Women.... Can't figure them out.

[Karen Johnson]

Let's face it, women really are different than men. I might be a guy in a dress, but I'm still a guy.

The other evening I was dressed up and sitting in the living room. I was wearing stockings, high heels, a nice pleated skirt (black) and this really nice pink pullover short sleeve sweater with pearl buttons. I had on my "small boob" (b-cup) bra and I must admit, I really looked good. My wife had a little bit of an attitude, which I didn't pay too much attention to.

The attitude continued and after talking to her for a little while realized that she was a little pissed that I looked better in the outfit than she did (she has a similar one). I think she looks great, but she was actually a little jealous and copped an attitude.

A lot of the time my wife looks at me as a girlfriend and I suppose this is what you get when you lock horns with a female, even if I didn't realize we were competing.

[Calliope]

Just imagine if you two were competing over some hunky breadwinner guy - it would be Stalingrad 24/7.

[Karen Johnson]

Sometimes you must learn to share.

[Billijo49504]

The trick is to always make her feel like the queen, she is. Not everyone is soo lucky to have a wife that will tolerate their dressing. Be thankful...BJ

[Marla GG]

Speaking purely for myself here, I would never get annoyed by my spouse looking better than me in an outfit. But I would get annoyed by my spouse thinking and/or actually saying that she looked better than me. Modesty is a very attractive quality in a woman, genetic or not.

[Cheryl GG]

You know I see where she is coming from.....granted I personally am not jealous of my husband while he is in dress....but, I know what it is like to sit in a room with a woman who's beauty intimidates me...and that makes me hate her guts right from the get go....makes me NOT want to be nice to her....lol....sounds crazy.....but its true....women are vicious at times....sad to say....as for your wife being jealous, yes you should make her feel she is a thing of utter beauty....you said that she has an outfit similar to the one you were wearing at the time...maybe saying that you loved the outfit she put together and that you wanted one similar to hers....make her feel that you appreciate her.....a woman responds with attitude and jealousy because she feels less than or inferior to the other woman....good luck on this one....-Cheryl

[Ronnie1307]

Hi Karen,
If your Wife / Girlfriend thinks that you look better than she does, Perhaps you could give her tips sometimes on how to dress better. And treating her like a queen all of the time can't hurt either. As for figuring out women. The best thing that you can do is celebrate the differences between the 2 of you and have fun doing things together. That's one of the secrets that has kept my marriage to my wife going for over 11 years.

[Karen Johnson]

Thanks for the feedback ladies. It would appear that I once again did something that I'm very good at -- put my foot in my mouth.

Even though the outfit did look good on me, I could never look better than my wife. It was she that thought that, not I. And even if I did think such a thing, I would never say so. I'm not nearly as dumb as I look.

My wife is wonderful and I am grateful and lucky to have her.

And, I feel fortunate for this forum where we can just be ourselves. Thank you ladies for that!

[Stormgirl]

So give up like I did,they're not worth the trouble. And besides I make myself an extra $10k too.

[Joy Carter]

Let's face it, women really are different than men. I might be a guy in a dress, but I'm still a guy.

The other evening I was dressed up and sitting in the living room. I was wearing stockings, high heels, a nice pleated skirt (black) and this really nice pink pullover short sleeve sweater with pearl buttons. I had on my "small boob" (b-cup) bra and I must admit, I really looked good. My wife had a little bit of an attitude, which I didn't pay too much attention to.

The attitude continued and after talking to her for a little while realized that she was a little pissed that I looked better in the outfit than she did (she has a similar one). I think she looks great, but she was actually a little jealous and copped an attitude.

A lot of the time my wife looks at me as a girlfriend and I suppose this is what you get when you lock horns with a female, even if I didn't realize we were competing.

Sad to say this but it's one reason she does not want to see me dressed. She has a weight problem and even though I have told her that it matters little to me she still is sensitive about her looks. No way do I look like a chick but at her height of five foot and 1## pounds she is most self conscious. She's tried for years to dress nice but gave up because things just don't look right on her. She's an amazing woman and I'm there for her. Just wish things were better for her.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes it's hard to sort the feelings out but I believe all of the above reasons are valid ones. One of the things my wife always told me is that she was tired of competing with that "other woman". I don't think it was looks so much, as Marla said but the fact that so much time and attention was being paid to this "woman". It's almost like having an affair in that respect. What self respecting woman can put up with her husband doing something like that? First and foremost has to be our showing them how valuable and important they are to us and assuring them that they come first no matter what. I learned this the hard way. Ericka Kay

[marie354]

Joy, My SO is also a bit on the heavy side but I never fail to compliment her when she dresses up and I can tell she loves it. she gets that little glimmer in her eyes that says it all. She really is very cute. She has back problems and was in a wheelchair for a year before she had rods, screws, and a plate put in, and she gained a lot of wieght. But, she's still cute as hell and I tell her so a lot. She has shown pictures when she was a much younger RN, and I'll tell ya'... I love having my own private nurse!

I have always treated friends with love and respect and I get that in return.

