Would you tell

[melissaK]

That said, every secret infers shame, so, yes, honesty is probably best.

And to play out DayTripper's always astute reasoning a bit further, if you tell them, will you be asking them to keep a secret for you? I think you recently posted on another thread that you had only told Bluebird (but my memory after reading a zillion posts is sometimes off).

I would at least go out of my way to expand their education to more than there's only "Dick and Jane" or "Barbie & Ken" in the world. If I recall there are some "kids books" in the gay/lesbian world that explain alternative lifestyle relationships in an accepting way so kids can accept gay/lesbian parents or family as "normal." You might visit B&N.com or someplace for some of these and see if you can work them into your daughters reading list.

[Glenda58]

My children have never seen me anything but enfemme, so it is natural for them, so maybe I cannot judge. I have noticed that it seems easier to expose them to this side of yourself at an earlier age than a later one. You need to decide if you will ever tell children, and either tell them as young as possible, or wait until they have left home. As adults they have the maturity to handle it on their own, and as young children they can accept it before their cultural intolerances are set. If you do, it is best to try to create a schedule they can depend on, consistency is everything to children.

Good luck!

[Sheila]

Teri Ann:

God knows. Lots of families and kids carry around all kinds of secrets, from family violence and alcoholism and abuse and cheating

ours is one of the families that carries the knowledge of abuse and violence and the fact that my new partner is a cdr makes informing the kids a hard choice for us re cding being seen as perveted (god if only that was what perverts were)

Jess

[TeriAnn]

Thanks to all who posted here I have a lot of info to think about so I can do the right thing. Thanks again.

[carol ann]

I think Joy makes an important point that a child needs a father in their lives - not two mothers. Perhaps , i am not the best person to judge because i have remained in the closet. Although i have never told my children, and they are now all at adult stage, I do believe they would be on my side should I come out to them.


However in coming out i believe i would be damaging their image of me as a father in every way and consequently would not be prepared to create that situation.

[Robin 36]

earlier would be better. before they mature sexually. My wife would have a fit if I came out to our 10 year old. I keep it subtle but ever present.

[hottieforyou]

tell them at a early age and show them that this what you do and explain it to them.

[Michelia]

Really,

My kids still always call me dad and I always will be dad. We are not two mothers by a long shot.

As for Day Tripper's remarks, I admire what she has been able to do with her life and consider her a keen mind with experience in this area. But I am not sure what she meant by "rebuffing" the male side as seen by a little boy. Maybe she could explain a little more. I guess some kids could see it this way if their daddy was always enfemme. Is this what you mean?

In my case, it just adds a dimension to their daddy. Daddy still loves being macho and talking macho stuff with my boy and playing with cars and robots and guns! (although I really do not see anything wrong with a boy playing with dolls if he wants).

Michelia

[Diana West]

I wouldn't. Not because of a lack of honesty or out of shame, but of privacy and innocence.
Would you tell your child or other children about Santa Claus?

I do if for personal enjoyment and it's nobody else's business.

[JoAnnDallas]

Don't you dare say Santa Claus is NOT real.........

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

i dont live with my c/d b/f, but he is very close to my five year old, ( like a step father to her ), yet several times i have stressed myself over her finding out, we have decided it is to be kept from her, ( shes been through enough over past year ), but i dont want her to be raised with predjuces etc. she was out with with us when he bought some femmine clothes, ( we said it was for his mum), and he said he felt extremley bad that he did that infront of her. i said its ok, if i wasnt happy with it i would have taken her off to another shop. so much was kept from me when i was a small child over my father ( he had sex-change when i was little),and it has caused so many probs within my family, and made to be "dirty,nastie", that i dont want her going through the same process !!
children arent daft, they pick up on things very quickly, so iam sure somewhere along the line, she will sense something. i wish you well in what you choose

[stlmichelle]

My fear is not how it will affect them directly, kids are resiliant. My fear is what there peers will do to them and how it will affect them then. Kids can be horribly mean to one another and I just don't want to give their friends fuel to pick on my kids. So as far as they go I do not do it front of them nor do they know. Maybe someday they will find out, but I will cross that bridge when we come to it.

[Diana West]

Don't you dare say Santa Claus is NOT real.........

He's NOT real, but Mrs. Claus is. (The Easter Bunny told me.)