confussed!!!

[jennifer ann]

To start with I am new here as a member, but I have been viewing the posts for a couple of months now. First let me start out by telling you my wife of 15 years found my bin of everything to dress as Jennifer ( wig, make-up and everything). Needless to say I had never told her about any of this accept for a video tape I had made telling her everything which she had found also. Needless to say she was pissed off to no end. A couple of months have passed now, and sometimes she may view it as ok or sometimes hates it. The other day she round about hinted that I needed to dress but did it in a weard way I can't describe. I have wanting to dress up alot lately but afraid she would notice were my clothes been went (with me). Confused what do I do. Sorry for rambleing on and on

Jennifer

[Aemilia]

I'd recommend talking to her. Women are (usually) more communicative than men, and I think all of us would benefit if we recognized we should talk more often.with our girlfriends or wives or whatever. Just tell her you want to dress and ask her if it would be OK with her. If she asks why you asked her, just tell her you love her and don't want to do anything to hurt her.

[Snookums]

I'd recommend talking to her. Women are (usually) more communicative than men, and I think all of us would benefit if we recognized we should talk more often.with our girlfriends or wives or whatever. Just tell her you want to dress and ask her if it would be OK with her. If she asks why you asked her, just tell her you love her and don't want to do anything to hurt her.

[Sejd]

Dear Ann Jennifer
your girlfriend needs to know that you are not some weirdo who is off in some strange CD land. What you do when you dress up is something you need to do because it is a fundamental part of your sexuality. Not something you all of a sudden "got into" but the way you were born. Drag her to a therapist who knows about these things. ( well, maybe don't drag her, just invite her gently). Some men get surprised when the CD thing hits in mature age, but inside, they knew all along. I was my self completely obliviant to the fact that I was a CD although I had practiced my art on and off al my life. Your girlfriend will understand if you tell her the whole story, and how it is not just about some hidden clothing.
good luck and blessings
huggs
Sejd

[Sandy I am]

Hi jennifer anne, I'm knew here too.
Gut feeling says talk to her be truthful. But on the other side I was truthful about dressing with my ex-wife. NOTICE I said ex wife. I think it was the icing on the cake. Good luck! luv Sandy

[Jasmine Ellis]

I would say its time you two had a little talk

[nancy58]

Definitely, you girls need to talk, and seeing a therapist is a good way to facilitate this. If you read enough posts here, you will find that many wives/girlfriends are very conflicted when they discover their man likes to dress as a woman. Some will think you want to become a woman, some will think you're gay and aren't going to want them any more. Some will think maybe there's something wrong with *them*. They will need to talk about these feelings. But mainly, you and she need to talk so this doesn't become a wall between you.

Cheers,
Nancy

[Sheila]

Jennifer,

As the SO of claire Jane I can understand where your wife is coming from ----- having "discovered" Jennifer, --- I only found out about Claire Jane a couple of months ago, and the hardest part to deal with from my point of view has been the lies and deceipt (some days even now I still find it difficult).

Talking and Listening is the best advice we can give you for the moment, but when you talk do please remember to listen, she may be angry,----- allow her to be, she may be hurt, confused and right now feeling very lost and alone. The really hard part in this for your wife may be that this time she can't talk to anybody about this, her mum, sister, dad, brothers,friends, work mates, and your family they are all off limits on this one, while you can answer some of her questions you won't be able to answer them all.

You didn't say whether your wife had viewed any of the forums available or joined any. If it helps you can give her my email address if she would rather ask questions from another SO but not in an open forum


Jess(SO)

[Kate Simmons]

My wife and I never talked about it. She always saw it as a threat to her femininity.We are now living apart and I miss her. I agree with the rest of the girls that you have to talk to demystify it and convince her it is no threat to your relationship. Just talking from hard experience here. Ericka/Rich

[jennifer ann]

thank you for all tour advice I think I am going to talk to my wife tonight about it.

[Billijo49504]

Good luck and I hope everything comes out well for both of you...BJ

[Karen Johnson]

Had long, open discussions with my wife about my desires and feelings. Learned a lot about myself during these. Honest and open discussion goes a long way in a relationship. You must trust her. Also, whatever brought you two together in the first place hasn't gone anywhere. You still have that foundation.

