GG advice requested

[Kate Simmons]

This may sound like a nutty question, but I'm "nutty" anyway (ask anyone here). The idea for M T F's is to look like women (or a reasonable facsimile), right? I'm pretty good at "passing" (I really don't care for that term) in my own right but in my own mind, that's not good enough, plus I'm way past the glitter phase. I'd like to know what you as genetic women could tell me as to how to really look like a woman? In other words how do you portray yourself on a day to day basis? I know we talk about how women like to "dress down" and be comfortable and many of us think we have you "pegged". I'm not so sure myself. Let's say I have it down to where I can look feminine enough without makeup or minimal makeup. What's the best way I could proceed(with the appropriate "padding") to look like a norrnal everyday gal? This is not a trick question as I honestly want to know. What advice could you give me to look like an honest to goodness everyday gal? This is open to everyone but I'm primarily looking for input from the GG's.They are, after all, the real experts in this as far as I'm concerned. Ericka

[Sheila]

Well as more a slack, jean and t-shirt girl on a day to day basis I don't know thati am one to give advice on clothes/styles etc but I think the best piece of advice I could give you is to be comfortable with who you are. My cdr who has only been out ot me for 5 months now is much stiffer in walk,and how he holds himself so for me being comfortable with your deportment would be one of the biggies.

Hope this helps

Jess

[kittypw GG]

Be relaxed like you are a natural and are interested in meeting and getting to know those around you. Be open and make eye contact. Women want to talk to people and meet new people. Ask people questions about themselves and be interested in their stories. I'm not saying be in anyone's face but if you are sitting on a bench at the mall and someone sits next to you , stike up a conversation. The big difference between men and women is that we are gatherers of information about eachother. Men really are hunters. They take the fasted route and know what they are going for. They dont' make a lot of small talk and don't have very open body language. I heard a comedian say once that he spent almost 24 hours with his best freind. When he got home his wife had lots of questions about his wife, their kids their jobs etc. He plainly didn't know. All that time spent together and not any mention about things like that. His wife would know everything in a couple of hours. This is the key to being a real women. It is not what you wear.

Other tidbits: Don't look at your feet when you walk. Have good posture and keep your legs together when wearing a dress or skirt either with both feet flat on the ground or at a slight angle with one foot behind the other. Oh and women touch others a lot. Touches on the hand or shoulder or hugs.

I'm sure I'll think of more but this is all I can do for now. Kitty

[Julie York]

With respect, why would a GG have any more idea how to be a fake GG than the people who spend so much time and effort perfecting the art? Do they know about tucking from experience? Or beard cover?

The master criminals are the criminals, not the police.

Granted a GG knows a crap crossdresser when they see one, but most folk do no matter what gender they were born. I was born a man....and yet funnily enough this has not made me blind to 'women' with hairy hands, a jaw like Rocky, and the fashion sense of a 14 year old.

I can give you hints on blue eye shadow, dressing like a *****, and having a skirt half way up your ass if that will help.....but you probably know this stuff?

[Glenda58]

Go look at women in the mall, on the street in the stores. How they interact with people how they carry themselves. Watch what they wear and when they wear it. And start doing the same things they do and you will blend in and not pass. Thats how I did it I don't pass I blend in and have been accepted.

[dods460]

I pass up to the point where I have to say something, then my freakishly deep voice kicks in. I think it's correct to say that interacting is a huge key the more you interact as a "woman" the more comfortable you'll be around people ie. you'll act more natural, my voice might even soften if I try that.

[admirerplus GG]

Ericka,

I think that all the suggestions so far are quite good. From my own perspective, I think that expressing confidence in your femme self would give you poise and presence.

I always love the variety of wigs you wear. Perhaps, a soft layered shoulder-length wig in your natural hair colour would be a good choice for an outing.

I believe that eye glasses are the main and most significant accessory a woman can wear. Glasses are the very first accessory that people notice. I find that glasses can give one a really polished look. Perhaps a lovely pair of feminine glasses or sunglasses would finish off an outfit.

For myself, I try to choose clothing that is both elegant and comfortable. I personally feel best in clothing that has a little bit of ease or is slightly loose fitting. I like the drape and flow of soft knits for example. I would suggest choosing clothing and fabrics that you personally love.

Have fun and let us know how things go!

[MJ]

Go look at women in the mall, on the street in the stores. How they interact with people how they carry themselves. Watch what they wear and when they wear it. And start doing the same things they do and you will blend in and not pass. Thats how I did it I don't pass I blend in and have been accepted.

Glenda is right there that's what i do and i think i got it down pat. well think i do anyway

[tekla west]

"The master criminals are the criminals, not the police"

In fact, the two are not that far apart. The old TV show was called "It Takes A Thief" but the whole line is "It takes a thief to catch a thief." I know two SF detectives very well, and well, its a good thing they are on the side of right, because they sure are devious and have very criminal minds.

