what would u choose ?

[Butterfly Bill]

When I had that conflict (16 years ago) I chose the CD.

[ReginaK]

There are many women in the world, but only one of me. I'd be a fool to give up myself. So what would be the use of having an SO if I am no one?

[Robin Leigh]

due to events happening in my own life, im wondering what u all would do if it came between ur SO and the c/d ? which is more important to u as in if ur SO turned round and said "what is more important to u right now ? our relatinshiop, or the c/d. which do u love more ? "
i understand its something u carnt just give up, but what would u do ?

As you say, it's not something we can give up. The "girl in the mirror" can hide, but she never goes away. I'm not currently in a relationship, but I have always told my girlfriends that I CD very early in the relationship.

I'd remind my SO that my CDing is an important part of me, but I want it to be something that strengthens our bond, not separates us. If it's not fun for both of us, we should do things differently.

So what's happening with you two, wickedblonde? Is your CD getting a bit carried away? That can happen when we feel we have the freedom which comes with the love of a supportive GG. Also, we get so used to solo CDing that we need to learn how to share the experience with our SO.

I'm not trying to make excuses for selfish behaviour, just giving possible explanations. If your CD isn't behaving up to scratch, send him here. We'll teach him the proper way to treat a goddess like yourself.
Don't worry, he's probably just suffering from a mild overdose of [SIZE="3"]The Pink Fog[/SIZE].

I may have more to add when I finish reading this thread.



Robin

[Clare]

[SIZE=3]I was in a relationship for nine years and hinted to my ex that I wanted to dress in women's clothing, but she was anti to the max!

So i resisted dressing whilst we were together and it was soooooo difficult for me, but I abstained for her out of love. But it was very difficult to refrain from dressing and caused me stress which probably affected our relationship in some ways.

So, I've been there done that, and now I'm single and making up for lost time![/SIZE]

due to events happening in my own life, im wondering what u all would do if it came between ur SO and the c/d ? which is more important to u as in if ur SO turned round and said "what is more important to u right now ? our relatinshiop, or the c/d. which do u love more ? "
i understand its something u carnt just give up, but what would u do ?

[Robin Leigh]

What I did was tell my wife that I loved her more than anything and that in all honesty I could not change the person that I am it is a very real part of what makes up who I am. On the 30th of october my wife moved out she said that she could not live with it any longer so she moved in with some friends from church.You have to be honest with her and yourself if the other person can't handle it or can't live with it then they have to do what ever makes them happy living with there decision is not always easy.

You have a good positive attitude Veronica. Hang in there, girl. Your sisters are here for you. And never forget, the Lord moves in mysterious ways. Especially when it comes to mysterious people like us.



Robin

[Kate Simmons]

...................is the word, Robin. Think I may write a book someday based on the CD Mystique. Ericka/Rich

[Penny]

due to events happening in my own life, im wondering what u all would do if it came between ur SO and the c/d ? which is more important to u as in if ur SO turned round and said "what is more important to u right now ? our relatinshiop, or the c/d. which do u love more ? "
i understand its something u carnt just give up, but what would u do ?

First of all, crosdressing is a soft way of saying transvestite. Now transvestism is not an illness but rather it is psychological manifestation. In other words, it is part6 of who we are. It is neither right or wrong, it just is.
While most here say they would try to give it up, it is vertually impossible.
You have not said what events are happening in your life but I would like you to consider this. Suppose for a moment, you are a very jeleous person. You are suspisious of every woman who comes is contact with your husband. Your jeleousy is threatening your marriage because you do not permit your husband to go anywhere without you. Your husband didn't realize just how jeleous you were when he married you and now he is wondering if it is all worth it. Your husband says to you "change your jeleous ways or we are through". Should he expect that you will never be jeleous again? No, because that is, by nature, who you are. He must never give you a reason to be jeleous and you must learn to control your jeleousy.
So it is much the same with crossdressing. It is a personal thing. A spouse doesn't have to support it, participate in it or be involved in it in any way.
She does have some understanding about it, accept that it is part of the person she is with and make space for that person to cd.
The crossdresser must understand how the other half feels about it, respect that and learn to control it much the same as jeleousy.


Penny

[Marcie Sexton]

Having been there and done that, to me its a no brainer. I did give up my c/d, after 20 + years of marriage and years of doubt and guilt, I would suppose I am no worse for the wear.

I really dont know if she was testing me to see if I was gay, or had an thing on the side, but finally when I least expected it she presented me with my things again.

For me, though compainionship, love and trust much out weigh my own wants and needs.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

from my own personnal experience of c/d with someone, i would never have suspected in a million years he c/d so it was a total when he told me. i always laugh when im nervous, ( ie if someone has died i do same ) so the reaction wasnt that good, there was that "awkard" silence etc. but.... i talked, wanted to know, so it got alittle easier @ time. when ive read posts on this forum, it seriously does make me come away thinking, and trying to undertsand in my head more on c/d. i have taken the view, ( no offense to anyone on this) that i just see it as a "outer-skin". i try to see beyound the outside, its whats inside that matters to me, anyways. and ....... ive thought about it like this : whats better to have someone who's a druggie ? alcholic ? ( although drink seems to be consumed alot when they dress ) !! or someone who c/d ?
i dont speak for all us SO's, but imagin if u found out ur SO was having an affair ? and u found out about it ? thats similar to when we find out about c/d ? ( those type of feelings anyways ) . every emotion possible flys thru ur head , trying to make sense of it. ( and more so when u have children i would imagin ). holding a family unit together, and dealing with "other" things as well.... bloody damn hard. whats that saying ?? "love will conquer all".

