What The ?!?

[tasha]

Wow, what an evening last night. My SO decided she has had enough of Tasha and began taking things from the wardrobe and the drawers in the bed and bathrooms. Within 10mins Tasha was packed up, I was told "I don't want this s%$t in the house, you can put it in the garage!"
My head is still spinning now, and the only reason I can put it down to is, a discussion we had regarding Tasha earlier in the day.
(I have not dressed in almost 3 months, not even panties, mainly due to the fact of being sacked thanks to a new industrial relations ruling, and becoming a fulltime carer (medical problems) for her and looking after the 2 kids, 9mths and 7yrs. In between that I am studying part-time to become a travel agent for when my carer duties are no longer needed. Huge turn around from being an industrial spray-painter)
Things got a bit rocky at 11pm, so grabbed a pillow and slept in the babys room on the floor.
This morning she suggested if I ever want to dress, just go elsewhere to do it, and don't do it around her!!!
I thought we had gone through the stage of uneasyness and since I got a spot in the wardrobe etc I figured Tasha was finally accepted, I guess not. The kids have never been subjected to Tasha in any way at all, and never will be until the time is right
I had spent the best part of 12 months stepping carefully when Tasha was accepted, as not to cause too much friction in anyway, from what it seems I have to start all over again.
Where do I go from here?

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I'm sorry but I can't help you apart from wishing you all the best.....

This is why I am terrified to fully disclose my level of crossdressing to my wife. I know she is an accepting person, but once disclosed, I can never go back to where I am now...things will always be different (maybe better, but there is a chance of worse)

I can't understand why your SO has flip flopped over your dressing, and maybe it has nothing to do with CDing at all, but this reaction is a result of other stresses that the two of you are going through...anyway please accept my best wishes and I hope that everything works out for you both...

[kerrianna]

That really really sucks Tasha. So sorry.

Do you think there's something else besides Tasha that triggered that? Tasha would be an easy target if your SO is misdirecting what's really eating her. It sounds like your situation generally is full of stress. The kids, the illness, the job loss, yikes! Tough times. Maybe your SO just can't handle the extra stress of how to deal with Tasha. You might have to put her on the backburner a bit until things get better. At least keep her head down - it sounds like YOU need to look after yourself too, and if Tasha helps you do that you should try to find a way to keep her close to you that won't upset anything else right now.

You guys obviously need to keep talking about everything. Just maybe not about Tasha right now. When things get smoother maybe you could find the right time to re-introduce the idea. If Tasha is that important to you at some time you will need to tell your SO that. But not right now obviously.

That's my since you asked. Good luck.

[Scotty]

(I have not dressed in almost 3 months, not even panties, mainly due to the fact of being sacked thanks to a new industrial relations ruling, and becoming a fulltime carer (medical problems) for her and looking after the 2 kids, 9mths and 7yrs. In between that I am studying part-time to become a travel agent for when my carer duties are no longer needed. Huge turn around from being an industrial spray-painter)

Well I see it, from a womans perspective - I think, so bear with me and if I'm wrong, I apolagize.

A) Women do NOT like to be cared for full time. I believe it makes them feel "useless", as it would with anybody including myself.
B) She is NOT accepting, not 100% anyway.
C) Kids, 9 months old - possibly some post partum there in conjunction with being laid up (cared for) ????

I'd walk easy for a few months.

I do sympathise with you, I hope she recovers as well!! But I would take her advise on this one for now, maybe it's better hidden in this case, for a while anyway......that's a lot going on in your house!!

Travel agent? I had thought with the internet that most places were going out of business, does it do OK there???

I wish you well though!!!

[tasha]

Thanks for the response so far.
To clear a few things up, she is at the stage of care, that if I was not doing it she would be in a hospital, for the time being. She has suffered post natal depression in the past and quite possibly there is something else in there as well.
But, however I am in for the long run and plan on sitting Tasha off to the side for a while, even though being Tasha helps me a lot.
My SO was never 100%, always 99% as there was always doubt in there as well.
Now I am settling down and thinking a bit clearer I am seeing some past issues venturing to the surface (before Tasha).
Once again thank you for the kind words, suggestions etc, I appreciate it.
I have been having visions of competing with Tina in the "Best Garage Door" competition. Sorry Tina.

[kerrianna]

Remember you are Tasha here, to us.
You just have to feed her on your own time. Don't neglect her, as she may turn into a monster-girl in the closet!

