theory about cross dressing

[jessica duprea]

I believe one theory could be that the need to cross dress stems from the lack of female affection and admiration when we where Young and maybe even as adults for those who started late in life.

I cross dressed because it made me feel attractive, sexy, and complete.
My cross dressing filled a void and made me feel like I was normal yet the act wasn't or is it?
I believe it is possible that under these conditions, where you long to be found attractive by the very thing you admire more than life, only to be found lacking in there eyes, sends you deep inside your self where your only way to be loved or to feel there affection is to become the woman you so desire to be with.

I believe it is possible that our desires are turned inward and cross dressing is a natural state created by a troubled hart and mind, the human mind is capable of any thing even gender redirection.

I believe it is possible that this is the result of a normal brain at work trying to cope with an unfortunate situation.

Why do i believe this is possible? Because I went through countless rejections and cruel words from girls I really liked and would have done any thing for.
I had no one and it was hell.

just a thought

[Leslie Foxx]

It's that nurture vs nature thing. I think it may be hard wired, but some of what you bring up could well be the tipping point that turns the circuit "on."

[Peggy55]

Here's a link I found that has some intresting things to say on the subject.

http://www.mindspring.com/~karen.ann.../contents.html

Peggy

[rickwi25]

For me, in my teens, I was not getting close to girls in a physical sense. The easiest way for me to do that, and in my mind the next best thing, was to sexualize womens clothes and to wear them.

[ArleneRaquel]

There are many reasons for what we do, but I think Jessica is basically right. I know that what she says rings true here. I may have already been "wired ", but to go 24/ 7, as I have that " wire " needed to be tripped. I believe that my wife's death had something to do with it. Perhaps as a way to cope with my depression that followed her death. Also my ill advised ( ? ) attempt for female companionship after her death quickened my path to becoming "Katrina Maureen" Love and Hugs Maureen

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

Hi jessica,

Thanks for bring thing great topic to light

I've always felt something along the line that you've touched on. (not looking for the sympathy vote) but I had a mother who never showed any affection towards me. Neither did my father for that matter. Our home had no outwardly showing signs of affection, it was sterile, cold as ice.

From as early as I can remember my sister was placed high up on a plateau and she was always the best at everything, as far as my mother was concerned.

Having a 12 year difference in age didn't help either, as there was no way I could possibly compete with that.

I can remember being about 3 ½ - 4 and my sister dressed me up as a little girl and took me down to the shops. Now I can remember very, very clearly that ladies were coming up to me and saying "what a pretty little girl you are". I can also remember that my mother actually fussed over me when my sister showed her what she’d done to me.

Maybe there lays the answer. Maybe I’ve been trying to gain that affection ever since.

I know my mother used find my stashes when I was young, (age of 12 and upwards), my sister was living in London and her wardrobe was packed with clothes an lingerie for the taking, nothing was ever said though.

Fortunately I can talk about this stuff these days. 10 years ago I'd see a mom being affectionate towards her little son or daughter and tears would well and I'd go and get totally smashed. I did a lot of self help and other methods of emotional repairs and now I don't let it rule my life.

My mother is still alive and although I’ve tried to maintain a relationship with her, its been very strained. Presently we’re not talking, again…Thought the other night I thuoght I should simple phone her (she's 87), maybe I will.



hugs

x

beckii

[AmandaM]

I don't know. Until I got married at 30, I had about 25 girlfriends. Didn't seem to lack from female attention.

[Delila]

I dont know if thats really true i had a signifigant female presence and plenty of attention when I was a child all that that seemed to provide was more clothes to wear. I think that there are at least a few of us out there that were definately not lacking in the female attention department. I may be wrong but thats just my opinion.

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

I think it stems back to formative years, or, on the other hand were simply hard wired (coded) that way, maybe both who knows?

