I don't think that the solution either. basically talk is the only answer (raise the subject, get her views), then you must judge if she can handle this or not. more sensitive people seem to take the news harder. Love can avail, but the case is, is it strong enough!Originally Posted by sherell
Cya
Tracy
[SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]
if you have to hide an important part of you, then I'm not sold on the love deal. Love can accept, play along, go along to get along and get in return. If you settle for something that is just settling, not loving. No one is perfect. As I said in another place, happy is the couple that share their kinks, that find a way to give each what they want. Sad is the couple that is not meeting that ultimate give and take that is at the heart of love. But I'm a romantic, so that might not count.
And I stand by what I said before. Women value men who are honest. In the long run marriage might fail for money, but in the short run women dump boys who lie to them.
Please don't think deceit is the way to get what you want.
Dave (Tracy-V) doesn't do it in secret, I am always aware of when he wants to dress, and try and arrange things for him so it can be accomodated. Sometimes this isn't possible, like yesterday for instance, he wanted to go to a CD meeting, but it meant leaving the house early evening, and explaining *why* to the kids was going to be tricky (they don't know about the dressing), finances are stretched so there wasn't the option of me taking them out to amuse them (and why would I take them out when Daddy was at home) so he decided to give this one a miss........ I know it wasn't easy for him, but I hope he realises how this 'giving' side of the CD'ing makes it so much easier to deal with.
No way is CDing more important than she. With me accepting my CD nature, it has greatly improved my mental state and she knows that. So it has had it's plus side. I know I'd walk through fire for her. Just that walking through fire would be easier than ignoring who I am.
Yes, but don't forget that women had to stand up, fight for, and DEMAND those rights. Not many of us are so far out of the closet that we are going to be willing to do this. Not to mention that women had a few "advantages" or tools that we don't. Women were the mothers, sisters, and daughters of the men that eventually changed our laws and society to assure them of these rights. No doubt they were able to bring a good deal of pressure to bear on these men. While we are no doubt the fathers, brothers, and sons of some of these same people, they don't KNOW it because we're hiding.
Kim
Hi Vicky,
I am sorry to hear of your plight. Alot of us have been down this road, and some of us a couple times over. It is really hard for a GG to understand. They think it will go away if they fumor you for a while with it. But, that only intesifies it. We want it more and more. It is like an addiction, the more you have it the more you want. It's not that we LOVE our GGs any less, as a matter of fact if we are accepted by them we LOVE them even more. It is within themselves as to whether and how much they will accept us as we are or as we will be. LOVE is deeper than the clothes we wear. There are a lot of people (not only GGs) out there, that are unable to accept us as we are. There is the families and friends. What will they say. What will they do, will they isolate both of you or either of you. She may not be able to handle the situation. You have to look at it from her side too. But you have to look within yourself and find out what you really want and can handle yourself. Our love to dress has nothing to do with our LOVING them. We do LOVE and we can LOVE and maybe more than others will ever be able too. But there are alot of GGs in this world, that cannot handle our way of life. If may think you can just through it all away, That may look good on paper and you may think you can do it, but it will always be there lerking inside of you ready to come out and your life can be real hell until you do let it come out again. The only thing you can do is try to talk to her and let her know how much you do love her, but this is a part of you and you won't be able to keep it underwraps forever.
Ladies have a GREAT time!
Smile GOD LOVES you!!!
GOD BLESS US ALL!!!
AMY Hepker
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
I'LL BE ME
AND YOU BE YOU
I believe it is because 98% of the population do not view things objectively. I think most SO's are not comfortable with it, simply because they are comfortable with what they know. I hope one day society can view people for who they are instead of what they expect from them.
[SIZE="2"]There are struggles in any relationship....no matter what type - business...friendship...intimate - when when you start throwing wild cards in, that relationship begins to be tested and the depth of its strength shines thru....there must be compromise in a marriage when agreements cant be reached (no matter what the issue at hand is)...even if that compromise is in an area that we dont necessarily feel just peachy-keen about....if a compromise is not something that one of the partners can live with-deal with-cope with-work thru- then there is a problem I personally think.....when CDing comes to light in a relationship there is so much confussion, so many questions, so many different emotions for BOTH partners.........my thoughts are that not everyone in this world is capable of accepting/living with a CDing SO for many various reasons and that the SO struggles in remembering that the CDer is still the person they married in many cases as they are overwhelmed by the dressing itself and what society has taught them to be "NORMAL".....society in general - they reject/push-away what they dont know or understand - what they dont know or understand they fear....and yet most wont seek out the knowledge needed to help put those fears to rest....but thats just my own personal thoughts on the matter.....below is a link to an article I wrote not too long ago....maybe you could print it out and see if she would be willing to give it a read, it might help her to understand some of what she is feeling and offer some understand of what you could possibly be feeling currently with regards to her as well....I wish you luck and I hope that things work out for both of you....xoxoxoxoC/
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ght=Life+Dream[/SIZE]
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
[SIZE="3"]
~No one can make you feel inferior without your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt [/SIZE]
Interesting topic. I have to agree w/Tracey Victoria, I would be surprised if I came home and my S.O was dressed as a man. How hypocritical of me! I doubt I would end a relationship over it. But I wonder how I would take it. Interestingly I find it easier to tell a woman I am bisexual before I tell her I am TG. I guess I am not as accepting and as open minded of others as I sometimes like to believe.
