Bad Reputation ? A question fo the FTMs, MTFs, and GGs

[Kate Simmons]

I remember seeing one of those Police shows once. A store was being robbed and a young guy en femme was one of the customers. The robber was threatening to shoot the customers. The young guy decided to risk all and jumped the robber and turned the tables. He was "outted" by the experience. Did he think of that? Potentially saving the lives of the other customers was foremost in his mind, risking his own life in the process. During the interview on the show he admitted he was a crossdresser. He figured the robber would never suspect a "girl" of trying to jump him, so went for it.If what was portrayed was true, he became friends with all the other customers. They thought no less of him or his disposition, as he was a hero to them. Although the fact that he was a crossdresser was mentioned, it was not highlighted in a derrogatory way. In fact, the host commended him for risking his life, reputation and possibly being subject to ridicule for what he did. You never know who is going to save your life, as you can't pick and choose. Get my point? This is the kind of stuff people need to know about. Ericka Kay

[Lanore]

We are different!

Lanore

[Scotty]

Organized religion hasn't been very kind to us.

That's an oxymoron, kinda like 'Military Intelligence".

I have issues with organized religion unless two people organize a get together there's always one man in control of how everything is done, and a doctrine....

I just have issues with that - and that is so true about why people are looked down upon for anything out of the norm. Not just dressing either...

[SexxxyBrianna]

Hello

Let me try ...and give my comment !
It seems that some wanna be crossdressers ..try to mock the art of
crossdressers .

Let me give some example .... hairy bodies , terrible make up ..terrible clothing that does not match and just an over uglyness toward the femm
mystique .

Melissa ( lifelong Cd girl )

I have to ask... what qualifies someone as a "wanna be" cross-dresser?
So if they have body hair (some don't shave fully as maybe they are in the closet for one reason or another), or are bad dressers, or not blessed with good looks they are "wanna be's"? So they are not what you consider to be "real" cross-dressers? That type of thinking is very obtuse and judgmental.

[Kenix]

I hope my answer does not offend anyone...

Perhaps the CD community isn't "fighting back" hard enough? There is no powerful organization to help or protect us like some other groups.

[Joyciecd]

Could it be more primal, merely feeling adverse to any and all groups that are different than the hater? Isn't that pure prejudice? Except for the more enlightened within the various groups, it would seem that the world history is rife with countless examples, even today between factions in Iraq.

[Dapple]

I am with Melissa51---
Been places,seen things that would make a dyed in the wool CD sick.
bad,bad makeup, dirty, hairy, dirty mishappen clothes. Just what the public wants to see so they can say " Told you so" Its a slap in the face to GGs that someone as dirty and dressed like that would try and pass themselves off as feminine
Dapple

[Calliope]

I am with Melissa51---
Been places,seen things that would make a dyed in the wool CD sick.
bad,bad makeup, dirty, hairy, dirty mishappen clothes.

Couldn't agree more.

That's why I've spent years lobbying for mandatory CD membership organizations to weed out the unworthy.

[Kimkandy]

You can't win... but there are alternatives to fighting... Obi-Wan Kenobi

Kim

[melissacd]

Hmmm...

- fear of what we don't understand
- discomfort when visual cues are confusing
- poor representation in the media
- threat to one's sexuality
- threat to one's belief system (religious or otherwise)
- threat to the status quo

How to put a positive spin...

- find opportunities to educate
- when dressed be friendly and communicate positively
- do your best to look your best but do not try and deceive
- develop confidence in your femme persona
- be a positive spokes person for the community
- dress in ways that are appropriate for age and setting

One of the things that I am slowly learning as I get out more and develop more and more confidence (face my fears) is that for the most part the public, at least the public that I have been exposed to is either indifferent or curious. My goal now is to continue to develop my confidence, continue to grow as a femme person, put my best foot forward (in a nice pair of heels of course), present a positive image and while I do my best to create a wonderful feminine illusion not concern myself with passing. I have seen many CDs where is no doubt that they are men and yet they project great feminine poise and beauty. They are my role models.

By projecting positive things in as much as I can I will do my small bit in creating a positive view of cross dressers. By all of us getting out there and doing the same, in time, cross dressers will be seen as normally as women in pants (something that as little as 80 years ago was seen as a moral outrage).

