Advise needed...am I bi?

[Lesley-Anne-sexylegs]

Hi Im new to the site and have been a crossdresser from the age of about 8.
After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex. My urges are not great for male to female and have been happy to dress when ever the occasion greets me. I find Im happy when dressed and are having bi thoughts. Ive never had a male to male relationship. Not sure what to do, Ive been loyal to my wife but am finding these urges to stong to hold back and think I should venture towards the unknown. Has any one been through what Imgoing through and what advise do you give? Is there anyone stuggleing with the same thoughts? please help if you can...Luv Lesley-Anne xxx

[Janelle Young]

While I am not struggling with thoughts of sex with a member of the same sex I do have a thought on the subject. If one is married, having sex with anyone other than your spouse is adultery. I guess it comes down to how much you value your marriage vows and if you believe cheating on your wife is something you can live with. The fact that you and your wife are not having sex at this time is not a factor to even consider, (imho).

BTW, welcome to the forum.

[Bev06 GG]

Lesley,
If your having those kind of thoughts then I dont think you really need to ask whether or not your Bi, I think you already know the answer to that one. And if youve come here for support and encouragement in what you are thinking of doing, then youve come to the wrong site. The majority of girls on this forum are decent folk, who, even if they are having a hard time with their partners, would never dream of being disloyal to them. Like Janelle has already pointed out, Adultery is Adultery whatever the circumstances. Im sorry if you find my answer alittle on the harsh side but believe me this is very toned down for the sake of politeness, fantasy or not, you represent everything that I absolutely detest and despise about some men, CDs or not, and its definitely your type that give CDing such a bad name. Why in the world would you think that anyone is going to be interested in your sordid little fantasy.
BEVxxxxx

[Sherry Ann Evans]

its definitely your type that give CDing such a bad name. Why in the world would you think that anyone is going to be interested in your sordid little fantasy.BEVxxxxx

Holy cow, I can't believe you SAID that. That was sooooo uncalled for!

Lesley: you should do whatever YOU feel you must do, and what's best for YOU. I know that you did come here looking for other people's advice, so that is my advice. If your wife won't have sex with you then you obviously have issues to work out with her independently of your own issues with yourself and/or other men.

By "YOU" I'm not saying to disregard the feelings of your wife / family, but still .... I'd say there is a vast silent majority of people here who also are in traditional M/F relationships and definitely have bi- tendancies. So however you decide to address it, lots of us ARE interested. How dare Bev or anyone else refer to your real issue as a "sordid little fantasy" .... it absolutely blows me away how people in a minority group (i.e., CDers) can be so intolerant of people who happen to be in another minority group (i.e., bisexual people). ** INTOLERANCE & SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ** are what I "despise and detest"...

[Danielle2]

Bev,
An excellent answer !! As a lifelong dresser, I have never cheated on my wife although she is under the impression that when I dress, I am cheating on her with myself. I have not been able to provide a satisfactory answer to her in regards to her opinion.

PS and I never will

[Bev06 GG]

Holy cow, I can't believe you SAID that. That was sooooo uncalled for!

Lesley: you should do whatever YOU feel you must do, and what's best for YOU. ** INTOLERANCE & SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ** are what I "despise and detest"...

Oh well thats alright then Sherry just so long as you dont mind deceit, betrayal and adultery. Even sharing those thoughts with others when your married is betraying your wife or partner, and I'd be gutted if that was my partner sharing his inner most fantasies with the world and his wife on here. If things are so bad then you take other action, even if it means going down the divorce route, you dont set out to cheat on your partner whatever your sexual orientation.

[hotbobbie]

I agree with you Sherry. Bev you are way of base by being so harsh on Lesley and what makes you think you have all the answers to her or anyone else problems. Lesley you do have to talk this over with your wife and let her know how you feel. This however could be the straw that will end your marriage. I to went thru what you are now going thru and have gone down the path of enjoying men very much. But in the end only you will make that choice. Just be up front with yourself and wife and not let others get in the way of your life. I am sure there life is not perfect.

[Bev06 GG]

I agree with you Sherry. Bev you are way of base by being so harsh on Lesley and what makes you think you have all the answers to her or anyone else problems. Lesley you do have to talk this over with your wife and let her know how you feel. This however could be the straw that will end your marriage. I to went thru what you are now going thru and have gone down the path of enjoying men very much. But in the end only you will make that choice. Just be up front with yourself and wife and not let others get in the way of your life. I am sure there life is not perfect.

I dont think I have all the answers Hotbobbie, but I know the answer isn't Adultery. If he's that sure about the route he wants to take, then I agree he should share this with his wife, not us. I do not have any probs with Bi sexual CDs BTW, each to their own, and if your single get on with it. What I really hate about this is he's sharing something very personal with the wrong people.

