Confused

[Mikala0589]

I have a fiance and live a very normal life (as I'm sure most of you do). Within the last year, I'm not sure exactly when it was, but I started to get the urge to wear women's thongs. I think it was because every time I was in a clothing store, I thought how sexy the lingerie section looked. I first started just wearing thongs, then I went out and bought stockings and a garter belt, then i went ahead and bought a couple cute bras and some high heels. Whenever I'm alone, I usually put these things on and nothing else and I get very aroused. I even will just go stand out back of my house (other houses can see into my backyard but I always just stand there and watch the windows to make sure no one is looking back at me) and smoke a cigarrette just in the lingerie and high heels, I dont know why. I'm only 25 years old and one day I tried to rid myself of some of these habits by throwing away my high heels, however, 3 or 4 days later I went back to the store and bought a new pair. I've never told my fiance and I honestly don't ever see myself telling her, she would not take it very well AT ALL.

Do you think these habits will continue and is this how most of you first started out? And do you think the fact that I go outside in my outfits, "semi secluded" from the world, means anything? Just please give me some input, thanks.

[Karren H]

Well welcome to the world of crossdressing!!! You'll probably have a better chance of stopping smoking that of crossdressing!! I started at 8 with my mothers lingerie and its been a wild ride so far!!! Dressing fully as a woman and going out in public!!! Good luck and welcome to the forum!!

PS.... Smoking is bad for your health... Crossdressing isn't!!

Love Karren

[Mikala0589]

Thanks for the reply so fast, I just don't see myself going out and buying regular clothes. Not too sure why though. I just love the lingerie aspect of crossdressing and I dont know if I'll ever do more than that. Ive never even applied makeup and stuff. Even though I really wanna try that (although I dont know how). And I am WAY TO SHY to go out and buy a nice wig, even though I really really want a nice wig. Any more suggestions?

[brijal_in]

Hi there,

Welcome to the world of cding........my story is similar to yours and now i have started wearing undergarments under my male clothes to work and when i go shopping alone.......if my wife around me i don't wear them......

Love
sara(pooja)

[Karren H]

Thanks for the reply so fast, I just don't see myself going out and buying regular clothes. Not too sure why though. I just love the lingerie aspect of crossdressing and I dont know if I'll ever do more than that. Ive never even applied makeup and stuff. Even though I really wanna try that (although I dont know how). And I am WAY TO SHY to go out and buy a nice wig, even though I really really want a nice wig. Any more suggestions?

Well in todays hitech society shyness is not a problem, girl!!! Ebay and other sites are full of wig stores, breast forms, padded panties..... And walmart with their self checkouts are grest for buying fem things and never having to look a checkout girl in the eye!!! Lingerie if always fun, we've all started there!! So go as far as you want to and as fast as you want to!! All up to you!

Love Karren

[Mikala0589]

That has been my next goal. I really want to start wearing thongs like every day under my clothes, just worried that I may bend over and it will pop out or something. Thanks for the response. I have so many questions about all of this so I'm just going to keep rambling on. I really want to shave my legs but I feel like that's a dead give away to everyone, I really would have no real excuse for doing that. I have pretty hairy legs, hahaha. Also want to apply makeup but dont know how. Also want a wig but I'm way to shy to go to a wig shop or have something mailed to me that my fiance may find. Any more suggestions?

[MarinaTwelve200]

Its very strange how that urge just came on like that, and in your mid 20's too.---Most of us start a lot earlier. All I can wonder is did you have a sudden change in your life soon before this? Getting engaged perhaps?


I really dont think this is sexually related, as the sexual/sexuality based CDing usually starts VERYyoung (like age 3 or 4) or around puberty (12-13) The sexual aspects (being turned on) are likely a side aspect of your hetrosexuality---being turned by the CD generated pseudo-woman (or her "parts"), you are in contact with.

I would guess that the primary cause and drive is identity related---Not sexual/gender identity nessessarily. But perhaps a subconcious urge or "need" to "escape" either your "personal" identity and/or "male" persona---if only for a little while, by becomming another person who is "NOT YOU" an urge, in effect to "take a vacation from yourself" to releive a stress associated with who you are.

This is complicated as it also evokes a rush and some sexual feelings that feel good and is self-reinforcing. I personally think the reason it is so hard to stop is because it provides a basic stress release valve, that NOTHING ELSE can match. Once you have experienced it, there is no substitute for it, so you must CD to get that feeling from then on---I personally think its a healthy thing.

Youngsters and young adults, however, have needless problems with their own CD as they think it is somehow "perverted" or "homosexual"---and they KNOW they arent "gay"---and having no alternative explaination available to them, can really mess their minds up until they come to terms with it. Lack of understanding in others is also a cause of social problems, until one learns the proper "decorum" and descretion one needs for CD situations.


Now this is just the way I see it from MY point of view. There are OTHER drastically different reasons one may CD other than "Escapisim" as described above. ranging from transsexualisim (usually very early onset), and a need to explore a "Female side", or a fetish to a simple THRILL or curiosity.