Like amanda I certainly had more than my fair share of affectionate g/f's in my teens and adulthood, though, I've never been married & I have no children; my sister isn't married has has no children either, that's spooky

Five long term (3 or more years) live together relationships.



hugs

x

beckii

[Ronda_B]

I believe what I once read about the crossdresser, It said that the human is born with both sets of X & Y chromazones and with this said, a crossdresser has a extra Y making the brain think female. Hence my tag line... I think my switch is stuck partly open.

[Delila]

Not to contradict but women have a double x so if you were to be more fem I would think that you might have an extra x chromazome. I read a similar article about the fact that there is a major hormone dump in the womb and if this is off even slightly it can affect the way the brain developes.

[Tracey Montreal]

I think we dress for the same reason women do... looking sexy makes us feel sexy.... Tracey.

[Kate Simmons]

I feel that our femme self is a mental and physiological construct created by ourself by virtue of the fact they we are men. Due to the conditioning and expectations of society, men are expected to think and act in a certain way. From the moment of birth, boys and girls are treated differently. The human species has infinite genetic diversity, however, even within the sexes, so it applies to both sexes. When our inner feelings don't quite "match"how others perceive us we get conflicted when we begin to come to self awareness. Who of us when very young didn't feel just a little "different" from our peers? In essence we reflect our core identity which is uniquely individual. Being true to ourselves is our "built in" prime directive. The outside needs to reflect the inside. We may need to "create"another self in order to manage our feelings. In this way, we can continue to function. Eventually, we may contiue to go on this way, seek to balance our feelings or decide that perhaps we may need to bring our exterior in line with our interior. Self definition is the goal. Only by understanding ourselves and who we are as a person will we ever be truely happy, but not ,it seems, without a struggle. In the end, however, it's well worth the effort. Ericka Kay

[Penny]

While enviornment may personify crossdressing, I don't believe it is the percipitant. Too many crossdresser have expessed having come from loving homes or homes where none of the other siblings were crossdressers.
The "y" that we are supposed to have is nothing more than being born with the need to feel pretty. For some CDs it the need encompasses nothing more that panties. For others, like myself the need the feel pretty requires complete transformation. This creates a conflict within us because it is contrary what we were taught to think. This conflict fosters shame and guilt. This intern causes us, a males, to try and rationalize what we do rather than simply admit we have this need to feel pretty. We find it difficult to admmit this need to feel pretty because we feel somehow that it makes up less of a man so we allow others (gender brainwashing or in other words what we were taught) to deny us this need. It is amazing to me that we live where we want, work where we choolse but allow society to determine acceptable appearance. What's wrong here?
Incidently, if anyone wishes to come out to their SO, explaining this need to feel pretty is the easiet way. A woman may not understand crossdressing but she can relate to feeling pretty. Most women are made to feel this way at an early age and certainly have felt it on special occasions such as proms and weddings.



Penny

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

I've long forgot about the need to rationalise (to myself) my need to dress.

I think, well for me, when I hit the big 40 everything that mattered, didn't at the point. Now I'm 45 there are a lot of things I'd simple break sweat doing in my 30's and earlier that doesn't even phase me these days.

Why I eventually did hairdressing above being a vet, or why I luv chocolate and not capers...who knows!

I think in most cases finding a reason is human nature, but, in my case I really don't care anymore. I am who I am and I really like myself these days



hugs

x

beckii

PS I also wanted to add, that I've learned a lot thru beckii's eyes, I've seen and experienced a lot thru my male persona too, still, no matter if I'm in a frock or grungy jeans it really doesn't matter. What does matter, is who I am, my compassion & empathy towards others and my general outlook towards the world; the town;the community, I live in & the people I come into contact with. And of course the total love I hold for my SO.

The rest, it's just an illusion.

[Brianne_bc]

I can realte to a lot of this... lack of female attention or touching even from my mother. Im happy with how I turned out... I really enjoy corssdressing... I love it. ill never give it up.... For what ever reason I dont care... I love both my male side and my female side

[Chiana]

I am no expert on anyone else's crossdressing. So I guess I would have to admit that It is possible that external influences can have an effect on ones desire to dress or not, as the case may be. But I am an expert on myself and I can assure you, this has always been my decision. My desire. My passion. My need. I admit that I have had the thought or fantasy of someone forceing me to dress up. "It's not my fault, they made me do it." Let me make this perfectly clear, I am not speaking for or about anyone else. This is just about me. That fantasy was a not so subtle attempt from my teen years to rid myself of the responsibilty of my crossdressing. But I know in my heart that I dress because it is me. Always has been. Always will be.

