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Thread: I'm Back!

  1. 12-13-2006, 09:49 PM #1
    Lex
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    I'm Back!

    Well, I'm finally 18, so I'm back, good to see you all again guys.

    First off, I'd just like to apologise to everyone. I'm sorry for lying to you all about my age. To me it's not a big deal, but it might be to others, so I am sorry. I just really wanted to be a part of this community, because it's a great group of people. You all rock.

    Secondly, I'm confused. I've been working through some stuff recently, and it's been kinda hard without you guys, but I've been doing okay. Anyway, the thing is, I don't feel like a guy trapped in a girl's body. What I do feel is that I do not want to be female in any way. I'd rather be male, I'd kill to look male, but I don't feel 100% like I guy. I want to be a guy, but I know I'm not one. And I don't mean just physically, I mean the way I talk, walk and express myself. But I'm not sure if that has more to do with me, or with my lack of male role models growing up. All I had was my dad, and I rejected him as a role model early on. So there's been no one to 'teach' me.
    I hate everything there is about being a girl, but I know I'm not a guy. So I'm left wondering what the hell I am. I still want to remove my chest completely, I'd still like to go on T, I want to be hairy and square shaped and have a deep voice, I'd kill for a real penis but...I know I wouldn't be a guy. It's so confusing, I don't know who I am anymore. Andrew's being incredibley helpful, but he keeps blaming himself for my confusion, and I don't want to burden him with my problems, so I feel bad about that. Plus, I'm making him confused and angsty as well and that just SUCKS.

    Basically, I want to be a guy, but I don't feel like one.
    And it's really confusing.
    And kinda angsty.

    But other than that I'm pretty good, and glad to be back.

    Oh, almost forgot to mention, I'm going down to a B cup in January. I can't wait!!!
    Last edited by Lex; 12-13-2006 at 10:26 PM.
  2. 12-13-2006, 09:53 PM #2
    Tamara Croft
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    Hiya Lex

    I'm so glad you came back and I'm so sorry for what happened I did make sure you could get back in on your birthday and I did notice you'd been online Happy belated 18th btw
    Administrator

    Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
    Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
  3. 12-13-2006, 09:55 PM #3
    Holly
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    Hey Lex, welcom back. Seems like your not the only one going through these feelings. We'll do all we can to help you. It's good to have you home again (Happy Birthday!).
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
    Lipstick=confidence

    [SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]
  4. 12-13-2006, 09:59 PM #4
    RevMoonSerpent
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    Hey Lex,
    Welcome back man. We really missed you. Join the club of the undecided. Your coming back is great for the holidays.
    Vampires are real, just not how you picture them to be.
  5. 12-13-2006, 10:16 PM #5
    Lex
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    Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. It's great to be back!
  6. 12-13-2006, 10:57 PM #6
    Kimberley
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    Glad to see you back bud. You always have something good to say.


    Kimberley
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Venus and Mars are not aligned; Good thing.
    Where are all the rumballs?
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  7. 12-13-2006, 11:01 PM #7
    bi_weird
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    DUDE Lex! Glad you're back! Wondered where on Earth you'd went off to. Need someone else around who appreciates the wonders of vodka shots. O:-)
    I wanna know, can you show me
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    strangers like me
    Tell me more, please show me
    Somethings familiar about these strangers like me
  8. 12-14-2006, 12:28 AM #8
    Abraxas
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    Hey great to have you back, mate, and sorry you've been confused. I have been lately as well, as have a few of us, actually. And no worries about apologising, at least not to me.
    Yes-- socks! Run out again! Why is it that no matter how many millions of pairs of socks I buy, I never seem to have any? They just... disappear. Honestly, you'd think someone was coming in here, stealing the damn things, and selling them off. . . For me, socks are like sex: tons of it about, and I never seem to get any.

  9. 12-14-2006, 12:43 AM #9
    Shelly Preston
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    Hi Lex

    Welcome back

    Belated birthday greetings

    Hope you didn't hit the beers too hard those hangovers can be a pain
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations
  10. 12-14-2006, 03:35 AM #10
    Evert
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    Lex!Lex!Lex! Good to have you back!

    Happy Birthday also!
  11. 12-14-2006, 03:40 AM #11
    Kieron Andrew
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    woohooo he's back!!!!........happy birthday too Lex........

    hey you've got some catching up to do!!!!
  12. 12-14-2006, 03:42 AM #12
    CaptLex
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    Yay!

    OMG . . . Lex is back! Sure, the one night I stayed out all night - but what a great surprise. Yay! Missed you, bro! I was wondering which day was your birthday (I knew it was December) and if you'd still want to hang with us. Hope you'll catch up on stuff we've been chatting about.

