Reacting to the woman in you

[Sheila]

I know that at the end it is down to each individual couple to make the adjustments in your relationship so this is, a general advice seeking question from a relative newbie SO (3 months now and still going).

I know how to react to my "man" ----- a bit of it being from the old how we are brough up bit the rest from life learning ---------- however when Claire first made her apperance fully dressed I/we were so new at this I didn't know how I was meant to react,-- did I sit and cuddle with her, did I just do the normal partner things we did but just with him in a skirt --------- I may not be really expressing myself very well here, but I am trying not to upset any of you by phrasing things wrong. If he is just wearing undies under male pants I just carry on as usual ( and boy can I carry on )

Even now I am not sure what the "right" way to react is (and Claire has been physically present on a few occasions recently) so any insight might help, as I don't know just how different you present emotionally as well as physically when you dress. I just want to get this right for him/her/us.

I guess I am maybe asking do you want us to treat you differently physically and emotionally, and if so how can we do that ??

Thanks for your help in advance

Jess(so)

[ReginaK]

You can't go wrong with just treating us like the same person.

At least that applies to me. I can't speak for others.

[Sally2]

Jesse
Don't try to over analyze the situation. Act as normal as you can under the circumstances. You may want to give some advice as to what jewelry would look nice with that outfit and what color lipstick would go well. You may just causually call him by his femme name and talk to him as you would a friend of yours. He is still your husband nonetheless. I don't expect my wife to all of a sudden treat me as if I'm a differnt person albeit I'm dressed differently. I don't care if she stills addresses me as him or my husband. My goal is to dress as a woman not be one. Just relax as much as you can. Its not easy being married to a CD. The fact that you are willing to adjust to this is a giant step forward in your relationship. As for what you do as a couple just enjoy it. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to. He may take this as your being OK with everything.
Establish boundaries and stick to them. He will like knowing what's acceptable to. Good luck and ask the other GGs on this forum for advice. You can join that portion of the forum and see how they cope. Sally2

[RachelDenise]

I think that if you are accepting of his dressing, then you need to talk about what it means to Claire. If you are not accepting, then you need to talk about what it means to you. If it is too soon to know, then you need to talk about that. Don't try to guess what is going on, communicate!

[Kate Simmons]

My wife and I are separated because of my crossdressing, so I'm not in that situation. I've been thinking about what you asked, however. If I were a woman and my SO was a crossdresser and I accepted that, here's how I would act. My husband or whatever is just that--my man and when in male mode, I would treat him as such. When he was in female mode, I would treat him like any close female friend or my sister. We could talk about "girl" stuff, do "girl" things together and things like that. I doubt that I would bring any erotic aspects into it. He is my man after all and that's why we got together. That's what I would do but I'm thinking from a woman's perspective with that. Funny that I could project myself into that situation, being a guy but that's my thinking on it anyway. Ericka/Rich

[Sheila]

thanks for your replies girls I appreciate it.

Sally2 - the girls on the GG forum go ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooo not her again :joke: they have been a fantastic support as have most of the girls on here. It really isn't a case of trying to overanalize things just trying to get some idea as to whats expected my DH bless him has great difficulty in talking about himself on an emotional level, now some of this may be due to his being a closet cd for so long I don't know.

I really want to make things as easy for him as I can and by default make it easier for both of us. I hate him being tied in knots and the fact that we have to sneak and hide because of this, so when Claire does get the chance to make an apperance I would like to make it as positive for us all as possible.

Rachel,
like I said above, emotional conversation can be difficult with DH, usually takes me having to go into a blue funk for him to open up to me, and the emotion of that just wears us both down. Having said that we are very slowly getting better at this talking to each other thing but very slowly,--- just wish I could get him to see that I care not what he dresses in so long as honesty is there at all times.

Ericka,

My husband or whatever is just that--my man and when in male mode, I would treat him as such. When he was in female mode, I would treat him like any close female friend or my sister. We could talk about "girl" stuff, do "girl" things together and things like that.

that makes a lot of sense to me, well except the erotic bit cos it can be nice too


Thanks girls


Jess

[DonnaT]

First off, I don't dress fully around my wife. I use to back in the 70's, and she was OK with it then, but that changed over the years, and now she has a hard time seing me in a wig with makeup on.

So, normally I wear a skirt, and maybe a fem top as well, and she treats me the same as when I'm not wearing such items. She never uses fem pronouns or my fem name. And I'm fine with that and really couldn't ask for anything more, that she treat me no different no matter what I have on.

Of course, I'd like it if she were to run her hand over my nylon covered legs, and be more aggresive erotically when I'm dressed, but she can rarely bring herself to do that, which I can understand. I guess the rarity of it makes more of an impact on the times she does.

[Sophia Rearen]

Even now I am not sure what the "right" way to react is (and Claire has been physically present on a few occasions recently) so any insight might help, as I don't know just how different you present emotionally as well as physically when you dress. I just want to get this right for him/her/us.

I guess I am maybe asking do you want us to treat you differently physically and emotionally, and if so how can we do that ??

Thanks for your help in advance

Jess(so)

Jess,
I know I shared my wife's awkwardness the first time I dressed in front of her for a day enfemme at home. She should be pleased at your acceptance of her presence. I would think it would be difficult for a woman to be romantic with her crossdressing partner, especially if there are no feelings of bi/lesbianism in the woman. Try focusing on her eyes, for they are the window to the soul. What you are seeing is a rare look into someones core being. Recognize how fortunate you are to be seeing someone on this light. In my case, when dressed I feel like me. The only thing that I see of my fem form is my nails, rings, bracelets, and wisps of hair from the corners of my eyes. Don't lose focus on how she feels. I'd say the best way to be treated would be, with deep compassion. I applaud you.