[Sejd]

It is a good thing to asess the damage after the storm. If the most important thing in your life is still OK, then time will heal all wounds. If you still love your SO more than anything in this world, you probably will continue to do so.
Maybe you need to let your Tasha rest a bit and then work on introducing your issue in a different matter with your SO, like for eksample ease in on the possibility of going to some counselling together. This is really an issue which is pretty tough to handle for a lot of women and I don't blame them. It can be very threatening if they have issues around low self asteem, it can be threatening because of jealouxy issues, like; Is my man going to look more pretty than I am when he dress up. etc etc. With a lot of love and tons of therapi, almost anything can be worked out.
good luck
huggs
Sejd

[Sandra]

Wow, what an evening last night. My SO decided she has had enough of Tasha and began taking things from the wardrobe and the drawers in the bed and bathrooms. Within 10mins Tasha was packed up, I was told "I don't want this s%$t in the house, you can put it in the garage!"
My head is still spinning now, and the only reason I can put it down to is, a discussion we had regarding Tasha earlier in the day.
(I have not dressed in almost 3 months, not even panties, mainly due to the fact of being sacked thanks to a new industrial relations ruling, and becoming a fulltime carer (medical problems) for her and looking after the 2 kids, 9mths and 7yrs. In between that I am studying part-time to become a travel agent for when my carer duties are no longer needed. Huge turn around from being an industrial spray-painter)
Things got a bit rocky at 11pm, so grabbed a pillow and slept in the babys room on the floor.
This morning she suggested if I ever want to dress, just go elsewhere to do it, and don't do it around her!!!
[SIZE="2"]I thought we had gone through the stage of uneasyness and since I got a spot in the wardrobe etc I figured Tasha was finally accepted, I guess not.[/SIZE] The kids have never been subjected to Tasha in any way at all, and never will be until the time is right
I had spent the best part of 12 months stepping carefully when Tasha was accepted, as not to cause too much friction in anyway, from what it seems I have to start all over again.
Where do I go from here?

I gave Nigella this feeling then one night she said something I can't remember what but it was to do with CDing and I just exploded and told her I f****** hate it.

Something has happened or been said to make your wife react this way and I would suggest you try talking to her but as you will be well aware if she is suffering from post natal depression you will need to be very careful.

Hope you can get something sorted.

[stacylynn1]

Hi Tasha
I just wanted to say I came out to my wife a mounth ago and 1 thing that helps is let your wife KNOW how much you love her want need her than show her and make it good and let her know often but hell if you love her you should be doing that anywhey stacylynn1

[suzy]

Boy Tasha,......I don't know.. sounds like a mess though.

i'm sort of thinking that you need to get more suggestions from the GG's here. The rest of us are trying to help but lack that GG perspective. I also believe that there is a lot going on over just Tasha and that it probably would be wise to set tasha aside for the time being and do a lot more communicating in a non-threatening venue.

[saskia]

But how hard is it when you open up your heart and find after a few years that that one person you did trust has disowned you... thats my story and a bit sore at the moment

[Amy Hepker]

Good luck, your treading on thin ice now.

[nishababe]

Hi Tasha,
I feel sorry for you ,but I am afraid that it is a fact that some ,or shall we say ''most'' women cannot and will not ever be able to accept that their boyfriend or husband likes to walk round dressed up as a woman and acting as a woman.

At the end of the day there is enough problems in life without this complex issue being inflicted on them !!

Unless they know otherwise ,they get together with their man to live a normal life with a normal man ,which is why it is far better for the woman to know about the c/d habit before the relationship gets too serious.

A woman can make up her own mind if she is told at an early stage of the relationship as to if she likes or can come to terms with having a man in her life who will be acting and dressing as a member of her own sex .

In your case it does not help that their is a lot of other strains as well ,eg your wifes illness, losing your job and having young children .

At this moment in time you may just have to think long and hard about trying very hard to resist your instincts to c/d and try to sort something out in the long term when your children are older and also if your wife gets a bit better in her health .

I feel sorry for both you and your wife at present !!

Hope it gets a bit better in the long run ,

Best wishes Nishababe xx

[Charleen]

Hi. My heart goes out to you with all that is going on in your life. IMO CDing is the last of your problems at this time. In my case I stayed hidden for the 30 years I was married and have no regrets as my wife was more important to me than CDing. I dressed when I could, and was content with it. Only thing I can tell you is to suggest that you take a look at your prioritys in life and take it from there. Good luck, and remember we are all here for you.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Lesley-cd]

Hi Tasha

You've been given a lot of good advice and support - the people on here are just wonderful.
I thought I would add one thing. (Though because I don't know your full circumstances I could be wide of the mark.) Maybe your wife needs to feel like a desirable woman again. Having a child can make a woman feel she is no longer sexy - just a 'mum' and that, combined with feeling she has to compete with Tasha, may just be too much. So maybe you just need to let her know that you still fancy her like you did at the start....