[Billie2day]

My wife is supportive but like yours is jelous of what I can wear. I came out in my christmas dress last nite saying "maybe I should wear this to my brothers tomorrow". she loved it and said maybe she would borrow it. We are approx. the same size (14) I have been gradually taking weight off cutting out and snacks ect and can just get this dress zipped so again she is miffed, I can lose weight so easy and she can't Well you win some you lose some Oh I would not dare wear the dress It would freak out my new to be daugter in law and give my mother a coranary. Dress as you will just don't look better than your wife.Billie

[gennee]

Let's face it, women really are different than men. I might be a guy in a dress, but I'm still a guy.

The other evening I was dressed up and sitting in the living room. I was wearing stockings, high heels, a nice pleated skirt (black) and this really nice pink pullover short sleeve sweater with pearl buttons. I had on my "small boob" (b-cup) bra and I must admit, I really looked good. My wife had a little bit of an attitude, which I didn't pay too much attention to.

The attitude continued and after talking to her for a little while realized that she was a little pissed that I looked better in the outfit than she did (she has a similar one). I think she looks great, but she was actually a little jealous and copped an attitude.

A lot of the time my wife looks at me as a girlfriend and I suppose this is what you get when you lock horns with a female, even if I didn't realize we were competing.

[SIZE="2"]I know what you mean, Karen.

Gennee [/SIZE]

[Penny]

Everytime your wife gets dressed up, tell her how pretty she looks and that you only wish that you could look ever that good. With all that I do I could never look as good as my wife does natually. The key is to be inferior when it comes to this and most of us are.



Penny

[Julie York]

Perhaps you could give her tips sometimes on how to dress better. .

I'd like to be a fly on the wall doing THAT conversation.


Eeeh gods.


(Not the crockery!!! Not the crockery!!!)

[TxKimberly]

Speaking purely for myself here, I would never get annoyed by my spouse looking better than me in an outfit. But I would get annoyed by my spouse thinking and/or actually saying that she looked better than me. Modesty is a very attractive quality in a woman, genetic or not.

Bingo! If I were ever silly enough to let her know I was even THINKING that I looked better in something than she did, things would get ugly in a hurry.
Kim

[marie354]

It's true that a lot of us really strive to look female, but GG's don't have to try, well most dont even need makeup and they look great. It's hard for some of to pull it off while there are some, hope you don't mind Karren when you read this to use you as an example, some really do a good job and have a great attitide about it. And some are going through the changes and their natural beauty is surfacing. There is soo much involved for us here that I'll bet that some GG's and GM's can't figure us out either.

[Suzie Green]

I'd like to be a fly on the wall doing THAT conversation.


Eeeh gods.


(Not the crockery!!! Not the crockery!!!)

LOL LOL I was thinking the very same thing Julie! I can almost hear the conversation now if I tried it with my wife...

"You know dear, you would look better in a different color sweater, that one really does nothing for you. And can't you change your lip gloss to something that accentuates your face a bit. And for god's sake...your hair style is right out of the 70's...time to update!"



OK OK, so maybe I wouldn't be THAT direct!

[Kate Simmons]

Not only that Sandra, but we have to question ourselves and our own motives sometimes. If we get so wrapped up in this that our relationship becomes secondary, we will have serious problems. Even those with SO's who are supporting need some kind of balance and both parties know it is an ongoing process. It's not always easy to find that balance, but some couples have done it successfully as is evident here. Mutual respect and understanding goes a long way.

[JulieCDorlando]

Hello,
I wont get into a long reponse here, but to put things in the simpliest of terms, No matter what women do, or why they do the things they do, don't try to figure them out, you'll be bangin your head up against the wall. YOU just have to love them and accept them for who they are, unconditionally.

[Kate Simmons]

Fair enough Julie. Something in the back of my little mind says I hope that goes both ways though. Otherwise we have a serious disparity here in society. Sometimes thinking we are the "bad guy" is what may active the feminine feelings we have to begin with. I used to ask myself all the time if I was being too overbearing as a man. It doesn't happen to every man but we're just a little different than most and seem to be just a little more sensitive. It's funny how we deal with that sometimes, no? Ericka

[EricaCD]

Maybe it's just me, but I did not find anything particularly surprising in your wife's attitude.

Like it or not, when we ask our spouses to support/accept/love us as crossdressers, we are asking a LOT! A woman needs to confront pre-conceptions of beauty and femininity, re-establish her own gender identity, and somehow satisfy herself that her SO is not seeking to substitute another female image for her. That is a tall order in any case.

For crossdressers who manage to look attractive as women (and everyone by now hopefully knows that I do not believe CDs compare in beauty to genetic women), many of those issues are aggravated tremendously. And if we carry any of our naturally competitive male tendencies into our crossdressing... well, the words "recipe for disaster" leap to mind.

In your case, I don't think that you chose an identical outfit to your wife's specifically to strike a competitive posture. However, you probably did make it easier for her to compare and contrast her appearance with yours. If you were also enjoying the pink fog that comes from a dress-up job well done, that sentiment might well have come across as suggestion that you were, in fact, inviting comparison. In other words, while not consciously intending to say "I look better than you", you invited her to think of your appearance in competitive terms.

It's difficult to separate an intense desire to look as pretty, as feminine, as sexy as we can from a feeling of competition with other CDs or genetic females. Still, we can and must learn that the two desires are not, in fact, one and the same. More importantly, we need to learn to communicate that message unequivocally to our spouses and lovers, as a very important step in enabling them to continue in their own path of acceptance.

Erica