think I'm a boy. Most people greet me with "Hello Sir". I'm comfortable with that because I want to be one.

But now I've fallen in love. The girl I love is the sister of my best friend. Lets call her A. We (I, friend and A.) like to go to the pub. We drink, we dance, we talk. The first time I saw A. she thought I was a guy. She danced with me and said (she was a little bit drunk) she wanted to marry me. Later on she came lying next to me on the grass. Head on my chest. It was a great night...

The second time, she discovered I wasn't a guy at all. Her brother told her. She told me she did'nt like girls, "I'm straight". It hurted, because I thought she already knew the first time.

But.. we saw each other a lot after that (we go to that pub at least 4 times a month). But she still dances with me. When I'm sitting on the bench, she sits close to me or.. she sits on my lap when the bench is full. One time I wrapped my arms around her waist, she standing in front of me, her back against my belly. I kissed her on her cheek. And all she did was smile, lying her hands on mine. A few weeks ago I was at her home, it was her birthday, and she keeped on looking at me, turning her head away when I looked back. And by the way, she keeps on telling that she will marry me.

I'm completly in love. But she keeps telling that she is absolutly straight. And I dont understand it. Why does she all of that (dancing, hugging, looking..and so on) when she only loves "real" guys? I don't have the guts to say her that I'm mad about her.... and I don't know whether its all a joke or real...

What do you think? Is she lying about the straight part? Is it all a joke? I want to know..... and I'm to afraid to ask...

She may be very confused about her feelings as well. It sort of sounds like it. On one hand she looks at you and you attract her (probably in more ways than just looks) but she has all of this other stuff in her head. "what is wrong with me and my feelings" , "people expect me to get married to a man and have a traditional family, hell I expect it of myself". All of the same confusions that my hubby goes through, I go through myself.

I agree that you need to explain that you are more than a girl who looks like a guy. I had no idea that this or any of the other variations of gender identity exisited. I thought that all boyish girls were butch lesbians. I never even considered the fact that some thought of themselves as guys and had the typical attraction to girls that genetic guys have. I had a vary narrow view until I met my hubby and I actually consider myself very open minded. I have gained a knowledge way beyond what I first thought about it. Mostly due to reading and talking to others about it.

Maybe you could start by bringing up the topic and asking what her perceptions are on the topic of gender identity. She sounds interested to me and I agree you should know sooner than later. Be brave, nothing was ever gained by sitting back and letting the world pass you by.

P.S.
I never in a million years thought that I could be attracted to and love a trangendered man and find her sexy, by the way. But hey look what can happen? Never know though, unless you try.

[kittypw GG]

Evert,
I posted a reply in the transexual/transgender forum. I ment to post here but followed your link and ended up posting to that thread instead.

Glad you found us. Everybody on this forum will help you find the courage to be who and what you really want to be. It is so great that there are people here from all spectrums of the gender color wheel. We all come from different parts of the world and represent a wide range of social and economic backgrounds. It makes the advice and opinions so rich as you will come to know. Best of luck to you and a BIG WARM WELCOME

[Kieron Andrew]

ive moved this original post and deleted the second linked version

[KrazyKat]

Yes, Evert, what Capt. Lex said, but would add, being friends is the first part of being "in love" and there really isn't any hard fast rules as to how long that phase lasts, it takes as long as it needs too.
Sometimes people make commitments, thinking they are in love, and later, when the tingly feelings are gone, they discover they aren't really that good of friends. :mad:
Sounds like, no matter what, you'll have a friend for life!! That's not a bad thing, is it??

Best wishes, I know when younger, it's difficult to remember patience. I do remember my dear MOM telling me something like the famous line from the movie Gone With The Wind, "Tomorrow is another DAy".

Kat

[Kieron Andrew]

hi Evert,

Firstly, welcome to the forum......

i think both Captlex and Kitty have hit the nail on the head you would do well to listen to both their advices

[JenniferMint]

I know a lesbian who's first love was a straight girl, her best friend who she was very emotionally close to. Lesbian girl told straight girl that she was in love with her, and straight girl was initially scared, but a few weeks later, straight girl told lesbian girl that she loved her too and they started dating. They actually had sex after a few months. The relationship lasted for over a year until straight girl had to move to another city with her family (they were about 16 years old).

Straight girl went back to dating guys, but she made an exception for lesbian girl since they were so close.

[Kieron Andrew]

shes probably plain confused, she sees you as a guy and that side attracts her to you, but then realization kicks in that you still are genetically a girl with a girls anatomy!, talk to her!

[Evert]

Thanks. To all of you.

I don't have the guts to say it straight in her face... so I'm thinking of writing a letter.. or sending an e-mail... or I should wait for right moment...

I'll figure it out... I guess...

[Kieron Andrew]

Thanks. To all of you.

I don't have the guts to say it straight in her face... so I'm thinking of writing a letter.. or sending an e-mail... or I should wait for right moment...

I'll figure it out... I guess...

fantastic idea, a letter or an email!!!!