Dressing and sex

[LaurenS.]

I just did a search on this and found that a rather high number of us posting here have a rather poor sex life....myself included. I feel that it's my fault. I fear that my wife having tolerated my dressing has made her loose interest in sex as I'm no longer the man that she married. I am feeling very guilty about this. Do any of you girls feel that dressing has changed our wives interest in sex? Also, do any of you find that of you wear something feminine it enhances your performance? I was just surprised when I did the search at how many of us are having a poor sex life.
Lauren

[Kristen_1]

My sex life with my wife is good, but I have not come out to her. Thus I have two separate sex lives, one with my wife and one with myself when I dress. I would like to combine them, but I think that my wife would totally reject me.

[PatriciaCD]

My gf is bi, and she encourages me to dress when we are at home. This makes for a great sex life. I also find that I perform better when dressed.

[DonnaG]

I know in my case that wearing lingerie to bed eventually ruined sex for my wife. She was alright with panties during foreplay but that was it. My insistance on wearing more and more, especially bras, turned sex into an unwated chore for her.
Had the internet been available back then I would have known what a damaging path I was on. During the last five years of her life our relationship was more that of a brother and sister than husband and wife.
My advice to all CDs involved in serious relationships is slow down and think hard about how your crossdressing is or could effect your futures. I don't think that once you change your lady's mental image of you that you can ever repair it. My wife thought she was marrying a whole man and when she found out otherwise I lost so much. Gone was the ultimate trust, the adoring looks and loving caresses, and the feeling that I was her Knight. She tried hard to understand but the spark was gone.

[suzy]

No Lauren....just the opposite.... My sex life is no good....true enough... but it has nothing to do with my dressing....

In fact my dressing came on only because my sex life was no good!!

[LaurenS.]

I know everyone's situation is different but I agree with DonnaG. I think we tend to push our dressing until it is too late. I envy those of you that have wives that more than tolerate your dressing. I fear that most wives tolerate it but eventually get totally turned off by it. I love dressing but I hate what I've done to my wife's image if me. It's so unfair of me to have done this to her.
Lauren

[Kristen_1]

Sex alone when dressed is so stimulating that sometimes I wonder if this could cause me not to become aroused when I am with my wife. This has never happened, but if it did I might have to be dressed when having sex with her. This of course is a problem since I have not come out to her. Does anyone else have this question?

LaurenS-I think that this would happen in my relationship with my wife. I do not think that she would leave me, but it would significantly damage her image of me and also hurt her severely. This is why I do not know if I could ever come out.

[Raychel]

It was totally opposite here also. As my wifes desires decreased, my desires to dress increased. Although my wife would tell you otherwise.

[tracylin]

Sex life is great and sometimes i dress femme while we have sex IT IS GREAT

[Scotty]

I'm single so there is no sex life, so it's really not related to dressing

Maybe dressing is related to being single however

[fionasboots]

Well I think there are a few possibilities for my wife and I regarding our not too great sex life

1) We're both kind of shy/inexperienced so we've both contributed to there being little excitment/adventure now

2) My wife could be more shy/reticent about sex (birth of our son has contrinuted to this) so this has pushed me more to dressing and feeling sexy that way

3) My guilt/confusion/pre-occupation with dressing could mean that I don't get as much of a thrill from 'normal' sex and so I've pushed my wife away more

4) Now my wife says she can't get my CDing out of her head and this is making her more uncomfortable

In all honesty I think it's all of the above in varying measures and ultimately the insecurities and confusion that myself and my wife both experience reinforces the problems so it's a bad combination in that respect.

None of the above is helped by me being away so much so maybe when I have more time at home we may be able to start resolving these issues, hopefully.

[Teddie]

We start out a lot of times with me dressed, and the wife enjoys undressing me. She treats me like a girl as she slowly suduces me. Makes for some interesting times.

[Kristi1948]

When my wife and I married she encouraged me to dress as much as possible and took the lead in my feminization, our time together was great while I was en femme.

Later this side of our relationship started to lose alot of it's appeal, even to me. I started losing the outer wear and bra. Just kept panties, stockings and slip on, she did the same. It was better than ever.

[AmberTG]

I've always had a low sex drive, and my triggers tend to be submissive in nature, so my wife's huge sex drive just overwhelmed me eventually. She knew about my CDing before we got married, and she knew about my bondage fetish, that's part of what she found exciting about me. She eventually wanted me to take a more assertive role in sex, and that's just hard for me to do, it started to feel more like a chore then anything else. Of course, she started thinking that I wasn't attracted to her any more, like my x-wife thought, and it's really hard to explain to a woman that it's not her, it's just the way I get turned on. I'm the "disfunctional" one, it's not her. Of course, it makes a mess of a relationship, it spills over into other aspects of the relationship. I also think that the fetish aspect of dressing eventually affects the sexual relationship. In the last 5 or so years, I've been exploring my life-long desire to be a woman and that has also affected our relationship in unexpected ways. She once told me (not that long ago) that she married a man and she didn't want to be married to a woman. I understand that quite well, but I can no longer repress the desire to be a woman. Of course, taking the herbal testosterone blocker from Evenesce has lowered my T level to the point now where I no longer have any sex drive most of the time. It hasn't gone low enough yet for the estrogen to start working but I started with a T level of 803 rather high for a 50 year old man, and it's been resiliant. I have managed to lower it more than 100 points ( at my last T test at the beginning of Aug) and I'm sure it's lower now because I still had sex drive then. So far, I have not used any drugs, just the herbal products.
Anyway, that's my experience so far.
Amber

[tall_brianna]

I think you're putting too much stock in the dressing as a factor. My experience with several long term relationships is that sex is great and frequent the first couple of years, good to okay the next couple, and a perfunctory chore for her after 5-6 years. Most of my guy friends except for a lucky few with nympho wives, report the same results.

