situation god-son

[jo_ann]

Here's my situation. god son (9 at the time), about 3 years ago got got conned into putting on a dress and wearing makeup (ok, happens all the time). Then 2 years ago stealing diapers from his 5-year old sister. I thought nothing of it, figured it was some weird baby fetish. Then about a year ago he started stealing his 12 year old sister's underwear (Ok, mayyybe he's a crossdresser at heart at this point.. nahh, chalk it up to someone with an underwear fetish). Now the latest, he stole one of her skirts (now I'm convinced he's a crossdresser). I want to help, maybe even console, but I don't know how to go about it. His parents are very old fashioned italian, and think he's the biggest freak in the world and can't comprehend why he's doing this. I have a feeling that if I have a talk with his mother, she might think I somehow implanted the idea into his head (she can sometimes jump to obscure conclusions). I can't very well just directly talk to him because it would most surely get back to his mom, and then I would look even worse for appearing to be hiding it and having alterior motives. How can I approach this safely?

[Calliope]

How can I approach this safely?

I'd take a pass on getting involved if I were you.

[Sandygal]

I'm not sure how you would approch this one. Getting between a mom and her kid. You will be blamed, but you could make both their lives easier if you can steer her to some information. Maybe on a sheet of paper you can write. For all your answers , go to www.crossdressers .com,then leave it were she will find it. Then maybe she can find her own answers without you being in the middle. Once she has some answers, then she might approch you.
Just a thought
Sandy

[Jestina]

This is a very interesting one.

I am so tired now I can hardly keep my eyes open.

I am going to post on this later. Too important to reply at half mast.

By posting this short one I will remember to come back. Make sense?

[Stephenie S]

Dear Jo Ann,

Your God-son doesn't have a problem with CDing. He has a problem with stealing. This is where you should intervene. As a God-father, you are reasponsible for the child's moral upbringing. We all know that CDing isn't immoral; we all know that stealing is. You have a responsiblility to teach your God-son that stealing is wrong.

Stephenie

[MJ]

he is under age .. i think you should avoid this .. could be a problem

[Breanne]

Dear Jo Ann,

Your God-son doesn't have a problem with CDing. He has a problem with stealing. This is where you should intervene. As a God-father, you are reasponsible for the child's moral upbringing. We all know that CDing isn't immoral; we all know that stealing is. You have a responsiblility to teach your God-son that stealing is wrong.

Stephenie

Right on, Stephenie.
May I add, even though we know CDing isn't immoral, I would stay away from this topic lest it be misconstrued, misunderstood or just not accepted. But definitely you do have an area upon which you can react, and that's as Stephenie has pointed out, stealing is wrong and you have a chance to teach him that.

[sterling12]

I would treat this one like you are handling plutonium! I personally think your in a no-win situation and just about anything that you would do is going to make it worse for you, worse for the child, worse for the parents.

If they are conservative Italian, it's highly likely that a priest will soon be involved. Like I said, you don't want to go there! I think it's going to have to be between His Parents and himself....and maybe some form of church counseling, (shudder).

Maybe someday, somehow, when the child is older and can handle the information, you may wish to let him know that he's not alone. I would wait for that day, and I think you will know when and if it's the appropriate thing to do.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[tammie]

I gotta add that all U can do is if at some time the mother says anything about it U can say "let the boy alone its not like he is a drug addict or hurting someone" and then let it go. They will see that not all people think he is a freak and may come to accept it as they would being gay. Anything else is a landmine waiting to go off and U will be the one in harms way.

[ShortSkirt]

I agree this is a very tricky situation. It could be that he's seeking "negative attention", and if I was going to go into this at all, it would be under that premise.

Good luck.

[Joy Carter]

Just be there if your needed, but like the others have said stay out of it unless asked.

[saskia]

Just be there if your needed, but like the others have said stay out of it unless asked.

I agree too hot!!! blame will come your way not worth the hassle

[noname]

Like others, I would say out of it. Unfortunately we don't live in a world where people can be who they want to be.

[christine55]

If you get involved now, who knows what you could be falsely accused of.
Once the lad is of age, then maybe you can help. (maybe a hint that this might not be such a bad thing would be a help, but be careful not to overdo it.)
Hugs, Christine

[jo_ann]

well it sounds like I'm handling it exactly the way I thought I should. I do tell him about stealing being wrong.. tell him things like "you know, I don't like thieves, and if you keep doing that I can't be your godfather anymore because my family doesn't steal". But at the same time, I can't help but understand where he's coming from, I used to steal clothes from my brother's girlfriends (though at the age of 15, not 12). Also at the same time, if he were to ask me a general question like "is this wrong?" or "Am I weird?" I would certainly comfort him and tell him he's normal, people do a lot of things that society doesn't accept.

On another note, I don't want necessarily want to get involved because I would immediately out myself (Only my wife knows about my lifestyle) and it could really open a can of worms. Like everyone is saying, I might have no choice but to wait till he's a little older (16-17) or wait until his mother approaches me with a question like "do you have any ideas why he might be like this? have you ever heard of such a thing" at which point I can at least partially open the door by saying "Well actually, I've watched many tv programs on the subject, and I even have a "friend" who's one"

[janet p]

Well I see that you've gotten the right idea about to handle this. I was sort of in a simerler situation but my god-son(45) told me he was gay and waited for a respones,I just said so I'm a CD. We talked about it and had a good time while he visited.My sister still has never said any thing to me about it.

[lynnrichards]

I think it's hypocritical for any of us to chastise the boy for stealing. If he is a cross-dresser, berating him for stealing just adds to his negative self-image. I would regard his behaviour as borrowing, instead. At nine years old, where else can he go to obtain the clothing he craves?

