One thought that lingers is that I'm afraid of is being seen as a different person if she knew about my tranny side, not just the fear of rejection but that you wouldn't be seen as the same person again
So after the initial shock, did your relationship change or does she still see you as the same man she met ?
I can't define it but there is something going on with her. When I try to talk to her she ends up crying. She tells me that this TG thing is so against all that she believes in. She did fire a broadside at me that hurt for quite a while. She told me that had she known she wouldn't have gotten involved with me. God did I really know what was going on with me at the age of nineteen ? We are OK though. I think we are a little closer now. Just wish I knew how to talk about it without the emotional upset.Originally Posted by loki_uk
I have the same fears loki,that's why I don't think I will ever come out to my wife.
Hugs
Brenda
"leave your panty drawer unlocked around me and your dancing with the devil"
It changes things. Even when it doesn't surface in conversation, you know it's in the back of her mind. Plus, it's one more thing she can use against you when she's angry and feeling mean. I can't see giving a wife one more thing to use against her husband. Bad enough that she'll hammer you for everything down to forgetting your six month anniversary when you were dating, but being TG? Yow!
Warm regards,
Christina Nicole
Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these.
--Susan B. Anthony
I guess I am a lucky one because my wife is supportive and even encourages me to dress. She has gone through some phases but we worked it out. The only thing she has trouble with is me going out in public.
Danielle
This is a complex question because it involves the dynamic of an interpersonal relationship. Given that, the answer, I think, must be defined in terms of the relationship.
My wife says that she is honored that I would divulge and discuss in detail this very personal in intimate part of me, a part that we, thus, get to explore together as we discover Tina. My wife is tremendously analytical and part of her fun is watching me trying to analyze the facets that make Tina what she is.
At the same time, she is assured that I enjoy (very much) being a male. I have no intention of giving up what she expects of her mate, at all levels. She is also assured that Tina is a shared project, with shared decisions, none of which will tread on the relationship. She is assured that there is no facet of Tina that is more important than my wife.
So, in that context, Tina has incredible flexibility, freedom, acceptance, and encouragement.
It's all in context!
Last edited by suchacutie; 01-17-2007 at 08:25 PM. Reason: typo
I have the same fears too, but I may still decide to come out to my wife.
warmly, Linnea
I`m one of the lucky girls (so far) in that I have a supportive ,understanding wife,,,matter of fact bought me a new skirt yesterday on her own!!!,,,The bottom line here I feel is that you have to really love each other and reassure and show your wife that no matter what you look like on the outside,,,You are you,,,its part of whom you are,,,just like some men like to hang in bars,,,go fishing,,or skiing,,or bowling,,,you just prefer a quiet nite enfemme,,,take it slow,,,let her digest things abit and always reassure your love and commitments to her,,,,,part of my
you would have to ask Helene, really...
For photos on flickr, my user name is cd_erica_f
I am one of the lucky girls. Before I could tell my wife she just out of noware asked me if I was a crossdresser. I said "yes". She said "do like wearing pantyhose?". I said "YEAH!". Her reply was "they feel nice huh". So, its been some bumps, but all in all she is supportive! I think she is a bit taken back by my shaving leggs, chest, ect. One day at a time. I think the key is to just take it slowwwww.......
Huggs.
SandyR
Real Men can Cook in Heels...
For me, yes things changed some, but not in a bad way. Once I told my wife, I felt changed. Once you have told your wife that you cross dress, and the world doesn't end, there isn't much that you wouldnt consider sharing with her - I mean that's about as honest and up front as you can get. So yes things changed for me - she knew my deepest and darkest secret and it didn't matter to her.
Kim
You hit the nail on the head. Things did change, little stuff. Like when we shop and look for shoes, she will give me the eye like "those would lookl good on you too". I think its for the good! Like I said, I am one of the lucky girls.
SandyR
Real Men can Cook in Heels...
