This is my first post after finding you all yesterday.
Some of you look awesome and some not as good.
I love the feeling, but only sexually, and it seems that the only way lately to climax sexually is to wear panties or imagine being a woman. My wife says she is "ok" with it but I am certain she would prefer not to.
I just so much want to not have these feelings. I hate myself after a climax and disgust myself having to undress from the lingerie.
I am not comfortable with it at all.
I hate it.
Hi! An initial piece of advice:
Relax.
A great many of us have been through what you are going through, or close enough so that the variations don't matter. Most of us are at varying degrees of self-acceptance, and all of us acknowledge it's a long, long, long process!
Read, learn, absorb, observe, comment! Welcome
Erica
For photos on flickr, my user name is cd_erica_f
Hi Stapler,
Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It's really self destructive, and probably will only make you feel worse.
A couple of questions for you. How long has this been going on? If it's only a little while ( a few months) it may go away or change.
Have you fantasized about being a woman in other situations before the sexual manifestation? If so, you'll find a lot of company here. That's common among CDs.
You might be disgusted even thinking you are similar to us, but the worst thing you can do is run and try to ignore it. If you are a crossdresser, you won't be able to ignore it forever. The need will come back. When you can come to terms with what you are and how you feel, you will be happier.
There are some who cannot get sexually aroused unless they are wearing womens clothing.
A lot more of us do not have this problem. Why the difference? I don't know. The answer may be very individual.
I can offer something. In general, wearing womens clothes tends to be very sexual when first started. As the crossdresser wear more clothes and for a longer time, the sexual element tends to decrease. It pretty much goes away for some. (Not that they don't like sex, it's just that the clothes alone don't turn them on).
A last question to ponder, do you think that wearing more womens clothes might help you change your bedroom situation? I know you might have trouble accepting this, but we have all experienced the emotions you are going through. It ain't easy as you know.
Lastly, although very trite, counseling can help. (Yeah right, like a guy goes to counseling...)
We understand!
Hugs, Lori
Stapler,
First of all...welcome. Secondly some of the gurls here are knockout pretty, some are slightly less. We vary in age, nationality, race and religion. But we do support eachother since we share the commonality of CDing. Lastly please re-read Erica's post. She very smart.
Colleen
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Feeling pretty on the inside.
You can deny it all you want tooo, but it won't do any good. You are a crossdresser. For a while it a sex thing, but later it's just a being comfortable thing. I come home from work, I get a bra and a skirt on, then I feel beter. So you might as well accept it and learn to live with it. And it's great that your wife is accepting, that makes life easier. You don't have to hide it. And you will have a shopping partner. So you'll get to pay for two wardrobes, but it's a small price to pay. Take my word for it....BJ
What Lori SC and EricaCD said
1. A. I have always had the desire to wear a dress or put on makeup. I am 39 now and I remember my first desire was about 10.Originally Posted by Lori SC
Hi Stapler,
Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It's really self destructive, and probably will only make you feel worse.
1. Q. A couple of questions for you. How long has this been going on? If it's only a little while ( a few months) it may go away or change.
2. Q. Have you fantasized about being a woman in other situations before the sexual manifestation? If so, you'll find a lot of company here. That's common among CDs.
3. Q. You might be disgusted even thinking you are similar to us, but the worst thing you can do is run and try to ignore it.
If you are a crossdresser, you won't be able to ignore it forever. The need will come back. When you can come to terms with what you are and how you feel, you will be happier.
There are some who cannot get sexually aroused unless they are wearing womens clothing.
A lot more of us do not have this problem. Why the difference? I don't know. The answer may be very individual.
I can offer something. In general, wearing womens clothes tends to be very sexual when first started. As the crossdresser wear more clothes and for a longer time, the sexual element tends to decrease. It pretty much goes away for some. (Not that they don't like sex, it's just that the clothes alone don't turn them on).
A last question to ponder, do you think that wearing more womens clothes might help you change your bedroom situation? I know you might have trouble accepting this, but we have all experienced the emotions you are going through. It ain't easy as you know.
