Just met a CD

[ggconfused]

I just met someone who I think is amazing. He is sweet, smart, fun, all the things I know I want to find in someone. Prior to him, I have always dated the typical frat boy/guys' guy (for lack of a better description). The sensitive side is very new to me. He told me that he enjoys wearing women's clothing. I am trying to be very open minded but am having a difficult time because he keeps making jokes about it, or so they appear to be jokes. The problem is that the more I get to know him, the more I like him, but the more comfortable he feels making comments about shopping for dresses. I really like him and want it to work out, if possible, but I am not sure how to deal with this. I am by no means a prude, but this is far away from the sexual/dating world I am used to.

I guess what I am asking is: if he has been upfront about this from the very beginning (not years into a relationship), do I have any right to ask him to not be so blazen about it? Am I allowed to feel overwhelmed and scared, or because he was honest early on, have I put myself in a position that since I knew what I was getting into, I can't be feeling this way?

Please, I would love to hear thoughts from both GGs and CDs as I am so confused and having such a difficult time getting my head around this.

[AyJay]

Your feelings are as important as his. You need to find your place in the relationship just as he will. Be open about your feelings and discuss them with him, who knows, he may be pushing hard to see what the limits are going to be. I can well understand your fear of the unknown, but unless you talk about it it will remain unknown.

[Janelle Young]

Hello Confused,

Welcome to the forum. I believe you have every right to feel a bit overwhelmed. If you feel that way then yes, by all means ask this person to tone down her talk. Let her know this is all new to you and a bit slower is more to your liking for now. This is not an easy thing for a lot of GG's to deal with. A lot of them can not deal with it at all. It is nice to see that you are trying to learn and deal with something that is new to you.

[Sophia Rearen]

Yes, you have the right to ask him/her not to be so blazen about it. You are allowed to feel overwelmed and scared. He/she, also has rights. Joking about it can be a good thing though. Sometimes it's good to laugh at ones self. I often use humor when the situations are stressful. It's just my nature. Why don't you sit him/her down and have a conversation about how you feel? He's/she's lucky to have found someone as accepting as you. If he's/she's smart, he/she will listen. Tell him/her, "it's ok, just don't go nuts". Early on in a relationship things naturally move quickly, why should this be any different?

[Noel Chimes]

Perhaps it is time to sit down and lay all the cards on the table. Although you are trying to be openminded, you still have some reservations. I'm sure that if he is as sensitive and caring as you say he is, I'm sure that he will understand your feelings.

[Brianna Lovely]

I'll just jump right in here and ask the question.
Do you like or love this PERSON?
Because, that's what he/she is, a person, with habits, fears, desires, needs, dreams and emotions, just like anyone else.

It's just my opinion, but I think most CDs are more of a whole person than the average male, someone to be treasured, perhaps.

I'm sure the GGs will give you some wonderful insites, listen to them, for they speak from their hearts.

[Janelle Marshall]

My first response to all your questions is YES! You have the right to feel any way you want to feel about his crossdressing and to ask any questions that you have AND to ask him to sit down and really talk with you about his desires and yours. It sounds like he is in the "testing the waters" stage and is trying to use humor to defuse the issue a bit. Actually I feel crossdressing should be handled with a LOT of humor. To his credit he is trying to be upfront with you. You do have the right to discuss this with him on your own terms. His opening up to you does not take any rights from you at all, but from his viewpoint may put the ball in your court so to speak. You have the right to ask for what you want. If that means for him to slow down in this then be just as upfront as he has been. Talk, talk, talk. Ask questions. You are obviously trying to learn about his desire to crossdress and all of us here commend you for that. You must have feelings for him or you wouldn't be here. I wish you the very best and hope you find happiness and peace. Good luck! Keep us posted.
Janelle

[Penny]

Making light of it could very well be his way difusing what he hopes will not turn into a bad situation. You have every right to feel confused and scared.
The best thing to do is to have an open and honest discussion about the crossdressing. Ask every concievable question that concerns you. As a general rule, CD's are much more caring and sensitive. Remember, he is probably just as confused and scared as you are. No time like the present to end the signals and get to some serious discussion. Mutal respect for each others feelings is paramount so discuss feelings and concerns.
Good luck!



