Getting A Girfriend, Who will Accept the CrossDressing Part of Me?

[Janet_Johnson_cd]

For awhile now i've been worried that if i ever found the perfect girlfriend and i told her about my inner girl, she'd go off me. What do you do?

Cheers!

[SherriePall]

You don't go looking for a girl who will like CDing. You just date and meet women and if you start clicking with one, tell her before you get too far into the relationship. If she freaks out, you move on. If she can live with it, you continue if the rest of the relationship is right. Just don't wait til 25 to 30 years later to tell her like some of us.

[Sedona]

Yes I agree. You don't necc. want to make CDing the reason you pick a girlfriend. Go meet your lady, then wait a few months to tell her. A small part of me thinks that alterna-girls who have a tendency toward non-mainstream things like BDSM, very liberal politics and stuff are more likely to accept a CDer. While I believe there's some truth to this, my girlfriend is toward the more conservative of the women I've dated, and it's turning out that she accepts my CDing.

Good luck, no easy answers except find someone you click with first, then let the rest follow.

[maggietv]

I'm not sure what I actually expected to happen or how I expected my wife to react when I told her, but I was extremely dissappointed and in tears when I first got my wifes knee jerk reaction to my transsexual desires. I only wanted to share this epic part of my life with someone I loved and it was as if I had been caught cheating on her.

After a couple of years of therapy and unresolved differences the inevitable occured and we were divorced. This was followed by a short but intense period of depression and self neglect and eventually more therapy until I could get to a point in my life where I was able to emotionally open myself up to other relationships. Of course I was resolved this time to be open and upfront about everything but cautious.

I had many friends who were more than willing to fix me up but for everytime I thought things were getting serious and I decided to broach the subject (normally at first from a more hypothetical viewpoint) I would get such negative reactions that I would find myself backing off relatively quickly. I suppose down deep inside I thought that this time when I found the right person it would be easy and natural just to sit down and have a nice quiet conversation and that person would throw her arms around me and say it was ok. Of course that never happened.

All I know is that I was lonely and again on the verge of depression. It was one of the girls in the office that actually saved me. It was my birthday and I was down and going to spend it alone. She must have sensed this and invited me to her apartment for dinner. She too was between boyfriends and after a wonderful dinner and a couple bottles of wine we ended up on her couch talking and for some reason I let loose and told her everything. She listened intensely as I told her my lifes history of crossdressing and other intimate details I had never told anyone before. It felt so good and she was so emphathetic as I spoke. I felt that at last I finally had a best friend someone who understood, someone I could talk too.

Then she bent over and kissed me. Gently and first, but instantly things got intense. Later that night we ended up in her bed passionately making love to each other. .

After words we again made traditional love and we fell asleep in each others arms. The next morning we had breakfast together and I hurried to my appartment for a quick shower and a change of clothing. That afternoon we had lunch together and we talked. We had made a special bond that would never be broken and I did have a best friend. Such a good friend that eventually we had open and intense conversations about my sexuallity and in a sense made me accept my true sexuality. Eventually she persuaded at least meet a gay male friend of hers who I eventually did date for a short period. He was a great guy, funny and carring, and very talented in bed but I was not gay and what he wanted in bed was another gay man and not a transsexual. I appreciated that and all the other times that my friend ended up fixing me but most of all I appreciated the fact that she helped to enable me to find male suitors for myself.

I have not found the perfect male suitor yet but I am comfortable at dressing and going out and approaching men. In the end it wasn't that I couldn't find a woman who would accept me for what I wanted. It was more the fact that it took a true friend to help me realize what I wanted. I wich you the best luck in finding a woman who will accept you if that is truly what you want.

[MichelleOBrien]

I've found that if you get a woman who hangs around a bunch of gay guys, then she'll prolly be okay with it. either way, always tell her ASAP b/c no woman like s to wait to find out, especially when there's feelings involved.

[Carol Richards]

It's a hard thing to tell somebody when your biggest fear is that it will chase them away, especially when it is a girlfriend and somebody you really care about, it is a real stressful situation trying to figure out what to do. I got alot of good advise from everybody on this website. This website has really helped me out to figure out who I am. I am a crossdresser, and there is nothing bad about it.

I met my wife last year. After about a month of dating I was torn between telling her and not telling her. I had been reading alot of the posts on this website and this question has came up alot. The majority of the ladies opinion was to tell your S.O. early(the sooner the better). Being an openly honest person, I figured it was better to tell her early before both of us got too attached(honesty is the best policy). If she doesn't like me for who I am, then it wasn't meant to be.



