what would u choose ?
due to events happening in my own life, im wondering what u all would doif it came between ur SO and the c/d ? which is more important to u
i understand its something u carnt just give up, but what would u do ?
[SIZE=3][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]angie [/SIZE]
A question for the ages. Being married for 26 years I would walk through the valley of the shadow of death before loosing my wife. I would be the saddest, yet prettiest girl on the inside you could ever imagine.
I would hope that we could continue to find a balance between our needs and make each other happy. I love her more than myself.
Colleen
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Feeling pretty on the inside.
I would try to give up the CD, but I know that as time went on the urge to CD would re-surface..., living with me would be hell, as I could never be truly happy.
Being a CD is not something that will go away. I have found that the longer one supresses it the stronger it becomes...until one day the CD "explodes" and only going FULL CD will satisfy it. (Dress , makeup, wig, shoes, nails, and out in public)
I would try for the relationship, but my SO has to ALSO try to understand that this is a part of me and it can NEVER be totally gotten rid of. A relationship IS a two way street.
I am intolerant of those who are intolerant
Well, I'd have to ask her what is really bothering her. She might as well ask me to give up my right arm or my sense of humor. Wicked, I mean no disrespect and I truly sense your question is sincere. BUT whenever one partner tries to change the other, it can only lead to trouble. I can't begin to tell you how wrong it is for a CDing partner not to disclose this information at the beginning of the relationship. But again the fact of the matter is that CDing made up character of that person and influenced his personality and how other perceived him irregardless if the CDing was disclosed or not. Even if the CDing partner was successful in removing it from his life, he would be a changed person and very likely not at all like the man you fell in love with. My.
Fulltime girl on the inside.
Lipstick=confidence
[SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
I give it up for years then it start again and she found out and left. Second wife found out kept it away from her till she got sick told me it was OK because she knew I loved her. Then she pass away. Now I'm alone trying to find someone who understands that I will love them only but CDing is part of me that will not go away.
GLENDA
I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN
Theres no question, my wife would always win. In 26years of marriage she has never given my reason to look else where. I just do not want to tear down all we have built together. Being in my mid 50's I don't have the time to go back and earn another living. I am her husband first and Serinalynn second.
"Sometimes you feel like a ****..... sometimes you don't"
Last edited by Nike; 12-15-2006 at 07:29 PM.
[QUOTE}Theres no question, my wife would always win. In 26years of marriage she has never given my reason to look else where. I just do not want to tear down all we have built together. Being in my mid 50's I don't have the time to go back and earn another living. I am her husband first and Serinalynn second.[Quote]Originally Posted by Carla
After 49 1/2 years of a very Blessed marriage, I would have to agree with both the above quotes. Thank heaven it never came about because she knew before we were married and was very supportive. But if it had become a problem, my love for her, which still exists even though she is not here physically, would cause me to try my darndest to totally give up CD'ing. Even if it meant going to a Therapist!
A loving marriage should mean more than anything else. If you love your spouse totally, as you should, there should be no question as to what would happen.
Sissy
More Girl than man
At this time I would haul it to the dumpster, it would not be worth it to put her through hard times, shes to good of a gal to mess up and lose over that if she had a problem with it.
you ladies have a handle on this thing called Crossdressing that i know icould not mustter. Frankly I would become defensive. this is just my personallity. when handed ulltimatums i usually chose the See You Later option and deal with the consequences later.
Where is the self-centered -Answer? hmm "K"
Just Remember,"Wherever You go- There You are ! "
I would do my best to give up the crossdressing.
How sucessful I would be I dont know but I would have to try.
It may drive me crazy in the process and I would probably end up dressing in secret with all the problems that brings.
I did give up dressing for around seven years but it finally came time for me to come clean to my wife.
Good luck with that situation. My "former" SO was attracted to me for many reasons. Throughout our relationship, she continued to chip away at my personality and who I was. While I was in the relationship, I just couldn't recognize the big picture. I just wanted to make her happy. She was a wonderful woman who I loved very much. After 7 years she didn't like the new me she had help create and she left. I was devastated. I had tryed so hard to make her happy. Two weeks after she left, I broke out all of my old "toys" and it was wonderful. I haven't regretted a moment since then.