4. Q. Lastly, although very trite, counseling can help. (Yeah right, like a guy goes to counseling...)
We understand!
Hugs, Lori
3. A. I am so disgusted with myself and feel like jumping off the balcony at times. I feel like I have let my wife down because she has to be with me through my confusion. I am scared to kill myself but I have considered it many times. Not over this but with a lot of stuff. I sound like a turd but I am in counceling for a few things and this is kind of up at the moment. I am horrified by the way some of the men here look. I don't want to be part of that or the scene. Shopping on the internet for a skirt or shoes to fit me. In Australia during the mardi-gras I see these creepy people in their over the top attention seeking outfits and I think I am not that.
4. A. I go to counseling. I am reminded of a joke.
A woman tells her friend she goes to the Shrink because she is embarrased to find that she answers the telephone even though it does not ring.
Her friend visited her home one day and was astounded to see that after her weekly visits to the Shrink she still answered the telephone even though it did not ring.
I thought you said the Shrink helped you hith your problem he friend asked.
He did the woman said. I am not embarrased to answer it anymore.
I DONT WANT TO BE ok GETTING PLEASURE OUT OF IT. I WANT IT TO STOP.
Last edited by GypsyKaren; 11-13-2006 at 07:02 AM. Reason: One got by us
I was hoping to get some help here.
Not EVERYONE wants to have these feelings. I know because I don't want to and I am certain I am not alone.
I want to know how to make them stop.:mad:
We have all been there wanting it to stop.
Most of us have accepted it because we know to not accepted will be worse the feeling do not go a way it is part of who we are.
I wish I had something better for you.
you can PM me any time it you want to talk.
Anna
First of all, everyone gets gender brainwashed at an early age. We learn there are certain things, such as clothes, hair, accessories that little girls wear and little boys don't. In other words, women are the pretty sex and men are the strong sex. Also, behavior is different between the sexes. So
we learn to behave according to our sex. Well what happens when a boy
desires to look pretty? After all, this is taboo. I learned this and you learned this. This is the great conflict that one has to overcome. The conflict arrises
because how we feel is in direct contradiction to how we think we are supposed to feel. As a result, we feel ashamed, guilty and generally discusted with ourself especially after
we have crossdressed.
The pain you feel is not from the crossdressing . It is from how you we taught to think. You must deal with this issue as a only one entity of an otherwise complicated you. It is good that you are in counseling and it is good that you have come here. The pain will go away when you can eliminate the shame, guilt and discust. It wouldn't have taken me half a lifetime to figure things out had I had this forum.
Welcome and stay with us. Yes some look better than others, but in actuality, crossdressing is a personal thing and privately, no one has to look good at all.
"Lady Fingers"
Ok, let me see if I understand: you want immediate, fully effective advice on how to achieve something many of us simply can't (others don't want to), something many people getting real-life (as opposed to virtual, which is what the forum is) professional help can't achieve anyway, and you get mad because you didn't get it, right?
The key here is "realistic expectations".
Stapler,
No one knows why crossdressing happens to some men. In my early years, I experienced great deal of disgust and shame as I undressed following my "one hand exercises". I found that lack of privacy really postponed my cd activities. Then along came marriage, and 2 children. They hung around for about 20 years. Maybe having children would help--no privacy and sure keeps you busy.
After that I had a decision to make: yes to crossdressing --or resist--after a year of counseling and purging all my dresses, I stopped the counseling. Eventually, I joined a support group. We don't look anything like the extreme drag queens you see at Mardi Gras. Actually about 50 percent of the wives accompany their husbands to the meetings. The sexual aspect is no longer important. Or maybe I have just slowed down.
Jennifer R, Michigan
First of all - welcome! I found that I made the biggest breakthrough when I learned to accept the dressing, not supress it. Then it no longer became an issue that I had to look for an answer to, and could finally get on with my life, and be myself without always being preoccupied about everyone else tells us we should be.
I am only a cross dresser when I don't crossdress!