But I agree that you should not be so proactive in this situation. It woluld probably be misinterpreted and do more harm than good. It would be better if your wife would be willing to discuss the issue with the parents. Is this a possibility?

[Paula Thomas]

Jo Ann - Since he is 12, and your Godson, here is my .

Offer to take him shopping for Christmas presents for his parents/siblings, and to pick out a CD or DVD that you can get him for Christmas.

On the trip, explain that you heard about his "stealing", and that while wanting to wear female clothing is not accepted by everyone, and he could get teased unmercifully (or more) by his "friends" and family, you do not feel it is "wrong", but that stealing IS wrong.

Further, if he ever wants to talk to someone about it, you are a "good listener" and will NOT tell anyone what you talk about.

Point out that if he really feels the need to wear female clothing, that he should (i) buy his own, (ii) expect his parents to find out about it, and (iii) not be surprised or angry if they prohibit it/punish him for it, as that is not an "abnormal" point of view (just not one you agree with).

[Dixie Darling]

You didn’t say whether or not your god-son’s parents have internet access, or whether they have told anyone else about his behavior. If they’ve told others, and if they have access to the net, would it be possible to have someone (other than yourself) anonymously leave them a few links to some sites that might help them understand where he’s coming from and what he’s going through? If they didn’t know where this information came from it wouldn’t implicate you in the matter and your own secrets would remain safe.

Aside from this, the advice others have already given you is well worth taking note of.

Dixie

[Charolette time]

Here's my situation. god son (9 at the time), about 3 years ago got got conned into putting on a dress and wearing makeup (ok, happens all the time). Then 2 years ago stealing diapers from his 5-year old sister. I thought nothing of it, figured it was some weird baby fetish. Then about a year ago he started stealing his 12 year old sister's underwear (Ok, mayyybe he's a crossdresser at heart at this point.. nahh, chalk it up to someone with an underwear fetish). Now the latest, he stole one of her skirts (now I'm convinced he's a crossdresser). I want to help, maybe even console, but I don't know how to go about it. His parents are very old fashioned italian, and think he's the biggest freak in the world and can't comprehend why he's doing this. I have a feeling that if I have a talk with his mother, she might think I somehow implanted the idea into his head (she can sometimes jump to obscure conclusions). I can't very well just directly talk to him because it would most surely get back to his mom, and then I would look even worse for appearing to be hiding it and having alterior motives. How can I approach this safely?

All the answers are great and heres my If you know a friend who is a police man and a friend of the family( most of us do) talk to him and tell him about your godson,ask him to talk to him about taking things, and how wrong it is, most young kids are respectful of the police and catch him before it goes further, I guess we all borrowed something when we were young with the intentions of returning it, but for some reason never did, any way good luck and keep us posted, Charolette

[DonnaT]

For the most part, you are handling it fine.

The problem that needs addressing, however, is his parents calling him a freak. Hopefully they haven't said as much to him, but only to you.

I'd suggest talking to them, NOW. Indicate that since your last discussion, you've been checking the Internet.

Point out that some indications are that he MAY be a crossdresser, but if so, it's a condition he was born with and there is NO cure. And that his getting conned into wearing a dress and makeup at age six may have triggered or awakened this part of who he is.

Indications are that if he is not a crossdresser, then he could very well grow out of it in a few years.

That calling him names and or punishing him for something he has no real control over will probably cause him to withdraw from them, and not be honest with them. Ask them if they want a happy honest son, or one that is sad, and who hides things from them.

You should also point out that kids who are called names over this can get
quite depressed, which sometimes leads to suicide.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered teens have higher suicide attempt rates than their peers. While coming to terms with gender identity can be challenging for many young people, they face social pressures that can make this adjustment especially difficult. If they can't turn to their parents, who can they turn to? You can volunteer to be that person he turns to if they can't handle it, but that's a big responsibility.

If they don't believe you, tell them to do a Google search on "transgendered teens" "suicide".

Also see: http://www.lauras-playground.com/teens.htm

[jo_ann]

It would be better if your wife would be willing to discuss the issue with the parents. Is this a possibility?

I don't know how she should go about it

On the trip, explain that you heard about his "stealing", and that while wanting to wear female clothing is not accepted by everyone, and he could get teased unmercifully (or more) by his "friends" and family, you do not feel it is "wrong", but that stealing IS wrong.

Further, if he ever wants to talk to someone about it, you are a "good listener" and will NOT tell anyone what you talk about.

Point out that if he really feels the need to wear female clothing, that he should (i) buy his own, (ii) expect his parents to find out about it, and (iii) not be surprised or angry if they prohibit it/punish him for it, as that is not an "abnormal" point of view (just not one you agree with).

I've have the converstation with him about stealing, because he's stolen a pair of toy handcuffs before (because his mom wouldn't buy them, he thought stealing them was a good idea). I have had a talk with him (about other adult things he wanted to know about). I doubt someone his age would buy underwear, I'm 32 and I STILL don't buy panties from the store. His mom did buy him a few pair of panties that he was told to keep hidden in his drawer, but I have a feeling he's starting to want more things.

would it be possible to have someone (other than yourself) anonymously leave them a few links to some sites that might help them understand where he’s coming from and what he’s going through?

I've hooked them up with a computer (for the parents) and fixed up one of their old computers for the kids. The father spends little time on the computer.. the mother spends even less (checks email once every couple days)

On a side note, he has been taken to a psychologist, who of course told him parents that this is completely normal and should be supported in whatever way possible. The mother has also threatened to send him to school in a skirt, which is of course the worst thing you can do.. I just hope she never follows through because that could scar him, or push him further.