    As for the confusion . . . as some of the guys have said, welcome to the club. There's a lot of that going around. It sounds like you know what you want to have and not want to have, even if you don't exactly know why. That's okay. Whatever makes you happy . . . that's what matters.

    Congrats on the upcoming surgery too. Very psyched for you!

    Okay, everybody, Lex is back and he's had a birthday . . . drinks on the house!
    But why is the rum gone?! - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl[/SIZE]

    Why is the rum always gone? - Capt. Jack Sparrow [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest[/SIZE]

    Why is all but the rum gone? No, the rum's gone too . . .     - [SIZE="1"]Pirates of the Caribbean: At World End[/SIZE]

    [SIZE="3"]Lex on the Beach[/SIZE]. . . [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  13. 12-14-2006, 06:29 AM #13
    Adam
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    yay!!! welcome back Lex is nice too see you back missed you being here.

    and happy be lated birthday
  14. 12-14-2006, 07:52 AM #14
    mistunderstood
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    Welcome back. Missed you.
  15. 12-14-2006, 08:30 AM #15
    pocoyo
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    Hallo Lex,
    Hope you had a great birthday
    I am one of those ones who have been confused (the other guys mentioned there's a lot of that going around), I feel quite similar to you in some ways.
    One of the things people have been saying to me is that everybody, basically nearly every single person in the world... is a mixture of male AND female.
    If you transitioned you would be a real male, just one with a feminine side too... nothing wrong with that, at all.
    How very cool that you are getting some chest surgery, good for you.
    Hope you love the results.
    I don't need advice on how to be a man. I just am one.

    www.dec.org.uk <-- in desperate need of our help.

    YO, yeh you! Please pray for &/or send your positive thoughts and love to Carol. And for Dominic, and Steve, and Karl. Miracles do happen, let's make them! Thank you kind person! And for Tristan's grandad to get better. & lovely Taylor. Pleease.

    PLEASE PRAY 4 CAROL'S LAST DAY OF RADIATION TREATMENT TO HAVE WORKED COMPLETELY EXCELLENTLY AND DESTROYED ALL THE BADNESS!! THANK YOU!
  16. 12-14-2006, 11:51 AM #16
    Sandra
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    Nice to see you back
    Sandra
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  17. 12-14-2006, 04:49 PM #17
    Felix
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    Hi Lex and welcome back ship mate it's great to see ya on the board again! xx Felix
  18. 12-14-2006, 10:44 PM #18
    Ms. Donna
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lex View Post
    Well, I'm finally 18, so I'm back, good to see you all again guys.
    Dude, it is so cool that you're back!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lex View Post
    Secondly, I'm confused. I've been working through some stuff recently, ...
    Welcome to the club. Confusion helps to keep you from making rash decisions - while simultaneously sucking big time. My advice: be patient, and share as much as you're comfortable sharing. The best thing I did was to bounce everything off of people as a sanity check.

    You'll get there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lex View Post
    Oh, almost forgot to mention, I'm going down to a B cup in January. I can't wait!!!
    OK, enough gloating...

    Welcome back!

    Love & Stuff,
    Donna

    PS: BTW, how were The Dresden Dolls?
    Just your average transgender non-op transsexual
    crossdressing genderqueer transgenderist geek.

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  19. 12-14-2006, 11:15 PM #19
    princessmichelle
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptLex View Post
    ....drinks on the house!
    Wait, I checked my roof, where are they?

    pm
    "Princess" was on a shirt given to me by a cd who barely knew me. I purged it, but kept the nickname to remind me of the kindess.
  20. 12-15-2006, 01:24 PM #20
    Ryan
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    Welcome back brother Lex
  21. 12-15-2006, 05:40 PM #21
    gennee
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    Smile Welcome back

    [SIZE="4"]Welcome back Lex. I missed you and wondered what had happened. I hope we can help as you sort through your issues.

    Gennee    [/SIZE]


    I'm getting better with age. I may have started late, but better late than never!

    "Don't let anyone define who you are".
  22. 12-16-2006, 07:14 AM #22
    Sarah Rabbit
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    Damn, I'll believe anything. Someone said you were Elvis, and you went back home to your home planet

    Happy birthday Lex

    Sarah R.
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    Perfection in disguise,with regimes and alibis.
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  23. 12-16-2006, 12:23 PM #23
    Marlena Dahlstrom
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    Welcome back! We missed you. And Happy Birthday!
    Lena

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  24. 12-17-2006, 09:19 PM #24
    MJ
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    welcome back lex. happy birthday
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  25. 12-17-2006, 09:54 PM #25
    Sharon
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    Gads, I really need to check out this section more carefully and more often -- I missed your return.

    Welcome back, Lex, I'm so happy to see you back here again!

    And congrats on the B cup -- I'm on my way to that goal from the opposite direction!
    “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
    ― Marilyn Monroe
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