About Me: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...595#post306595
"I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am" - Goo Goo Dolls
[SIZE="3"]www.HappyDressers.com[/SIZE] - Where cross dressers go to be happy!
I vaguely recall those days. slip into something very sexy and then take it off afterwards.
Now I just slip into something se xy and go to sleep! It's not about sex anymore for me, this is just who I am. Not that I wouldn't mind a little loving but being single and like this - well that may take some time.....and I don't get out often.
Try wearing a pair of panties to work, resist the urge and wear them all day and then you've got some anticipation for later on.....you'll get used to it....unless you REALLY don't want to then you'll have to find an alternative or suppress it!!
Scottie
You must dare to disassociate yourself from those who would delay your journey... Leave, depart, if not physically, then mentally.
Go your own way, quietly, undramatically, and venture toward trueness at last.
-- Vernon Howard
I don't think you have many replies, because it's just so hard to answer. The members here don't know how to respond to such an awkward question.
There is no easy fix, like you said, you've been doing this since you were 10, 29 years later, you're still doing it... It's like smoking, you hate doing it, you know it will kill you, but you keep on doing it anyway..... not quite the same thing, but do you get my meaning??
I have a few questions if you don't mind answering.... do you really want to stop because of the way you are feeling, or do you feel the need to stop because of the way you 'think' your wife feels about it?? Are you guilt ridden because of what you do?? do you feel ashamed??
If you answer 'yes' to any of the above questions, this is something all CD'ers go through at some point in their life. The reason - society.... and upbringing..... you are brought up in a certain way and in a way, you are living outside what society deems as 'normal'.
The way I see it, there are worst things at seathere are worse people in prison, you are doing nothing wrong. Talk to your wife about this if you can, tell her how you are feeling, you never know, she may be able to help you.
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
hi stapler...
I don't know what to say to you...I'm on this rollercoaster ride as well, where one day things are great, and I allow the urge that I have to dress and make myself pretty rule, and then later on down I go...disgusted at the man in a dress, wondering why I have to be this way and wishing that my life was less complicated (and less potentially compromising).
It's been many years since dressing gave me a sexual high...its sort of a mind high now, and in a way that frightens me more...It's not so easily rationalised....there is no ending, no conclusion, even if in your case that conclusion is followed by disgust. Most men are not particularly fond of post coital cuddles, and I think afterwards you are seeing youself for what you are.
If I could I'd rid myself of this split personality, I would in a second, but I can't...my brain just seems to be wired this way. I don't flaunt it on the streets, I am not promiscuous, bi or homosexual, I am monogomous but I'm the first to agree that I am wierd(ish). But then lots of "normal" people are weird too...just guess what goes on behind some righteous peoples closed doors...it would surprise both of us....possibly disgust us too.
I don't readily accept who I am, I want to be some one else, some one "normal", but in the short time I have been here, I have found tolerence and understanding...it's not just me now, a gang of one, and for that I am just so grateful.
I suppose you will go through the cycles of purging, we all have,... the cycles of not dressing for months, we have too, but in the end cross dressing is like alcoholism, one is too many and a thousand is not enough.
So yes, I want to stop dressing, and maybe with counselling that may occur...but am I going to spill this to a shrink....no. So I will stay confused and at times a little disgusted with myself, and unfortunately horrifying you (and for that I am sorry) because I know that once the urge to dress comes along, my common sense leaves.
Peace
Last edited by Sweet Jane; 11-01-2006 at 08:05 PM.
Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself. It is a hallmark of an authoritarian regime. ~Potter Stewart
Hi Stapler,
A lot of what the gurls have had to say makes alot of sense. However I understand where you are coming from in feeling the disgust and wanting your feelings to go away. No one knows why you have these feelings. Any number of reasons could surface. One thing is for sure, you DO have to come to terms with it. Perhaps once you accept it it won't be so overwhelming and your desires might even weaken. Then again, they might not. CDing is like any addiction, the more you try to deny yourself the harder it is to stop. If your wife is accepting, as many of the guys here will tell you, that's 2/3rds of the battle. CDing can actually be a lot of fun and has many enjoyable side effects. Again I think the most important advice any of us can give you, is to just accept it for what it is. At any rate Good Luck to you and one other thing, talk, talk, talk about this with your wife. It will help more than you realize. Communication is key! Take care.