Penny

[ggconfused]

Thank you so much.

It is all new to me. This is the beginning of a relationship and I know I should be filled with excitement and good-anxiety, but I am scared I am missing the good stuff because I am so concerned with this.

I really do like him and want to understand and be supportive. I am scared that bringing it up will only make him shut down and not talk about it.

From what he has told me, aside from the joking, this appears to be new to him ,too. I know that I can't do this alone.

Unfortunately, unlike all my previous dating issues, this is NOT one I can discuss with my friends.

Again, thank you so much for your insight.

[Sienna Skye]

Although he was upfront from the beginning (A very admirable thing), you have every right to ask him to tone it down a bit, and not be so blazen about it. I feel I'd be pretty accurate in saying it is every crossdressers dream to find a woman who doesn't run away as soon as they find out a guy they have an interest in also enjoys wearing girls clothing. I congratulate you on joining this site in order to gain knowledge and understanding. That to me shows you are special. My advise is to keep communicating with him. Let him know how you feel. If he pushes his dressing beyond what you are comfortable with, you have every right to walk away. I really hope things work out for both of you. I am married to a wonderful lady, but she has never been very comfortable about my dressing. I admire your boyfriend for telling you now. It's something I regret I didn't do before I got married over 20 years ago. Hope this helps a little, Sienna

[Sarah-Anne]

Perhaps it is time to sit down and lay all the cards on the table. Although you are trying to be openminded, you still have some reservations. I'm sure that if he is as sensitive and caring as you say he is, I'm sure that he will understand your feelings.

However, at the same time, she must understand his feelings. When a relationship is in its infancy (which I gather from the original post this relationship is), it is inappropriate to ask someone to act differently.

He has been open with you, for which you should thank him. You should sit down and discuss exactly how he feels about CDing, including how often he does it, when he does it, why he does it and how "far" he goes (e.g. is it just underwear or does he go all the way with wigs etc). Then you need to decide if you are alright with that. In my opinion, one cannot go asking brand new partners to make compromises. Of course, I do not know either of you, and maybe he is not a serious crossdresser and is happy to give it up!

[Sweet Jane]

Hi

I'm sure that you are in a turmoil, here you are dating someone who has alot of the special qualities that you admire in a guy, and it turns out that there is this twist in the tail.

I don't know how you should feel, but I'd say if this guy is as caring and sensitive as you say, then you should have a big heart to heart. Talk to him about things like, how far does he wish to take his crossdressing?, and see if the limits he puts on this activity are something that you can live with....really, I'd just talk and talk about it, what you can accept, what you may be able to accept one day, and things that you just could never accept as long as you live.

You have a great chance to get everything out on the table and discussed, many of s wish that we were in the same boat.

And don't dispair, we all are just regular people and this is our wee quirk...I'm sure there are some pretty wierd quirks out there, so I don't feel this one is sooooo bad (yet to some people it is...go figure). Anyway, have fun, enjoy your life and fall in love....

[ggconfused]

I am not interested in asking him to give it up. I am just very confused. I don't know if this is normal for a GG to feel the first time she hears about it. The best way to describe my feelings are that I am in such conflict between how I feel about him and what I am used to in my life. Yes, it is in its infancy and I would never ask him to change. However, if I met a guy who told me upfront he didn't want to have children, I would need to know how serious he felt about it so that I can act accordingly.

The bottom line is that I really like him. For lack of a better explanation, he turns me on just being him (dressed and acting like a guy), I need to know what turns him on and whether I can be a part of it.