Lesley x

[Tree GG]

...But, however I am in for the long run and plan on sitting Tasha off to the side for a while, even though being Tasha helps me a lot.

I send you a for you selflessness until whatever this/these issues are sorted out. It's hard to know when to say when in a conflict & your willingness to remove one concern from the pot says wonderful things about you as a compassionate person.

My SO was never 100%, always 99% as there was always doubt in there as well.

It's hard. On the surface, the clothes don't matter. It changes the dynamic of the relationship and somedays it feels OK, and sometimes we just don't know what we're suppose to do.

Now I am settling down and thinking a bit clearer I am seeing some past issues venturing to the surface (before Tasha).

Once those issues get resolved/under control, your consideration will be seen as the generous, loving contribution that it is.

Best of luck to you and your family.

[great gg]

I agree with all the responses. mostly, that you are a very loving and strong individual dealing with a very very stressfrul situtation. Without knowing the details of medical problems, having a young child, coupled with alll the other stresses in your lives, immiedately raises the ante. their needs don't stop. ever. so, keep breathing, relax, know that Tasha is not in the closet butin the garage and will continue to be availalbe when things settle down a bit more. I agree that your wife is probably feeling like most people who have to be taken care of, sh***y, not a good feeling to be dependent. all i can do is wish you well, peaceful moments, a good therapist, and medical team. do you have any family support? how areyou takiing care of yourself? if it can't be dressed, how are you nourishing your soul? and sometimes, when times are tough, we have to just deal the best we can until we are out of the worst of it. Like others have said, we are here for you, lady.

[Calliope]

9-month-old baby, did you say? That's a 1000% emotion & energy committment right there. Hard to expect much self-actualization at this point. Since you've an older child, you might remember what a relationship shift happens with the sleep loss and (for the wife) hormone explosion accompanying a new baby. Your 7-year-old is going through some major changes right now, too. If I were you, I'd be as helpful with the kids as possible, keep a low profile on your needs and, with that 'moral higher ground' as 'capital,' demand your own CD space in the relationship after your SO catches her breath. Timing is the trick. Best to you.

[JoAnnDallas]

I know all about the care-giver part. My wife has MS and I am her care-giver. I have had to learn, that first my wife is NOT helpless, and second not to be overly protective. It is a balancing act, which is not easy and it just doesn't apply only to the two of us. When my wife gets unbalanced, she has a graceful way of falling to the ground, so as not to hurt herself. She also has her own way of getting up. I do make sure she is physically OK, then let her get up by herself. I have had others get real mad at me because of this. LOL

Some people get real uneasy when they have to be cared for and the care giver has to be real careful how she/he responds. As I said, it is a balancing act. Some people get real mad because they need another to care for them. They feel that they should be able to care for themselves. As result, they sometimes will slash out at the care giver for no apparent reason other than fustration. Being a SO of a CDer can/will be hard and fustrating under normal times. Your fem self is a easy target. Lashing out at your CD side may be the way she is releasing the stress she is under right now.

As others have said, take it easy, wait a while. She may well be just fustrated and later may she made a mistake lashing out at you that way.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i can only best offer advice from her side of post natel. i suffered it for 2 years, and it is horrendous to deal with. your moods/feelings are pulled at so much, that inside you are screaming for realse. i think the c/d is the easiest target to hit at. she wouldnt do it to the bairns or as such to you, so the c/d is the best way to vent her hurt/anger. she really does need support from you hun, and maybe professional. i was put on prozac and had counselling for awhile. plus she isnt well in other ways , so she has this big melting pot of emotions flooding thru her, plus young children to contend with.
being a woman with thes things going on inside you can be a very lonely place. please, bare with her, and maybe it will get back to how it was for you.

[SatinSarah]

I have been exposed to a bit of what you are going through. My wife seemed to accept who I was for about a decade. Bit by bit it grew and she bought me clothes wigs make up and although I knew she was uncomfortable I thought I was only going as far as she wanted. Then on my 40th birthday we went away for a weekend and she treated me to dressing up. I pushed my luck and asked for a whole day dressing and shopping. It flipped her, quite rightly. It was the first time I had tried to be a woman for more than an hour or two in her sight. Suddnely she was scared I wanted more and more and she would lose her husband.

Has anyhting else happened that could causae her to panic?

Although it has taken 2 years of soul searching and me not dressing around her we have come back to agree new terms. I was away in Afirca a few weeks ago and missing me she said she wanted to go back to the good old days when we shared my secret. I am taking it a day at a time and will do veryhting at her pace.

Perhaps start slowly by telling her how much you love her again and try to explain this is not a threat to her its just part of who you are - part of theman she married and part of what makes you so special!?

Good luck but be patient.

sarah