theory about cross dressing

[Lilith Moon]

Here's a link I found that has some intresting things to say on the subject.

http://www.mindspring.com/~karen.ann.../contents.html

Peggy

....and another thank you from me. I don't have hours to spare right now but I've bookmarked it for later.

My take on this...I also felt rejected by girls in my teens and dressing was a sort of act of solace...an alternative way to get close to femininity. Like many here I also went through troubled periods with those close to me. In particular, almost as soon as I was able to think for myself I was at odds with my mother. We were never close, even when she was dying there was a gulf between us.

All of these things, I feel, were a result of my already ambiguous gender. For example, how many teenagers would even consider cross-dressing to console themselves when they couldn't pull the girls ? In hindsight I recognise that many of my feelings of alienation from my parents and their reactions to my being "different" stem partly from the fact that I was adopted but also to my gender issues.

Like many here, I have memories of trying to appear female before any of these life experiences happened and long before I knew that I was "different". I have vivid memories of standing up in my high sided cot with my sheets draped around me, doing little dances and watching myself in the mirror pretending I was a little princess. Then I remember a few years later being acutely embarrassed at having my photograph taken standing next to my younger cousin in her new party dress. Why ? Well, I wanted to be the one wearing that dress and was very excited at even being close to it. By that time I had learned that boys don't wear pretty dresses and was acutely ashamed at my desires. I must have been around 7-8 years old then. I recently found that photograph with me scowling at the camera...if only they had known...

I believe that, for me, I was born like this and the rest followed on.

[myMichelle]

I feel that our femme self is a mental and physiological construct created by ourself by virtue of the fact they we are men. Due to the conditioning and expectations of society, men are expected to think and act in a certain way. From the moment of birth, boys and girls are treated differently. The human species has infinite genetic diversity, however, even within the sexes, so it applies to both sexes. When our inner feelings don't quite "match"how others perceive us we get conflicted when we begin to come to self awareness. Who of us when very young didn't feel just a little "different" from our peers? In essence we reflect our core identity which is uniquely individual. Being true to ourselves is our "built in" prime directive. The outside needs to reflect the inside. We may need to "create"another self in order to manage our feelings. In this way, we can continue to function. Eventually, we may contiue to go on this way, seek to balance our feelings or decide that perhaps we may need to bring our exterior in line with our interior. Self definition is the goal. Only by understanding ourselves and who we are as a person will we ever be truely happy, but not ,it seems, without a struggle. In the end, however, it's well worth the effort. Ericka Kay

Very well said. Very true. This is the kind of insight that can only be offered by another crossdresser...

[Peggy55]

What makes CD'ing practicle?

Just curious........

I always thought CDing was a practical activity. What's with all these theoretical issues?

[Kate Simmons]

What makes CD'ing practicle?

Just curious........

Not sure it's practical Peggy. It is a hell of a lot of fun though. Ericka Kay

[Jesse69]

I turned to crossdressing because I've had bad experiences with women. I'm attractive enough to get girls, but I had a bad experience in high school in relation to dating. So far I've never had a steady girlfriend. Maybe I should give them a try again but they'll have to allow my crossdressing.

[Aprilrain]

I have had my fair share of love and attention from women my whole life. My mother spoiled me when i was a child. I have two older sisters who were good to me. My father was a little harsh back then but spoils me rotten now (I'm 30). I've been rejected by some girls and loved by others, I have done the same. Most of my best friends are women. All of my significant girlfriends knew i liked to wear womens clothes but none of them, until my wife, knew to what extent. They have all been excepting. My Biggest problem with being a CDder has always been me until recently. I don't know why i do it other than it feels right. I know i cant stop believe me I've tried. At this point I don't think i would if i could. I do understand the deep desire to “know why” but have since let go of it, it is a never ending road to nowhere “why, why, why” like my dad use to say “because i said so thats why”.

Anyway heres one for the theory lover's. We CDder are simply one of the millions of genetic mutations that just happen, Natural selection has not weeded us out because we are one of those rare mutations that is neither good nor bad CDing does not have any effect on are ability to survive and procreate therefor we keep being born and we keep reproducing. Ponder this if you wish. I won't bother.

[michelleceedee]

I disagree almost totally with the position that early enviroment and lack of affection and attension has anything to do with our lifestyle. Most CDs that I have met have been married, or had a positive history with the ladies going back to High School. Most came from loving homes as I did and in my case I lost my virginity at 13 and never lacked for female companionship. I knew when I was 12 that I was different. I just didn't know in what way. I became aware of my bi-sexuality at 16, and continued a series of relationships with both girls and boys. Having tried on some of Mom's lingerie at 10, I was hooked. In my case I feel that crossdressing picked me, I did not pick it. I think as many do that being gay or bi or a variation is with you from birth and is as the saying goes "hard wired" into the brain. Hormone imbalance may also have some bearing since again most of the cds I know, myself included matured young and have very high sex drives. I do think that a lack of affection in a home can exascerbate certain problems but again anecdotally speaking all my CD friends, past and present came from fairly normal homes. I just think its genetic in nature much in the way that a family of all blonde parents and children suddenly produce a child with jet black hair. Darwin had a theory that periodically this happened in nature with animals and you'd get a zebra with no stripes or a palomino horse. Given a choice, I'd prefer to be the palomino-they are prettier than an unstripped Zebra!