I really appreciate everyone being so supportive of me. I am trying here. Normally, I run away from beginning (my own fear of commitment), but for some reason that I am working on figuring out, he seems to be worth it. Do I wish it were not an issue? Yes, it would make it easier. But it is and I am really trying to get through it as well as possible.

[BobbieCD1944]

Yes, it is in its infancy and I would never ask him to change. However, if I met a guy who told me upfront he didn't want to have children, I would need to know how serious he felt about it so that I can act accordingly.

I have a counselor friend that says there are 4 things people should considered when thinking about a relationship:

Sexuality - tastes, frequency, etc.
Children - Yes or no, how to raise them, how many
Money - How to handle it, how much to spend
Spirituality - Congruency of beliefs

Any huge disagreement with these probably mean a relationship is doomed.

The beginnings of any relationship can be overwhelming. I tend to celebrate and wish the best for those who find out and deal with these things in the beginning. Of course, I'm just an old f**t idealist.

I'd say be open with him, but slow and gentle.. so to speak.

[Kristen Kelly]

[SIZE="3"]Welcome Confused to our family. Feel free to add me to your Yahoo messenger KristenKelly77 (that’s the same Invite to all the girls) I love to chat, I'm a good ear that won't put you down. I told my GG Gs all about my dressing this year and maybe able to talk to you about some her isues and maybe why She acts this way.
If I'm home the computer Is always on, and if I am not at my desk get back to you shortly.[/SIZE]

[bredalee25]

Hi confussed, The first thing you need to do is talk to him and explain you're feelings in a nice way. Also you need to ask yourself could I accept it if he wanted to bring his dressing into your sexlife. You have plenty of friends to be here more than willing to help you through this difficult time in your relationship.

ttfn

[Glenda58]

Confused there's a GG forum at you should post this thread on the GGs there could give you more incite. We CDs would love to find someone like you who doesn't run out the door when they first find out about us. You have questions and fears it's alright to go slow. Tell him/her to slow down while you get your feelings figured out. This is not something that you can take lightly it will take a lot of time and effort if you decide to stay with him/her.

[Calliope]

Since, as you noted, he's just starting to test the CD waters, he probably has no idea at this point in his development where his dressing is gonna go. That's OK, the relationship is new, too, and no one knows where it's gonna be down the line, either. That said, there is usually an initial CD euphoria (pink haze) associated with the first open expressions of TGism. You can count on a lot of dressing, I would guess. (It will tone down in time, especially if he's out in his community.) Should that scare you off? No, you haven't tried it and, who knows, maybe this kind of guy is going to be great for you. CDs are exceptional people. You're lucky, really. (And so is he!) Should you ask him to limit his CDing? Hmmm, should he ask you to keep your weight steady? Tomorrow never knows, baby.

[TeriAnn]

In my experience it is a wonderful thing when you can finally come out to the one you love and let them knowhow you feel and what you like to do. I told my wife of 6 years (at the time), we had just returned from a trip to Florida. All the way home I tried to tell her but was afraid of how she might react.
So when we got home I sat her down and told her I was a crossdresser, of course there was the shock of hearing this, so I knew I had to give her time to process everything I had told her. After A few days I gently ask her about her feelings of what I had told her a few days before, lo and behold she told me she was fine with my cding. You could have knocked me over with a feather, I was so dum founded I didn't know what to say but I love you for excepting my cding.We went out the next day and she bought me a new skirt and I bought her a new pair of heels. We have a very loving relationship and she helps me with every thing that I do. She sets no restrictions on my cding and I can dress pretty much like I want. Most times she picks it out for me anyway. Her name is BlueBird and she is on the GG forum drop her a pm and ask her how she feels.I am TeriAnn

[ggconfused]

I am going to join the GG forum and hope that I can get more validation on my feelings. You are all amazing people and it is comforting to know that the guy I am falling for is in the same category.

I promise to keep everyone updated on the situation and will stop by if I have more questions.

Thank you.

[DonnaT]

Seems to me that you've read a some of the posts on this forum, as you seem to have the terminology (gg, cd, etc.) down pretty quickly.

