A little bit about me and my life so far
I haven’t had an easy life, my parents divorced when I was a baby. Mum remarried a guy that became abusive. He hit my mum after he’d had too much to drink and knocked me about right up until I became pregnant at 17…. He never hit my mum again after that either….. kinda weird. So there I was, this young girl with a baby and not a year later, I’d had another oneLife wasn’t good, I had an abusive partner, although not physically, he was emotionally abusive and so was his family. At 24, I had another baby…. By this time, I was starting to really grow up. I knew I had to get out of the life I was living. In 1998, the emotional abuse turned physical, not just to me, but my children too. I decided enough was enough and walked. I left my house, my furniture, everything I owned….. I think that was the hardest thing I’d ever done.
I got my own place, a one bedroom flat. It was cramped, me, my brother (long story) and my 2 girls. My son had decided that he didn’t want to live with me. I don’t think he ever actually like me. I had to buy everything again, it was really hard, living most of the time on next to nothing, but for the first time in my life, I felt free and happy.
On the 18th March 1999, my life was going to change againI was kinda bored and sent a message via an internet chat program (ICQ) to Tam…. asked if he wanted to chat…. We chatted away for hours, it was like we had known each other for years lol!!! 2 days later (20th) we decided to meet up. We chatted away like old friends and ended up staying together for 4 days lol!!! We spent more and more time together, had lots of fun, which included me dressing him up like a girl……. and I didn’t even know at this time he was a CD!!
That time came in June 1999, his parents were away and we were looking after the house for a week. He sat me on the bed and said he had something to show me (no not that!!!). He pulled out this box from under the bed and inside it was a short (very short) frilly, black velvet skirt. Well, I thought it was for me……. it wasn’t…. he sat there and as I recall, looking quite scared….. then came the bombshell ‘I like wearing it’!!!!! I instantly thought ‘OMG…. I knew I’d end up with an internet weirdo’!!! I just sat there and cried, I didn’t know who he was….. I felt betrayed….. don’t ask me to explain that, because I can’t. He said ‘I’m not gay’…. well I never thought he was…. I didn’t really ask any questions, because at that time, I didn’t even know what a CD was. At that time, I don’t think he knew either.
As time went on, the skirt turned into makeup, wigs, stockings etc….. the more he bought, the more I hated it. I wished it would go away. Don’t get me wrong, we’d had a lot of fun with it, but even then, I still thought it was weird. In June 2004, we had become strangers, not because of the CD’ing, this wasn’t really a factor in our breakup, but we decided to live apart. At first, I felt relieved, like I had had a weight lifted off my shoulders, I was no longer in this closet, freed of the weirdness in my life. But as time went on, I missed him so much, but I found myself missing the weirdness. So I came back to this forum, started reading the threads, spent hours educating myself. I’m not sure when it all clicked into place, but it did. From reading so much on the forum, I felt that I knew how to cope, to love that weird side of him.
In October 2004, we decided to give it another try and I think Tam was in shock at how accepting I’d become. He said to me ‘I hope you aren’t being this way just so we get back together’…. Far from it….. I saidI thought it was because of me, I felt I’d invaded her space on here, but that isn’t the case. This place just reminds her of what she can’t do as much, which is really sad. But, we are working on that too
So, if you’ve got down to this bit, thank you for reading my ramblings
Janelle
Originally Posted by DAVIDA
GG posts interesting, keep em' coming...
as an aside, your 8 cats/kittens reminds me of when my SO first moved away from her abusive husband and into my neck of the woods. We had just met and just before she moved one of her 2 cats had 5 kittens. The landlord of the basement suite she rented would allow 1 cat. We sneaked the rest in. My brother and I killed ourselves laughing when we heard her talking on the phone to the landlord before moving in. She said, "My cat ARE outdoor cat" It took the landlord 3 months to finally count the cats and realize how many she really had. He was such a cat lover himself he was cool with it. We've only got 1 cat now. Wanting to get more, but our old grumpy likes being the ONLY cat. It's hard pleasing everyone in the family. 