[Marcie Sexton]

You have made a very good point, Penny...

Very well put, how simple and yet thoughtful your statement is and how much it would help in most cases...

[Robin Leigh]

iam more so surprised how most of u would be willing to give up the c/d for ur SO's ( if asked ). i really do understand how hard it would be for alot of c/d, but the fact that ur willing to forefit it WOW !!

Some CDs may try to stop, but it will only be temporary. Then they will go back to doing it in secret. I'm sure that's not a desired outcome.

u have given me some faith back now. there was me thinking it was a loosing battle, but.....theres sum scope for comprimises maybe in relationships with c/d. its just a matter of finding right balance

In any relationship, the partners should be considerate of each other's feelings. Without some sort of agreed boundaries, it's easy for a CD to get carried away, & with our dual natures it's easy for our SO to feel "outnumbered".

Addendum.
And if he didn't tell you upfront, he's obliged to make some compromises, IMHO. It's just not fair to turn your SO's picture of you upside down & inside out, without giving them some way to compensate.



Robin

[Sarah-Anne]

I don't think I could choose. If my girlfriend asked that question, I suspect that I would tell her that a loving girlfriend would never make me choose. Having said that. I have made a compromise that I will have three days on and three days off.

[Karren H]

Family first!!! Karren last.... Is and always will be that way!!

Karren

[Marcie Sexton]

Good for you Karren, me too

[Seraph]

due to events happening in my own life, im wondering what u all would do if it came between ur SO and the c/d ? which is more important to u as in if ur SO turned round and said "what is more important to u right now ? our relatinshiop, or the c/d. which do u love more ? "
i understand its something u carnt just give up, but what would u do ?

It is a very difficult question. How is your relationship with your SO?

[Satrana]

That is the sort of ultimatum that should never be asked, and it says a lot about the person asking it. How could any SO ask their partner to give up who they are and live unhappily for the rest of their life.

So if the ultimatum is asked, the best response would be - it is better that we separate so that we can both find partners who love us completely.

[crusadergirl]

I wouldn't give up c/ding for anyone but myself like lisa said life is to short.
Every g/f i have had has told me to give up something and they were never happy. I have done everything in my power for every girl i have dated and they just don't stop finding stuff to complain about and its mostly for nothing.
So i would only stop c/ding if i felt it was the right thing to do.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i would NEVER ( and havent even suggested ) that he should give the c/d up ! couldnt do that. like i have said before, it was there before me, and ok, im not 100% ok with it, but im getting to understand more about it. actualy with some of us GGs i dont think its the actual dressing that causes the probs i think its the "issues" tied in with it sadly. for me it is. "mood swings,selfishness, " etc . and that isnt having ago @ c/d, far from it . when i started this thread, i didnt ever think it would get such a response and i thank u all for contributing to it uve all certainly given me "food-for-thought"

[bgirl]

When I first came out to my SO, I told her that I had tried many times to quit. That I would try to quit if she wanted but in all honesty it would come back. Even if I really wanted to quit, and meant it, I know it would come back. So she knows that too and realizes that it is a part of me. Total acceptance? Not yet, but we are working on it.

[Bernice]

I suppose it isn't fair for me to come to this thread so very late, and then declare the question to be invalid, but I think it is. Which would you rather give up: Food, or breathing? You can give up either, but only for a little while.

Crossdressing is not a choice, any more than being gay, or being white, or black, or whatever. For some, overeating is not a choice, and for others, anorexia nervosa is not a choice.

I've read that for those who are unwillingly deprived, salt is more important than sex. I find such revelations meaningless.

You are who you are. You can change some things, and you can modify your behavior within limits, for awhile. In the end, you are still who you are. If someone loves a manifestation of someone you are not, it makes no sense to sacrifice indefinitely in pursuit of acceptance that will never come.

[Khriss]

[QUOTE=Sharon;642715]I have to wonder whether most of those who replied that they would give up crossdressing for their SO, really mean it. It's all well and good, and admirable also, to give up something you love for a wife(or girlfriend, husband, or boyfriend), but I suspect that most would simply hide their dressing rather than discontinue it.

If a SO is adamant about you giving up crossdressing, you have to ask why. Is it ignorance of what crossdressing is and isn't? Is it because they are more afraid of other's reactions if it was to become known than they are of your needs and desires? It seems to me that if a SO says "either/or," then they place their own needs above yours.

This isn't to say that we shouldn't be willing to come to some sort of compromise with our SO's, but compromise works best when both parties do so. If a spouse says no -- with no ifs, ands, or buts -- then I have to wonder just how much does he or she really love me.[/QUOTE..

Sharon has been around here longer than most , and I'd agree that it's often a matter of perspective... while a missinformed , biased or predjudiced perspective ...may be a bad place to be (starting from) coming from ?? "K"

[Billijo_06]

If you need to pose the question then are truly in love with you wife? Do you not except her for what she is?

Then one has to wonder if she is truly in love with you and excepting for who and what you are.

I hide my desire to CD from my wife for years and a few years back, began to advance the subject with her, breaking the ice if you will. I knew she loved me unconditionally and I felt confident she would accept this part of me or at least tolerate it. Sadly, I will never know her true feelings for certain as she has pasted away just after that.

She always came first and I would have done anything to keep her in my life, including making a pack with the devil to save her life…


Just my prospective…