hii this is my first post and i really need some advice. im 19 and still living with my mom. ive been dressing for about 10 years and i have just been caught. we havent mentioned anything but all my girl stuff is comepletly gone from my hiding spot please tell me what i should do because im so nerous
Wow...that's a tough one. You know your Mom a lot better than any of us do. How do you think she'll react? Do you expect that she'll mention finding (and apparently confiscating) all of your Femme things, or do you think she'll just act as if nothing ever happened?
I know it's difficult while still living under your parent's roof, but perhaps you could use this potentially uncomfortable situation to talk to your Mom about your crossdressing. It just may be that you can turn the tables completely around and take what seems like a bad thing and turn it into a golden opportunity to come clean with your Mom. But, as I said, only you know how your Mom is likely to react. I suppose a lot also depends on just how close you and your Mom are...Do you discuss the details of your life with her frequently, or not at all? Ultimately, you've got to do what feels right for you--no matter what anyone tells you.
I know it's a difficult situation, and I wish you the best.
"poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another." Madonna "Justify My Love"
Ask her what she did with them.
Other wise you'll end up like so many of us deeply in the closet and fearful to get out. By being open with someone who loves you it makes it all the easier to do so with with those who dont care.
In my case I got so emotinally distraught that I just couldn't say anything for fear that I would blow up. Let the tension out first, then ask the question keep it light and nonchalant instead of blaming her. You are 100% more likely to get a pleasant answer with that kind of attitude than otherwise.You can never be sure of what she was thinking without asking her about it. Maybe she just didn't know what they were and by providing an answer for her asuage her doubts.
Good luck.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
Hi Allyson,
I used to have a hiding place for my clothing when I lived at home as well. It was tucked up under a loose panel in the back of my closet that I needed a chair to get to. There was no way my mom would ever find my stash of clothing unless she was really, really looking for it.
I say that because if your mom went to great lengths to find your clothing, maybe she already knew and thought that by removing the items, you might talk to her about it. As a parent, I have removed other items from my children with the hopes they would talk to me. In most cases, that plan worked. They did talk to me. It was a tough thing for them to do, but they did it. She might be thinking the same thing. She knows you have them.
I cannot tell you what to do, but I lived in fear that I might be found out by my mom. In hindsight, it might have been better if I had a supportive (in part) mother. Good luck in your decision. You sound like a wonderful person and I'm sure your mom loves you very much.
talk to her, let her know what you feel and hopefully she will understand you.
but don't throw it in her face, try and be carm about it.
if the "girl stuff" was hers it may be harder for her to understand but if it was all yours it should be easier.
if your not ready to tell her you could always tell her that its your girlfriends...
not I that I'm asking you to lie but you may need to if your not ready to come out about it!
if she is one of those up-beat, funny mums just get her on her own and say... "my girly stuff has gone, can I at least have my bra back?"
Be Youself!
If she already knows, then you better try to communicate with her. It maybe difficult but tell her the truth.
Janice Ailene:
Well do you think she might know they were for you? Do you want to lie to your mom? Chances are she already knows something. Mothers are not stupid! If you have been dressing for that long I'd bet she has found things in the past that has made her wonder. She may have taken them in hopes you will come out to her and talk. I'm sure she is upset BUT she loves you and I think she will accept you the way you are and what you want!
Buy her some books like My husband Betty or My husband wears my clothes, there are others I cant think of right now. Introduce her to this web site, ask her to join support groups. Ask her to take you to a transgendered counselor and ask her to be part of the sessions with you!
Its very hard to make those first few steps, I know (like almost everyone else here) you are embarassed to tell anyone. You think your mother wont think of you as the same son she knew prior to you telling her. Maybe not but do want to wonder what she is thinking every time you see each other?
My wife was very hurt when she found out, she thought it was her fault that she was'nt a good enough wife. After she did her homework and found out I had been doing it for 30+ years and we saw a councelor that assured her she was not at fault and instead of fighting it, support it. which she has done with open arms!
And that maybe how your mother may feel at first, that she has not been a good mother, so be sure to let her know that you love her and you need her to understand and support you as much as she can allow herself to!
I wish you all the luck and we are all here for you and your mother!
Carla n Tina
I agree, partially, with nearly every post, especially the last one, by sweetnsultry77. I've never told my Mom, but I imagine she has some idea, maybe not clear, maybe not exact, but she knows something, and so does my sister. My mom can tell, through the 'phone, by my tone of voice, whether or not I've eaten yet that day! She knows all.