I think that a lot of wives or SO's don't understand us and are afraid of losing us to what they don't understand. My wife was afraid that I was drifting toward one day telling her that I was leaving her for a man. Fortunately, I had already tried the homo thing and it wasn't for me. I'm not a homo, just a guy that likes to wear dresses. (It doesn't hurt that I have excellent taste in clothes and do look good in most of the things I wear.) (Smile.) I explained that to her and it helped.

Good luck and don't make it any more comlicated than it already is.

[Sandra]

I would have a chat with her and explain how you feel answer her questions as honest as you can, if she does come round then go slow with her, one thing SOs don't like is that most Cders will want to go like a "bull in a China shop" and want to do it all the time of as often as possible, so take your time with her.

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

To start with I am new here as a member, but I have been viewing the posts for a couple of months now. First let me start out by telling you my wife of 15 years found my bin of everything to dress as Jennifer ( wig, make-up and everything). Needless to say I had never told her about any of this accept for a video tape I had made telling her everything which she had found also. Needless to say she was pissed off to no end. A couple of months have passed now, and sometimes she may view it as ok or sometimes hates it. The other day she round about hinted that I needed to dress but did it in a weard way I can't describe. I have wanting to dress up alot lately but afraid she would notice were my clothes been went (with me). Confused what do I do. Sorry for rambleing on and on

Jennifer

Hiya Jennifer


Your wife is understandably ****ed off with you, as you have kept such a valuable side of your feelings away from her for so long. Though I am not married myself right now, I realise that Marriages should be based on honesty about yourself and in the case of your wife, this should include your feelings too. Which unfortunatelly you omitted to mention to her, so now she is confronted now with a husband she doesn't know as well as she thought she did. It will take time for her to figure out how to take this revelation and this is totally understandable.. My advice is give her space and do not push your interest in dressing in front of her, in the hope of eventually she might come round to a compromise instead of a very unfortunate ultimatum... ok..

Sorry to be putting this write up a bit blunt, but if the situation was the other way round, i feel sure you would feel like her.

Now, you have taken years to come to terms with your dressing, so try to realise that your wife will need space and time to consider her reactions and what happens from here on in... I feel sure, that if you leave it for a while.. she might want to bring up the subject, and when she does be careful and don't get rattled by any of her negative comments, just keep cool... answering any of her questions she might have. Then you will have the chance to explain your feelings to her and why you omitted telling her.

Finally, the fact about the video tape was not a good move... as that lost you the chance to bring this very valuable opportunity to a closure.. Instead she now knows, and now you'll have to hold back for her time now... but be patient, i feel sure she will come round eventually.. As above all, she is still your wife... and I hope she remains being so too...


All the best for your future together


Melissa

[CoachTomXXX]

For anyone who has not yet confided their CDing in the wife, let me make a suggestion: In your sexual foreplay with your wife begin by simply putting on her panties. Tell her they feel sexy on you because they are hers. Encourage her to play with you in her panties. If all goes well the first night you wear her panties, then proceed to wear her stockings the next time around. Encourage her to dress you, allways telling her that it is she and her clothes that arouses you. Gradually she will into the game.

[great gg]

For anyone who has not yet confided their CDing in the wife, let me make a suggestion: In your sexual foreplay with your wife begin by simply putting on her panties. Tell her they feel sexy on you because they are hers. Encourage her to play with you in her panties. If all goes well the first night you wear her panties, then proceed to wear her stockings the next time around. Encourage her to dress you, allways telling her that it is she and her clothes that arouses you. Gradually she will into the game.

waht you are saying is to fool her into thinking it is about her and not about you. I totally disagree, it is dishonest and not at all what a good honest and authentic relationship is about, nor is it about having intimacy with your partner. the truth is that you are a CDer and not someone who is turned on by wearing "her" clothes. it is never ok to lie, be maniputlaive or trick your partner into anything.

[Sandra]

For anyone who has not yet confided their CDing in the wife, let me make a suggestion: In your sexual foreplay with your wife begin by simply putting on her panties. Tell her they feel sexy on you because they are hers. Encourage her to play with you in her panties. If all goes well the first night you wear her panties, then proceed to wear her stockings the next time around. Encourage her to dress you, allways telling her that it is she and her clothes that arouses you. Gradually she will into the game.

Yeah a great way to get your SO not to accept your CDing and yet again a load of lies, some of you people are beyond belief.

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah a great way to get your SO not to accept your CDing and yet again a load of lies, some of you people are beyond belief.

That's why I finally came out, Sandra. I was tired of the deceit. Things didn't work well but now I have a clear conscience anyway. Ericka/Rich