For as long as we skulk around in the shadows we will be perceived in a negative way. I do understand that it takes a lot of courage to get out there into the public, it is a very scary thing, however, small steps, especially with the help of other sisters, will move all of us out into the light and build our confidence. The more of us who do this the more normal it will become. We are all ambassadors for the cause of making it ho hum to see a cross dresser, that is when we will know that we have finally achieved the goal (although it will take away the fun of the surprised looks you get in the mall )

[Calliope]

For as long as we skulk around in the shadows we will be perceived in a negative way. I do understand that it takes a lot of courage to get out there into the public, it is a very scary thing, however, small steps, especially with the help of other sisters, will move all of us out into the light. The more of us who do this the more normal it will become. We are all ambassadors for the cause of making it ho hum to see a cross dresser, that is when we will know that we have finally achieved the goal.

Word!

[Robin 36]

The main issue, I believe, is male homophobia.

The song 'Lola' depicts the fear of a straight male momentarily attracted to a TG, then discovering the deception. Only a swift (often violent) repudiation of the attraction will 'save' the straight identity. Recall Cronenberg's movie M Butterfly, as well - plus many other popkult examples.

That's why I always caution CDs who sport the sexy look and then turn passing into a sport.

I think in general for most straight males, the line between themselves and gay and/or cross dressing males is precious thin. One false move and they're phsyco/social/sexual fondation crumbles. This makes 'em uncomfortable an insecure (i.e. fear).

Anyway Marla, I think your cute and not scary at all.

[Chiana]

Maybe it does come down to looks sometimes. We all know that really pretty and/or talented CD's and TV's are very popular with the straight community in various clubs and shows. People find them extremely fascinating. I am in the closet because I doubt that many people would find me pretty, attractive or fascinating.

[Samantha B L]

It's like a lot of people to react with fear and hostility to something that is different which they don't understand or know their a-- from a gopher hole about.At least I think so.In time most people will get better educated about all this but there will always be people that are touchy about "tvs","homos",etc..Samantha

[Calliope]

Anyway Marla, I think your cute and not scary at all.

Oh, Marla's cute, alright.

But her brain is the secret weapon.

[Joy Carter]

People think we are perverts or deranged sexual deviants or pedophiles, but they always end up being Christians, conservatives, or members of the moral majority

Hmmmm. I'm a Christian, Conservative Republican and a life long CDer. Maybe the other side just is not honest about what they think. In my experience bigotry and hate knows no sex, race, religion or political affiliation.

[Calliope]

Hmmmm. I'm a Christian, Conservative Republican and a life long CDer. Maybe the other side just is not honest about what they think. In my experience bigotry and hate knows no sex, race, religion or political affiliation.

I think you are a noble exception.

While I'll grant there are some Republicans who are social liberals (William Weld, etc.), I'll point out there's not too many commie treehuggers quoting the Bible against the GLBT community, either. The 'moral majority' political action groups and Churches really did slam the gays in the 80s, as I remember.

BTW, are you out?

[DanaStrauss]

I think, and of course this is all just my off-the-wall opinion, that most people have so much of their self-image tied up in their biological sex. Men try to live up to the "man rules"...they play sports and belch because they have to appear 100% absolutely manly in front of both men and women. Women, likewise, try to act more passive (at least in their relationships with men), pretty, and ladylike. Everyone knows their role and tries to fit into the mold as well as they can.

But then a transgender person comes along and they're obviously someone who doesn't buy into the whole gender binary, and refuse to let themselves be defined by what's between their legs. This is threatening to people because it throws their whole worldview in jeopardy...maybe life isn't as black & white as they thought, and maybe they didn't have to make the choices they did just because they're a man or a woman. When something threatens your whole idea of yourself like that, it's a natural reaction to strike against it in the hopes of keeping the sense of order you thought you had.

[Kimkandy]

What precisely is it that causes our negative reputation in public ?

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone... Jesus Christ

Who threw that? Come on, no is going till we find out who threw that...

Kim

[trannie T]

I was not aware that we were hated. Laughed at, yes. Pitied, maybe. Not understood, definately. Hated, not in my experience.
We are different from most other members of society and there is not a lot of tolerance for those who are different. For us to gain better acceptance will require the general public to be better educated. For the public to become better educated will require more of us to come out of the closet and present a positive image.

[tightsgirl]

Hmmmm. I'm a Christian, Conservative Republican and a life long CDer. Maybe the other side just is not honest about what they think. In my experience bigotry and hate knows no sex, race, religion or political affiliation.

