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[cocopuff]

It's been several weeks now since I found out about Jim's dressing. Since then he has gave her a name he has gone from Jim to Kim. I have been excepting of this and have tried to be supportive and I am still in the process of understanding. My problem as a GG is now he seemed obssesed with it all. It's like I have lost my Jim and all he wants is to be as fem as possible. He wears women's jeans and knee high panty hose, He wears women's panties everyday. He bought a water bra and a cami that I helped him pick out. He always includes me with clothes and such but it's like now that I know he doesn't want to be the person that I knew. He dressed for me the first time on Christmas Eve. Make-up and everything. To my suprise he didn't look half bad but If I was a lesbian it would be great but I want a man not a woman... All his man clothes don't even get a second look. When we go shopping he heads straight for the woman's section. As long as it came from out of the woman's section it's ok. Can anybody understand what I'm saying here. Basically I'm afraid I'm slowly losing Jim. Any suggestions....

[Shadeauxmarie]

You need to talk to him. Does he plan to transition? Take hormones? Is he bi-sexual? Or is he just caught up in the euphoria of acceptance? Who will you both tell? Are you looking at marriage? Will you tell the kids? Will you be expected to participate sexually? Can he accept limitations? Such as no sex. No public outings. Once a month? Twice a month?

This is indeed a difficult time for you both. It is new to BOTH of you. He still may not know how far he intends to take it. It is obvious you both need to communicate your limitations.

There are several good books on the subject. "My Husband Betty" is a great one.

I wish for you the best.

[kerrianna]

Hi Cocopuff. I think they call it the "Pink Fog". Your man (and he is still that) has gone on the giddy trail. What's great about it is that your acceptance has bouyed him so much and made him so happy. What's not great is that he's oblivious to everything else and wants it all, right now! (BTW I think that's a boy thing)

You need to slow him down and catch his attention long enough to tell him some of what you said here.
- It's like I have lost my Jim
- but it's like now that I know he doesn't want to be the person that I knew.
- I want a man not a woman.
- Basically I'm afraid I'm slowly losing Jim.

Let him know you're not changing your mind or anything, but that his CDing DOES and WILL impact your relationship and he needs to know when and how. He needs to be reminded that you don't experience the same things about it, or/and that you need more time to get used to it. (pretty obvious, unless the Pink Fog has got you).

You need to talk it out, let him know how you feel...and KEEP talking all the time...because things will change over time and boundaries and limits may change. The only way to stay on the same track is to TALK IT OUT, GIVE and TAKE. He's lucky to have your support in the first place. It's really common to go overboard and have to be reeled in. And if he doesn't want to be reeled in well that's another ball game and you'll just have to decide from there. But you might have to set some guidelines together right now to make it work for both of you.

Good luck.
Send him here if he won't/can't listen. We're good at seeing the PINK FOG in others eyes and giving them a good to wake him up.
He's lucky to have you.

[Jennaie]

He is bit like a young teenage girl discovering herself. This will slow down with time. It takes a lot of time to find (balance). Your in for a rough ride and I suggest that you talk to the GG's in the private gg forum. They can help you cope and understand. Don't give up hope just yet.

[cocopuff]

We did talk last night and he see's now that maybe he needs to slow down and give me a little time to process all of it. At first I said I could handle the women's jeans and panties but I was not ready for the make-up and women's shoes to wear in public yet. He is willing to slow it down a bit I think. I told him I was just really scared. He say's he doesn't want to be a woman at all. But his actions speak louder than words. He wanted to be intimate dressed like a lesbian situation. It kinda turned me off. He was talking like a woman and asking me to do things like you would to a woman. Maybe in time I can get to a place where it won't seem so weird but as of now I'm just not ready for that. We talked about further becoming a woman and he say's he has no desire to take it any further than the dressing. He hasn't purchased a wig yet but I feel it's right around the corner. When he fully dressed he wore a santa hat I had bought him. My 16 year old son knows about his dressing and although he doesn't understand he is ok with it as long as it's in the house. My mother knows and she say's it's kinda different but she's ok with it within limits. Myoldest son does not know and his family has no idea. We have discussed marriage but have no immediate plans. He got more make-up for Christmas that I did. ...lol I just feel kinda lost and I imagine he's feeling kinda lost too. He's gone back out on the road now so maybe the time away from each other will help us to have a different perspective on things. Thanks for listening...Bev

[finacarina]

kiss Jim goodbye Cocopuff!

