Still in closet

[Pauline53]

Hi all,

I've been dressing for about 10 years now and have never had the courage to come out to my wife of 30 years. Yesterday, I thought I'd make the effort. We were laying in bed and I reached across and got one of her bras. Told her I had always wondered what it was like to wear them and suggested it would be fun to find out. Well, didn't that go down well ... NOT! She is not impressed at all with the idea of having a CD for a husband and let me know in no uncertain terms. Oh well, back to the closet and dressing when she's out.

Sorry to rant like this, but I just had to share my grief with someone else.


Pauline.

[Diana]

Hey Pauline, I know what you mean. My wife caught me many years ago. So, has known for a very long time. She does not, however, like it at all. For the past two or three years, I have been wearing panties (mainly thongs) 24/7 and as long as their not lacey, she doesn't say much. When are are in bed, she will even play with me while I have my 'panties' on. But, when it comes to other clothing items, she does not like it one bit. I have some fem shorts I wear around the house and she will make comments about them sometimes. I also have a bunch of fem t-shirts I wear all the time. In fact I don't remember the last time I wore a male t-shirt. Anyway, she will make comments and calls them 'blouses'.

Oh well, life goes on and I will continue to dress in private (for the more fem items - bras, stockings, camisoles, etc).

Diana

[Pauline53]

Thanks for the reply Dianna. I've got some nice stuff that I dress in when my wife isn't here (like now), but I'd love to do it more often. The impression I got when I raised it with her is that she wouldn't even like me wearing panties. Oh well, at least the closet is a bit bigger with the internet.

Pauline.

[Vivian Best]

[SIZE="4"]Been there done that!!!!Results the same.[/SIZE]

[Annie(ozcd)]

Well to the cds with non supportive wive's club.

It is great to see so many understanding GGs on this site, but the reality is that most wives (like mine of 35 years) can't accept. The "lucky" members of this club don't get thown out the door when we try to explain our desires to our wives.

[Pauline53]

Hi Annie, nice to see another Ozzie here. You're right too, I get the idea that a lot of wives just don't accept this side of us. I wish there was some way to change it.

Pauline.

[Annie(ozcd)]

Thanks hun - does that mean that u r also an Ozzie - where r u?

[Jasmine Ellis]

how sad it must of been for you. sorry to here this, at least you do try good luck the next time

[Danni Barron]

I would dearly love to escape the closet, For me, the problem is that the subject has been raised with my wife a couple of times, but the feedback I got was 100% negative (I'm sure you all know what I mean). I am totally convinced that if I couldn't make the closet fit around me, then it would be the end of our marriage, and our friendship, both of which I treasure.

My S.O. does know that I have cross-dressed, as we have been to parties together with me dressed, but doesn't actually "know" that I indulge frequently, and there is a Danni ready to party. The party outings are viewed as "fun time", having a laugh etc. etc. and I went along with the spirit of those adventures, probably being "over-girly" to reinforce the simulated "having a laugh" scenario.

But this isn't going to go away - I live in hope that Cross-Dressing and Transgenderism becomes so much a day-to-day, humdrum, generally accepted subject that could soften the blow for "coming out".

[SherriePall]

Pauline -- Ironically, while you are still in the closet, you have brought your wife in with you. When I told my non-supporting wife seven years ago, she complained that she was now in the closet with me because she couldn't tell anyone about it or talk to anyone about it (not long ago I mentioned this forum to her as a place to go to talk). So, keep that in mind as you wonder about your CDing future. Remember to show and tell her you love her.

[sherell]

I had my S.O. put a bra on me 30+ years a go. She supports me as long as I stay in the closet. Latley she prefers not to see me dressed. I think I'me one of the lucky ones right.

[Pauline53]

Thank you all who have replied. Your comments are much appreciated. I'ts just nice to know that there are others out there that feel the same way and have the same problems.
Annie, I'm from Wagga. Shame we're not closer.


Pauline.

[Robin Leigh]

Hi Pauline,

I'm sorry to hear that your wife wasn't impressed with your idea to try on her bra. But don't abandon all hope. Give her time. Women can have complete 180 degree reversals about CDing. It has happened.

Let her know that this wasn't just some Sunday morning whim. She clearly has a negative image of what it means to be a CD, so you have to educate her, but do it gently.

Maybe watch a movie with her that has CDing in it and make comments to let her know which bits intrigue you & which bits you find embarrassing. Try an old classic, eg "Some Like it Hot", or even "Tootsie" or "Mrs Doubtfire". Then you could graduate to "Priscilla". Just an idea.

PS. We have lots of Aussies here. Not a huge number in the country regions, but one new member (Colleen?) is from Coonabarrabran.

Robin

[Jo_2s]

Hi Pauline,

Sorry about her reaction to the bra, give it some time, as long as you can then why not try a pair of very plain white cotton panties, you know the every day working ones. I know it's not what you would pick but you could try to explain that you need something thin and cool under say this pair of pants ( mens type with thick elastic or boxers would show ? )

If you can get away with this, then tell her how good it feels ( don't go over the top or keep on ) You have to get your own, remember plain at first, and go full time.