The term for a cop without a criminal mindset is "traffic officer."

Other than that, its the little things. How you pick up a drink. How you cross your legs. How you use your hands when you talk. Do you look people in the eye, or not. (Men tend to, women do not.) How you touch people, if you touch people. (women do, men don't - other than a handshake) and while were on it, how you shake hands.

And use them hips when you walk. I can tell a tranny by the walk a block away.

[carla smith]

Ericka snap out of it!

You are there when you know it! Or is that before you know it?

I think you are there....you have said so many times....now don't start this do I pass thing now! You have been my rock!

Have you been it nipping on Captlex's rum?

Have fun out there!

[Kate Simmons]

Real or imagined, the Rum on Cap's ship works wonders for me Carla(I am the serving wench after all). I certainly love the comradery. Actually I'm not saying I'm dissatisfied with myself or my presentation and I enjoy being myself as Ericka. I personally just thought there was some "element" missing which is why I figured I'd ask. The point is I'm not trying to mimic anyone and just be myself. I'm comfortable with being Ericka but to get into the real "spirit" of bringing that part of myself alive and be a real person, I needed some honest input from the gals and it's pretty much what I suspected so far. Aside from appearance , it's about just being human.The way a woman approaches life is entirely different and is from more of an interpersonal perspective. I can't get over just how bubbly women are about life in general and how naturally friendly, despite all the obvious physical stuff they endure every day. Not only that but aside from the lift I get from the presentation itself, my maternal instincts have kicked and I'm more interested in relationships with family and other people than the dressing part. I suspect that many of us as CD's get these feelings but quite honestly get scared and really don't want to go "there" as we are men after all and deep down don't want to "lose" ourselves. For most of us just looking like a woman is enough but I've realized differently. Getting in touch with my feelings (all of them)is an ongoing project for me and I'm getting to the point where, rather than be afraid of them , I embrace them. Most of the comments I make on the Forum are my feelings written down. I'm certainly not afraid to share them with my friends. The more I research things the more I find it's really all about people just living life and being themselves. Cut away all the "smoke and mirrors" of society and it comes down to just appreciating one another.
As most of you know, I enjoy being myself as both Richard and Ericka. So, what's the point is dressing up? I used to think I was a girl inside and I'm sure some folks feel that way and it is probably true in a sense. Both men and women have girl and guy sides because that's how the human animal is constructed. Each sex has it's own specialty but each sex is capable of "crossing over" when needed to bridge the gap and complete a task. The difference in myself and many others is that I don't "diss" my guy self as I know that's a necessary part of who I am. We tend to beat ourselves up when we don't "pass" for one reason or another and "fail" in the eyes of others. I think a lot of times we "fail" because we feel we haven't lived up to our own expectations of what acting like a woman is supposed to be. We emulate because we admire the perceived "niceness" of what it is to be a woman. Some do it for the feel of the clothes, fair enough but that's another issue. Our SO's can't figure out what all the "hubbub" is all about with this. They did fall in love with the "man" after all and when told about this say:"What the hell?"They know what being a woman is all about but it's hard to convey the real feelings, so do their best to work with us on this. We usually have admirable qualities which is what attracted them to us to begin with. They cannot figure out why we would want to downplay them.
In the end, we are saying hey you can't "make" me be a man. I want to be (or look like) a woman because..................And so it goes. Those couples who have been successful have managed to communicate this and work with it. Sometimes the simplest of things are the hardest to understand. What I've found is that it's all about us as people and our feelings and sharing that. I've gotten a tremendous education on the Forum in the last eight months. I originally signed up to understand myself better which I do but I also understand others better. We have honest input from the SO's which I feel sometimes we may not appreciate because we have this driving need to be our femme selves. They will tell us how they feel though, especially when we ask.Have you ever known a real woman not to? I love them all as such because really, I think if I can't stand the "heat" I'd better get out of the "kitchen".
Working together, I think we can make it work but as I said, I feel it's really all about human feelings and relationships which is the most important thing. Without each other we are "toast". I appreciate all of you and that has helped me to understand and appreciate myself a little better. Sure I'm "nuts" but I couldn't find a better group of folks to be "nuts" with. I appreciate all of your responses and know you will all be here for me as I am for you. Ericka

[Sandra]

Ok this may seems a lame answer but wear what you feel comfy in, try to be as confident as possible hold your head up when you walk, look people in the eye and smile.

[Kate Simmons]

Ok this may seems a lame answer but wear what you feel comfy in, try to be as confident as possible hold your head up when you walk, look people in the eye and smile.