You said

From what he has told me, aside from the joking, this appears to be new to him ,too.

I'm on several other forums, and I'm not too familier with other instances where a CD, who is "new" to this, is so open with a new girlfriend. Commendable, to say the least, but suspicious to me. Passed experience tells me that for someone to be so open so soon, they have been at the CDing a while, and have experienced rejection later in the relationship because of it, and thus have decided to be up front sooner than later.

As for the apparent joking, it appears he's testing you to see how tolerant/accepting you may be. Probably a result of past rejections as well.

So, now's the time to have a heart-to-heart talk.

You may want to know how often he dresses up.
Does he go out dressed. If so, where to.
Are you interested in meeting some of his CDing frineds, if any.
Was he honest with you about this being new to him.
Where does he see this CDing going. More frequently, etc.
Does he have any pictures, and would you be intersted in seeing them.
What do you think about seeing him dressed enfemme.

[ggconfused]

I have been reading the postings which is how I know the terminology. When he told me, I was more intrigued and curious about what it meant, so I went looking on the internet. As time as passed, my intrigue and curiosity has turned to fear and confusion. I went from not knowing him and thinking we could be friends and this is just one of his fetishes, to really beginning to fall for him and wondering how I can handle it. We have not had sex yet, I am petrified. This is the first time a guy has not tried to sleep with me right away. So, on top of the obvious issues I am having, I am also dealing with my own personal feelings of rejection. I am trying to understand him but at the same time, I keep having to remember that I AM THE GIRL here and that I have my own issues. I keep wondering if he isn't attracted to me; if I am not enough of a woman for him; if he can only get off when he is wearing my clothes (and by that I mean my=women's). It is very hard not to internalize these feelings. In addition, I really like him, a great GUY, and am very confident in my sexuality and know that I am not attracted to women. How can I possibly be attracted to a man in women's clothing? I don't want to be a man and I don't want to play that role. Is that where this is headed?

[ggconfused]

One more question about all of this:

Is there a difference in a crossdresser and a transvestite? He has made joking comments about being a tranny and I laugh them off with the same weird feeling as the rest of the jokes.

[Sweet Jane]

How can I possibly be attracted to a man in women's clothing? I don't want to be a man and I don't want to play that role. Is that where this is headed?

Hi
for the first part of your question, I don't know the answer....I can only hope that by telling you he doesnt want to be a 24/7 CDer. Now that may put a spanner in the works, but this is one of those things you have to talk long and hard with him about...me?, I don't even want to be an infrequent crossdresser, but I am.

now as for the next part...I don't want my wife to take the mans role as that would make me uncomfortable too. I don't think I'd even want to be seen dressed by my wife, but as she only knows about my wearing underwear, I think it may shock her to see me as I appear on this site.

I don't think you're headed down the road to gender swapping, however you must get your beaus' thoughts on where he wants to go with his crossdressing. If he wants to live as a lady, then maybe that's not what you are after, if he wants to dabble in a bit of "dress up", then maybe you could live with that.

We're a complex bunch, ranging from the TS through to the merely curious, and some like me, the relucant crossdresser...anyway, good luck

[Penny]

One more question about all of this:

Is there a difference in a crossdresser and a transvestite? He has made joking comments about being a tranny and I laugh them off with the same weird feeling as the rest of the jokes.

Crossdresser is a soft way to say one likes to wear clothes of the opposite sex. In actuality, crossdresser and transvestite are one in the same. They encompass those who may wear only one article to those who wear all.
The mental health people have tried to lable transvestism as a mental disorder and studied it with little success mainly because it is not a disorder.
Nevertheless, it has provided many with a steady income and as a result, it has a negitive conotation. It is as much a part of a persons psychy as any other developed or inherited trait.
For most of us, we developed the need to wear woman's clothes just prior to puberty. I doubt seriously that this is new to your crossdresser.