good practices and etiquette

[cathybicd]

as new girl on the block and anticipating arranging to meet with other girls
could use some tips on what to do and what not to do for safe happy meetings.
cathy

[TxKimberly]

Wow are you gonna get a lot of advice! Let's see, what do the new girls need to know?! Among other things (and I'm sure a lot of folks will fill in the blanks):
1 - Remember if the person dresses as a woman, you refer to her as a female. Sounds stupid I know, but early on I slipped once and was promptly corrected.
2 - Until you are comfortable being you, I'd recommend you get to know people on line first, THEN try and meet several at the same time and place. Meeting several at the same time means if you've made a mistake in who you have chosen as a friend, you have others there.
3 - Don't drink TOOOOOO much. You want your wits about you and you don't want to end your first night out someplace bad.

SOOOOOO many other things that I am daunted at the prospect of trying to list them all. Be safe and have fun.

[Joyciecd]

Be yourself - - - - - your femme self! Don't be too pushy, permit yourself to enjoy the experience. And hope the butterflies dissapate quickly!

[Rachel Morley]

I agree that if you can, become friends online first. No matter what always act pleasant, polite and ladylike and you can't go wrong. If you are meeting in a public place always check that it's an appropriate place for cders to meet and if possible check it out in daylight in boy mode first, then if you are feeling nervous on the night at least the bar/restaurant will be (slightly) familiar to you and help your nervousness.

[MJ]

hi there
if and when you meet someone from here you should go to a public place lots of people like a mall or coffee shop. but make sure you get to know them first OK. and what everyone else as said.
hey it could be me. i live 20 minutes away down the QEW " not in rush hour "
hugs marissa

[Glenda58]

Go slow at first. Start by going for drives dress so you feel comfortble. Then the malls to walk around in public. While doing this try meeting on linewith some of the gurls. Find out where some of the TG meetings are at. Then go to one if it's in your area. Thats how you start meeting gurls and it's safe for a first step. Then start networking with others gurls to go out places and do things more fun. But again go SLOW

[Karren H]

Don't ask me....I've actually never met another crossdresser while enfemme.....Unless they were in the same department store as I was and we didn't read eachother...lol

Karren

[Joyciecd]

Karren, was that you in Macy's the other day, looking right at me ? On a more serious note, the net has helped scads of girls gain enough confidence to sashay out there en femme. Most are so skilled at 'disguise', who would know? I am a bit older, and I believe that it is so much easier to pass as one matures. Cant wait till Karren has to use a walker! lol THEN, we will know. hehe

[tekla west]

ONE - IMPORANT!!!! PLEASE READ. Meet them at a public place. For a first meeting, you should perfer very public, and at high noon to boot. That is not always possible, but shade it in that direction, rather than the opposite. Make sure its a place you know, and that knows you. Make sure that if they say they are CD, they dress. If not - or they come up with some reason they can't - forget it. They are posers.* And, meet them at a place that knows you, where you can tell another person what's up, and where if anything happens, they might know how to go from there. That is a minimum.

To wit: when I met DayTripper, it was at a train station at noon. Not that I didn't trust her. Nor because she didn't trust me. Just because both of us are not stupid.

NEXT ---- Meet them at a time and place, where if they flake out (and most of the people you might meet on the net are, well, flakes) you don't lose anything. I often tell people to meet me at Trannyshack. Granted its night, but they know me there, its safe, and if they don't show up, nothing lost, I still have a good time and did not waste a night.

To wit: When I meet DT for the first time, I did it on a day I was already close to where the meeting would be. Had she not showen up - for whatever reason - all I would have lost would have been an hour and a ten block round trip walk, which I like anyway.

Other than that, though they are written with teenagers in mind, the following stuff is not all that bad even for adults.

Unless you already know the person offline, always assume the person you are dealing with on the Internet is not who they claim to be and conduct yourself accordingly.

Never give out personal information like last name, addresses, phone numbers, school names or where you work online.

If an online friend starts getting intimate with you or asks you sexually suggestive questions back off and ignore them in the future.

