Radar systems

[Rachaelb64]

I know we all have radar systems and most of us can spot another CDer a large percentage of the time.....

But just recently I went with woman we a nice time, a meal and few drinks, as we talking and getting well, having a laugh. The thought struck me that I can't tell her. We went out a few more times but I still had the same feeling.

The thing is my prevoius gf I told, I was up front and I felt comfortable telling her. But with this one its seems different some how, I dont feel comfortable about telling her and I know I would tell if things got more serious. Some how I've got this feeling it would be the end of the relationship.

Just wondering if anyone else has developed this second radar system to stop accepting/non-accepting ggs?

Any thoughts?

[Gary]

ive just always thought honesty was the best way to approach everything...learned that isnt necessarily true with regards to cding tho. Ive never hidden any of this from my wife and mostly shared my thoughts on such things as they popped into my wee brain...ive since learned tho, and still struggle with, that not sharing everything, and certainly not right away, isnt hiding things from her but is more keeping from overwhelming her...this way of thinking went contrary to my whole belief systme and is taking some time to adjust to but i have learned tht honesty, while still the best policy, isnt always about telling all right away...everything has its time and i owe a fellow cder for showing me this...and my wife for not killing me while it took time for this concept to settle in my wee brain...gary

[Marcie Sexton]

Start a discussion with her about the subject, perhaps an article you've read, social acceptance, etc...that should give you enough response from her to get a read...

[azure]

In my experience, when your intuition is saying "best keep that piece of information to yourself", then its wise to listen. I agree about approaching the subject in conversation is a good way to guage your freinds attitudes. My feelings recentley on telling friends has been, yes but what is my real motive for telling them? Is it for me, for us, or for them. Will the friendship really benefit from me telling a freind I am TG, or will they react badly, and the freindship will be ruined and at worst they'll share what they know with the world. (bitter and twisted....me....never)

the hell with it, wind her up and with lots of blushes, and throat clearing tell her your a train spotter.

[Christina Nicole]

If she's very important to you and CDing isn't, then drop crossdressing and continue to see this woman. If she's not really special to you and you don't think you want to stop dressing as a woman, then end it with her. If you really like both, then you have a problem. You're either going to have to tell her and let the chips fall where they will, or try to find someone who you think will accept this part of you. Continuing the relationship and not telling is probably not the best of plans.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Melinda G]

For every woman who accepts it, nine or ten don't. They don't want your attention on anything but them.

[marie354]

You really must tell her. It's the only way to know. If she finds out later, She'll be boiling mad that you didn't tell her yourself even if she does accept it.

[Kate Simmons]

Your first instincts are usually right, so I'd have to say you need to ask yourself just how important the relationship would be and what you would be willing to do to continue it. You may want to ask some "leading questions" in relation to CDing that aren't too obvious just to see what her reaction is. You don't need to put all of your eggs in one basket necessarily and "spill it" all up front. That's not being deceptive really, it's just being cautious. Ericka

[Amanda Jane]

for every nine or ten women who will not accept it / there is one that will / keep asking

if you want a relationship with this person tell her

[veronicagirl]

I'd say the odds of her being acceptive or supporting are closer to 1 in 60, while the odds of you completely halting all crossdressing is closer to 1 in 1000.

[MsJanessa]

If you are going to tell her, the time is now, during the begining of a relationship----if you tell her years from now, then she will accuse you of being dishonest with her----Why don't you want to tell her? Is it because you think she might expose you to others and you would be hurt either personally or professionally by that exposure? If that's the case you should simply drop her and move on---if, on the other hand, you think that she would end the relationship but still keep your confidence a secret then you might as well tell her now because she will eventually find out.

[Deidra Cowen]

If you are going to tell her, the time is now, during the begining of a relationship----if you tell her years from now, then she will accuse you of being dishonest with her----Why don't you want to tell her? Is it because you think she might expose you to others and you would be hurt either personally or professionally by that exposure? If that's the case you should simply drop her and move on---if, on the other hand, you think that she would end the relationship but still keep your confidence a secret then you might as well tell her now because she will eventually find out.

BINGO!!!! I don't understand why a CD that knows she has all these femme urges would not tell a GG right away upon embarking on a new relationship. Same old mistakes and recipe for emotional unhappyness for both the CD and the GG! (By the way, I am not referring to those of you already Married or Dating and then the CDing hits)

Right now I have decided not to date any GGs...but when I was I was open about it and tried to meet GGs interested in us. Thats how I found my old GF. But if I get back out on the market for a GF I would tell any GG the first date...of course chances are she would have met me out at the clubs or perhaps a personals site from the net anyway and know about me.

[Wenda]

If you are going to tell her, the time is now, during the begining of a relationship----if you tell her years from now, then she will accuse you of being dishonest with her----Why don't you want to tell her? Is it because you think she might expose you to others and you would be hurt either personally or professionally by that exposure? If that's the case you should simply drop her and move on---if, on the other hand, you think that she would end the relationship but still keep your confidence a secret then you might as well tell her now because she will eventually find out.

Once again, I fall into line with the leather queen. As some of the others have said, you can introduce this in stages, but you MUST bring the topic up. I had been seeing my GF for over 3 years when "the urge" re-emerged - with vengeance! I immediately shared it with my gf who was pretty nervous about it. I didn't push it, but I was honest. I believe that much of her unease was the result of general misinformation about crossdressers, she was worried that I had suddenly become gay. About 3 months into dressing (with a fairly complete wardrobe, breast forms, etc) we went on a long weekend holiday, where she discovered Wenda as a new friend and shopping buddy. My dressing and lingerie shopping was a secret 'between us girls'.
When I lost the urge in late October last year, she was genuinely sorry to loose Wenda as a friend. Wenda is still around, but not as intense nor as vibrant as previously.
Be honest, but use judgement. Ultimately dishonesty will hurt you. All the best. W.

[Rachaelb64]

OK my dilemma been solved.

As advised I drop a few careful question in to our recent conversation, got some indifferent replys nothing concert. Which really didn't help me at all.

So on Saturaday evening we went out again and she says that she feels we were not 'concecting' (her words not mine) and she would like to stay friends with me but nothing too serious.

So I've been dumped! Not sure whether I'm relieved or upset (a male ego thing going on here at the moment).

So problem solved. Well at least till the next girl to catch my eye.