I can understand..........

[jessica123cd]

married men telling and wanting your wife or partner to know you dress or be involved, bit wouldn't that be enough? Why tell anyone else and especially your kids? Don't kids have enough these days without struggling with that. I speak from first hand experience. My sister decided she was gay after trying the whole married thing with kids. It devestated the kids when she decided to move her girlfriend in with them. I think she should have lived her gay life seperate from the kids until they where older and moved out. I guess I am just curious why people would put there own needs and wants before there kids. Thanks. Please don't take this post the wrong way as hurtfull, it was not intended to be.

[Jennaie]

Sometimes we just have to be who we are because we don't know how to be someone else. It does not mean our children will grow up gay, crossdressers, serial killers, confused or any other type of social outcast that society deems unacceptable. I for one think that the more a person learns about the social sciences growing up, the better off he or she will be when it comes to understanding people.

[Talon DeRojo]

It can be difficult for the kids to adjust to even a new hetero, live-in partner. You don't say what ages the kids are, but if they are still living at home, they may still be trying to figure out their own sexuality. Also, you don't mention whether the Dad is in the kids' lives. How much was this new partner discussed with the kids beforehand? I'm not worried that the kids might "turn" gay, but that the basic situation of a new adult in the home might be unsettling to them. It's hard to say for sure w/o more information.
Talon

[Joy Carter]

I'd never put any live in realtionship a head of my kids. They come first in my life.

[NassauGurl]

I think one has to keep deeper things inmind when deciding to come out to children. I do believe that children who grow up with trans/cd/whatever parents do indeed turn out to be more open minded than your kids of traditional close-minded parents. When dealing with your kids you need to insure that you remember one thing. THEY ARE KIDS!! They are going to learn what you tell them. You need to stay focused on what being a kid is about and not forcing anything on them. Make sure they understand your choice and that it is yours and doesnt have to be thiers, teaching love and understanding. Just because you crossdress doesn't mean that you are sick, twisted, or whatever label is there. It just means you are being you, and there is nothing that can be more healthy than that. : )

[wifeofsissy GG]

married men telling and wanting your wife or partner to know you dress or be involved, bit wouldn't that be enough? Why tell anyone else and especially your kids? Don't kids have enough these days without struggling with that. I speak from first hand experience. My sister decided she was gay after trying the whole married thing with kids. It devestated the kids when she decided to move her girlfriend in with them. I think she should have lived her gay life seperate from the kids until they where older and moved out. I guess I am just curious why people would put there own needs and wants before there kids. Thanks. Please don't take this post the wrong way as hurtfull, it was not intended to be.

I'm with you on that one sister!!!

[deakane]

You have to keep the kids in mind yes but also remember that if your not happy then no one around you will be happy including the kids.

[vbcdgrl]

I agree. No self centered, narcissistic activity should come before family. After a lot of soul searching, I have to say I don't subscribe to the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy. Put your CDing in proper perspective, don't let it run your life. Sorry for small rant.

Vikki

[GG Vanya]

I agree. No self centered, narcissistic activity should come before family. After a lot of soul searching, I have to say I don't subscribe to the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy. Put your CDing in proper perspective, don't let it run your life. Sorry for small rant.

Vikki

<yelling from the Amen Corner!

As Trudi (yeah, I'm gonna quote the wise sage love of my life yet again) says:

I control my crossdressing, it does not control me.

[Wenda]

My kids all know. They are 20, 25, 28 and 31. The 31 year old also dresses. We discuss it by email and on the phone, but we have no plans to do a mommy/daughter/daddy/son dress-up outing.
I don't think you should dump it on them, but they have a lot more time to study and ponder the lttle things than most adults have, and have probably noticed some small irregularities. Coming clean, in stages, could be a step in building (or re-building) trust and understanding. I agree with the theme of some of the earlier posts that I don't like "In-your-face", "Like-it-or-lump-it" attitudes either. Each parent has to try to determine what their kids already know, and what they can accept. Generally, kids know more than we think.

[Rachel Morley]

This is very relevent in my life right now. We have Marla's sixteen year old son from a previous marrige living with us. We have considered telling him about me, but we just can't think of a good reason to do it. There doesn't seem to be a quantifiable benefit for any of us unless he was going take it all in his stride and be just as accepting as his Mom......of which I doubt that very much.

[Lawren]

It's just an issue of matter over mind. Because sex results in the most intense pleasure the body can have it is also the hardest thing for us to go without. Hence we want a partner close at hand at all times. Some people put sex high on their priority list without considering the consequences for others in our household.

[Lawren]

My apologies.