I love this site. You all rock! Some many great topics and thought provoking ideas!
Just another man in a dress
There are wives out there that may not "like" your crossdressing but will allow it and understand your need to do it and enjoy it. Susan
My wife is extremelly homophobic and has this strange theory that all males who like wearing female clothing are gay. She believes that if she would allow me to dress, I would immediately become homosexual. I told her about my weakness for female clothing and told me I should see a shrink to get "cured". I realised at the time that she would never accept or permit my CDing. You will all agree that I am neither "mentally ill" or able to get "cured" and in any case I dont want to ever loose the "woman whithin". The one who needs a cure is my wife.
xxx
Kathryn
Waiting for my upgrade to Female
Well, you are still alive! If it had been my wife she'd killed me before leaving. So you have two blessings. The third - not being accepted by her - lots of luck - But two out of three is pretty good
Last edited by Jan Griffin; 01-21-2007 at 07:29 PM.
Thanks Love
you know you and the kids always come first. As you said, another time, maybe.
Cya
Tracy
[SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]
Unfortunately it's a common thought, also many are so stunned that they have one impression of what Crossdressing means, and they then shut down and there is no way to reach them with the truth. the recent poll on sexuality showed on this site it was about 3 to 1 of hertosexual to homosexual TV's/CD's however I think the ratio is greater than that if you think about it logically. Ie there will be a lot of men doing some form of CDing in secret, never visiting sites like this, for fear of being found out. it's most likely there married and hetrosexual, over being single and free to do as they please.
I'm just so glad I can talk to Raksha about my needs, I know she struggles with my dressing, tracy and her may never be in the same room again, it a shame but something I have now accepted, however, I'm glad she has an open mind, and is trying, and really I can ask no more than that can I
Thanks Hun
Last edited by Tracy_Victoria; 01-22-2007 at 03:53 AM.
Cya
Tracy
[SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]
Or it could be far more, gay and bi CDs would find very little on this site that would apply to them.
And gay CDs could care less about what the wife thought. Not one of their problems.
what have wives got against crossdressers....
hmmm..unless you walked down the aisle in the gown then lets face it, you have surprised them with your "new look".
I think most wives want a husband, and have a hard time reconciling someone in a skirt, make up and heels to that role. Some don't mind when they find out, some tolerate it and some are just completely put off..even disgusted in their husband deviant behaviour.
If I had my time over, I most certainly would actively search for the wife that might have put me in a gown on my wedding day..or at least at a private affirmation of vows ceremony. It would be a little easier having the enthusiastic support of the person you love the most...but, hey, I'll settle for tolerate!!
So yeah, I don't think it is the wives fault in any way if you have misrepresented yourself a bit with regard to how you wish to appear..it really is the crossdressers problem, and IMO it's they that must somehow shift the most, to find acceptable common ground.
Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself. It is a hallmark of an authoritarian regime. ~Potter Stewart
I agree with how you summed up The dishonesty and changing of the rules mid way is what bugs me the most. Also the thought that one of us getting what they desire and the other is not......"my way or the Highway" who is offering this the CD or the SO??????? CD
Today may not be the best day for me to answer this as I am in a mini flap at the moment but it may highlighten the reason that sometimes we seem to be less accepting than at others.
6 months ago I discovered his cding, not a problem with the cding, (the lies and deceipt prior to my discovering took some getting over), then there was the "it's only lingerie thats all", now we have gel filled bra's, skirts dresses, blouses, shoes, make-up, body hair shaved, tucking and yesterday another little gem that is floating round my brain, not entirely cd related but cding is certainly the plus side for this for him. so where does it end ?? And to be fair to my cdr I have been instramental in helping and encouraging him to discover his other side, but sometimes the more accepting we are the more we fear losing you as our male partner entirely
Jess
Last edited by Sheila; 01-22-2007 at 09:44 AM.
