Okay, I have just joined and introduced myself as a new member though I have admittedly lurked here for months if not a year or more. But now I find myself in need of some advice. Here is my story. I am forty four years old, separated, with a daughter in college. I have dressed for most of my life, but access to the internet in the past ten years has sent my dressing in all new directions. My wife never knew about my dressing, and I couldn't tell her because she is so sexually conservative that I know how she will react. Yes, I know many of you will say it is best to tell, but not knowing my situation I don't think you can say that with accuracy. Anyway, since I had found this forum a while back I have found the courage to go out dressed and have been out when I have the chance to dress which is frequently now that I have been separated. I have been shopping and even to dinner alone. It is absolutely the greatest feeling, whether I have passed completely or not.
About a year and a half ago I was in a chat room online and met a man who was interested in exploring his desire to meet a CD. I know that there are a lot of guys out there who aren't what they seem, but I was very careful. We emailed back and forth many times and he even told me his real name, sent me a copy of his drivers license, and gave me his phone number. I called him after checking that his name, number and address all matched. We chatted on the phone, me using my most femme voice, and after a couple of calls agreed to meet for coffee with me in drab. After I was totally comfortable with him I agreed to meet him dressed.
I got a motel room, dressed and awaited his arrival. Okay, I won't go into great detail with the rest of the story, but we have been seeing each other now for over a year, maybe once a month, sometimes twice. We go out to the movies, shop, dinner, and I feel so good with him. BUT after each time I feel extremely down to the point where I want to purge everything and stop meeting him and even to stop dressing. The stop dressing part is impossible I know but I seem to be addicted to him. He treats me so well and the sex is great. I am so confused I don't know what to do. Have I crossed some kind of line here, or can I still stop seeing him and return to the way I was? Right now after our date on Friday I have not emailed him or called him and I want to not contact him, but I know it won't last and I will give in and the desire to be with him will return.
I apologize for the length of this email, and for just becoming a member so I can get advice, but I feel so lost right now.
Thank you all for listenting.