-b

[AmberTG]

I'd agree with that, but my wife is one of those "nymphos" and I have 0 sex drive, sucks to be us!

[kerrianna]

I've been with my SO for 22 yrs. Our sex life has always been great and me in lingerie has been a large part for a long time. The past 5-7 years everything slowed down as it often does when you've lived together a long time. Illness was a factor too, daily stress, etc.

Recently I decided to open up about everything in my life, and quit addictive habitual behaviour. I am trying to be more open and honest and appreciative of everything, esp my SO. Kerrianna also took a step forward and in doing so provoked a lot of discussion and renewed interest in what the both of us were doing. My SO got the opportunity finally to tell me what I had suspected but was too numb or selfish to deal with - she didn't always want me CDing for our dates, which is something I was doing almost out of habit, cuz it's so much fun. So now when we have a 'date', which we are planning a LOT more, I ask her if she wants Kerrianna around for it. And sometimes I just feel the vibes and go all guy and don't ask, otherwise she feels like she's always being put on the spot. If she wants me to dress she'll tell me.

Bottom line: we're putting effort and communication into it, we're trying lots of new things, we're not letting excuses get in the way. Things are way better now, and I feel like I'm 26 again. I just have to make sure Kerrianna stays in the closet some days - when she gets her turn it is so much more fun too - she gets special attention.

[Eugenie]

Hi Lauren,

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you... You may already have read my story on this forum so I won't go into details again. Indeed X-dressing can have a negative impact on our SO's libido.

But I don't think X-dressing is the only reason for their lack of interest in sexual relations. Some one said that like many other things sex wears out with time. We just had out 37th anniversary last month...

I know that for some couples sex is more like good wine, getting better whith the years... But unfortunately this seems to be less frequent than the first evolution.

My SO and I had relatively good sex, less than I would have wanted as I have a rather high libido level, but it was nice. And yet she knew about my X-dressing, so it couldn't have been the only cause of her lack of interest in sex later on.

Menopause hormonal changes acted as a complete show stopper as far as sex was concerned. This was also combined with a major carreer change for me (early retirement plan, less money brought at home...) while she was continuing to work. My voluntary activity was seen as just having fun...

That's why I believe that my X-dressing was just a part of the problem.

Well, now my sex life with my SO is completely extinct, and I envision little hope to see it revived. We are now good friends, with purely friendly relations.

On the other hand my X-dressing is getting better and better. My SO is less concerned about it. Mostly ignores it and even makes some neutral comments, a few years before when she was making reference to it, that was always in a derogatory way...

That's not that bad after all...

I hope that you will find your own equilibrium and some satisfaction.

Eugenie

[LaurenS.]

I'm glad things are working out for you and your SO Kerriana. Comminication can be so helpful. Eugenie, I'm happy that life is good after all. I know what you're going through and the dressing takes over for the lack of sex. The truth is that I've lost interest in sex unless I'm dressed. I feel I'm to blame for my wife's lack of interest but I have my dressing to compensate for it while she has nothing. I do feel a lot of guilt about that.
Lauren

[Aprilrain]

My sex life with my wife is good, but I have not come out to her. Thus I have two separate sex lives, one with my wife and one with myself when I dress. I would like to combine them, but I think that my wife would totally reject me.

This did not work for my wife and i. she was only a girlfriend at the time and she knew i liked to wear sexy womens clothes to have sex and she was game but the seperate sex life with my self was hurting our sex life.

[Calliope]

Indeed X-dressing can have a negative impact on our SO's libido.

I'm a bit outside the statistical norm, I think. I surpressed my dressing during my marriage and, after the birth of our first child, the missus turned off the lovemaking - for years. I figured it was hormones and let it rest. When I discovered her long-running cyber-sex affair with another man, I decided to liberate myself and the female me returned big time. Can't say I had anything to lose, to put it bluntly.

[Satrana]

I love dressing but I hate what I've done to my wife's image if me. It's so unfair of me to have done this to her.

But why are you so hard on yourself. You are just knocking yourself on the anvil of guilt. This is your wife not just a woman you have just met. Her feelings for you go way beyond what you physically look like, she is making love to her husband not having a wild fling with a hunk. Can she not recognize you no matter what you decide to wear.

We all age, most of us gain weight and are out of shape. Is this any better than wearing lingerie to affect sexual attraction? What if you grew a pigtail and wore earings, what that also make you feel guilty?

If your wife has seen you wearing lingerie for years, is there not an expectation that she will have gotten used to seeing you in different attire but knows you are still the same man she married?

You are both mature adults. She also has a responsibility to tell you what she feels. If your wearing lingerie was killing her sexual attraction towards you then she should have said so explicitedly.

Do keep in mind that most couples end up with a poor sex life after the first few years of being together. Most likely there are many more important factors at play in a loss of sex drive than crossdressing.

[Warbender]

Well sex while dressed is great for the fantasy part of a erotisism session. I love how sexy lingrie feels next to my skin. I enjoy the feel of both me and my s.o. at the time get as we gently caress where the fabric is. there is nothing like it.

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife does not know about my fem side, so it has never been a factor in our sex lifes. My wife has MS and around 5 yrs ago, as result, she started having bladder problems. It started getting hard for her to hold it and if she got excited she can loose all control. So it started getting messy when we would have sex. She tried all types of meds and procedures, but we finially came to the decision that having sex was not a good idea anymore. At first it was hard on both of us, but over time it has gotten a little easier.

[MsJanessa]

for Me silk, satin and leather,cut en femme, of course, are better than viagra