But here's my advice: say nothing for a while (tough, yes, but it's all tough, at this point), and it will come out anyway. Soon just start hinting about it, if she doesn't. Look at the thread in this message board about 'hinting to other women.' You make some joke to your mom about how "that guy looks feminine, put some make-up on him and he passes for a woman." Talk about Eddie Izzard (hasn't he helped us before?). Whatever. Just hint at things, if she doesn't. There's bound to be an awkward moment that follows, enough of those happen, and one of you will break, and the talking will begin.
Finally, I do think your mom should know, is dying to know (some part of her, at least) some details. "Is he gay?" "Does he want a sex change?" and maybe even some more bizarre things or fears. You should tell her the answers to some of these things. She can help, and it's you, her son, this or that may bother her, but explain things and she'll still be loving, even if not completely comprehending or accepting.
thank u all for teh help i told her that they were my dads ex girlfriends clothes and i took them because i was mad at her hehe so my mom took everything cuz she doesnt want me to be a crossdresser (well at least thats wut she said) but i didnt tell her so i dont think im gonna be dressing for a while so she doesnt catch on. so THANK YOU all so much
I was busted by my mom when I lived at home like you. She confronted me about it that day and I'm glad she did. What I'm not happy with is how it was handled on both our parts. She asked if I wanted to talk to a therapist and I said "no" - I should've said yes but I was just petrified. She then told me if I stopped, she wouldn't tell dad. I lied and told her I'd stop. We never spoke of it again. Now here I am, some 20 years later, married and still in the closet dying to get out.
My advice to you is to be honest with your mom and go to counciling. I'm sure it would help you both to understand the situation. If she doesn't bring up the subject soon, you might have to. Don't let it become one of those unspoken things - it will eat away at you both.
Good luck and stay positive.
hey girl your mom knows something because she said :-
so my mom took everything cuz she doesn't want me to be a cross-dresser (well at least thats wut she said)
she knows !!!!. so you might as well come clean. if you have been reading the post here then you know the heart ace we all go through.. if there is ever a time to come clean it's now while it's hot resent news. if you don't this could come back to bite you in the ass later. because now your mom will be looking around trying to find more evidence against you .. face it you are busted take it like a woman just do it .. pleasemy heart goes out to you this is your time... hugs
ps you might want to delete your internet history or put a password on your computer just in case mom starts looking around thats how my wife found me out
Last edited by MJ; 11-02-2006 at 05:02 PM. Reason: add more information
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Firstly i think your mom will love you for who you are!!! no matter what!!
when i was about the same age as you!!!! my parents went to work as normal!!!
ha theres me thinking ive got the house to myself!!!! so i got dressed up in my sisters red basque and stockings and shoes went down stairs and watched tv !!!!! A Little while later i heard the front door open!!! and i thought shit,so i ran into the back garden!!!which was the worst thing to do there was no were to hide and my step dad caught me!!! it was like my world ended
But now im 32 me and mum get on realy well !!she knows everything!! my step dads gone by the way!!
talking does help i think dont bottle it up!!!
loads and loads of love and hugs Zoe JXXXXXX
PS TIME IS A GOOD HEALER!!!!!! in time you will be me giving the same advice to some one else!!!!
Tell her that they belong to one of the girls that you date, ( or used to date ) and now she wants them back.
Ah yes, the great coverup. Guess what? Your mom knows and you just lied to her. The best bet is to appologize that you lied to her and admit that you are a crossdresser. So she doesn't want you to be a crossdresser but this is something you have been doing for 10 years. As children, we don't get to pick who are parents will be; we don't get to choose the house we all will live in; we can't stop drug abuse are child abuse be that the case. As parents, we don't pick who are son or daughter marry, how many children they will have and so on. We must learn to accept those things which we have little or no control over. Such is the case with your mom. How in the world is she
ever going to have the oportunity to accept you for who you are if you never give her the chance. It is time to be an adult and take responsibility for crossdressing. It is time to be honest!
"Lady Fingers"
Young lady, You are 19 years old and that was your property. Even being her house, she had no right to take it. It is not illegal to keep womens clothes in a house. If you don't learn to stand up for yourself now, you will spend the rest of your life running and hiding from yourself.