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Coco, Since you gave him the "green light", he's like a kid in a candy store. It's a tough "high" to get down from sometimes, especially if you've kept it under wraps for awhile. Give it a little time to wind down. You have to let him know your expectations and your limits. It's not one sided and cannot be. Not only that but he'll be in for a "fall" when he realizes he can't maintain it despite his enthusiasm. Sometimes it's good though because reality kicks us in the ass and we begin to realize how our actions are affecting those we love. This may or may not be a novelty but must be addressed and settled as it potentially affects your relationship. It's the responsibility for both to care for the needs of each other. In order to do that you need to come to an agreement. Ericka

[Calliope]

I believe the pink fog is a positive, essential phase. A CD without any experience is a seriously awkward person. Getting from one side of the pink fog to the other brings the CD self-esteem and a socially acceptable presentation - which should be good news for all involved.

Also:

Marriages and relationships do change - because people (and hormones) do. For every one womyn (involved with a CD) who cries 'I chose and expect a man,' there are 100 (mainstream) guys who cry 'I chose and expect a sexually active wife.' These expectations cannot be eternalized.

[Joy Carter]

I can see where you are confused. I finally have come to terms with who I am and it's been hard on her. I'm finally able to look in the mirror and accept myself. But I haven't forgot about her. I know she has freaked out about all the stuff (1000 bucks so far). But I'm happier now then I have ever been in my life. So she tells me all the positive things I was ( ) when we met. I told her I have never stopped being all those things. I have just never had the courage to admit to being Joy also. We will make it because I'm bowing to most of her wishes and she most mine. But like some of the gurls have said here it's all new. And your gurl is going to have to get her fem self into an acceptable prospective for the sake of your relationship. Stay here with us because we are a good source of information. BTW is she a member here

Love And Respect Joy Carter

[kittypw GG]

It's been several weeks now since I found out about Jim's dressing. Since then he has gave her a name he has gone from Jim to Kim. I have been excepting of this and have tried to be supportive and I am still in the process of understanding. My problem as a GG is now he seemed obssesed with it all. It's like I have lost my Jim and all he wants is to be as fem as possible. He wears women's jeans and knee high panty hose, He wears women's panties everyday. He bought a water bra and a cami that I helped him pick out. He always includes me with clothes and such but it's like now that I know he doesn't want to be the person that I knew. He dressed for me the first time on Christmas Eve. Make-up and everything. To my suprise he didn't look half bad but If I was a lesbian it would be great but I want a man not a woman... All his man clothes don't even get a second look. When we go shopping he heads straight for the woman's section. As long as it came from out of the woman's section it's ok. Can anybody understand what I'm saying here. Basically I'm afraid I'm slowly losing Jim. Any suggestions....

Bev,
Boy can I understand. This is exactly what made me tell my hubby to keep it to himself. If you let it, it will consume you. I told my hubby a hundered times to back off a bit. He was filling up our family pie chart with all of his stuff. Nothing was left for the rest of us. All of his time, energy and effort was spent literally on himself. He ignored my plees for restraint and I had no choice but to focus on myself. It is unhealthy when someone is consumed with something and you should not have to go there.

My suggestion to you is to not let yourself get trapped in his tornadoe. Keep true to yourself and focus on the needs of your family. There is nothing more you can do until he gets ahold of himself , finds a balance and lives in reality.

Join the gg section hun, this will help a lot. I don't think I would be sane without my girlfriends in our private part of this forum. Take care and try to keep your balance. Kitty

[Sandra]

A kid in a candy shop, you have to talk to him because he might not realise just what he is doing. The excitement is there and he wants it all to happen now and as Kitty has said join the GG forum when you have your 10 posts.

[Carroll]

kiss Jim goodbye Cocopuff!

Thats not really helping out

[Carol A]

I fully understand what you are talking about, been there done that.
Sweetheart he is like a piece of charcoal that you have fired up for a Sunday Bar B Q, his flame is high and bright and jumping everywhere. Give him a little time to cool down and just glow for a while. I too went all out at first and after a while the wife told me to cool off a little as he married a man not a women. Now I still dress on a regular basic complete with makeup and wig but I don't push her to far or hard we meet in the middle and it works out just great.

[Tina Dixon]

I think Jim is gone, better get to know Kim better, sorry.

[Kieron Andrew]

kiss Jim goodbye Cocopuff!

and thats helping coco how?

I think Jim is gone, better get to know Kim better, sorry.