[Kate Simmons]

Good point Penny, I have that need. It's about feeling good about ourselves. Becky has the right attitude. Accept it and enjoy being yourself. We don't an "excuse" to be who we are. We do need to be comfortable with it though and many of us have realized that and accepted it. Ericka

[Alice Torn]

J, All of the comments, are true for each commenter. I totally agree, with you. I was rejected by girls, and women I loved, for many, many years, and, one who did like me, killed herself. At 52, I am a virgin yet, wanted to marry several gals, but was too poor, to support a wife. In my family, sex was taboo topic, and I was told by teachers, that skin was sin. I was afraid of girls, shy, and made a fool of myself, trying to get to know them. Today, I have women friends, almost all, senior citizens, who don't want me, as anything but a friend. I have crossdressed, to be the woman I could never have, or marry, and feel, like I am with her, when dressed up, but always feel some of the guilt, and shame. I missed out, on marriage, and sex, and family, and use crossdressing, as that part of life, I was denied, a coping mechanism. However, I seldom crossdress, lately. Doing it only once in a while, makes it more thrilling. Lucille

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi everyone. Over the years I have asked myself this same question, but have reached the conclussion that it doesn't really help much to know why. Infact in some ways for me it feels like making a justification for something that is just as much a natural part of me as my sense of humour or my moral values. I don't have to justify why I laugh at something or feel the need to understand why! I enjoy dressing as a women and for me that means the whole hog: passing (if I can) rather than being a 'bloke in drag', which probably says something about my perfectionist traites as much as anything!

One last thought though: my female persona feels like an echo, like a spirit or a fleating glimpsed reflection. Something there but not quite whole, could it be its the remnence of something that was or a prelude of something that will be?

We are what we are and as long as that harms no one then do what you do and enjoy it! and hope against hope for better luck next time! Amanda

[JenniferMint]

I've never had a serious girlfriend.

When I'm dressed en femme and I see my reflection in my balcony window at night and see a somewhat cute girl looking back at me, I find it kind of exciting. Too bad I can't really interact with her.

[Beckii_aCDInOz]

Ok here is a curve ball

I like to read, I used to do it a lot, no authors in particular & not only certain subjects either. Anything that was interesting or invoked a deep & meaningful exercise in thought process was a worthy piece a literature.

Maybe 5 years or so ago, I gained an interest is past lives and transcendental meditation (see there is that trans word again)...lol

I've never been one for religion, though forced to attend Sunday school when I was young.

Although I do believe in a higher power, I'm not so caught up in it that I fear reading alternative literature is going to see me cast into the bowel of purgatory either.

I waffle on

I read an article that brought the subject of past lives into focus and the studies conducted regarding the fore mentioned topic.

Not that I agree or disagree for that matter, but, I've always kept an open mind. Obviously this also touches on the belief of reincarnation, hence, it may not be everyone's cup of tea. Still it was very thought provoking and something I some times ponder to this day.


hugs

x

beckii

[Deanna2]

I always thought CDing was a practical activity. What's with all these theoretical issues?

[danam]

I think its hard-wired in the brain. I had the desire as a 3-year-old, if you'd believe that. And I'm otherwise a normal male in daily life.

I consider it a way of worshiping the female body. Because, after all, female is the default human sex. As a male, our role is to worship females. Cross-dressing is another method for doing that. At least, that's what I tell myself so I can feel better about it.

[Mistybtm]

Here's a link I found that has some intresting things to say on the subject.

http://www.mindspring.com/~karen.ann.../contents.html

Peggy

I read it and it was great thanks for the info.
Mistybtm