Country girl
Tamara
for what its worth...your post to stapler moved me
i really identify with your words about how we are brought vs the concept of whether what i like to do is "wrong"
i've had a real tough couple of years and i've tried my best to deny who i am and what i like
i'm finding more and more acceptance of myself is helping me to be a better happier person and its also got the side benefit of enjoying my dressing as something i really like to do
michele
That's exactly my point, you have to first learn to accept yourself, you aren't doing anything wrong. Once you have come to an acceptance level, things can only get better for you.
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
I used to feel the same disgust-after-climax thing. But now as my CDing becomes more about my inner self and less about arousal, I have found that the disgust thing goes away. Maybe the same will happen to you. But don't hate youself, we are really the lucky ones.
xxx
Kathryn
Waiting for my upgrade to Female
I think all of us CD's have been there, some move on some stay the same, just put your self in a diffrent mind set next time, it can be done, then you will really enjoy the feeling of crossdressing.
PS: Being on this site you will learn crossdressing is not a dirty thing but a way of life, enjoy it.
Thankyou all.
I am reading your replies and you are genuinly helping.
Thankyou.
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]Stapler: My take on your dilemma is colored by my experience with this phenomenon we call cross dressing, which is a little different than that of most of the ‘girls’ (notice that most of us have taken female names). After my earliest experiences at @ 14 or 15, where I dressed in a cousins panties and enhanced solo sexual enjoyment, the urge lay dormant for @ 50 years or so. Then it was triggered by the urging of a very perceptive female lover who suggested I might enjoy wearing her panties, bra and hose. I quickly transitioned into getting my own undies and hose, and from there I was hooked. But having embraced the cross dressing urges and the benefits from them, I have never felt the slightest disgust or remorse. I believe that was a formidable ‘Rubicon’ from which I have never looked back or regretted. I enjoy only the most positive feelings from my dressing and the relationships that has opened up for me. I hope you too will be able to overcome the ‘wall’ that you seem to be facing, and enjoy rather than feel disgust with your experience. One specific thing in your post that struck me, was your feeling of disgust after orgasm while wearing fem articles. I have had the wonderful experience after orgasm of experiencing a more female reaction, and can continue and enjoy the experience until my partner is also satisfied. That I find to be one of the ultimate joys of my cross dressing. I hope that you will find your way to this acceptance, and if and when you do, you will find peace rather than turmoil from your cross dressing activities.
What else about you do you hate? if you are in counseling, it seems to me that you are working on 'issues' that relate to self with self, self with others, and probably issues of trust. (Don't we all?) if you focus on the cd as the disgusting part of yourself, you are piling it all on one thing that you can try to reject. It won't work. what you reject comes back to bite you in the worst places. while you may not grow to love the darker unknown aspects of yourself (and yes, we all have our dark sides which are not in any way related to our sexuality) then you have a chance to integrate. An integrated person accepts all parts of themselves equally and can make choices. as long as you are invested in cutting out a part of yourself you will continue to suffer the pain of separation. . . separation from your own true perfect and wonderful self. . . complex and exactly the way you are supposed to be. another point is that wanting to jump off the balcony becasue you feel bad about your wife is a cop out. first of all, you have no clue what she is thinking./feeling unless you are talking about it, and second, you cannot base your decisions about life or death on anyone else. you do it for yourself. I hope that these words don't read harshly, because they are not written thhat way. I have counselled many people in my time and know that acceptance and embracing ALL of who you are is the only way to be at peace and balanced. and the cding is a part of that, an important part, but only a PART of who you are. if and when you come to terms with it, you may find, liike others on thhe forum, that it is the BEST part.all my good wishes to you. hang in there. there is no cure because this is not a disease.
I wish you peace Stapler we all know how you feel.
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