The point is a bra is the most fem item to most Women, and to see her man in her bra !!!

Given time you can slowly build up to what you would like, but this still might not work

I am very lucky, my wife found one of my slips just after we married 25 years ago, and I think she was kind of glad when she knew it realy was mine, but it still took some time before I got my first skirt ( she's not seen my bra's yet ! )

Good luck

[JoAnnDallas]

I am fairly sure that my wife does not know about my fem side, but I have gotten her to let me be a little fem. Such as she knows I shave my legs, chest, underarms, and arms. She also lets me wear polish on my toe nails. My nails are acrylic and long, but that is because I had nails that split, break, and crack. Now they don't and she likes that. I also wear Haynes and JMS T-Shirts as long as then are crew neck and not V neck or scoop neck. Lastly she let me buy and wear these funky sandles.

The other day I was laying on the couch wearing pantys, a Haynes T-Shirt, White Shorts, and my funky sandles. She walks by caring on of the cats, stops, looks down at me, and then tells the cat "Daddy is looking girly", then walks off. I got off the couch, went into the bathroom to use the john, looked at myself in the mirror and smiled and giggled. I did look girly.

Yesterday, we went to Sears and while we were they, we looked for a set of satin PJ's for her. I mentioned that I could buy a pair and we could having matching PJ's. She gave me this look, and I dropped the subject. Don't want to push it too far.

[Charleen]

Been there, done that, stayed in the closet for 30 years! My marriage was more important to me than CDing, so I dressed when I could.
I can't, and won't pretend to speak for all, but my experience has been that at least in my case, there were enough everyday troubles to cope with in a marriage, that adding my CDing to the mix when I knew she didn't like the idea was asking for trouble that needn't to be added. We had our ups and downs but all in all, it was a wonderful 30 years, and I do not regret hiding Lily from her. Now that she's passed, I can do as I like, well within reason of course, and can be femme 24/7, or at least partial while at work. Did get in a little trouble with the pink cloud there for a while, but am back to reality and enjoying myself once again.
I wish you well. I know how frustrating being in the closet can be. In my situation I asked myself what was more important in my life. I believe I made the right choice and have no regrets. Love and xxxx, Lily

[EricaCD]

I am sorry to hear that your attempt did not go over well. If at some point you decide to re-raise the issue, I might suggest that you not involve any "props". While some GGs may have an easier time coming to terms with a concrete "I'd like to wear this" request, my educated guess is that many more would prefer their introduction to be a little more abstract. Certainly in my case, my wife and I are able to discuss matters much more calmly if I can enable her NOT to visualize my dressing (which I know is a turn-off for her). Just a thought.

Erica

[Sheila]

below is the address for a post that many might find interesting it deals with how to tell your wife/partner, hope this helps

http://crossdressers-forum.com/forum...opic.php?t=107

Pauline, don't give up hope sometimes we genetic females take a moment or two to get our heads round things

good luck

Jess(so)

[Tree GG]

Sorry you're feeling bad about your attempt to come out. From my point of view, as a wife of 25 yrs before I knew about his CDing, I'm not sure how CDing would end a healthy partnership. I see the posts of how coming out ended it all, but I can't help but wonder if there weren't already problems that weren't addressed, and coming out was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Yes coming out created trust, sex & security issues, but fortunately we had 25 yrs of history that kept these cleary associated as CD questions, not relationship issues. Once I was able to verbalize my fears, and he could hear them & respond as best he could, CDing started finding a place in the relationship.

Don't mean to preach, but you've got to make sure you've made damned sure your wife knows she is loved, desired and more important to you than the enfemme self. Even that doesn't guarantee 100% acceptance, but at least you've given yourself the best odds possible.

Good luck

[Sheila]

JoAnn,
think maybe she does know about your fem side, just maybe not ready yet to participate in it

Jess

[Jaydee]

Pauline,
I understand your situation exactly. A couple weeks ago, my wife and I had had a conversation about why she hates pantyhose. A day or so later I openly purchased a pair of pantyhose, explaining that I had always been curious about them. I got the "look". After explaining my thoughts (but not everything), she was reluctantly accepting. The next day I wore them under shorts. While for me it was exhileration to wear them openly, I could tell she was uncomfortable. I didn't want to press too hard so haven't repeated it. I hope to later this week. I guess we will just take it slow and see how it goes or until we hit the "wall" that sends me back to the closet. Good Luck to you.

Jaydee

[Karren H]

Well nice try anyway!! You never know untill you ask...

But I've always said that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission...but in our cases neither is really that easy...

Love Karren

[melissaabom]

It is not very easy for some wives to accept our crossdressing ..it creates
another girl and competition sometimes ..

Keep tryng to take it easy with your wife ..hopefully some day!

Melissa