Is that why all the republican senators are are being outed, christian leaders are being caught, and do I really have to mention the catholic priests.

It seems to me the republicans are the dishonest among us.

[noname]

I probably can't list anything that hasn't already been listed. But as one person told me, they aren't thinking about what we like to wear but what they expect. When they see us, they are caught off guard. Millions of women are crossdressing every single day, ( heck they can cross dress to an interview and get a professional job ) but enough women do it, no one is really caught off guard. But primarly I believe it's fear of the unknown, combined with the preconception that it's some creepy sex thing.

[cdjenny]

i am not going to try to find out or try to guess as to why...i am me and i really dont care who who knows it..i dont live my life for anyone but me..and i am not happy unless dressed enfem..so there for i could care less of what people might think or say of me..i am sorry i could not help you as to why people do that..but if we continue to live our lifes wondering as to why we will never get where we want to be, because as some of us here fear what people think about us..i know i did..but not any more..the sooner we relize that it does not matter what they think the sooner we can be truly happy with our selfs. and that is my jenny

[Kate Simmons]

Oh, Marla's cute, alright.

But her brain is the secret weapon.

You got that right Day. Never know what's going on in THIS little head(even though I'm blonde). Be afraid, be very afraid because I can tell when someone is speaking from their heart and when they are trying to blow smoke up my ass.My point is we have to be honest with ourselves and each other if any positive change is to occur. If we're going to be damned, let's be damned for who we really are and not for who people THINK we are.I'm willing to give this a shot. You can't win or lose if you don't even try. Ericka Kay

[ReginaK]

This thread came along at a perfect time. In a university class, they watched Paris Is Burning. Even though it's about drag queens, most people don't bother to seperate crossdressers from drag queens.

Here is the review one of the stupids.. I mean students turned in:

Paris is Burning is the story of homosexuals in the late 80’s attempting to break social constructs through the power of cross-dressing and dancing to new wave pop music. The drag queens portrayed in this film yearn to be accepted in mainstream society. Furthermore, they wish to be wealthy, famous and sexy women. Rather than do what normal people do – find realistic and obtainable goals in life – they dress as women and dance for each other at various “balls”. This movie is not the story of gay men searching for tolerance in the world. This movie is a glorification of mental illness.
Most of the gay men profiled in this movie have heartbreaking stories to share. Many of them have been shunned from home after coming out of the closet and seek a group of people to accept them for who they are. This aspect of the chronicle is truly tragic. However the healthiness of acting out fantasies of being women is highly questionable. This type of role-playing is not accepted in other social spheres, so why should it be any different when analyzing gay culture? Let’s say a person wished to be a professional football player but lacked the athletic ability to do so. If this person were to walk around dressed as Brian Urlacher on a daily basis - complete with a helmet and pads – they would be shunned. When a man tries to defy his own biology and become a woman, it should be treated the same way. One gay man interviewed in the movie points out that heterosexual men congregate and watch a major sporting event together. He says that the balls are their version of a sporting event. First of all, such a statement incorrectly implies that gay men are incapable of being sports fans. Second, it is an awful comparison to draw. Most sports fans live vicariously through the athletes and will sometimes wear replica jerseys and play in informal games. However they generally do not allow this fantasy to consume their entire lives and the ones that do are typically shunned for such radicalism.
One of the drag queens profiled is a man who goes by the pseudonym of “Venus Xtravaganza”. He wishes to be a white woman because he says that they are given all of the luxuries in life without working for them. Not only is this a racist statement it is obviously not true. Sadly people are sometimes discriminated against because of their gender, sexuality, creed or race. However, very few people in this world are simply handed everything on a silver platter. Everyone must work for what they have and everyone faces some sort of limitation(s). Overcoming adversity is part of life. Venus’ way of chasing material wealth is to dress like a white woman and get into cars with strange men. This life plan – as the movie tells us - resulted in her demise when she was found in a sleazy motel strangled to death.
The idea that these gay men who are disowned by their families can come together and use each other for support is a wonderful concept. It is cruel for a parent to turn their back on a child just because of their sexuality. However for these gay men to live in a world of complete fantasy where they are women is fundamentally wrong. Some of these men go as far as to mutilate their bodies through plastic surgery to give themselves the body parts of a woman. This behavior is sick and is not something to be celebrated.