Jodi
nd Might actually GET MARRIED.. OK?
I remember coming home from high school one day and finding that my father had come home early and had cleaned my room. There layed out on my bed was my bra, slip and "falsies". I went into my room and closed the door. I sat there for what seemed to be an eternity waiting for my parents to come in. Finally my father came in and asked me in what I perceived to be a rather pointed manner, if I wanted to be a girl? Well I could tell that there was only one correct answer, and it was "No". I have kicked myself ever since for not being truthful, but then I had no idea of the possibilities and I didn't want the hell beat out of me. The next day I was taken to our family doctor for a full physical exam. It was my first and I really felt violated. Message recieved loud and clear. Louise
Allyson,
You took the easy way out this week and lied about the clothes. If you had told your mom the truth, you would be greatly relieved that she finally knew. You'd also be able to dress. Now your things are gone. It's not too late though. You can always tell your mom.
Now telling her would be really, really hard. Why do you think we don't tell people, or our loved ones? We all face this hurdle. It can be done. And results are usually positive.
You mothers reaction can vary greatly, depending on her demeanor. If she is liberal, she'll probably do some research and try to help you. If she's conservative, and especially religous, she might try to "cure" you, she probably won't accept it. (OK, I don't recommend telling a religous, conservative mom).
More than likely mom will fall somewhere in-between. After the initial shock, she will want to know why you need to dress. (None of us really know). But it's not something that's going to go away if you've been doing this for 10 years. After some talks, her love for you will eventually show her that you are the same son (er daughter?) that you've always been. After she accepts you, she will probably try to help you in many ways, including your having MORE clothes and even seeing a therapist so you can understand this better yourself.
You'll probably continue to hide in the closet like the majority of CDs but it doesn't have to be that way. Get brave and tell your mom. More positive things could come of it.
Either way you handle it, you'll find plenty of people here with the same experiences!
Hugs, Lori
You might as well come clean now. Yes, it will be awkward, but you will likely be a cd forever and it will be to your advantage to have someone close that you can talk to.
I hope you can keep your lies straight, cuz most lier's can't. You might as well come clean. And tell her they were your clothes and you want them back. And if she doesn't want a crossdresser living in her house, move out..BJ
Allyson,
It's time for a talk between you and your mother.
Get things out, get things sorted.
Last edited by Angela Burke; 11-03-2006 at 04:11 AM.
I assume that where you live you are adult at 19 .
My own advice is to suggest that you look for somewhere else to live where you can be free to live and dress as you wish.
I left home at 18 with my parents blessing rather than curse , and they did not know about my panty wearing and other crossdressing activities from the age of 12. However I could see that the situation could not contine and I wanted to be my own woman as it where .
Your own situation seems more complicated, I derive from your response that your mother is divorced and that you and she occupy her house. You could have told her that the clothes where yours and that you were a CD but only you know what the response to that would have been and it perhaps you took the safest option at the time. In any event I feel that your present situation is not viable in the long term and therefore I suggest that you plan to find your own accommodation and move out of your mother's house as soon as that is practical.
Good Luck Sister!
[SIZE="5"]Helen[/SIZE]
I agree with those who say that you are an adult with adult entitlements and rights. If your mother has taken your clothes without your permission then she has stolen them from you. I don't know about your particular circumstances and your relationship with your mother, but you do need to find a way to deal with this that is honest with yourself and her. Lying and hiding your true self now could set a trend for the future...do you want to spend years hidden away ? As one who took that path, I wouldn't recommend it.
Good luck.
Hey. If she doesn't bring it up....I'd let it drop. And just start accumulation new things!! Great time for a shopping spree!! Lol. And find a better hiding place!! Mom's going to be really looking now that she found your stuff!!
Love Karren
Hi Allyson,
At 19, I was in college but still living at home (a commuter). I remember how strong the urges were to dress in women's underwear on a fairly regular basis. It really invaded my mind on a fairly constant basis. It will not go away.
I agree with Karren. Start rebuilding your wardrobe and if you get caught again, come clean this time. This could be a great opportunity to have your mom and yourself talk about this. I had an aunt who must have known I dressed in her clothes when I babysat my cousins. While she certainly never spoke about it openly with me, she always made it clear by her actions that I was welcome to her clothes. I now wish we had spoken about it.
Posting Permissions