I had been thinking about telling her for about a week, and then finally one day I decided to tell her. I was sick all day at work, just really sick to my stomach. I almost chickened out. I went over to her house that night and told her I had to tell her something important to tell her about me. She started to get scared because she saw how upset I was. So finally I told her that I was a crossdresser. I have told only a very few people, but this was somebody I really cared about and I was afraid I was going to lose her over this. She paused for a little bit, then she said she didn't understand it but she was ok with it. She said that women wear mens clothes and the clothes you wear don't change the inner person you are, just show another facet of your inner person. She said she cared for the person I was, not for what I might wear. That was the most stressed I think I have ever been. We have been married since April.


I guess what I am trying to say is that you have to find the right person for you that cares about you and the person you are. I think if you do that she will accept you for everything. Every situation is differen't and every person is differen't. You have to do what makes you comfortabe and what you feel is right with you. I hope this helps you in some little way. All the advise I have gotten here has helped me alot.


I just wanted to say thanks to this website and everybody that post here. This website has made me feel good about myself again.





Carol Richards

[Deidra Cowen]

There are GGs that go out to clubs where trannies go looking for us! Thats where I met my ex GG GF. I admit those GGs are rare...but they are out there!

But right now I have decided that I just need to be single, take care of my kids, have fun and not mess up some poor GGs life by having her in a relationship with me! Beside I really am used to doing what I want to do these days...well except on my weekends with da kids.

[Rikkicn]

You'll find one that will absolutley adore you for who you are and are becoming.
Keep polishing your heart, learn to love more deeply and when your ready....she'll show up

[Nigella]

For awhile now i've been worried that if i ever found the perfect girlfriend and i told her about my inner girl, she'd go off me. What do you do?

Cheers!

Mmmmmmmmmm I'd have to make sure Sandra didn't find out

[Rachel Morley]

Well, obviously you don't tell her on the first date. However that said, by date number two or three I would be wanting to tell her about "my softer non-manly side" and that I consider myself a girly guy. Hopefully she would be still be interested in me to find out what I was really like as a person.

I wouldn't mention being a CD if I was you until after you've had several dates. If you're not right for each other, it will be obvious and you'll break up without having to mention the cding part. The moment you feel that perhaps there's "something going on between you" I think that you should mention it. Trust me, if it's meant to be it'll happen without you having to force it

[Audrey34]

I do agree with the others here that's it's best to tell her early in the relationship. I only wish I had the courage to even get into one right now. How can I tell any girl after a few dates: "Honey, I'm a crossdresser and i also like to tie up women". I keep having this nightmare that the girl is going to beat me senseless with a 2x4.
-Audrey

[Janet_Johnson_cd]

Thanks for the comments, i'll take my time and hopefully find the right person soon.

Also has anyone seen my updated Gallery?

Janet

[Josi]

I took a different route .. I went on a couple of dating sites showing my femme picture and explaining myself on the profile (ie hetro crossdresser). I made my profile only visable to women.
I just couldnt imagine making any relationships and then deciding when to tell my story.
Firstly, it would mean me having the courage to again risk rejection after investing emotionally, OR for her to have to decide in the light of new information what she should do ....
So, by being "upfront" in a safe place, it meant any new connection I made would be made in the knowledge of who I am. No deceit - or rejection takes place BEFORE any emotional connection.

I was ignored by most, abused by a few, made REAL friends who would go "out" with me but didnt want to "date" me or have a relationship with me .. and then I met my wonderful partner.
If I may speak for her ..she wasnt looking for a crossdresser. She was just looking for someone to relate to. ... and I happened to be a crossdresser.
Her willingness to trust and to find out led to where we are now.

Good Luck.

[Lisa Golightly]

For awhile now i've been worried that if i ever found the perfect girlfriend and i told her about my inner girl, she'd go off me.

Not quite perfect then.

It pays to be upfront... There are less casualties that way.

[ebony]

Well first off you never want to waist time do to the fact you could be missing out on someone who accepts you for who you are. My daugters mom
condoned it for a while untill it started to mess with her head thinking that I was less of a man because I no longer felt the need to be all macho deep down inside thats not me but it was fun the whole time she was dealing with
it. but then I met a girl that was bi sexual and she loved it untill she didnt feel the urge to sleep with women any more so there went our relationship because now Im female to her because I couldnt make up my mind if I wanted to dress full time or not. So from experience the odds are better wit bi sexual women than straight because I feel the understand more than a straight woman. majority straight woman say you will never be a woman all the make up and the cloths in the world will never make you what I am but why we never do the women like that that dress like men sorry to blab on but chow for now.