[Dee Model]

Not to contradict but women have a double x so if you were to be more fem I would think that you might have an extra x chromazome. I read a similar article about the fact that there is a major hormone dump in the womb and if this is off even slightly it can affect the way the brain developes.

If you had an extra Y it would surely make you an ultra alpha male no? Like, I dunno, one of them pumped up body builders with too much testosterone. Or something.

Let's hear it for clarity, not to be pedantic or anything!

[Dee Model]

I've never had a serious girlfriend.

When I'm dressed en femme and I see my reflection in my balcony window at night and see a somewhat cute girl looking back at me, I find it kind of exciting. Too bad I can't really interact with her.

Yeah but you can interact with someone like her ie another CD. Well, that's my intention. I hope I don't get The Fear. Gotta free my mind...and the body will surely follow! To quote Rocky Horror "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure/ Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh"

Except that there and no sins...that's just made up religious dogma to my mind.

[Peggy55]

Ultra Alpha Male.....wow that sounds scary!

If you had an extra Y it would surely make you an ultra alpha male no? Like, I dunno, one of them pumped up body builders with too much testosterone. Or something.

Let's hear it for clarity, not to be pedantic or anything!

[Dee Model]

J, All of the comments, are true for each commenter. I totally agree, with you. I was rejected by girls, and women I loved, for many, many years, and, one who did like me, killed herself. At 52, I am a virgin yet, wanted to marry several gals, but was too poor, to support a wife. In my family, sex was taboo topic, and I was told by teachers, that skin was sin. I was afraid of girls, shy, and made a fool of myself, trying to get to know them. Today, I have women friends, almost all, senior citizens, who don't want me, as anything but a friend. I have crossdressed, to be the woman I could never have, or marry, and feel, like I am with her, when dressed up, but always feel some of the guilt, and shame. I missed out, on marriage, and sex, and family, and use crossdressing, as that part of life, I was denied, a coping mechanism. However, I seldom crossdress, lately. Doing it only once in a while, makes it more thrilling. Lucille

Ohmygod Lucille, I feel your pain. It brings tears to my eyes.

Can't comprehend how you function. I could not live like that. I have to feel something. With women I have always been, thou the winds of change blow and my narcissistic self seeks similar.

[Dee Model]

I feel that our femme self is a mental and physiological construct created by ourself by virtue of the fact they we are men. Due to the conditioning and expectations of society, men are expected to think and act in a certain way. From the moment of birth, boys and girls are treated differently. The human species has infinite genetic diversity, however, even within the sexes, so it applies to both sexes. When our inner feelings don't quite "match"how others perceive us we get conflicted when we begin to come to self awareness. Who of us when very young didn't feel just a little "different" from our peers? In essence we reflect our core identity which is uniquely individual. Being true to ourselves is our "built in" prime directive. The outside needs to reflect the inside. We may need to "create"another self in order to manage our feelings. In this way, we can continue to function. Eventually, we may contiue to go on this way, seek to balance our feelings or decide that perhaps we may need to bring our exterior in line with our interior. Self definition is the goal. Only by understanding ourselves and who we are as a person will we ever be truely happy, but not ,it seems, without a struggle. In the end, however, it's well worth the effort. Ericka Kay

Insight, perspective, empathy, understanding. You got all Erika babe! Truelly perspicacious...(my new favourite word), and I don't use it lightly!

PS. Are you rich? Wish I was. I'd...well, I'd do a lot. Anyway, I digress.

[Dee Model]

I believe one theory could be that the need to cross dress stems from the lack of female affection and admiration when we where Young and maybe even as adults for those who started late in life.

I cross dressed because it made me feel attractive, sexy, and complete.
My cross dressing filled a void and made me feel like I was normal yet the act wasn't or is it?
I believe it is possible that under these conditions, where you long to be found attractive by the very thing you admire more than life, only to be found lacking in there eyes, sends you deep inside your self where your only way to be loved or to feel there affection is to become the woman you so desire to be with.

I believe it is possible that our desires are turned inward and cross dressing is a natural state created by a troubled hart and mind, the human mind is capable of any thing even gender redirection.

I believe it is possible that this is the result of a normal brain at work trying to cope with an unfortunate situation.

Why do i believe this is possible? Because I went through countless rejections and cruel words from girls I really liked and would have done any thing for.
I had no one and it was hell.

just a thought

I agree with the above. I also think it would be great to find an answer. But..I have come to the conclusion that there simply isn't one. Much like there isn't an answer to the ultimate question, Of Life, The Universe, And Everything. Or the existance of god. Or faeries. Etc. Whatever.

As for Crossdressing, I think that it is a case of multiple causes yet single effect. In other words, our personal life experiences have driven us down this road. There ain't no singular cause-effect thang goin' on, to my mind.