I would definately try to find a comprimise. She should also know that cding is not a choice it is not something that you can change anymore then you can stop waking up in the morning. I understand that some women have trouble coping with a person cding. The thing that I have noticed at least in my relationship is that if she starts to get uncomfortable, slow down at least a little if not signifigantly. Offer to try to find a middle ground were you dont dress in front of her. If this does not work I would strongly recommend counseling. Hope this helps a bit.
Love like you've never been hurt,
work like you don't need the money,
and dance as if no one is watching.
Delila
Good grief! If CD is a part of your life, and you want to trade that against, what???? 6,667,451,400 (as I write this) other people on this planet RIGHT NOW, who MIGHT love you, and even if you are only into women, its like 3,333,220,200, and you can't find ONE who accepts you? Three BILLION girls, BILLION!!!! And your telling me that your pick of the litter don't like you? Get a grip, and try. The next woman in line is right next to you.
I know, I know, "yours is special", right. If she was "all that" then she would really love you wouldn't she?
Last edited by tekla west; 11-26-2006 at 02:30 AM.
I was never given that ultimatum although I tried my hardest to give up dressing when I married, I hadn't told her before we got married because I thought that I loved her so much. She was the one thing missing in my life so I could easily give up dressing. I couldn't. She never said to me "quit dressing" but she divorced me because of my "unreasonable behaviour".
Several other relationships went west, some because of my dressing others for more mundane reasons but no-one said to me "its either the dressing or me". So I promised myself, never again. Which is probably a good thing because I realised that I was TS and had been pretending that I was a crossdresser.
My current relationship has now lasted seven years (we don't live together) and my SO goes shopping with me, buys me things, and if I move towards transition has said she will still support me and be my friend.
I think ultimatums backfire, cause resentment and ultimately the relationship flounders anyway.
I suppose unconditional love is out of the question?
I gave it up for my last GF. Didn't help. She just kept finding other things and people that she knew were very important to me to tell me it was either her or them. She started in on my family and the last straw for me was when I went to a cousin's funeral and spent more time with my family than she thought I should have, so she ignored me and treated me like crap for the following 2 weeks. I finally told her she had to find another place to live.
To make a long story into a short answer I believe that if someone truly cares about you they won't ask you to give up something you care about in the first place. I would have to say I would choose the dressing now. Ultimatums are not given by people with character.
Shannon
I'd ask what the real problem was. I'd ask for "I statements", not ultimatums.
Dana is such a major part of my concept of my self that I couldn't just give her up. And, I can't imagine someone who loves me asking me to give her up. Of course, I don't know the "events" you're alluding to, so I can't speak for that situation, only my own.
I'd need to hear "I statements" telling me what was really going on. "I feel uncomfortable around you when you're dressed" is a valid concern, and one that can be explored and worked around. Is it how I dress? Does something about the way I act seem too stereotypical? "I feel ashamed" might also be a springboard to exploring feelings together. "I feel hurt when you flirt with men" is a very real concern too. In these cases, the issue isn't the CDing, but how it makes the spouse or SO feel, and that needs to be addressed before any kind of acceptance is possible.
But simply saying "choose between me and CDing" isn't going to work. It's a no-brainer, because it's really saying "choose between me and yourself".
Last edited by DanaStrauss; 11-26-2006 at 04:25 AM. Reason: "recent events" -> "events"
I'd leave. Essentially this is what I am, and I'd want to find someone who was happy to be with me as I am, and equally I'd want the best for my ex-SO. Why give them a half life when they should enjoy a full life. Life's to short to waste on mere existing.
Der Transsexuellaußenseiter
The lovers have flown...
[SIZE="3"]VENI VIDI VICI[/SIZE]
Hmmmm, A quite a few of you seem to worry abouy " Her " . I have tp wonder if SHE was given a Choice over something that has been and IS part of HER what would she choose, You or It. Lets say QUIT buying Mens Jeans, Cause they Fit better, Wearing Mens Flannel Shirts cause they Keep Her warm ? Just some thoughts.
The Definiton of a Crossdresser is : Someone that wears the clothes of the opposite gender, Generally Men wearing womens clothes . It does Not say ONLY Men. Women Crossdress All the time, like the Buisness woman wearing a 3 piece suit. Isn't she Sharp. Wearing Mens T shirts , it goes on and on. As a society WE all are taught to accept this, IF a man puts on a dress he is called terrible names. Faggot, Queer, Fairy and many others In my Opinion Society on a whole has allot to learn. When Women all protested about equal rights burned their bras, they want Equal Rights , but only the ones that suited them fine. This is not meant to attack ANY women here or anyplace. Women are still treated like second rate people, Under MEN and this is a terrible thing in a Soceity Run by MEN.