I don't think it's lame Sandra. That's exactly what I'm looking for . I suspected as much. A lot of times I think we tend to overcompensate when it's just easier to be ourselves. Being confident , friendly and approachable seems pretty natural to me. BTW I like the Kitty cat. Ericka

[Sandra]

I don't think it's lame Sandra. That's exactly what I'm looking for . I suspected as much. [SIZE="3"]A lot of times I think we tend to overcompensate [/SIZE]when it's just easier to be ourselves. Being confident , friendly and approachable seems pretty natural to me. BTW I like the Kitty cat. Ericka

I agree here and also some just try to hard instead of being themselves.

BTW the Kitty came via Jess the only thing is she didn't tell me that she'd given her some cat-nip, just can't keep her still.

[Kate Simmons]

As most of you know, I tend to be a little "tomboyish" as Ericka around my friends and can let my hair down more so to speak. I've found out that being cordial with everyone else as you've suggested seems to go a long way sometimes. I'm not bragging here but I did overhear someone ask the bartender at the club one night: "Hey where is that nice gal Ericka?" He didn't know I was right behind him. I think the impression we make sticks with people , so it's just better to be yourself. If you are really genuine and a people person, you seem to build up respect in people no matter what you look like. Ericka

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

well, for me depends what "mode" iam in myself ericka ! if im in me "mum" mode then its joggers,t-shirt, trainers, and look like ive been dragged thru a bush backwards lol !! and then i can look smart,tidy on a w/e i also tend to save my "best" clothes for w/e's etc. just use causal stuff foe week days.
as to be a GG ? well your there already ericka love just smiling, walking with a spring in ur step works as well
its what YOU feel best with, that makes the differance

[Kate Simmons]

Thanks WB. This is why I identify with you gals so well. I know what I really am but am fast finding out I'm a people person first. I know I can come here and share my feelings with you folks and not be ashamed of being myself. It's the honesty and sharing that really counts. It's refreshing to do that especially when we are all here trying to understand this stuff. It doesn't hurt to have a little fun along the way and if we can't laugh at ourselves once in a while , who can we laugh at? I can honestly say I enjoy coming here and sharing with my friends. It's a high point in my day for sure and I certainly appreciate all of you. Ericka

[carla smith]

Ericka

You are so lovely, and intelligent!

I am here to learn to be feminine. Why is that? you ask. Because I have been the "bully on the block" for years...the guy that is first with the negative comment that hangs on people for days...it has always been "myway or the hiway"....black or white...get the picture. I have been set on this path to learn a few things...I am a slow learner...but what you stated is exactly on the point...it is not the clothes,they set the attitude...it is the wonderful way our females relate to the world that I am here to absorb.

Thanks for reminding me! Now, can you tell me why we are always out of rum?

Have fun out there!

[kittypw GG]

Ericka,
You have made a great point. The purpose to one's life is to be a complete and satified person, one with both male and female traits like we all have. It goes deeper than just what you wear. The key for men is to embrace all of those things that other men would pound you for or make fun of you for. It is hard to put into words. For example I have a newly married young coworker that said infront of mixed company that he loves being married and he knows his tupperware and is darn proud of it. The other young guys in the crowd razed him for being pussy wipped. Why do we do that to eachother?

I think that you are really on the right track Ericka. Many should take note. If you are comfortable in your skin and satified with yourself as a person most people will be drawn to you no matter what you are wearing. You are passing as a person Ericka whatever your outward presentation. Thanks for being a friend to so many of us.

P.S. I like the straight bob hair. Looks good on you.

[Kate Simmons]

We're always out of Rum Carla because I'm the Rum wench and I make sure everyone (especially the boys) get their fair share. Hell, it's better than Granny Clampett's Rumatiz medicine for a variety of ills (mostly being sober). I know you have been given this mission. You realize that. In fact a good many of us are part of this, we just don't realize it. If nothing else, we have to alleviate the supposed disparity between the sexes. I see we have a start but have a long way to go, ergo the confusion. The two sexes are specialized, no doubt about that. The purpose is to propagate the race. No one ever said that I know of from a social standpoint that a man had to wear a lion skin and a woman had to wear a loepard skin and those only. No one ever said a man had to have short hair and a woman had to have long hair. No one ever said a woman can wear flowers in her hair and a man couldn't. This stuff all comes from "civilization", communities and societies. These set the "norm". Who, though, did set the norm? I've never seen any instruction books. Everything is inferred and by consensus and if something isn't the "norm", which was really set by no one in particular, how are we subject to it? Get my point? I'm fast learning to value people for who they are. I like to learn about people personally rather than taking some else's word for it. Blanket observations don't work for me, neither does "profiling". If someone tells me "so and so is this and that" it means nothing to me. I'm all about understanding people and accepting them for who they are. Embracing my duality has opened this door for me. I wouldn't have it any other way personally. If I do have any kind of mission this is it. Ericka