I guess that I may be one of the lucky ones. I told my girlfriend some time ago and she took it very well. When I dress up, she helps me and not long after she was told, she went with me shopping and got me some new tops and a new skirt. I suppose that knowing that she is bi helps being more open. Some days she even tells me to go enjoy myself dressing up.
Courtney44
My page; www.Facebook.com/courtney.alexis.543
My S.O. hates wearing skirts, dresses, heals, and makeup. But likes me wearing them. Makes a good pair.
If its skimpy, silky, and sexy, I like, I want.
Well okay.....I didn't exactly tell my wife, she found out by finding photos of me dressed in a skirt and heels on the computer. I didn't tell her during our 8 years of marriage possibly because of rejection and/or being ashamed.
I can tell you that I am glad that it is finally out in the open now, but it'll still take her some time to get used to the whole thing (she just found out in November). However, we have had sex a few times with me wearing heels and/or with a skirt, and she didn't have a problem with it.
Gina
I think, as others have said, it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your partner. And it also depends on how *you* handle it.
What I mean by that is, when I told my partner (now, wife) about CDing, she was cool with it - but I didn't immediately run upstairs, get changed into a french maid outfit and burst into the front room shouting "look at meeee! I'm a laydeeeeee!" :-D It took a long, long time between first talking about it ("I'm cool with it, but I don't think I want to be involved with it") to accepting it and ultimately, having a great deal of fun with it.
I think it helped that she knew from very early in our relationship (third date) so she knew my Big Scary Secret from the very beginning. And I do think the less shocking you can make the announcement, the easier the whole thing will be. Better to out yourself verbally, to have a proper talk about it, than to have her discover your secret by accident. And don't expect immediate enthusiasm, even if your partner is really open-minded.
I am one of the fortunate ones also my wife accepts it and will help me as long as its at home I dont think she wants to be out with a bearded lady. We share everything I an truly blessed.
I would say that after the initial shock and tears, now some 2 years later that all is the same. Only difference is I don't have to hide from her anymore. I still have to be a bit descreet around the kids. But my wife knows everything. And she still thinks of me as the same person.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
I have been with my SO for quit some time now, I love her dearly, she is my best friend, I do not think of anyone else, nor have I had relationships with anyone else. I have been crossdressing before we met and started living together. She found out by finding me home one day dressed, of course she freaked out, but we talk and somewhat worked things out. She knew something was going on with me, but thought it was someone else I was seeing. I know that she loves me, but don't think the trust is still there like it once was.
She has asked me to stop on several occations, and of course I said yes, but we all know, we need the panty, bra, and pantyhose feeling on our bodies. I don't know if it is some sort of addiction, but I love it, need it, and want more of it, all the time. I have tried to explain things to her as best that I can, but she knows I still do it, she knows where my stash of clothes are, but she has not left me, she has talked about it, but she is still with me. Maybe there is some hope that we can work this out. I would love for her to support me, but if she don't I would hope she would just look the other way and not let it come between our relationship.
She as never seen me in full dress with my makeup and wig, nor does she know I am online saying the things here. I think if she knew about this site and looked at it, she would pick me out and freak out again. Any advice from anyone would be helpful.
Love From Your Sister Michelle
Flowers are for the Heart, the Mind, and the Soul
I am NOT one of the lucky ones......separated and probably divorcing. I couldn't even wear my pink oxford shirt after she knew without a fight. Everything went out the window......trust, respect......and we won't even talk about the looks when passing the ladies section in WalMart.
Yes Joy....mine told me the "if I'd known then" speech too.
Emily Ann
What changed with my wife is that now she enjoys shopping more with me and gives me the cute little grin, :You'd look cute in this" grin....as we shop. Certainly has been for the better... I worry too much about if she is alright with it....sometimes she tells me again... "I'm fine with it!"...so I need to loosen up some....Meanwhile, I am having the time of my life....and am supported by my wonderful wife.