[Sandra]

Well first off you never want to waist time do to the fact you could be missing out on someone who accepts you for who you are. My daugters mom
condoned it for a while untill it started to mess with her head thinking that I was less of a man because I no longer felt the need to be all macho deep down inside thats not me but it was fun the whole time she was dealing with
it. but then I met a girl that was bi sexual and she loved it untill she didnt feel the urge to sleep with women any more so there went our relationship because now Im female to her because I couldnt make up my mind if I wanted to dress full time or not. So from experience the odds are better wit bi sexual women than straight because I feel the understand more than a straight woman. majority straight woman say you will never be a woman all the make up and the cloths in the world will never make you what I am but why we never do the women like that that dress like men sorry to blab on but chow for now.

Sorry but I disagree here, many straight women do understand.

[JeanneF]

Sorry but I disagree here, many straight women do understand.

True, but the odds are much greater, IMO, with girls with bi tendencies. I equate it to a greater level (in general) of openmindedness and understanding of the fluidity of gender and sexuality. Plus, assuming they're legitimately bi and not just bi because it's trendy, they've probably had to deal with their own sexual identity issues and are more likely to understand us dealing with ours.

[Ariel_TV]

There are tricks to help you find the right one.

First you don't need to come out on the first date and tell her that you are a crossdresser but theyre are indirects ways to get her feelings on the subject.

First of , you can ask her what type of guy she like or try to learn it in the conversation . If you see that she likes manly mans or construction worker then i don't think she will like to see you in panties but if she like the cute sensitive guys then you may have better luck with her accepting a feminin side.

You can also talk about the gay / lesbians and finally transgered . In our days and age it easier to talk about the subject . Talk about one story and ask her about her feeling on it . If she is disgusted by anything that not straight and normal in her book then you will know that you have a pretty high step to climb with her. But don't be fooled by the other way around , it not because she is accepting of other lifestyle that she will be willing to share her life with someone with a alternate lifestyle but your chances are higher that she will be accepting.

If your crossdressing is a important part of your sexual life then i would also suggest looking for a bisexual woman. Not that straight girl will not accept you but girls that are sexually attracted to boys and girls has more chance of wanting to jump in bed while your all dressed up then a woman who is sexually attracted to males only. But if your crossdressing is not sexually driven then it doesn't matter cause we saw on this board that many straight girl enjoy a crossdressing husband. And i am not saying that straight woman will not accept having sex with you while dressed up has a woman but don't expect her to jump at the idea when you mention it to her the first time . You will need to be patient and understanding of her feelings . And on the flip-side it not because a girl is bisexual that she will be automaticly accepting . It just more probable on one side then on the other.

Any woman has a chance of being understanding and supportive but you can get a good idea of your chances by talking and especially listenning to her.

[tall_brianna]

Good stuff, I was wondering the same thing....

maggietv, your story is my worst fear! It's part of why I've never told any SOs including two six year relationships, 3-4 two year+, and a bunch others > 6 mos. I've just enjoyed being a boy while with them and sneaking off when they were out.

I never thought any other way until... I met this couple who are not into lables but are very sexual. He does it, she actually helps him and yeah, they have sex sometimes with her wearing a strap-on! She said she wasn't bi but she definitely thinks the female form is more sexy than male and likes her man smooth shaven. And then reading posts here from GG GFs and I'm wondering, yeah, maybe that would be fun to share.

I could have gotten away with it with Margie. She was a little alt, liked a little lite bdsm, was into girls and joked about being les but had never had the opportunity. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I've also never told anyone else and I fear it getting around - even if she didn't tell anyone I know, she'd tell her family - they were really tight, and they'd look at me differently.

Another GGGF actually told me after sex one time early in our relationship to put on her panties with a mischevious look - I, of course, perhaps too quickly, went for some macho line like, "I'm afraid i'd get a boner and they'd rip off like the incredible hulk." Wow, that was critical moment - she said I passed her test. Little did she know I tried on those little pink satin panties later

I don't know why you can't broach the subject as a fettish. I guess for some it is more than that. It must be hard being a FT translesbian