I am a Transsexual Female, I discovered this after Many years of Attending CD/TG support Groups, Therapy and seeing a Phyciatrist for many years. I did all this on my own, in hopes to find anwers and make my marraige better.Of Coarse my wife didn't need any councleing Cause there was Nothing wrong with her. Some may not agree with that seeing she it attrated to those that Dress as women. My wife Left me for a Transvestite, she was married to a CD before we married. (14 years of marraige ) I was honest with her from the start about my Dressing, she was fine with it. So my Dressing had Nothing to do with divorce, many other issues did though.As mentioned by Anthea " I don't think its a matter of choosing, I think it is learning to accept your SO for who and what they are. It works both ways. " and Deborah UK " I realised that I was TS and had been pretending that I was a crossdresser. " and so many other Great Posts and Views.
I to am Happy I found this Group and get answers and S.O.'s point of View. On this Website http://www.avitale.com/MenuPage.html the 9th Link down on the Left side has something that I find very interesting and think it is helpful to all that deal with this. a S.O. Point of View ......Take Care All ......
" Go Confidently in the direction of your Dreams ! Live the Life You've Imagined. "
" SHOOT FOR THE MOON, Even if you miss, You'll Land among the Stars "
~Cami Dawn~
Some really great posts here. I think what would it be like with out her
Well.....sure, I'll give up the CDing. ....
.... but there's a price to pay then.... just like if I asked you to give something up you think you love....
You have to qualify the question. Most are either saying yes or they would try to compromise or work on it. We all talk a good fight. There is a reason though for the existsance of this "woman" we have become. Being this "woman" consumes a lot of our time, energy and attention(and money). That's quite an investment to simply give up. Not only that, but this "woman" fulfills a lot of our needs and feelings. It really has nothing to do with our SO but try to convince her of that. Their reasoning is : Why do you need "her" if you have me? After all, didn't we get together because I am a woman? What does "she" have that I haven't got? The SO feels she is competition with another "woman"and basically resents it and feels something is wrong with her, otherwise why would we do it? As men, we perceive, for whatever reason that women have it easier than we do and we want to relax from being the "man" that society expects us to be. I'll admit that it's a hard image to fulfill and maintain but that's where the part of being a man comes in. As men, we are very seldom in touch with our feelings and find it hard to express them. How many of us cry at weddings? How many of us break down when something very emotional happens? Growing up, we are "taught" to supress those kinds of feelings and to be a "man". I say bullshit on that. Feelings are what it is all about my friends. Sharing those feelings with someone you love is theraputic, not only for them but for you as well. Why do you think we were given emotions in the first place? As a safety valve, most guys can understand that. Our male demeanor demands we fight this. When we do this, shit happens and the "shit" in our case is failing to our softer side and demonstrating that by being our femme self. How else can we still be men? Okay, okay we say we don't want to be men but who's kidding who? Genetics determines how we act. A leopard can't pretend to be a zebra, it just doesn't work. So, what am I saying here? Simply put, we need to understand just why we need to be who we need to be. If we are in love with our SO's, we owe it to them to work with them to understand our feelings. I realize some of us here are TG but that is different. I'm just talking about male CD's here and our motivation. We can't have it both ways, however and have to make a decision. That's why I say there is no "quick fix" no "easy answer" when it comes to working things out with our SO's. We know damn well the feelings will return if we "give up" our femme self or "purge". How long until we do it again? This is just my observation. You don't have to take my word for it. If I had followed the advice I'm giving here, my wife and I would still be together. Listen it's not easy but well worth the effort. Search and understand your feelings and work on that understanding with your SO's. They know what feelings are all about. It's time we, as men, learned to really process our feelings and share them with the important woman in our life. I guarantee they will love you for it.
due to events happening in my own life, im wondering what u all would do
i understand its something u carnt just give up, but what would u do ?
oh wicked easy to answer this see my wife knows about my cding but is not like supportive at all .... and although we have made quite a few steps twards more acceptance we have far to go... i Love her to death...........
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