have you ever thought

[ubokvt]

I'm new to this, still trying to understand who I am and why I do this. I am hetro with an SO who is my world but it seems to be open in understanding all this I have to ask myself what would it be like to be with a male.

Have any of you asked yourself What would it be like to be with a man, what kind of issues come up when you do?

[Amy Hepker]

I am hetro and would never want to be with a guy. I have to be around these stinky gross people all the time. The ones that go into the sitdown toilet to pee all over the seat. Just the thought of being with a guy grosses me out. I only want interatction with Girls. Only under the right cercumstances would I ever be with a guy while dressed and that would not contain any physical contact with them.

[Kate Simmons]

Still trying to find a "good one". They are few and far between, believe me. Guys are kind of a "necessary evil" and are guys after all. The nutty part about this whole thing is that we tend to "diss" guys but in all reality, we are just that. I know, I know, our femme selves circumvent all of that but our viewpoint of ourselves (as guys) matters a lot as well. I guess we just think of it as "Oh, we're not THOSE kind of guys", right? Ericka/Rich

[Holly]

If your SO IS your world, why would you wonder what is would be like to be with anybody else?

[ubokvt]

I ask the question Holly to understand who I am. It is a form of values clarification or means to se problems in myself. When I ask the question my my first response is. I'm not gay(guess where that came from) on a deeper level I begin to see I have problem expressing affection for any male. There are parts of me that are stunted, warped, I want to make them whole. I don't want to be with a man but to ubderstand myself I have to ask the question much like Why do I dress? Your responses help in that exploration.

[Courtneygurl]

I'm exploring this issue myself, and I must tell you that in the abstract the curiosity of being with a man is something to ponder. If I see myself as a woman, as I've been trying to more and more, then it's perhaps natural that I take the exploration to its next logical step and try to imagine myself with a guy. If nothing else, picture yourself as the woman you would want to be, and see how/if you'd be attracted to the man that you (unfortunately?) are today.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

It's worth asking yourself, is this a fantasy -- i.e. something you enjoy thinking about, but wouldn't actually do -- or a desire -- i.e. something you'd actually like to do even if you haven't done it.

If it's the former... lots of people have fantasies about all sorts of things. If it's the latter, then obviously acting on that desire would be problematic as long as your SO. And it's also a question of how far one wants to go. Some folks just want to flirt, some want to go to bed.

As far as why? There's lots of possibly reasons, none of which are mutually exclusive, and which vary by the individual.

- Some folks are bisexual, but only allow themselves to admit when they're dressed.
- On a related note, just as I think there's arguably a "third sexuality" expressed by some "admirers" (i.e. the mixture of genders is precisely what's appealling), I think there's arguably an equivalent flip-side for trans folks -- i.e. being that mixture of genders with someone else is sexual exciting.
- Some folks are, as Marla GG once aptly put, simply "penetration curious." Some folks enjoy being the one being the "passive" partner (aka as the "bottom" in some circles ) and being en femme gives them permission to express that. (I.e. they would enjoy that en homme too, but won't let themselves do it.)
- On a related note, some folks enjoy being the one seduced, rather than being the seducer. (Again, this is probably something they'd also enjoy en homme if they'd let themselves.)
- For some folks, the desire is related to passing -- i.e. you're so attractive en femme that someone wants to sleep with you.
- And from what you've mentioned, it may be about being more emotionally open with men.

Your mileage may vary...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

ub and courtney..

as someone who has been through the ringer on this issue i can only say that you need to be honest with YOURSELF!!! if you are in a committed relationship then just forget it..its cheating and thats that..just like with a gg...but if not i have found that the more i explore my nature the more i am interested in men...as i've gone out more and got into discussions with other girls and guys, its been a real eye opener for myself that i've responded to guys..since i've been single i've had opportunities to be with guys and gals and when dressed i've always gravitated to the guys...that surprised me but its true

i beleive gay/straight is really more about labels...i think we are all on a scale of sexuality somewhere in between...so dont worry about so much and just "be yourself"

unfortunately i also find there is alot of fear and guilt associated with being interested in guys even in the tgirl community...if i had a dollar for every guy who said he liked me but was NOT GAY!, then i'd have alot of $$
or if i had a $$ for every tgirl who said she was NOT GAY!!...same answer...i'm saying its ok to be either way but i find there is alot of politics in the "tgirl" world just like in any community

i look at it that its hard enuf to accept your own dressing (at least for me), and then to think about what else might go along with it...it can be real tough to deal with especially if you are in a relationship...

if you want to chat about it pls pm me, i've thought about these things alot i'm glad to talk

take care
michele

[Wenda]

I am distinctly hetero, with no desire to be with a man, however, I wouldn't absolutely rule it out. I know that circumstances can influence decsisions.
I had to opportunity to host a small group last evening, 6 guys mid twenties, 2 guys early fifties, one very quiet young lady. As the corporate host, it would not have been appropirate for me to get wasted, so, as I paced myself and watched the younger guys, it seemed to me that at least two would have welcomed an opportunity to shed their redneck personna and explore other sides of their personalities, including some femme aspects. The question I had was, "how do we provide socially secure situations for these guys to really and openly express themselves?" They were obviously creative, with a lot of pent-up expressiveness. w.