OK. Let's get serious. This is my .

It don't even matter why: there ain't no why. It simply is. Deal with it however way you see fit. I used to kill myself about it. I don't now...I love it! You see, to me, it's all about self acceptance.

Religion teaches us, all of us, regardless of faith, to hate ourselves and to love "The Perfect Being" be it God or Allah or whatever else made up nonesense. I reject this as ridiculous, fanciful claptrap. We are taught to perceive ourselves as wrong, impure, evil, sinful(!), bad, not right, etc. How screwed up is that?!!

We, as individuals, need to accept and love ourselves for who we are despite what our moronic society dictates.

Let's get real people! There ain't no "normal"; there ain't no "right way to be" etc. There just simply is: I exist therefore I am. And I deny the right of anyone to judge me...and that includes myself.

For what it's worth, I defer to Iggy Pop in his title track to the film Repo Man "I was a teenage dinosaur, stoned and obsolete/ I didn't get ****ed and I didn't get kissed, I got so ****ing pissed!"

Since then I've had several girlfriends but nothing satifies. Maybe a CD gurl will. I live to find out!

[Miamerica]

I had a normal relationship with my mom and a fair share of girlfriends. Had older brothers, no sisters. I never really felt any different from other kids until I was about 13, which just happens to be about the first time I'd actually had a desire to wear women's clothing.

[Vicky_Scot]

I think we dress for the same reason women do... looking sexy makes us feel sexy.... Tracey.

I believe we are born cd and it is predetermined in the womb as is the colour of our eyes and hair, how tall we will become etc etc.

But if I had to adopt a reason it would definately be Tracy's one.......

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

Don't know if I mentioned this before, but, as much as CD'ing has caused me some outward embarrassing moments and far great internal struggles over the years, now I'm actually pretty happy I've got it!

Reminds me of that movie 'In & Out'...

'I'm a CD' and be proud of it' and I really don't care about the why, how or when anymore



hugs

x

beckii

[Charity's GG]

I have to disagree here. Charity was raised by a very loving mom and had numerous! girlfriends. His relationship with his mom was very good. I think its something that youre born with, its a part of who you are...but thats jsut my ...Have a good one!

[Karren H]

I don't believe that anyone really knows.....and for that matter who cares...since if you did really know what good would that serve. Wouldn't change anything in your or my life? Right.. Or would you mount a campain to go out and cure or stomp out crossdressing for all future generations??? Knowing something that has no effect on anything is not worth knowing. I don't have enough room in my brain for the suff I NEED to know let alone that!!! hehehe

Love Karren

[JenniferR771]

Anyway heres one for the theory lover's. We CDder are simply one of the millions of genetic mutations that just happen, Natural selection has not weeded us out because we are one of those rare mutations that is neither good nor bad CDing does not have any effect on are ability to survive and procreate therefor we keep being born and we keep reproducing. Ponder this if you wish. I won't bother.[/QUOTE]

Aprilrain, I have thought about this (took Genetics 441 in 1969). Why are there crossdressers if there is no genetic advantage--and indeed probably a genetic disadvantage--as far as procreation of the species?
Possibly there is some hidden advantage coupled with crossdressing--linked to it. Intelligence? Creativity? Strong sex drive?
Take this same theory and apply it to gay men. Reproduction is unlikely. Yet somehow our genetics produce or (allow to happen) gay men at a regular rate. How come? If 7 percent of men are gay--why isn't it 14 percent?

[Kate Simmons]

Insight, perspective, empathy, understanding. You got all Erika babe! Truelly perspicacious...(my new favourite word), and I don't use it lightly!

PS. Are you rich? Wish I was. I'd...well, I'd do a lot. Anyway, I digress.

I'm rich (other than being Richard) on this site with friends if that's what you mean Dee. Couldn't ask for anything more in my opinion. I love the sharing. We are all truely people people here. Ericka Kay

[Diana West]

I'm afraid that theory does not apply to me.
My mother was very caring and I had more than my fair share of girlfriends/lovers. My wife is very loving.
It may explain some, but cannot be applied to all.

Besides, when it comes right down to it, I do because I like it. If I didn't, I wouldn't do it. And I', not worried why I do.

[gennee]

[SIZE="4"]A good question. I was a shy person but I never had problems with women. I guess I wanted to become a complete person. I like women's clothes and wearing them makes me feel feminine.

Gennee [/SIZE]

[princessmichelle]

I don't want to go into detail, but I will say that there's some truth in this theory -lack of female affection- for me.

I can't speak for anyone else.
And there is certainly evidence that in general there can be pre-natal/fetal causes. So it is a complicated subject.

PM

[Diana West]

I just read another thread here that suggested that the lack of a father figure contributes to the desire to crossdress.
Curiouser and curiouser!

[tekla west]

I'm sure that for every CD that could say "I had a tough time with girls" there are others who could say that they have been 'one of the girl' for a long time. I know some who are not good with relationships, others who are busy setting records.

There is not one reason.