Never arrange to meet an Internet friend alone. If you must meet them do so in a very public and neutral place (like a mall food fair), bring along a few friends and TELL AN ADULT. (Ideally this adult will also go with you even if they hang back and don’t actually appear to be with you.)

Once you’ve met an online friend never go anywhere private with them until you know them better, as well as you would expect to know a school friend before being alone, and have been out in public with them just about as often as you have your offline friends.

Never arrange to travel great distances alone to see an online friend, even if you’ve already met face-to-face.

Always tell someone what you are up to, where you will be and when you will be back and don’t deviate from your plans without clearing it with them first. That is what cell phones are for.

Never ask another person to lie for you so you can meet an online friend. If your meeting has to start with a lie it can’t possibly be good.


Have fun.
Be yourself.
Stay sober enough to be able to judge.
When all else fails - go shopping.


* Matter of fact, a standard rule of thumb here is that most people who don't post pictures are posers. An out and about CD without a camara is like a Jerry Garcia fan without a roach clip or pipe, or a Republican without an unsecured credit card, i.e. they just don't exist.

[JoAnnDallas]

My first meeting with another CDer was at a Tri-Ess function. I would reconmind this approach. This way you get to meet a lot of girls, and it is in a safe and structor place.

If you talk to another CD on the internet and want to meet, make sure the meeting place is in a public setting. Never Never meet at her or your residence. If possible meet in drab for the first meeting.

[cathie]

I think the general consensus is public and busy places and taking it slow. Never agree to change places or let the other person drive. Always seperate cars. No alcohol and by all means if met on line take it very slow. If they want to meet within just a few dialogs that might be a red flag in a red dress and heels.

[Chiana]

Wow.... I have been dressing all of my life and this is interesting information. I am in the closet with my dressing and have only ventured out into the world a few times in drag. Usually under the cover of darkness and late at night for a drive or something. For me, that is a really big step out. I have a GF who has warned me about going out late at night. "Keep your doors locked". Etc. But I have never been concerned for my safety. I am not big or Bruce Lee in drag but I have never felt threatened in any way. Or really worried. I went downtown late at night last week to take some night time photos of the city wrapped in fog. I wasn't concerned for my safety. It never crossed my mind. The streets were virtually deserted. Maybe I am just naive.

I have always wanted to meet someone else to talk to but I always envisioned going to the first meetings in drab. I think I would be horrified to go to a mall or any super public place for my first time out in drag. I would like to meet them to build my confidence. But it seems like you are saying that it is the other way around. You have to have confidence in order to meet anyone. At least anyone who is very savvy. Very interesting advice. I guess I would have to be braver than I ever thought I could be, before I should think about meeting someone else.

[crossing-the-rain]

Hello Cathy,
I'm sorry for using your territory to say thanks to all our advicors.BTW,any good coffee shop or rest.for CD in Toronto area ?
Rain.

[MsJanessa]

I've had dates(or "meetings if you prefer) with dozens of T-Girls---My first piece of advice is always show up for the date---unbelievably there are many no-shows out there in the T world who I suspect have not intention of every meeting someone even though they have e-mailed and talked on the phone etc. These jerks are so far in the closet that all they want is the thrill of talking to a T-Lady and then I suspect becoming so excited that they take the matter "in hand" so to speak and never show up, never call to cancel and don't even send an e-mail---extremely frustrating when you've made up and dressed for someone just to sit around waiting---that's why I get upset with people in the closet---they are the kind of noshow wannebes who do this type of thing---there is not excuse for it---if you can't meet Me don't make the appointment.

[Eugenie]

Meeting another CD can be much pleasure and fun. However, there could be some problems too...

In my case when I meet another CDs for the first time, I only come dressed "en femme" if either that CD sister has been recommended to me by another CD whom I've been meeting several times and now trust as a friend or if the meeting is organized by a CD club (Like Triess, or ABC here in France)

When I decide to meet face to face a CD that I've only met through the internet, I always ask to meet that person in drab and in a public place. There is nearly no risks of being put in an very bad situation like that. We give eachother signs to recognize one another.

