Shopping anxiety

[great gg]

I was totally unprepared for the anxiety I felt shopping with my loved one. I totally get her, and love her and want her to experience everything in the world, pushed her to go shopping, etc. And when we went into Macy's I got this totally protective urge and fear that someone was going to hurt her. I even said, too bad we can't hold hands! what the heck was that about? why would I care if we were holding hands, that's what we always do, i think that is what made me feel so unconnected. however, we did have a good time after. . . beer, cards and a nap. I get how we internalize all of society's stuff even if we don't believe it or support it.

[DAVIDA]

Your SO is truly blessed. There is not a crossdresser alive that would not like to have a wife as considerate and caring as you seem to be. You can be caring and protective while being able to hold hands. If you are out with her while she is dressed ,who cares what others think?

[Di]

I understand....I go into protective mode...really no reason too...but...alas I do.....thats just me........and about the holding hands thing....at the mall ect I try not to....but i,ve forgotten and kissed her in the parking lot and we were seen and when I went in to order...overheard them talking about lesbians in the parking lot kissing....lol.....

[Billijo49504]

What's so bad about being in a protective mode? I'm that way dressed or not, usually with a 9mm. If you're holding hands, no big deal. The worst they could think, is you 're gay. Big deal!!Do what makes you happy, and quit warring about other ppl. That's what seperates us from the GG's. Be happy, be safe...BJ

[Robin Leigh]

And when we went into Macy's I got this totally protective urge and fear that someone was going to hurt her.

That's so sweet. Like Vanya GG says she's like a mother lion to her Trudie. I've always felt very special when a GG becomes protective towards me in public.

I even said, too bad we can't hold hands! what the heck was that about? why would I care if we were holding hands, that's what we always do, i think that is what made me feel so unconnected.

I used to get paranoid holding hands with a certain gf when out dressed. I didn't want people to think we were lesbians and thus attract their attention. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being thought of as a lesbian (in fact I love it ), I just got paranoid about attracting attention, especially when walking around with a GG who was 6'2" without wearing heels.

How dumb. I would have felt more relaxed and connected holding hands. I guess it was more of a big deal 20-odd years ago.

[SIZE="3"]I get how we internalize all of society's stuff even if we don't believe it or support it. [/SIZE]

This point is so important. Understanding this, and working through that internalized baggage is 99% of the journey to self-acceptance for everyone, not just CDers & their admirers.

Robin

[great gg]

I used to get paranoid holding hands with a certain gf when out dressed. I didn't want people to think we were lesbians and thus attract their attention. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being thought of as a lesbian (in fact I love it ), I just got paranoid about attracting attention, especially when walking around with a GG who was 6'2" without wearing heels.

How dumb. I would have felt more relaxed and connected holding hands. I guess it was more of a big deal 20-odd years ago.


that's exactly it, I didn't want to attract more attention. I don't care about being thought a lesbian, etc, just got paranoid. whew, what a relief to be understood that way. thanks!

[Robin Leigh]

I don't care about being thought a lesbian, etc, just got paranoid. whew, what a relief to be understood that way. thanks!

It's so easy to get paranoid when dressed in public, although I'm much less anxious when I have a companion. Whenever I hear someone laughing, I assume they are laughing at me.

PS. If you use QUOTE tags around your quotes, they will appear in a grey box. Use the Quote button to reply, and the system will do it for you. Alternatively, just select the text & press the 3rd button from the right that looks like a cartoon word bubble. You can also type the QUOTE tags in by hand.

Robin

[tekla west]

If you crossed a picket line to get into Macy's, then you were not imagining anything. You were right, those people did not like you, or your CD. I'm sure they at least though about harm. But hey, its only his hobby and its only their life, why should they get bent out of shape because you crossed thier picket line. Just don't get into the habit. The Macy's clerks might not get too upset, but there are unions like the Teamsters or Longshoremen who would be a bit more, physical about that.

But if you want to protect him, keep him from doing stuff that hurts other people, they might then be less temped to hurt him.

[Sandra]

Hey I know what you mean about being protective, I am not so bad now but when Nigella first came out and we started going out in public, I would have decked anyone who looked at her in a wrong way our daughter was the same. As for holding hands we do this all the time, yeah we get some weird looks but who cares? we don't.

[great gg]

PS. If you use QUOTE tags around your quotes, they will appear in a grey box. Use the Quote button to reply, and the system will do it for you. Alternatively, just select the text & press the 3rd button from the right that looks like a cartoon word bubble. You can also type the QUOTE tags in by hand.

Robin[/QUOTE]

Thank you so much, I hope this works, I couldn't figure it out without quoting the whole message. thanks again

[great gg]

PS. If you use QUOTE tags around your quotes, they will appear in a grey box. Use the Quote button to reply, and the system will do it for you. Alternatively, just select the text & press the 3rd button from the right that looks like a cartoon word bubble. You can also type the QUOTE tags in by hand.

Robin

Thank you so much, I hope this works, I couldn't figure it out without quoting the whole message. thanks again[/QUOTE]
now let's try it

[great gg]

Thank you so much, I hope this works, I couldn't figure it out without quoting the whole message. thanks again

now let's try it[/QUOTE]
looks like it's a go!