I dont think any of us are in a position to say something like this as we dont know jim's side of things......sounds to me as if he is experiencing the typical tranny euphoria, talk lots to him, keep the lines of communication open.......he's probably just loving the freedom you've gave him just a little to much and didnt stop to think how his SO would feel

[Sheila]

most of the girls have said it already hun, he is in the pink fog, you now know so he is making the most of having somebody else lknow and not go mad at him for it. Is he a member of the forum if not then maybe you could introduce him here and let the girls talk to him, they will be able to explain to him better than you that he should consider himself lucky to have the support he does and to perhaps persuade him to slow things dowen till you manage to get your head round all of this.

hope to see you in the gg section soon

Jess

[Gary]

hi cocopuff,
I really hate some of what was said here, but everyone does have the right to free speech helpful or not. as someone who just came thru that pink fog, did the kid in the candy store thing, like tht better, i was able to come down off the high. and that was what it was like. my wife initially did as you and was totally excepting...what she didnt tell me was how it was really impacting her...and all i saw was candy. we were finally able to talk and ive reeled it all in. she cant deal with seeing it all right now so weve made alternate arrangements tht suit both our needs. i know she is trying hard and if its within her she will come to terms with it all, just as i have been doing. yes, is all new to both of us, can i tell her where it will all stop? no, ive already learned with this never to say never...so talk with jim, let him know exactly how you feel...for me, my wife hasnt lost her husband, i am still the same man ive always been but now i have a deeper way to express my sensitive side and am much more relaxed and she does see this. take care and good luck to you...do keep using this place it has been of tremendous support for my wife especially when i didnt see she needed it...gary

[Cheryl GG]

CoCo....I have been right where you are....and only a SHORT SHORT TIME AGO...so short you would be shocked.....I know all those thoughts that are running thru your head....all the doubts about him you are having....the GRIEF you are feeling for what you think you have lost....honestly, no the Jim you walked down the isle with isnt coming back...but, together the two of you can have so much more....my husband is Gary...and he too is a member of these forums....from my research and my own dealings it sounds like it is the "kid in the candy shop" frame of mind at this moment....also sounds like he is overwhelming you too (happened to me - and almost destroyed me).....and that is not being fair to you.....you have to be honest with him....if you dont tell him how you are feeling then he wont know (especially if your trying to accept and he is taking any tid bit of acceptance as full acceptance I assure you)...I have days where I am fine with it and then I have days where I cant stand the thought of it....lots of tears in the beginning and heck I am not sure that the tears ever will stop totally....I am guessing most GGs out there would tell you that....I know that Gary is a different man yes, but once he FINALLY saw how confused, hurt and overwhelmed I was by this new adventure in our lives, he wanted to stop and help ME - he learned one word - COMPROMISE - its the best word for us (at the moment ) that he could have learned....and yet while that doesnt mean that one thing will fix your problems....I know that all things come in their time....time might be what it is you need....time to take it all in and time to sort it all out....I URGE you to do as I did - to tell him about the forums- to try to get him to come to the forums....you both can receive help and support here....in the last 90 days (I have only known since October 7th) I have had some of the darkest days and nights of my life...and it this site had not been here....I dont know what I would have done.....I nagged and nagged at Gary to come here....and after hearing me speak of a member of the chat room who had offered support to me several times and then speak of the support I had received from the memberS here on the forums so many times - he popped into chat one night and well...he got a wake up call - and here he is....Jim isnt gone forever....its just that you have a different Jim....please use these forums and its members to help you thru this....this is all still new to me and there are many many SR GGs here that can tell you much more than I ever can....but I know this much to be true - you both have much to learn....its a whole new world for you both.....please take care of yourself first and foremost and should you need anything....please dont hesitate to ask....cheryl

[Tree GG]

Dont' be so hard on the "kiss Jim goodbye" comments, 'cause from this GG point of view, it's true. Perhaps a little exaggerated, but true. The guy I thought I knew left me standing w/ my jaw on the floor.

I hate the pink fog - you just wanna shake 'em & squeel "Wake up!". But they can't, so we wait, try to get our perspective heard, and wait for his choice of actions. The actions not matching the words he says is hard. But as already said, this thing changes by the hour. A woman's perogative, right?

Take a deep breath, hun - you're definitely in for a bumpy ride. The best advice I can offer is to be honest with yourself. If you're uncomfortable or don't like something - allow yourself to feel that way and let him know. You won't do anyone any favors in the long run by dismissing your fears or anxieties.

and best wishes to you - I hope we can help.