[Wendy me]

call me old fashon or what ever but theirs no dateing if your married.... that simple no mater what your intersts are ....married is married...............

[maybeJan]

....snipped....
... it absolutely blows me away how people in a minority group (i.e., CDers) can be so intolerant of people who happen to be in another minority group (i.e., bisexual people). ** INTOLERANCE & SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS ** are what I "despise and detest"...

For heaven's sake, this comment wasn't a knock against bisexual people, it was a comment on the dishonesty of adultery.

Jan

[Bev06 GG]

call me old fashon or what ever but theirs no dateing if your married.... that simple no mater what your intersts are ....married is married...............

Absolutely!

[ElleCD]

Lesley

You have two issues to sort out. Your sexuality and your marriage. To pretend these are not closely linked would be superficial but it helps to look at them separately. Your view of your sexuality may be changing. This happns. The label is unimportant. Discovering who you are and living accordingly is. Your current feelings may be profound or equally may be a reaction to your current situation. Is your marriage the best thing for you and your wife? Are you happy now and believe that you will be in the future or possibly not so happy now but believe its transitory? Given that your relationship is not sexual would your wife tolerate other relationships - highly unusual but not unknown. Or is it the case that you and your wife have entered a relationship at one time that is not right for either of you and should be ended? I suspect that if you think about addressing the issues concerning your marriage first the resolution of your issues concerning your sexuality will follow. I do wish you the best of luck. Both you and your wife deserve to be happy.

Hugs

Elle

[Sherry Ann Evans]

"Adultery" ... please this isn't church or the GOP party headquarters, this is Crossdressers.com. Lesley, nobody including me would come right out and say "Yes go cheat on your old lady," but nor should anyone be talking down to you! Bev said you are "sharing something very personal with the wrong people" ... if we can't share intimate concerns and feelings about being torn over CDing and sexuality HERE of all places, then where can we? The reason * I * am here is because it's an (otherwise) welcoming and safe place to do EXACTLY that -- share stuff -- especially my innermost feminine feelings and worries.

[Bev06 GG]

For heaven's sake, this comment wasn't a knock against bisexual people, it was a comment on the dishonesty of adultery.

Jan

Thank you Jan, you have just proved to me that some people do actually read whats written and not what they think has been written.
Take care
BEVxxxxx

[Ms. Donna]

Hi Im new to the site and have been a crossdresser from the age of about 8.
After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex. My urges are not great for male to female and have been happy to dress when ever the occasion greets me. I find Im happy when dressed and are having bi thoughts. Ive never had a male to male relationship. Not sure what to do, Ive been loyal to my wife but am finding these urges to stong to hold back and think I should venture towards the unknown. Has any one been through what Imgoing through and what advise do you give? Is there anyone stuggleing with the same thoughts? please help if you can...Luv Lesley-Anne xxx

Hi Lesley-Anne,

What you have to realize is that sex, gender and sexuality are all intertwined with eachother. It is actually a pretty normal for anyone who is Transgender to have thought about this. As we work to understand ourselves, we can find that our 'sexuality' seems to undergo some change. In reality, it's simply a reaction to seeing the world in a different way that the standard Cisgendered - heterosexual POV.

While I can sympathise with the feelings and desires, you are married and need to remember that. Cheating is cheating - that you no longer are intimate is not a good justification for it. Perhaps some couples counseling is in order?

Should you choose to act on these feelings, be prepared for the enevitably fallout which will be the result thereof. It will be little consolation to your wife that you were with an 'man' as opposed to a 'woman'.

You get the 'proceed with caution' from me on this. You are an adult - and neither I nor anyone else here can tell you what to do.

Love & Stuff,
Donna

[Sky]

Hi Im new to the site and have been a crossdresser from the age of about 8.
After one year of marriage ( about 14 years ago ) my wife found out and we no longer have sex. My urges are not great for male to female and have been happy to dress when ever the occasion greets me. I find Im happy when dressed and are having bi thoughts. Ive never had a male to male relationship. Not sure what to do, Ive been loyal to my wife but am finding these urges to stong to hold back and think I should venture towards the unknown. Has any one been through what Imgoing through and what advise do you give? Is there anyone stuggleing with the same thoughts? please help if you can...Luv Lesley-Anne xxx

If you want it, do it.

The adultery thing is a totally different issue. A gazillion straight men and woman cheat on their partners, and the guilt (or lack of it) issues are strictly within your private sphere.

As for your temptations, if it itches, you'll eventually have to scratch it.

[Tina Dixon]

Look maybe you got problems but you are talking cheating also and to most of us that is a no-no so I guess your just going to have to live with this problem or leave your wife over it, so suck it up.

[kathy gg]

When I read a post like this I have to wonder several things...why would any person stay married to another person who has refused sex for such a longgg stretch?......is she in some disabled position which you feel you cannot leave her?