[great gg]

If you crossed a picket line to get into Macy's, then you were not imagining anything. You were right, those people did not like you, or your CD. I'm sure they at least though about harm. But hey, its only his hobby and its only their life, why should they get bent out of shape because you crossed thier picket line. Just don't get into the habit. The Macy's clerks might not get too upset, but there are unions like the Teamsters or Longshoremen who would be a bit more, physical about that.

But if you want to protect him, keep him from doing stuff that hurts other people, they might then be less temped to hurt him.

what do you mean?

[Marla S]

I get how we internalize all of society's stuff even if we don't believe it or support it.

That's the point. You have to liberate yourself a bit.
Afterwards it is more easy to take a clear stand, and even to take the society stuff, now in an more objective way, into account again. Anxiety should weaken than.

Difference: You control the society stuff, instead letting it control you.

[Sage GG]

Hi Great and Welcome to the forum,

I understand exactly what you mean, I love Macy's and we have never gone with Rena en femme but I still get all Momma bear when we are out shopping for her.It gets better and easier with time. Now that we are making forays out to only TG friendly places its still a little hard not to "guard her" its very much like taking one of my daughters to New York City, I want them to go and have fun but I need to be sure they are safe. When its your hubby you are trying to "protect" it can mess with your head a little.

It will get better with time but I think that just like one of your children wither they are three or thirty you worry when they are out and about in a place that doesn't "feel" safe.

[michelle19845]

i wish i had someone that was there to worry about me like that and be protective of me.it's good to be that way.by caring you are doing a great thing.

[KrazyKat]

Yes, it's pretty difficult for me to hold hands with Karen in public, I just don't want to "blow her cover", so to speak.
Okay, maybe I don't want to be considered a lesbian, not that I really care, I just don't want these midwesterners to be bothered with us at all, like at the concert we went to this summer, seemed to close of quarters, like, no where to run, or something. We did use the woman's restrooms, waited until almost empty and show had started.

I don't feel so protective anymore, don't pay as much attention, I guess you get used to it after awhile. It seems more natural!

Kat

[Rachel Morley]

My wife Marla is like this. She gets protective and a little bit nervous depending on where we are going, and what we are doing. I definately feel protected and loved when she takes over.

[great gg]

that's what I;m hoping, that it will just be old hat and natural. thanks for all your replies, I am feeling less neurotic and more normal about the experience.

[great gg]

I don't feel so protective anymore, don't pay as much attention, I guess you get used to it after awhile. It seems more natural!

Kat

that's just what I am waiting for, for time to make it alll seem natural, I guess when both of anxieties abate, about being "made", then we can actually enjoy the outings more.

[Robin Leigh]

Thank you so much, I hope this works, I couldn't figure it out without quoting the whole message. thanks again
now let's try it

My pleasure to be of assistance, Great GG! Sorry to anyone else reading the thread who's annoyed by this discussion of technical issues. I'm just trying to improve post legibility.

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I saw this on a science forum I frequent the other day, and just had to share it.

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Robin

[Robin Leigh]

But hey, its only his hobby and its only their life, why should they get bent out of shape because you crossed thier picket line.

Maybe it's more than just a hobby for Sejd, Tekla... but I get your point about respecting a picket line, especially when militant unionists are involved. As Billy Bragg says, There Is Power In A Union.

OTOH, if Sejd was read by any transphobes that were about to go shopping at Macy's, the sight might have kept them from crossing the picket line.

Robin

[kathy gg]

The reality is no matter how cool and diverse the city, two women holding hands will get attention....and if you are a gg with a cd, well you will get triple that attention. Personally I don't hold hands with Amanda when we are mainstream....gay village/alternative clubs/goth places no problem, I will totally hold hands and move close and even give pecks on the cheeks .......but mainstream places, no way.

Yes it is nerve wracking and gut wrenching, even for someone like myself that truly enjoys the whole cd thing....but I still get butterflies and feel this over whelming need to give someone the evil eye if they so much as look at Amanda any longer than normal. I get into this mind set when we do go out, I wish I could say it gets easier with time....maybe it does for some gg's....but I have been accompanying my sweety out for over 7 years and I still feel that clenching in my stomach and feel massive nerves. So....now I just make sure to have a glass of wine before going out and half way through the shopping trip! Takes that edge right off!

Keep in mind....no matter what, you can't mind read what people are thinking.

[KrazyKat]

I just got paranoid about attracting attention, especially when walking around with a GG who was 6'2" without wearing heels.
Robin

Robin, does this mean you are shorter than your gf? Most of us shop with 6ft+ "girlfriends" or SO's, it like kinda goes with the territory!!??

Kat

[Robin Leigh]

Robin, does this mean you are shorter than your gf? Most of us shop with 6ft+ "girlfriends" or SO's, it like kinda goes with the territory!!??

That tall girlfriend was 20 years ago, Kat. Yes, she was several inches taller than me, so even when I was not dressed en femme we'd often attract attention. We were together for almost 4 years.

Robin