How do i cope

[Kate Simmons]

You need to establish what your priorities are, Sarah. I assume you love your wife. She has been supportive. She is your wife though after all and you are her husband. She has needs the same as you do. I figure it was your loving and caring qualities that drew your wife to you to begin with unlike many guys who are just self centered. The problem with having a femme self is that it can become demanding of your attention and your time and energy. By virtue of being your wife, she needs your time and attention. You owe her that much. Take some time off, re-discover each other, re-kindle that love that got you together in the first place. The key for CDing for me has been to get control of it. You need to control it and not vice versa. I know it is hard but it CAN be done. I'm Ericka because I WANT to be, not because I HAVE to be. Your wife sounds like a very loving and caring person. You owe it to both of you to work this out together. I speak from hard experience. If my wife had been supportive , she would still be with me today, as I would have done everything in my power to work with her on this. You have to decide what takes priority, however. I feel it's worth whatever effort you put into it. Ericka/Rich

[DonnaT]

My wife has always been very supportive about my crossdressing she has bought me clothes and wigs and done my makeup and even been on walks with me when i have been dreesed.

Sarah, seems to me it's time for a little reality check. In this thread you used the phrase "always been very supportive". However, when you first joined this forum you indicated otherwise.

. . . but at one time she was very unsure about it as she did not know how far i was taking it. One day when i was out she looked at this site and it realy helped her to understand.

Now if you go back and revisit your earlier post you also said something iimportant:

. It is something you have to take step by step and for me that is showing her i still love her dressed as my male self as well.

Seems to me you forgot your own good piece of advice.

Have you talked to her to find out what it is she needs? Does she need you to slow down? Does she need your reassurance that transitioning or dressing full time is not where you are headed? She may again be unsure about it how far you are taking it.

You may need to seek the help of a marriage counselor to find out what else, besides the CDing, your wife may be having troubles with. It's not always the CDing that is an issue.

As for coping, concentrate more on your wife's needs and on saving the marriage, rather than your need to dress up. You've not been dressing fully all that long, apparently, so you should be able to handle a few months of non-dressing.

My wife and I have been married 31 years. She's known for 31 years, and was initially quite supportive. After a few months, she wasn't so supportive. It didn't kill me not being able to dress as often as I was previously, and the marriage survived. Then she was supportive again, then not, then was, etc. etc. It can be a rollercoaster ride at times for some of us, but we got to do what we got to do if we want to keep the marriage intact.

[Scotty]

I have a female GG friend, an ex SO, we're really good friends, best chums type of thing. She doesn't overly like me as a TG but she has come to accept it.

But I have realized, long ago (as you are now) - you gotta give back and do something special once in a while.....

In my case I'm a fairly silly person and I can do something meaningful for her and put a silly spin on it and make her laugh at the same time.

Take some time and do something for your wife.

[great gg]

I....I.....I......I......I.......seems to me you need less of the I and more about your wife. As someone you say "you love to bits", your post seems to be a lot about you and very little about your "very supportive" wife. Most CD's would be/are envious of the fact you have a supportive wife, so just do your part and "support" the most precious person you have. Stop thinking about yourself, remove your head from wherever it is stuck and do something for her for a change.

What she said!!!

[carol ann]

I find myself agreeing with the GG's

When my wife discovered my inclinations, she made it clear by what she did not say that she did not want to have to cope with a crossdressing husband. As a consequence i knew that to preserve all that was good with my marriage, my wife, my family, I had to give it up completely or at least retreat int the closet.

I hadn't the strength of mind to give up completely but I did retreat into the closet. i suspect she knows that I still have some clothes but the subject is never mentioned.

I think you have ask yourself what is the most important motivations in your live - to keep the love and respect of your wife, your family or your need to dress up. When you have made that decision then talk to your wife!

[Sheila]

Do you really know what you need?? You don't need a break, you need a damn reality check. She isn't your crossdressing supporter, she's your damn wife and posting the above quote shows me you don't really care about her going, but how damn selfish you are.

You know what, I hope she does go, I hope she leaves you so you know what it's like to lose someone who loves you. Have you told her this? said this to her face? Because if I were her and you said that to me, I'd be out the door. You need to get your priorities straight, time to grow up and stop being so selfish!!!!

You might think this is harsh, but it will be more harsh if she walks out the door, knowing that all you care about is your cd'ing.... get a frigging clue already

could not have said it better myself, if you want your marriage to even begin to survive, I really do suggest you take a long hard look at yourself and your actions.

Jess

[Sarah cd]

I have read every post on this topic and this has been a real wake up call. I do as i said before love her to bits but what i do know now is that i am also IN LOVE with her it is time to forget about myself and start putting her first and pay her back for all the love and understanding she has given me over time it is time to grow up and look whats infront of me a loving caring person and i feel i have let her down and it is time to sort it out. Thank you all you have been hard on me and i think that is what i needed.

[Sheila]

you are welcome Sarah, sometimes we may seem harsh but it is because we care

Jess