I think most people would either {a} go to couples counseling sometimes after the dry spell begins or {b} begin separation procedures {c} already be gone and divoreced after one an half years....I know I would. Surely you could have gotten an annullment?

Not having sex after only being married for one year is nuts. Unless the person had some major surgery or illness or maybe a tragic loss of a child....I could see sex being "postponed" till some balance is reached....but 14 years....who does this??

Well..I guess you do...

......I really could care less if you are into guys or puppets or life size Mickey Mouse dolls....but what kind of martry stays in a marriage where there is no nookie?? I mean I for one would stop any hope and wishful thinking at the start of year two. Kids or no kids {if there are any} this is nuts.

I also think if a *spouse* has choosen to completely withhold sex and has no reason {cding can't be all there is to this story} then you need to basically announce that you will have to find some sex from some other breathing intity. If a spouse then is ready to talk or/divorce/or start havintg sex then at least you know in good conscious that you put all your cards on the table.

And as for those of us not cheering and clapping in agreement with contemplating cheating....{again, the sex of the intented affair concerns me not} umm....this is an open forum, if you post on here looking for opinions about screwing around on your wife, you will get some very strong opinions back. Some you might not like....and by the looks of it... other forum members might not like them either.

I for one am glad you took a chance and posted this, becuase I think sometimes seeing something in writing gives us time to reflect and this might be just what you need to see things clearly.

ready for onslught of rotten tomatoes and other produce.....

[jennifer easton]

Bev and Wendy, I'm on your side of the fence!!, Married is Married!! xoxoxoJennifer

[Jennaie]

I have always been of the view that if your not happy in your relationship, either get the problem solved or get out. If your choice is to get out, do it before you decide to go explore new horizons.

Of course, I tend to think more like a woman than a man, but if I was married and I caught my wife cheating on me, I would have divorce papers served immediately. I'm way too sensitive to tolerate that kind of rejection.

In answer to your question, am I bi? Well, only you can answer that. I believe we are all bi to some degree, to what degree is up to you to decide.

[Kate Simmons]

Regardless of what you decide to do, Hon, you have to live with the outcome, remember that. Maybe you and your wife have not been intimate but is it worth losing the RELATIONSHIP? If you are intimate with someone else, she will find out for sure--count on it. Ericka Kay

[CarmenG]

this is why i just love this site..... we all cross borders, we have rules to adhere to, we all believe how we as a society should behave. girls vs boys, women vs men, i believe that covers everybody unless you have both types of plumbing. on a scale of 1 to inf.......... everybody will fall in line somewhere. unless i am a man with man problems, then i feel i can comment on the issues. icertainly can not comment on "GG" problems because i am not a female. everyone knows men are dogs and act like dogs..... perhaps someone should have told my ex-wife that before she got caught with my neighbor's husband.... hey i have no hard feeling about women, actually i rather admire them. i don't want to change into a woman, just dress like one. been married for 20 years and have not had sex with my wife for 8 years now. that's my business..... i love her dearly would not leave her for the world. but to chastise a man for reaching out to other "MEN" for whatever comments they have..... I say GO FOR IT and the hell with what others say... my advise, take a magic marker and write the name "MANUEL" on the right hand, and "MANUELA" on the left. when you get the urge as a man see left hand, when you get the urge as a woman, see right hand.......
hey, best of luck.....

[Lesley-Anne-sexylegs]

Thanks everyone for your views...at the moment you must understand that for 14 years I have not had an affair, just wondering if there is something wrong with me...if you think I can not share my feelings then like someone said where should I go to,,,, I was just asking for help on my situation...some TVs dont tell there wives about dressing..IS THAT NOT CHEATING!!!!...
My views on my relationship is just being up front with nothing to hide...please understand it was not trying to lower the standard of the site in any way shape or form...kind regards....Lesley-Anne xxx

[Lesley-Anne-sexylegs]

Oh well thats alright then Sherry just so long as you dont mind deceit, betrayal and adultery. Even sharing those thoughts with others when your married is betraying your wife or partner, and I'd be gutted if that was my partner sharing his inner most fantasies with the world and his wife on here. If things are so bad then you take other action, even if it means going down the divorce route, you dont set out to cheat on your partner whatever your sexual orientation.

You quoted my partner sharing HIS views, you are therefore not a TV, I thought I was asking other TV's in similar circumstances....sorry to offend! regards Lesley-Anne

[Ms. Donna]

You quoted my partner sharing HIS views, you are therefore not a TV, I thought I was asking other TV's in similar circumstances....sorry to offend! regards Lesley-Anne

We have a nice mix of people here and unless you specify that you only are looking for other CD/TG people to resond, you can get replies from anyone. I'd suggest considering all replies as the GGs here often have some of the best advise to offer.

Love & Stuff,
Donna