The sudden 'out of the blue" urge like you describe above, however suggests escapisim due to a change in Life and a "Discovery" of how to releive stress. I beleive that half of CD is related to this

I hope this helps.

[Mikala0589]

That actually helps alot. I think you hit the nail on the head. I have alot of stress in my life right now. Do you think that when this stress starts to go away, I'll stop doing it?

I also find myself even pulling off to the side of the road, putting on some high heels, and driving the rest of the way home in high heels. Ive even gone to secluded parking lots and just walked around in high heels for the fun of it. I dont know if any of this means anything. But I appreciate all of your help.

If anyone could help w/ my other questions id appreciate it. (makeup, wigs, etc...)

[Julie York]

Standing on your porch in underwear has little to do with crossdressing as such. It's exhibitionism. And it's a recipe for disaster.

[CarmenG]

Everything you are going through is not out of the ordinary. You need not worry, YOU ARE NO FREAK ! Many of us began at different ages at different rates. But you sound more like you are trying to convince yourself, or justify what you are doing.
Now standing out back smoking in your undies will get you caught..
Only you can answer your questions, we are your sisters and are here to lend a helping hand when we can.
Welcome to the family.........

[chantal rebbecca]

there arealot of male athlels in certain sport eho shave their legs, bicycle racing for one also other sports. s o if into that shaving will not be a dead give away Chantal

[Mikala0589]

Can you really get in trouble for standing out back of your house in lingerie?? I thought it was considered my property and I can wear whatever I want on my property. I dont know if I'm hoping i get caught or what, but I just find it exhilerating. If I can get in trouble for it, I may stop.....

[Diane Douglas]

OMG, does your story ring true. I started wearing my GF panties when after I would spend the night. I think all you have to do is read some of the posts here and you will find this will not stop. Alos, you will find you need to level with your Fiancee about your cding or you will be in the closet deep and it can be very lonely. Then when she finds out, watch out for the fireworks. Read the posts find out about the different things gurls like us have gone through. Some are good, some are bad.

Good luck

[Lovely Rita]

Sounds like somthing most of us can relate to. For some it can become "Hotel California, You can check out anytime you want but you can never leave"

hugs

[Joy Carter]

Can you really get in trouble for standing out back of your house in lingerie?? I thought it was considered my property and I can wear whatever I want on my property. I don't know if I'm hoping i get caught or what, but I just find it exhilarating. If I can get in trouble for it, I may stop.....

Does public indecency mean anything? I mean if you are showing those private parts then you probably going to get a visit from the police. I don't think I'd want my neighbors to know that about me. Just be discrete and do it in the dark.

[Karren H]

When the stress goes away it doesn't go away....and by that time you won't want it to go away either!! Lol. Ok maybe that's just me!! Lol. As far as help....makeup - go to the book store and find a good makeup book... Nothing like having something in front of you when you practice.... And far as crossdressing help - two good books for beginners "Crossdress for Success" and "The Lazy Crossdresser" both also at Barnes and Nobel in the Gay and Lesbian area...

Love Karren

[Mikala0589]

Wearing lingerie and actually showing off your private parts are 2 different things. I'm covered up w/ my thong when i go outside. I really dont see why thats illegal. If I were wearing boxers would I also be in trouble? Kinda weird if you ask me. The only reason I'm harping on this point is cause I enjoy doing this.

[susie evans]

karren is right on it's kind of like one of my friends ask if i had a headache and i said it's every day just the degree witch it herts changes
susie

[Michelle 51]

Hope you learned your lesson on throwing out your stuff.I threw out a new pair of 4 inch heel's once . 2 weeks old sexy with a little ankle strap.Boy do i wish i had them back.Now i put my stuff away if that urge hit's which it hasn't for quite awhile.I tossed some nice lingerie over the year's too.It's way easier to pack away then replace.Ask anybody here. Justabit

[MarinaTwelve200]

That actually helps alot. I think you hit the nail on the head. I have alot of stress in my life right now. Do you think that when this stress starts to go away, I'll stop doing it?

No I dont think you will stop doing it. Escapist CD opens a "vent" so to speak, that cannot be equaled by another method. Once you know the secret, you will always feel a need to resort to it to releave stresses and pressures.

And there IS also that "exhibionist" aspect another poster suggested above. Its sort of unique to your case, as most CDs are usually secretive about it, at least at first. Its almost as if you WANT to be caught in a "compromized situation" ----That could be merely your own quirk related to a humiliation/masochisim element in your CD (which is not uncommon) , Or some Confusion and guilt over the CDing might be inducing you to subconciously do something "stupid" or "risky" to expose yourself/condition.

[Kimberley]

There are many reasons for X-dressing and only you will be able to figure them out. You may need the help of a counsellor for that.

Will you quit? Can you stop breathing?

You really need to consider your fiancee in this and in a big way. 99% of us can tell you that disclosure before marriage is the best way. If she doesnt accept it then you know you will have two choices, move on or go stealth. If the latter, then be prepared for the fallout when she does discover it again and believe me, she will find out. The problem then is that things get really messy.

You have a lot of choices to make and some serious soul searching to do here.


Kimberley