We discuss about our lives, about X-dressing, of course, and when the contact is established with some confidence, we exchange some pictures of us "en femme". This allows each of us to make sure that the picture of the person "en femme" is one of the same individual that is in front of us. I know that sounds paranoiac, but better be safe. Face to face meeting in drab also gives you an opportunity to appreciate the personality of the other person. Of course one can always make mistakes, but this minimizes the risks.

If a contact doesn't want to play this game, too bad, I prefer missing an opportunity than getting into trouble.

Quite frankly, I much prefer meeting CD friends according to the first two situations: friend of a CD friend or at a CD club party, knowing where I'm going...

Eugenie

[Calliope]

If possible meet in drab for the first meeting.

I can't see the point.

I agree with Tekla, if someone won't meet enfemme, they're probably posers.

Avatars are windows to the soul.

[Dana Carlton]

I wish I would have had this advice 20 years ago, when I first started to meet other crossdressers. It would have saved me from a terrible experience I had. I had to live and learn. Every cd planning on meeting should read this thread over and over. It is truly wonderful advice!!

PS> If you prefer not to tell anyone where you are going, not wanting to out yourself, then write a note on where you are going, whom you are meeting (even if it is just a first name or a screen name), the date, and any other important information. Put the note in your dresser drawer. If everything goes well, throw the note away when you get back home. If something happens (God forbid), someone will find the note.

[Jenniferritchie]

Hi just loved the link you have to your photos and did you look stunning in them. Just loved the petticoat, you must let me know where you got it from. if you would you can reply via my e-mail or private message. Have a happy Xmas or as they say in america Happy Holiday. love Jennifer

[TxKimberly]

ONE - IMPORANT!!!! PLEASE READ. Meet them at a public place. For a first meeting, you should perfer very public, and at high noon to boot. That is not always possible, but shade it in that direction, rather than the opposite. Make sure its a place you know, and that knows you. Make sure that if they say they are CD, they dress. If not - or they come up with some reason they can't - forget it. They are posers.* And, meet them at a place that knows you, where you can tell another person what's up, and where if anything happens, they might know how to go from there. That is a minimum.

To wit: when I met DayTripper, it was at a train station at noon. Not that I didn't trust her. Nor because she didn't trust me. Just because both of us are not stupid.

NEXT ---- Meet them at a time and place, where if they flake out (and most of the people you might meet on the net are, well, flakes) you don't lose anything. I often tell people to meet me at Trannyshack. Granted its night, but they know me there, its safe, and if they don't show up, nothing lost, I still have a good time and did not waste a night.

To wit: When I meet DT for the first time, I did it on a day I was already close to where the meeting would be. Had she not showen up - for whatever reason - all I would have lost would have been an hour and a ten block round trip walk, which I like anyway.

Other than that, though they are written with teenagers in mind, the following stuff is not all that bad even for adults.

Unless you already know the person offline, always assume the person you are dealing with on the Internet is not who they claim to be and conduct yourself accordingly.

Never give out personal information like last name, addresses, phone numbers, school names or where you work online.

If an online friend starts getting intimate with you or asks you sexually suggestive questions back off and ignore them in the future.

Never arrange to meet an Internet friend alone. If you must meet them do so in a very public and neutral place (like a mall food fair), bring along a few friends and TELL AN ADULT. (Ideally this adult will also go with you even if they hang back and don’t actually appear to be with you.)

Once you’ve met an online friend never go anywhere private with them until you know them better, as well as you would expect to know a school friend before being alone, and have been out in public with them just about as often as you have your offline friends.

Never arrange to travel great distances alone to see an online friend, even if you’ve already met face-to-face.

Always tell someone what you are up to, where you will be and when you will be back and don’t deviate from your plans without clearing it with them first. That is what cell phones are for.

Never ask another person to lie for you so you can meet an online friend. If your meeting has to start with a lie it can’t possibly be good.


Have fun.
Be yourself.
Stay sober enough to be able to judge.
When all else fails - go shopping.


* Matter of fact, a standard rule of thumb here is that most people who don't post pictures are posers. An out and about CD without a camara is like a Jerry Garcia fan without a roach clip or pipe, or a Republican without an unsecured credit card, i.e. they just don't exist.

OMG I LOVED this post~! Dead on every single point!

Kim