I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me
I don't really thing thats fair. it's okay to say yes to something and then change your mind if you feel it is not a good Idea, or it is not working. how many times have you changed your mind in your life, and you normally do so for good reason. People do thing for good reason, they don't just change there minds to spoil your day!
Best Example I can give is Raksha and My relationship, she is fully ware of my dressing as Tracy, she knows I do so fully She seen me dressed and she knows there is a picture in my profile. When we first met we soon discovered that she has difficulty with this, Dispite me telling her all about this, and dispite her saying it wouldn't be a problem. It never was a problem originally it became one as she became aware of my crossdressing. She didn't just change her mind because she wanted to, she did so, because she had to for her. (and in turn for us, so we didn't lose what we actually did have!)
I don't blame her now for that reversal, But sadly I did in the past before I was fully aware of the fact! It's been hard and yes we have had cross word over the issue in the past, because my goal was to be totally honest with her, and have a friend I could share my life with, and Tracy is a part of my Life. But Now I can't hold anything against her, for the fact is seeing me dressed as a woman was damaging the great relationship we have together as a Man and a woman, specially as that relationship is far far more important that the one I hoped would develop between Tracy and Raksha
We never know how we will feel before we try something, and if someone is programmed deep down with a gut instinct (which really is self protection) it is always going to be a difficult task to change that. it's like people who have fears of Rollercosters, Dispite them seeing endless people getting on and off safely, dispite it working safely for years, their fear is as soon as they get on it, it will crash. and no matter how you present the facts, it's almost impossable to sway them from there own feeling, which is if they never go there or never climb on the coast, it will never harm them
As for Raksha and I, we walk the central reservation together at times, she give me space on my side of the road when I need it, but I live on her side more than mine. She is able to come over to my side when she is able to do so, by visiting here, reading my posts, my points of view on these subjects, and seeing pictures of the other me, which she knows a little about. Together we are hoping to grow, but I've started by admiting (from my side) that she and Tracy will never probably be able to be in the same room together, yet she still tries. and for that I love her very much! (and by admitting to giving in all the way, anything that does happen is a bonus!)
However it's not her fault, that she changed her mind for the sake of our relationship. she Can't help her inner feeling or fears. and dispite all this she still keep trying to accept this for me!
Thanks Love, your a Diamond, and my Rock
Last edited by Tracy_Victoria; 01-22-2007 at 07:55 AM.
Cya
Tracy
[SIZE="2"]The nail that stands out the most, is the one that is hammered down the hardest![/SIZE]
realise that your lady will not accept your cding; it is now up to you to decide if you want to continue with her...can you accept the fact she disapproves of what you do whilst you hide your stash? had the same experience some years ago...chose me instead. unfortunately you must choose as well, just look out for number one. hoping children are not involved.
its hard to quell those feelings, even more difficult when the repression of a partner forces you to go undercover.....GOOD LUCK.
Dispite these repetitive threads every few days, this is a no-brainer. Just reverse the situation. Imagine that wife you love, with a mans haircut, no makup, mens underwear, mens shoes, pants and coat, or a mans suit and tie, and doing it for sexual reasons! With very few exceptions, crossdressing and marriage don't mix. And those who are "OK with it", may be quietly considering their options, and making other plans.
For everyone this whole boat is full of a lot of emotions, learning and rough spots. I'd say that no one has a easy time of when there are two folks in a relationship and figuring out where what part cd has in the relationship is like nailing jello to the wall.
Everyone has a different viewpoint, everyone is at a different step on the staircase if not in a different step in a totally different dance. The only thing I've learned is discuss, talk, communicate and being able to trust that we both care about keeping those essential lines open.
I agree with Karren...I keep things cool in front of my wife and she is fine. She loves me for me...she knows I have dressed for 30 years, weve been married for 15...it existed long before her. I think the challenge is to not overstep our bounds and give them everything they want first. We can have the few precious moments left over to get all dressed up and have a little fun.
Beth
Wedding Dresses...Perals...and Heels...Oh My!
I would suppose that we are all of the same generation, the baby boomers, as sad as it is to say they, we were raised with conservative views about evry thing. GG's were gg's, gm's were gm's...I would suppose it is a shock to the system when the "man" she marries comes out dress like a woman...
Some of us are lucky, having a SO that can open their mind and be willing to accept us...maybe the literal view of a traditional wedding vow, "for better or worse" come into play...
I for one consider myself "very lucky" with lots of hard work, fussing, cussing, tears, fears and love we have worked through our problems of traditionalism...
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