Loki I think my wife still sees her husband and a maybe a little bit of a girlfriend
Angie
for me it didnt change the person it only personified the person more, brought out the better person within to be more compassionate and understanding, whatever can help a person be mentally sound and alive i am all for that, i would never forbid someone to not do their thing at my own expense, so anyways if a person comes out its all good it just reveal the inner beauty of a budding flower waiting to bloom within, being a cd'er doesnt change the person for the bad it only enchances the soul from within thats from my perspective.
I really can relate to your question because this was the main reason I did not tell her for many years. I did not want to lose the person I was in her eyes. She found my credit card statements showing purchases of Wigs and Hi heels and so the gig was up. It was a terrible day. Emotions flying everywhere. Needless to say we got through it. She was actually relieved that the items were for me and not another woman.
I probably will not be the same in her eyes, but at leaste I am more the person I trully am and that is invaluable. The Joy and the liberation, the relief from hiding and machination. Not having to keep hiding places but instead share something that is so dear to me.
If I only knew then what I know now. I would have done it sooner. I had built a masculine monument with overcompensation to hide my feminine side.
no more. I can still be her man as well and that has been enhanced as well.
My story is not everyone's story and I know that the danger of things not working out is probably more likely, so I say really think about what you want to do. Go through the worst case scenario and think about whether you can live with it.
Hugs
Lovely Rita
The journey is about learning how to love and to do it with all our heart.
The Revolution moves forward!!!!!
aspiring to be "part of the cure and not the disease."
to quote Cold Play.
Becoming the person I was created to be
not the person you expect me to be
"Girls Just Want to Have FUN!"
You don't need an excuse to Love just an opportunity!
wow I have that experience alot point out something to elly, give her the it would look cute on you grin and almost always she passes it up..unless it's blue . LOLWhat changed with my wife is that now she enjoys shopping more with me and gives me the cute little grin, :You'd look cute in this" grin....as we shop. Certainly has been for the better... I worry too much about if she is alright with it....sometimes she tells me again... "I'm fine with it!"...so I need to loosen up some....
Do you live, do you die
Do you bleed for the fantasy?
In your mind, through your eyes
Do you see it's the fantasy? - 30 Seconds To Mars- The Fantasy
Change would be a mild under statement !!! When I first came out to my wife, I was met with indifference, maybe tolerance would be a better word...I suppose that this tolerance strwed into resentment or something in that area and she DEMANDED that I choose between my "sick" obsession or her and my son...I did I quit dressing. For well over a year I never allowed it to enter my mind, I sunk in to my work as a diversion, this diversion took its toll on me, her and the family. We tolerated each other, all the things that a "loving" couple are suppose to share suffered. We were more or less just married for convience.
Turn the page to November 2006
On my birthday my wife brought me a birthday present that was in a big box and I really had no idea what it could be. When I opened it at her insistance, it was all the clothing, wigs, makeup and girlie girl things I had...For some unknown reason she had worked things out personally and figured it would be better to see Marcie than to live in a dead relationship...We had our little talk about my dressing, and she frankly told me she wanted her husband back, no matter if she had to share him with Marcie, so long as Marcie was the only person she had to share me with...
Turn the page to now !!!
Now we openly discuss my dressing, she bought me a couple of outfits for Christmas, although admittingly tought for her. Today we have circled the wagons, our love has come back stronger that ever before, perhaps more so than I ever loved her the day I said "I do". Yesterday we went out shopping, she took me back to the ladies department bought me some bikini cut panties, a coulpe new bras, < she says mine are worn out >. She has ordered me a pair of mid calf boots, makes suggestions on my makeup, and show me fashions that she thinks I'd look good in...Yep we get all the magizines that cater to the gg's< no offense > fashions.
So yea I'd say my relationship has changed...from a living hell asking why I came out, to resentment, back to an open loving relationship that continues to grow each and every day
Posting Permissions