[Kate Simmons]

I feel the other GG's have given you a lot of good advice Bev. After all, they have to live with this day in and day out. The only thing I could reinterate is to make your feelings known, be honest about them and repeat them as much as needed. We are men after all and do tend to be quite clueless and dense sometimes when we get absorbed in something. If I had been with this forum a couple of years ago, it's quite possible my wife would still be with me today and we could have worked something out. If you really love each other, the time and effort you take to work this out is worth it. It must, however, be a joint effort, otherwise you will both be in for a lot of disappointment or worse. Take it from someone who ignored the warning signs and realized too late what was really important. Ericka

[AprilMae]

Let him know while you are accepting of this, there is a limit to how much. Find out what his intentions are. The novelty of accepatance may wear off and he will be more considerate of your feelings. It's been a year or so since I was accidently decloseted by the Mrs, and I have yt to appear dressed in front of her, at her request and mine. Allof is are different and only he will know where it will take him, and you.

[Kelsy]

Hi cocopuff,

If Jim is like the majority here this part of his personality has with been with him a long time. He has repressed this aspect of himself. I think you need to know that some of the charateristics of his personality that may have attracted you to him spring from his grasp of his feminine side. Think about what you found in him that you enjoyed! all of those things are still part of him. Jim is not gone nor has he changed, you have discovered the deeper part of him. He loves you and needs you. This discovery can give you the deepest bonds of trust and understanding. Hang in there and help him find balance but be firm with your needs

Jennifer

[Debra Lynn]

I would echo the lines of communication and emphasize the compromise part of things. Jim sounds like he is trying to experience everything all at once (binging perhaps) and like the kid in the candy store is trying to shove as much down as he can before someone wakes him up from this dream.

You need to get Jim/Kim into the forum, so that they can find out that there are a lot more CD's out there and that like they say, Moderation in all things is right and proper. You have a right to the man you love, how would he feel if you suddenly decided to wear men's suits every day? (not suggesting that). Communication is a two way street, both of you have to be listening to what the other is saying, not just nodding your head and saying yes dear.

My wife is not appreciative of my CDing, but she understands that I am going to dress at times, and I don't do it in front of her at her request. I also make sure she knows that I am still the man she married, I treat her like a queen (er, make that goddess, gotta remember that) and I try and support her and show genuine interest in what she wants to do. Compromise is simply agreeing to something that makes no one completely happy, but allows everyone to claim a small victory and keeps the lines of communication open.

You do need to assert yourself and your feelings to your man, explaing while you are okay with his need to be Kim, that he needs to understand your needs, wants and desires as well.

If he really is not interested in transitioning, then he should come to a realization in short order that feminine dressing takes a lot of time (to do right), is restrictive in what you can do (just try building a shed in a miniskirt and high heels) and takes away from time spent with the family. He needs to be reminded that his family needs him to be responsible to them, just as he gets acceptance from the family.

I really do wish you the very best, stay strong.

[Country girl]

Jim is not gone nor has he changed, you have discovered the deeper part of him. He loves you and needs you.
Jennifer

I'm sorry Coco, But I have to disagree. We don't know what Jim/Kim is feeling right now. And as someone who was totally accepting and still got left out in the cold , you don't know if Jim still wants or needs you. The best advice anyone on this forum can and has given you is to communicate. Talk, talk, talk. Be sure to tell him how this whole CDing experience has made you feel. Ask him what exactly it is he wants and expects from you and then take some time and decide if you are prepared to give that. Whatever the outcome, I wish you both the best. And as the other GG's have said, make your 10 posts and come join us on the GG forum. You'll find some great support there.

CG gg

[cocopuff]

I read him all the responses and he agreed that he went too far, too fast. He said he had never heard of the pink frog thing but that it made sense. I think he thought I was ready because I said I was ok with it. I should have made myself clear that I wanted to take it slow to give me a chance to get used to it. Jim is the most wonderful man. He doesn't drink, use drugs or cheat(that I know of) and he is a wonderful provider and a loving S.O. in my life. He said he's been wearing women's clothes on and off all through his life. I asked him why he didn't tell me this early on and he said he felt if he had told me I would have thought he was a freak and ran and to tell you the truth he's probebly right. I do appreciate all the advice. I'm so glad he can see that I just need to go slow with it but what he does in his truck or at home is his bussiness. I don't think I want to see him fully dressed for a little bit cause it kinda turned me off. He wanted to have sex like that which I guess is common for some of you but not to me. There may be a day when it won't bother me and heck I may even like it but right now I'm not there. He say's he loves me more than anything and don't want to lose me at any cost. Obviously I love him too . I hope everything will work out. Thanks everybody you really seem to help me feel better.....I signed up for the GG forum today.