I zeroed in on the second part of your post there. (About your sister)

As for telling your children that you crossdress I think that would be an indivdual thing depending on their ages/gender. I find it difficult to think that a teenage boy would want to breach that subject at school because of the peer pressure and ridicule he might have to face. Girls seem to have more propensity to share secrets. Telling pre-teens is chancy because they may grow up thinking it's normal behavior or to reject you completely as a freak. They may also find it harder to keep the secret when among peers.

[Marla S]

I guess I am just curious why people would put there own needs and wants before there kids.

Because it is a dilemma. You might devastate your kids by coming out (are you sure this is really the reason ?) or by surpressing yourself which might have an effect how you relate and treat your children. I think it's less a matter of if or not, but a matter of how and when.
It is known that children are not "harmed" by growing up in a homosexual family, but it is known that any kind of splitting the family (divorce, death etc.) has a huge impact on children.
So I wouldn't assign the devastating effect less to being gay or not, but to the "divorce" and that happens all the time in the best heterosexual families too.

[Karren H]

Good question!! And I've heard simular stories before but for me its family first....wife and kids come before me and my "hobby"....

Love Karren

[Sky]

I guess I am just curious why people would put there own needs and wants before there kids.

It's called "the me age".

[wifeofsissy GG]

You have to keep the kids in mind yes but also remember that if your not happy then no one around you will be happy including the kids.

Than I say if it makes you THAT miserable, leave the house, live your life BUT for the sake of the kids.........leave them out of it.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Jessica,

Whatever do you mean, dear by "devastated"? How could living with your SO devastate children? There has to be more going on here.

I suspect that this trauma was related to the divorce and to someone's taking daddy's "'place" in the relationship and had nothing to do with your sister's realization of her homosexuality.

My sister and her "wife" (they are married now) have raised two delightful teenage boys and I can assure you that they are healthy, well adjusted teenagers.

And VBCD, what is "self centered and narcissistic" about living with your SO?
Is it only family centered if it is heterosexual?

Sorry for the rant here, but I detected a wide swath of homophobia creeping in. We, of all people, need to keep a close eye on our own tolerance and be sure and give others the same degree of acceptance that we are asking of them.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[CaptLex]

Each parent has to try to determine what their kids already know, and what they can accept.

I agree . . . I don't think there is one answer for everyone. Each family is different and should determine what works best for them. I agree that one's children's physical welfare and emotional well-being takes precedence, but that doesn't necessarily mean a person should live a life of secrecy and shame.

And VBCD, what is "self centered and narcissistic" about living with your SO? Is it only family centered if it is heterosexual?

Sorry for the rant here, but I detected a wide swath of homophobia creeping in. We, of all people, need to keep a close eye on our own tolerance and be sure and give others the same degree of acceptance that we are asking of them.

Thanks, Stephenie, I was wondering the same thing.

Actually, there seem to be two different issues here that shouldn't really be compared. If it's a hobby, as Karren says, then the decision to tell your children or not would be based on different circumstances than if a person realizes that he or she is gay and needs to live his or her life out in the open (like Jessica's sister).

[Sandra]

I am just curious why people would put there own needs and wants before there kids. .

Some don't We told our daughter about Nigella when she was 14, we thought she was old enough and grown up enough to:

1: be told
2: be able to make her own mind up about the CDing

We was lucky she has no problem whatsoever with her Dad. Kids do pick up on things they may not say anything but they know, Amy did her first comment was "I had an idea".

[Sophia Rearen]

If you don't tell them, then, you run the risk of having them find out and being upset by them not knowing the real you.

[Snookums]

I never had children,I was always busy helping others.Been married once,then divorced her,we didn't have kids and it was what I did for a living that caused our divorce,not my dressing,she never knew.I can't imagine what kids go through.

[Phoebe Reece]

My wife and I made the decision (before they were born) to raise our kids with full knowledge of my crossdressing. This decision was about creating an atmosphere of trust in the familiy where secrets between parents and children were discouraged. It was not about putting my needs before theirs. In fact, there were quite a few years when they were teenagers that I rarely dressed at home due to the possibilities of their friends dropping by unexpectedly. Our kids were fine growing up with it and are now 26 and 30 years old. We maintain a great relationship with them.

[tekla west]

Kids know more than you think. They find stuff that you thought you hid. No matter how hard it might be to deal with, hiding and lying are worse. That is teaching them the exactly wrong thing.

I know people of all sort of odd habits who raised pretty good kids, and a lot of 100% normal parents who had nothing but troubles. Kids are pretty flexable, have to be or they would never survive thier parents.

Given a choice I let mine know, never did it around them, but they knew, just guess it was safer than teaching them about religion.